Emotional Payoff for Staying Fat

noctilumina

In response to Dynamitegal's comment: I do feel a little more physically vulnerable at my current weight. I am not quite 5'3" no matter what weight I am, but I felt more physically imposing when I was heavier. Of course the reality is that I'm healthier and more fit now, and thus better able to run away or defend myself from an attacker, but the feeling persists.

Reading Bonny's comment made me realize that I also feel like I get more attention now from strangers and people I've just met. For the most part people are just being friendly, but I'm still a little uncomfortable with it at times.

darwinwoodka

For me some of it is physical security, but because of illness. I think what I fear most about being thinner is not having the reserves to fight off a serious illness. Don't know why this has always been an issue for me, but it's always in the back of my head. Maybe seeing my dad going through cancer and chemo.

1Kristine1

Hm, from my own experience there was no positive emotional payoffs for being 30+lbs overweight. I had a list of negatives though:
1. Nothing in style looked nice on me, ever. If I was going out it took me forever to dress because I wasnt happy with anything I saw in the mirror.
2. Muffin top
3. Tired all the time
4. Anxiety/Depression, feeling like I was being judged every second.
5. More sweaty

I say dont let others stop you from making yourself healthier, fitter and happier. Use it as fuel. It hurts at first but angry workouts are good workouts in my opinion.

Edit: I am a healthcare worker and I see illnesses and think to myself, thank god I realized I needed to change. Heart disease, cancer, diabetes. They are all nasty nasty diseases I wouldn't wish onto anyone. If I can avoid being sick for as long as possible, that in itself makes this all worth it.

Though I will admit, vanity also fuels me. Its nice to get attention now and then from people, makes you feel good.

peachfigs

Yes, but I don't think it's always a case of 'fitting in'. Some people don't improve their lives (assuming here that losing weight would do so) because they feel they don't deserve better, don't want to stand out, no one else is doing it, etc.

"Staying fat" isn't the only form of resistance people have. They do jobs they hate, put up with negative friends, stay in abusive relationships, push their creativity to the back of their minds, etc.

BinaryPulsar

oh goodness no, i am the furthest from a victim blamer there is. i guess i phrased things badly.

I don't think you were victim blaming. You just expressed your honest feelings about it, and you are not alone, I have heard other people say the same things. Sexual assault is a complex issue in many ways and for many reasons. It is about power, but it can also be about sex (for the rapist). That does not mean it is the victim's fault. It is always the rapists fault for committing a heinous crime against a human being.

LuHox

oh goodness no, i am the furthest from a victim blamer there is. i guess i phrased things badly.

There are many women who feel being overweight protects them like a security blanket. I've heard it's common for those who have experienced some kind of assault in the past
Sometimes I feel like my fat is an invisibility cloak.
Just saying, I see where you're coming from and don't think you're a victim blamer.

marcon125

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

I can't answer the first as I have never really been "overweight" it has only been in the past couple of years that I have felt muscle loss and some slight weight gain. (the joys of being over forty!)

I do however come from a family of morbidly obese people and I do believe there are mental/ emotional issues that go along with being overweight, and those that can make a person overweight. I imagine the whole process can seem overwhelming, but not impossible to break. You will need however, a good network of people who will support you through it.

as for the third point, as the "skinny cousin" in a family of overweight people, I did get picked on, name calling (just joking of course, wink wink) by my family as well as others in high school, college, and even sometimes now. As a kid, people were constantly pushing food on me, "you are just bones, etc..."

I do have overweight friends and for the most part, weight is not an issue. But it can be awkward going shopping together, and I can't complain about my weight issues because I'm only talking about 10 - 15 lbs. I will get eye rolling from them if I do.

But all I can say, is that we all have body issues regardless of what others see. And we can be our own harshest critics. Love yourself and love others in your life and take joy and give support in any positive changes they make.

khall86790

Do you think that the emotional payoffs for staying fat can be so strong that they are pretty much impossible to break?

No. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many successful people here.

Do you think that being overweight is usually all a mental problem, not a physical one?

I think it's all mental, as you eat when your body isn't hungry or give your body the wrong amount of nutrients which is all a mental decision, not a physical one.

To what extent do you think that a good looking, normal weight woman is sabotaged, picked on, or ostracized in society because other women are jealous of her?

In my history, I have found more women who are attractive and naturally petite be treated awfully through jealousy of other women. Most of the time, people will not say these nasty things to an ugly/overweight woman because they know it will offend. People don't realise how offended women on the opposite end of the scale get. I've seen it first hand with several of my friends.

How common is it for someone to stay fat just to "fit in" with her fat coworkers or fat friends, or not stand out in a crowd, or not cause others to be jealous of her and therefore hurt her?

This one is just ridiculous. This has to be for a study, surely?