You'd be so pretty....if you lost weight.

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Replies

  • xX_PhoenixRising_Xx
    xX_PhoenixRising_Xx Posts: 623 Member
    My father didn't bother with telling me I was pretty - he used to tell me I was so fat nobody would ever love me. How's that for things not to say to your teenage daughter?

    But yes, I have heard the "You'd be so pretty if you lost a bit of weight" and variations of it from other people. Stuff them. 13 years with my husband and he's never had an issue with my weight, and he thinks I'm pretty no matter what weight I am.
  • Vickil57
    Vickil57 Posts: 1,894 Member
    I remember when I was 15 and had this big crush on our neighbor. His mom says to me that I have since pretty legs for someone heavy. Then about ten years ago I was again going on another diet and thought my mom would be supportive. So was talking to her about what I wanted to lose and she said to me that I could get a job as the fat lady at the fair. Talk about a slap. To this day I find it hard to talk to her about my weight.
  • Angie2822
    Angie2822 Posts: 70 Member
    OMG!!! I heard it a lot growing up from my dad, my grandparents, Aunts and Uncles. I have a younger sister who is stunning and they all told me that I could look like her if I lost the weight. Ruined my self image at a very young age, and I still struggle with it as an adult.
  • tlab827
    tlab827 Posts: 155 Member
    I never heard that but my mom use to call me "Porky" when I was younger and I dont think I was overweight, not skinny but definitely not overweight. No wonder I have issues with food.
  • pobalita
    pobalita Posts: 741 Member
    In high school, my mom told me I could be Homecoming Queen if I wasn't so fat. I was 5"3', 125 pounds...

    I had no interest in being Homecoming Queen, but somehow, it made me feel like a failure for a long time.
  • broox80
    broox80 Posts: 1,195 Member
    Haha!! The only pics of me in my moms house are of when i was in high school. I am 33 now!! She has even said to people right in front of me "look how pretty Brooke used to be." Haha i dont speak to my mother very much!!!
  • irishblonde2011
    irishblonde2011 Posts: 618 Member
    Yes I have heard the pretty face line so many times. It doesn't hurt me it makes me feel good I have a pretty face,I'm working on getting that hot body and then I am going to take over the world :laugh:

    My male friends have a saying B.O.B.F.O.C
    Which is code for body of bay watch,face of crime watch.
    So yes I am happier to have the pretty face for now.
  • STAR4W
    STAR4W Posts: 11
    My own parents told me "don't you wish you were thin and pretty like your sister". My sister was on drugs and in repeated trouble with the law. To this day, my ED has a lot to do with my family. When I was at my worst with my ED it was still not enough for them. Now, it had started with my mother in law. She had gastric bypass and still eats bad and says I need to do it too. (My husband's first wife was under 100#s soaking wet, at 5 feet tall.) I feel I will never be pretty enough for anyone, except my husband. Just the way he looks at me and smiles makes me feel beautiful inside and out. I have just learned to limit time with people who try to make me feel worse or trigger my ED.
  • 2stepscloser
    2stepscloser Posts: 2,900 Member
    I'm so sick of hearing "you've got such a pretty face"!
    Ugh, I don't want a pretty face, I want people to see the whole me, including what I have to offer in regards to personality, sense of humor, etc.
  • GeekyGirlLyn
    GeekyGirlLyn Posts: 238 Member
    And then there's the horrible variation. "You were such a pretty girl when you were skinny. Now youre...." And then the just trail off, unsure what to say. Gotten that one to. Like....I put on the weight so now Im hideous or something. Ugh. The damage it does....people seriously suck.
  • MelsAuntie
    MelsAuntie Posts: 2,833 Member
    I haven't had that happen to me about weight, but I am hearing impaired, and my husband's stepmother once told me that I was pretty,but it was a damned shame I was hard of hearing... as if that ( which I could not help) was a flaw that negated any good looks I had.
    Same sentiment at base. Bothered me for years, until I realized I really didn't like the woman much and her opinion meant nothing.
  • Nicole65
    Nicole65 Posts: 41 Member
    Wow, thanks for all of the responses.. I never imagined this would get so many!
  • Nicole65
    Nicole65 Posts: 41 Member
    I haven't had that happen to me about weight, but I am hearing impaired, and my husband's stepmother once told me that I was pretty,but it was a damned shame I was hard of hearing... as if that ( which I could not help) was a flaw that negated any good looks I had.
    Same sentiment at base. Bothered me for years, until I realized I really didn't like the woman much and her opinion meant nothing.

    Wow, that is just terrible... I don't blame you one bit for not liking her!
  • Nicole65
    Nicole65 Posts: 41 Member
    I've only gotten "you ain't never gon' be purty"

    I just nodded and smiled.

    Oh - I have gotten "You carry your weight really well" from a personal trainer after I told her my weight.

    I get this one a lot as well, when I tell people how much I weigh they tell me that I don't look like it. I had two friends actually drop their bottom jaws when I told them my starting weight.... that I DID take as a compliment!
  • Nicole65
    Nicole65 Posts: 41 Member
    My father didn't bother with telling me I was pretty - he used to tell me I was so fat nobody would ever love me. How's that for things not to say to your teenage daughter?

    But yes, I have heard the "You'd be so pretty if you lost a bit of weight" and variations of it from other people. Stuff them. 13 years with my husband and he's never had an issue with my weight, and he thinks I'm pretty no matter what weight I am.

    This made me sad, I wish people could understand the ramifications of what they're saying to a 13 year old and how they can carry that with them forever.
  • Turtlesallthewaydown
    Turtlesallthewaydown Posts: 64 Member
    Or the "Don't worry, you look okay... for a girl your size" compliment. Damn, if it got anymore backhanded than that they'd have to actually slap me.
  • LovelyLumos
    LovelyLumos Posts: 44 Member
    my dad used to tell me that all the time i know he meant well but it still mad me feel bad
  • taylorckt1
    taylorckt1 Posts: 263 Member
    My cousin said that to me some 20 yrs ago...never have I forgotten it nor the way it made me feel & see myself...ppl just don't know how they affect others with their words.
  • KittyMS
    KittyMS Posts: 2
    I know! I remembered my dad telling me that I was fat ever since I was 5. FIVE, for God's sake!
  • RingSize8
    RingSize8 Posts: 175 Member
    My dad said this to me once. ...honestly, I never knew how much it affected me til recently. But it still does affect me, to this very day.
  • Celeigh12
    Celeigh12 Posts: 763 Member
    Yep, I got "You're going to be gorgeous" from my dad. If anyone should think you are pretty as you are it's your dad! Now he's very complimentary of my appearance, but the "going to be" thing is what sticks in my head.
  • piscean6
    piscean6 Posts: 26 Member
    My father says Im pretty but Id be better looking skinny. Seems we all know feeling.
  • postrockandcats
    postrockandcats Posts: 1,145 Member
    Twice!

    One of Dad's girlfriends told me that. Aside from the general effed-upness of someone saying that to begin with, I was 14 and WAY thinner than her (in fact, I don't think I was actually fat at that point...), so I have no idea what point she was trying to make other than violently projecting her crap on me. She also liked saying that no man would want me. It hurt for a while, but then got really old. Especially when I started getting flirted with by boys. When I stared telling her that her being overweight didn't seem to hinder her, she droppped the subject. Weird woman.

    Second time was a few drinks in at Karaoke. I got the "you'd be pretty if you were thin" line by a clearly drunk man and asked if that meant I was ugly now. Queue massive apologies, backpedaling and a ton of free drinks. Never saw him again.

    ETA- oddly, the "OMG you look great" lines don't really bother me
  • Janet4Art
    Janet4Art Posts: 7
    I remember years ago when I gained just a little weight compared to now. I was younger and prettier. I started to lose weight. A friend of ours, a man, told me that I'd be so pretty when I lose weight. He looked hard at my face and said, "I know you're in there!" WHAT? He should see me now.
  • KAYRRIE
    KAYRRIE Posts: 201 Member
    I've gotten the, "I used to be as big as you were". And also in a group of friends eating out, "When I was as big as her...". That was so awkward.
  • 2ht2hand1e
    2ht2hand1e Posts: 116 Member
    My ex told me that I would be pretty if I lost my stomach. I did just that and then I lost him :)

    :drinker: I'll drink to that! Good for you!

    Haha thanks! I'm actually enjoying a beer myself right now. Cheers to losing!!
  • SpiceInTraining
    SpiceInTraining Posts: 20
    I get it all the time even from people who supposedly "like" my curves. They tend to say things like 'You'd have such a nice body if you lost a little weight' or they would say the one we all hear 'You're really pretty for a big girl'.
  • smartin0181
    smartin0181 Posts: 45 Member
    YES, I hate how people say that, and yes people have told me that. Now that I have lost 30 lbs. My most recent one is, "Oh you look sooo pretty with makeup on. " Apparently natural beauty is nonexistent. I can't get away from a back handed compliment.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    There are so many terrible dads in this thread. If I ever heard my husband (who'd never anyway -- but if he wasn't completely amazing) say that to our daughter, I'd kick his a** out and make sure I did everything I could thing of to publicly humiliate him. You don't do that to your children.

    People really need to shut the heck up about other people's looks.
  • SbetaK
    SbetaK Posts: 400 Member
    I had a co-worker who told me that her husband said of all the fat women in my office that I had the nicest figure! Guess I was supposed to be flattered. (She got pregnant and tried to hide the fact all 9 months. Got mad when someone would admire her baby bump. Said she and her husband would never have any more children because they didn't want to wreck her body any more. He left her a few years later for a younger woman.)

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