The more I lose & the better I feel...

Siege_Tank

It makes me wonder..

Overweight people bemoan the way that some thin people treat them, from having to accommodate their mobility scooters in every store and doorway in every public building, to making them pay more for airline tickets.

Conversely, thin people are constantly tempted, as if overweight people have an overdeveloped sense of schadenfreude, trying to bring everyone else down to their level. "If I can't look good, then maybe I can bring other people to my side of life." I know that most of them aren't doing it intentionally, but it makes me wonder..

Every time a mom or a family member says "we love you the way you are, you're beautiful" while also saying things like "you have SUCH a pretty face", or the way that they hand you the last little bit of casserole and ask you politely to "finish it up", or the way that they get offended or put off when you decline an invitation to pizza hut, because it's 350 calories per slice. or the way cupcakes or donuts get pushed onto you at office parties because "you can afford it", or the way..........

I wonder if the underlying jealousy and resentment isn't causing a lot of the friction we see among family members, especially when one person decides to make their life healthier.

I mean, to be brutally honest, I'll admit to rolling my eyes when I read posts about "how hard it is" and "I don't know how to stick to this". Not that rolling my eyes is my default reaction, but every time I offer encouragement, reassurance that they CAN achieve anything they set their mind too, they act like they are too interested in their own self pity to hear me.

You can't MAKE anyone change their lifestyle, you can't make people live healthier. No one can do it for them. But they can sling tasty treats your way as often as they like. I think that's why I stick to wine and hard liquor during the holidays.. there's no real way to turn alcohol into fat (unless you eat the aforementioned cupcakes). Plus with a 2 beer buzz, you can just zone out listening to uncle joe's latest accomplishments with the bacon diet. Down 3 pounds this month!

Yessir. A veritable age of reasoning.

aimforhealthy

Yeah, I've been thinking. The reactions I get when I talk about fitness and nutrition in my own Internet spaces (Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook) reminds me a lot of this friend I used to have who was - and I don't use this term lightly - a militant and very angry atheist. At one point in our friendship, I started quietly attending church. I didn't once talk to her about religion or her beliefs or even mine. I merely occasionally mentioned that I was doing some spiritual exploration on my own - in broad terms - and she became absolutely deranged over it, to the point where she stopped speaking to me once when I mentioned "I'm looking forward to coming home and catching up on XYZ show after church tomorrow." She ranted at me that by merely mentioning that I attended church in a single sentence in a blog post, I was "shoving my religion down her throat" and "being intolerant."

I literally never spoke to her about her beliefs even once, because I don't give a damn what other people think, but SHE felt threatened and defensive about it because, I guess, she felt that what *I* was doing reflected judgment on my part about *her* life choices, when they were, in fact, just about *my* life choices and had no bearing on what I thought she should be doing at all.

I feel that same kind of vibe with the friends and family who are naysayers. They get defensive and rude because the mention of what changes you're making resonate with what they think *they* should be doing and aren't, so they project all the guilt and self-resentment and self-doubt onto you.

I think that's the tactic I'm going to try from now on: punch and delete. The next time I post a picture of a new raw vegan dish I'm trying and I get a "LOL Rabbit food, I could never!" comment, I'm just going to say "This is not a commentary on what you should be eating, but what I like to eat. Just as I don't consider the triple cheeseburger you posted yesterday a commentary on what you think I should eat." Anyone who doesn't get the message can take it elsewhere!

Siege_Tank

Yea. The problem is they still won't hear you. The sick are very content to deny the fact that they are sick. Whether it's someone who has psycological issues or weight issues.. It's easier for the brain to protect the ego by deflecting, projecting, and changing their perception of reality than it is to face facts and correct reality so that they ego doesn't feel threatened.

But I hope one person will have an "ah ha" moment when you tell them that your food pic =/= their food pic. Yours might appear "preachy" to them, but to people like us, here on MFP, pics like that inspire and are a positive thing.