Why is everyone judged/ashamed of their lapband?

Kwilliams75

I personally know that the lapband for me was the correct decision! Everything I read is about people not judging them for having lapband and I really don't understand why people have such a negative outlook on people who have had the procedure. It is meant to be a tool to help you change your lifestyle not to take a short cut to lose weight. People with the lapband have to watch what they eat and exercise to lose weight just like everyone else. The only difference is that we have help with the hunger and how fast we get full. Weight loss is a struggle for each and everyone of us so don't judge people for a tool to help them and for those that have the lapband be proud that you took the first step into a healthy lifestyle. I AM A PROUD LAPBANDER!!!

sarahsmom1

My neighbor had on across the street and she looks great. Shes still glad she got it.She had to go to classes and learn how to eat before she was able to have it done. So she had already lost 50 pounds before she had it and not o whole lot after

skygoddess86

I personally don't have an issue with it at all. I have thankfully never been heavy enough to need a tool like that but I would do it if I needed to.

mama22girlz

Good for you. :flowerforyou: I think that people can judge people too quickly these days. Honestly I think were all here to encourage each other in our common goal, to get heathy. Wether you eat all your exercise calories, or some, work out daily or try when you can, log each and everything you put in your mouth or let the little tastes and licks go, or have a lapband or not, really?? why put someone down or look poorly on them because they are not doing it the same way you are? I say motivate each other; celebrate the succsesses and pick each other up if we fall. And as your mother always said, if you can't say something nice, then shut your trap

HealthyChanges2010

I say motivate each other; celebrate the succsesses and pick each other up if we fall.

:flowerforyou:

HealthyChanges2010

My neighbor had on across the street and she looks great. Shes still glad she got it.She had to go to classes and learn how to eat before she was able to have it done. So she had already lost 50 pounds before she had it and not o whole lot after

I think it's great that classes are offered before hand on how to relearn how to eat (heck who doesn't need THAT, right?:drinker: ). I hadn't realized that was offered I can really see the importance of that for anyone of us!.:drinker:

All the best to you,:flowerforyou:
Becca

sparkles321

Alot of people hide procedures because alot of people DO view it as "giving up", "the easy way out", or even plainly "avoiding the responsibility". When my mother had gastic bypass, she didn't tell many people at all and asked us not to tell anyone either. I knew she eventually would tell more people, and she did, but she had to do it on her own time when she was better able to deal with the comments or the disappointed "oh" when asked what she was doing to lose the weight. I don't think people who hide it are ashamed. I think they're just not ready to deal with other people's opinions about it. Keeping in mind that many of us who are overweight have a major sensitivity in that area, it's easy to understand why someone wouldn't want to open up that easily injured spot for everyone to poke at.

BetterVersion

I'm two weeks post-op from getting my lapband. I let all of my closer family and friends know because, obviously, they're gonna find out about it at some point. However, I have NOT announced it to anyone on MFP (Surprise, Friends!) yet and I will not be telling random ppl about it in the future because I do feel like I'll be judged for "taking the easy way out." The truth is, I lost ninety pounds on my own in eight months before getting the lapband. I've done all the hard work myself. The ONLY reason I even went through with the surgery after losing so much is to assist me in maintaining a healthy weight in the future. But NO ONE understands that, and I've already been judged by SEVERAL of my close friends and family. But honestly, the real reason I won't be making a big deal out of it in the future is because all this hard work I've put into making a drastic change in myself will no longer count; most ppl will just automatically assume I'm lazy and have only lost any weight because I had surgery, and I'm sorry but that's just not fair to me. So, yea...

Tamishumate

Can I say, without anyone judging or getting mad, that I get a little offended when people ask me if I had it done. ? I didn't, but I. Am always slightly taken aback when people ask me how I lost so much weight. Proper diet and tons of exercise is how, and proud of it. .

sakitchens

I think that everyone makes there own choices and no one should condemn, ridicule or make fun of them. I think that it is great that you have found a positive way to help ensure your future weight loss. I do not think it matters how you loose the weight as long as you do. I myself have considered lap-band. My doctor however wants me to get my diabetes in check before we think about surgery. I am glad that people have shared and hopefully continue to share the stories that got them on the road to healthier new selves. I think that we are all insperations to someone else going through the same things we are.

msarro

I hope I don't upset anyone with this, but here's my opinion.

I judge because its a shortcut, and usually outside of medical necessity. My reasoning? My cousin died, leaving behind 3 children to be taken care of by a disabled father (injured in a garage accident) - because she refused to get off her butt and walk once a day. She viewed it as a way to make things easier. You know, a tool. She started bleeding internally during the surgery, and they couldn't stop it. She would be alive today if she would have listened to her doctor and just eaten appropriately and gone for a walk. Her kids would still have a mom, and her husband would still have his wife. For what reason? To avoid eating healthy and exercising?

See, people forget that its surgery. And it can kill you. Is the risk of death really worth taking a shortcut? Now I know there are certain people who have no choice (and thankfully some of the doctors who perform the procedure will require seeing proof that you are in that category), but 99% of the people who get these things done DO NOT fit in that group. Think about who you'd be leaving behind to grieve and consider whether or not the shortcut is worth it. If you think it is, then by all means go for it.

You can call it a tool, call it a crutch, whatever. Unless its medically necessary its a shortcut.

beMyself

First of all, I think it is kind of obvious when someone gets it because they lose the weight really fast. Should we judge them? Not at all. I would like to get the surgery but first of all, I have never been cut into and I only need to lose 100lbs not 400...

Although I am 100lbs + overweight, I do not have diabetes, high colesterol or high blood pressure. I have asthma though, but I don't have any of the major health issues (you guys know what I'm talking about) so they will not give the surgery to someone like me even though I am really overweight. Also I am 6'2" for my height so I carry the weight really well. This may be why I don't have any of the health problems a lot of people have when they are obese because I have athletic genes, who knows.

The guy who said you should not have the surgery unless medically necessary is probably right. If it would save your life...I think that was the purpose of it...but nowdays you have everyone wanting the surgery

Having struggled with my weight for so long I can't blame people for wanting the surgery because I understand it gets so damn frustrating dealing with being up and down with your weight your entire life.

In the end it is a personal decision and it is a shame some people have to hide it.

Nich0le

Lap band is a choice and everyone needs to make the choice that is right for them. Although I would not do it myself I know a bypass patient and a lapband patient and I have to say the lapband patient is healthier looking and the bypass patient said if he had to do it over again he wouldn't have, even though he was diabetic because of the issues he has had since.

When you make a choice to become a healthier person you should be proud of your choices. It isn't anyone's business to judge you when they haven't been in your shoes! Pat yourself on the back for making a choice that has made you a healthier individual! :drinker:

weaklink109

If someone has been properly screened and evaluated and makes a decision to have the procedure, no one has any business judging them--as long as they are following the eating protocol that is needed for the lap band to give results. Even then, not appropriate to judge the person.

This post made me go on a hunt for a post I was in a few weeks ago where someone was trying to decide whether or not to get the lap band surgery. I am quoting part of it below. My comments did not "judge" those who had the surgery, but I did pass judgment on their behavior in general, and in regard to food, both of which to me were unacceptable, and did nothing to improve the outside world's opinion of people who have weight loss surgery:

....For myself, I found MFP a year ago, and made permanent changes in what I eat and my activity level. I lost 50 lbs. in about 7 1/2 months. I still need to lose more, but because of my new habits, I am maintaining for now, and now that a personal situation is over with, I am planning on getting back onto a losing streak again.

Last year, I changed the department I worked in and my new supervisor appeared to be very health-conscious--always talking about working out, etc., and not to be judgmental, but the reason for her interest was obvious, as she was about 60 - 80 lbs. overweight.

At first I was impressed with her focus, and shared information on foods I had found helpful, such as sandwich thins. Then came the team meetings. The first one I attended, she brought bagels and full fat cream cheese, and insisted everyone have one. I refused, and took some flack for it. Subsequently, there were muffins. There were potlucks at which she and another person, also overweight, always consumed food with great "enthusiasm."

I continued to watch what I was doing and lose. By February, it was clear that the supervisor and this other guy had taken a dislike to me, and it wasn't until about a week before I left the company that I figured out what was going on. She, and the other guy, who also went out of his way to be unpleasant toward me, had BOTH had lap band surgery, and since their eating habits remain atrocious, neither of them have lost hardly any weight!!

As I reviewed previous events, I realized her attitude toward me changed when she found out that I had lost more than twice what she had in less time and without surgery. (She just assumed I had surgery because I was losing.) In the last meeting I attended, which was a pot luck, both of them were making jokes about how they had to eat lots now because they were going to have their lap bands tightened in the next few days and wouldn't be able to indulge themselves.

I have moved on and no longer work with these two, but they are examples of people who appear to me were not very well-screened prior to surgery, and it doesn't appear to me that either of them have derived much benefit from it...

....if you are unable to change and control your eating habits before you have surgery, it is more than likely that you will have the same problem after surgery.

If that sounds harsh, it is not meant to offend anyone. ....Surgery can be very helpful. I know of someone on this website in my age group who has done fantastic since her surgery. I think she has lost about 130 lbs. in less than a year and a half, but she has made major changes in her eating habits, and she is into running and training to do a triathlon....

dj_stevie_c

As long as when the band is 'removed' the person doesn't go right back to what they were doing before, I've seen it happen, there was a big deal made of a girl over here in the UK who's done just that and as long as the person is doing it for the right reasons then I don't have a problem at all. And I wouldn't like to cast judgement, I'd like to ask a few questions about it but I certainly wouldn't judge someone, would I have it done? I don't think it's something that's available to me (I don't have the cash and it's not really available on the NHS for people like me, although I am big enough) I would rather do things through diet and excersize.

It should never be used as a quick fix, it should only be used if the person has tried and failed other ways or if there are health problems the need to conquer. Anyone who loses weight, keeps it off and lives a healtheir lifestlye deserves congratulations, whether they did it through Atkins, Lapbands, plain diet and excersize or whatever, even lipo. That's what we are all here for after all.

SimonLondon

I don't think anyone has the right to judge. There are many medical and psychological reasons why people struggle to lose weight.

I would call having this fitted as a last resort and not a quick fix. We all know people who have been on every diet conceivable and yet still have lost no weight. If you've spent most of life trying wouldn't you consider it?

I have not had one but I can understand why people choose them. Yes there will be "some" that regard it as an easy option but I am certain the absolute overwhelming majority of people have spent their entire life trying and are so desperate they look at this as their last resort.

I would never judge anyone for any method they choose to lose weight. People will have their own reasons for choosing how to lose the weight and we don't know the reasons behind the "why" so what gives us the right to judge?

I will support anyone who is committed to losing weight no matter how they choose to achieve it!

HealthyChanges2010

Though I've not had a weightloss surgery myself I did find this quote I thought fit well on many issues that come up on this board.

"Understanding is the beginning of approving."
Andre' Gide


Becca

jerren

I have type II diabetes, blood pressure and high cholestoral and tipped the scales at 320 at one point in my life. I refuse to get the lapband or gastric. My main reason for this is because I never felt I was so big that I couldn't exercise. And I also knew that I could change my eating habits on my own. Its been a struggle getting down to where I am now but I'm happy that I've gotten to where I am now.

I don't judge those who got the lap band or gastric either. This is a decision they chose for themselves and will live with. I hope all goes well for them and we can all be fit and healthy together!

lisalynn35

I'm a proud LapBander too! I don't know why people are so judgmental nor do I care, I sure wasn't losing weight without it. I tell everyone willingly and proudly. There is no short cut involved; I still have to watch what I eat, I still have to exercise and if it is a choice between death by fat or improbable death by surgery well...

My high blood pressure is gone, my arthritis is better, I'm learning how to eat well, and finally able to get off my *kitten* and exercise. I had hormonally based breast cancer twice and fat stores estrogen so having all this fat on me is like asking for my cancer to return. I spoke with a breast surgeon, oncologist, etc. prior to talking to the bariatric surgeon and they all said that the benefits far out weighed the risks.

Don't judge us. We all have our demons and our own ways of getting healthy.

LilMissAngi

I hope I don't upset anyone with this, but here's my opinion.

I judge because its a shortcut, and usually outside of medical necessity. My reasoning? My cousin died, leaving behind 3 children to be taken care of by a disabled father (injured in a garage accident) - because she refused to get off her butt and walk once a day. She viewed it as a way to make things easier. You know, a tool. She started bleeding internally during the surgery, and they couldn't stop it. She would be alive today if she would have listened to her doctor and just eaten appropriately and gone for a walk. Her kids would still have a mom, and her husband would still have his wife. For what reason? To avoid eating healthy and exercising?

Im sorry about your loss... your post really opened my eyes, my dad has diabetes... has lost 2 toes in the process and soon to be more if he doesn't eat right and get up to exercise.

I don't know what his deal is.... he got another chance at life (kidney transplant) but still won't eat right or exercise.

I refuse to turn into him and I was headed down that path, but Im turning around and going down this other path.

SassyMissDasha

I'm not ashamed of the lapband, I'm ashamed it didn't work for me ...
ETA: I am making it work for me now, I realise now I do have the tool, and it's really not fair to my dad he payed for it to be done. He has since passed away .. and I gave up on myself .. but that's not an excuse anymore, I know he wants me to make it work. I am waiting to lose more wait, but I am going to go in and get my lapband tightened. That really struck a nerve with me .. because I used to be that person ..that said "Oh i'm going to get a fill soon, so I better binge and get as much of good food as I can in" .. I don't want to be that person. Yeah so that's about it! What makes me upset, is when people say "are you sure you are eating enough? I'm really worried about you" .. because they don't know. That's why I really didn't want to hide the fact that I had it. But people do understand.

Kwilliams75

Sorry to hear that your lap band didn't work for you!! I have been blessed to have a wonderful support group through my doctor and a wonderful patient advocate also. I can honestly say without them and all the pre-nutritional training that my insurance made me go through mine probably would not have worked for me either. If anyone is looking to get lap band, go through the six months of nutritional consults before hand so that you can start you changes before the surgery!!

Thinwithin2010

My mother in law had it done and 2 years now wants it out. It helped her lose some but she was always getting sick. She also had a million excuses for the foods she ate after the first few months.. Oh I can't eat bread items but could suck down a donut.. Her small amounts if food soon turned into larger amounts and when she threw up it was blamed on bad food..Not the amount she ate. This was just a way to fool herself but she didn't and still doesnt believe her mindset needed to change. She used it as an excuse. The hand still picked up the food and stuck it in her mouth so that band did nothing for her..I see her when she walks past a candy and its almost like she has to have that item right away or else... I know she grew up in the depression and alot of times food was scarce. I think she always needs these things as a defence mode from way back when..So maybe a counseler will work but this is my mother in law and im not saying shes nuts!!!! lol I myself even with seeing her and her issues would never make bad judgements on anyone with this surgery. Each of us is different and if it works great!! If not the person already knows, they dont need a reminder. Good luck to all however you tackle you loss..

HealthyChanges2010

My mother in law had it done and 2 years now wants it out. It helped her lose some but she was always getting sick. She also had a million excuses for the foods she ate after the first few months.. Oh I can't eat bread items but could suck down a donut.. Her small amounts if food soon turned into larger amounts and when she threw up it was blamed on bad food..Not the amount she ate. This was just a way to fool herself but she didn't and still doesnt believe her mindset needed to change. She used it as an excuse. The hand still picked up the food and stuck it in her mouth so that band did nothing for her..I see her when she walks past a candy and its almost like she has to have that item right away or else... I know she grew up in the depression and alot of times food was scarce. I think she always needs these things as a defence mode from way back when..So maybe a counseler will work but this is my mother in law and im not saying shes nuts!!!! lol I myself even with seeing her and her issues would never make bad judgements on anyone with this surgery. Each of us is different and if it works great!! If not the person already knows, they dont need a reminder. Good luck to all however you tackle you loss..

hm, sounds like a typical food addiction like the rest of us have Her behavior just like any of us without surgery if not changed the weight either doesn't come off or plops right back on.

Counseler = crazy? Nah, in my mind if someone can be helped by talking to someone about food issues, self esteem issues, fear of succeeding, etc, I don't see them as crazy in the slightest, perhaps it's the ones who don't examine their lives that turn out crazy.:laugh:

LoveMy4Kids

I would never judge, I have thought about having surgery done to help out lots of times! However I have personally known 3 people to have the by pass surgery done and all of them gain back their weight plus. Have never knowns personally someone who had it done and kept the weight off! Also a friend of mine just about died after the surgery! She also never told anyone till she was admitted to the hospital with all her organs shutting down, then thats when it all came out! She ended up losing 160, then gaining back that plus more and in a wheelchair full time! Sad really! So that is why I am so afraid of having the surgery done! I have never known anyone who has had the lap band done, but same thing, its major surgery and anything can go wrong! I just keep telling myself I CAN do this on my own, hopefully this time around I will and will stick to the healthy lifestyle I have been working at! I CAN DO THIS, lol. I wish you success with whatever you choose!

waguchan

I love the reply that sparkles321 posted.

I'm not ashamed that I had surgery. But I prefer to keep it secret because of all the judgmental people. It has taken a lot of hard work to lose this much weight and I don't want anyone dismissing my success as "the easy way out". So I don't share that information with anyone, not even my own father and younger sisters.

My BMI was 40 when I had the surgery. I was very healthy and pretty physically fit and exercised regularly and watched what I ate. But was just unable to get below a BMI of 40 on my own after years of trying by myself. I spent two years attending a medically supervised weight loss clinic that involved weekly appointments with dietitians, therapists, and doctors, plus 3 personal training appointments a week. I was doing sprint triathlons, running 5Ks, and completing 27 mile inline skating marathons... but I still was 5'3" and over 200 pounds.

So I finally decided to have lap band surgery. I haven't lost the weight so fast that anyone has suspected. Even with the surgery and lots of exercise and calorie counting, it's taken me 2 years to lose 75 pounds. My metabolism is just so screwed up, I can't lose weight if I eat "normal" portions sizes. I have to limit my intake to less than 1000 calories a day to lose weight or I just maintain or gain, even when I exercise 2 hours a days (including strength training, interval training, martial arts, and jogging). And without the band, it is nearly impossible to control my hunger to eat the limited amount of calories needed for my body to lose weight.

bellanean

First of all, I think it is kind of obvious when someone gets it because they lose the weight really fast. Should we judge them? Not at all. I would like to get the surgery but first of all, I have never been cut into and I only need to lose 100lbs not 400...

Although I am 100lbs + overweight, I do not have diabetes, high colesterol or high blood pressure. I have asthma though, but I don't have any of the major health issues (you guys know what I'm talking about) so they will not give the surgery to someone like me even though I am really overweight. Also I am 6'2" for my height so I carry the weight really well. This may be why I don't have any of the health problems a lot of people have when they are obese because I have athletic genes, who knows.

The guy who said you should not have the surgery unless medically necessary is probably right. If it would save your life...I think that was the purpose of it...but nowdays you have everyone wanting the surgery

Having struggled with my weight for so long I can't blame people for wanting the surgery because I understand it gets so damn frustrating dealing with being up and down with your weight your entire life.

In the end it is a personal decision and it is a shame some people have to hide it.

First off, the weight always doesnt "come off fast" I am a lapbander and I am only losing about 2 pounds a week and I BUST MY BUTT for this weight loss. I eat right and I work out hard. Granted some lapbanders dont need to do much and the band works for them, more then a tool, the weight just drops off. For me, it doesnt work like that. I need to eat right and I need to work out. I need to do just as much as everyone else does. The difference is, with the lap band, I dont pig out how I use to. I dont go to mcdoanlds and over two meals for myself, I dont sit in bed all day and eat icecream. It stops me from this stuff.

If I chose to stop eating right and working out, the band would be pointless. I would not lose any weight and I would probably gain some. For some people, I must admit it is a quick fix, but for me, its a tool. It only helps with a few little things, but I do the majority of the work. I have been overweight since I was in grammar school and have always been trying to diet, I would lose 20-25 pounds and then give up. I have already lost 50 and am not giving up this time.

Being 100 pounds over weight is A LOT. People that 400 pounds overweight prolly wouldnt get the lapband, they would prolly have gastric bypass because the lapband is the slowest weight loss surgery there is. I didnt have any comorbidities but I got this surgery before I did get any. I dont believe anyone carries their weight around "well" when they are over 300 pounds and you will start having problems if you dont control your weight (which i know you are doing).



I am not ashamed of having lapband, but I do not tell people, why should I? I work as hard as the next person to lose the weight. If someone over weight asked me, I would prolly inform them , incase they were interested but I see no reason to go telling everyone in my life. Its my personal choice and noone else needs to be informed inless it effects them.

SHBoss1673

I really don't judge people on it for having it done.

But in most cases (other than medical necessity cases) what I really have a hard time with is the fact that it really doesn't do anything for you that you couldn't do on your own. What does the lap band or GB surgery do? It limits the amount of food you can take in. This can be done without surgery, and IS done without surgery every day by millions of people. OK, so if you have some kind of medical condition, then maybe I can see having it done (and I'm not talking about type II diabetes which is brought on by the extra weight itself usually).

People are usually required to do some things before they can have the surgery, Usually they have to lose a certain amount of weight, attend nutrition classes, and be cleared medically to be able to have the surgery. Well, if you can do all these things for the surgery, I don't understand why you don't do them without the surgery.

So from my point of view, I just don't understand why people want to risk major surgery when just doing the things they are required to do to have the surgery will eventually get them to where they want to be. Is it easier than simply dieting and exercise? I doubt it, not from what it sounds like. Is it safer than dieting and exercise, well that's a resounding NO, I don't think anyone will argue with that. Is it faster than dieting and exercise? Sometimes, but really, is quicker really all that much better for long term health?
As far as I can tell YES, it's safer than living morbidly obese, but if you decide to do something about the weight, I would think that major surgery would be an absolute, no questions, tried everything and had experts stumped (true experts, not your GP doctor and a few trainers), Last resort. And I think that IS the case for some people who have it done, but more and more, it's not the case anymore.

If you have had it done, ask yourself, was it REALLY the last straw? Or was it just a lifetime of frustration with diets and being overweight that drove you to it? Not judging, I completely understand the attitude, but that doesn't change the reasoning.

again, this isn't a judgement, it's me trying to understand. It's hard to wrap my head around it, when it isn't a medical requirement.

waguchan

These are the type of responses that make me keep it a secret from friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers. People say that they don't judge and then immediately voice their opinion that it isn't necessary or isn't safe.

SHBoss1673

These are the type of responses that make me keep it a secret from friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers. People say that they don't judge and then immediately voice their opinion that it isn't necessary or isn't safe.

I don't think that's judging anyone, that's just voicing my understanding of the situation. I don't think any less of someone for doing it, and therefore I'm not criticizing their actions, I just want to try to understand. If you feel differently about it, then try to help me understand what someone's thought process is. I can take it if you don't agree with me, but at least tell me why. I didn't go through the process, so maybe I'm missing some fundamental reasoning as to why this is something other than what I think it is.

bellanean

These are the type of responses that make me keep it a secret from friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers. People say that they don't judge and then immediately voice their opinion that it isn't necessary or isn't safe.

I don't think that's judging anyone, that's just voicing my understanding of the situation. I don't think any less of someone for doing it, and therefore I'm not criticizing their actions, I just want to try to understand. If you feel differently about it, then try to help me understand what someone's thought process is. I can take it if you don't agree with me, but at least tell me why. I didn't go through the process, so maybe I'm missing some fundamental reasoning as to why this is something other than what I think it is.

I personally dont have a book of reasons why I did it. I did it because I didnt have enough disipline to do it on my own. I now couldnt be happier that I did it.