Do you receive neg comments about your weight loss?
MizPassion
Posts: 245 Member
Hi guys,
I'm new to mfp. I've been struggling with brushing off comments made by my friend and her husband (live in my complex) since I started my journey. I will say that they are a very sweet couple. I believe there are underlying reasons for why they feel a need to enforce their beliefs about my weight or how I eat. I would never make comments about their weight or what they eat. I should mention that they are naturally thin but don't exercise. They are also going through bad times behind closed doors. I’m pretty resilient and ambitious. I'm not sure if they are jealous?
1. She once got mad at me because I refused to have ice cream that she was willing to pay for. She wouldn't take a kind no for an answer.
2. She once kept forcing me to have more cake during her son's bday party. She kept insisting.
3. She keeps on saying I look fine (don’t need to lose lbs). She acts like I’m losing lbs because I hate myself lol.
4. Her husband saw me this wk and stated I lost a lot of weight. He then asked if I was okay (meant sick). I played dumb and he repeated. I said I feel great!
I will admit that this hurts:frown: and makes me angry
because I'm not getting support from this couple who I label as important in my life. I also feel they are crossing boundaries. I feel like I'm being constantly examined. I know their comments are ignorant since I've only dropped from a size 16 to a size 12 since mid-Jan. I feel so silly and like a child for complaining but this really bothered me. I also feel more tempted to eat sweets since I'm an emotional eater.
Is there something wrong with me because I feel this way? What are some things to do or say when you receive negative comments?
I would love any feedback
I'm new to mfp. I've been struggling with brushing off comments made by my friend and her husband (live in my complex) since I started my journey. I will say that they are a very sweet couple. I believe there are underlying reasons for why they feel a need to enforce their beliefs about my weight or how I eat. I would never make comments about their weight or what they eat. I should mention that they are naturally thin but don't exercise. They are also going through bad times behind closed doors. I’m pretty resilient and ambitious. I'm not sure if they are jealous?
1. She once got mad at me because I refused to have ice cream that she was willing to pay for. She wouldn't take a kind no for an answer.
2. She once kept forcing me to have more cake during her son's bday party. She kept insisting.
3. She keeps on saying I look fine (don’t need to lose lbs). She acts like I’m losing lbs because I hate myself lol.
4. Her husband saw me this wk and stated I lost a lot of weight. He then asked if I was okay (meant sick). I played dumb and he repeated. I said I feel great!
I will admit that this hurts:frown: and makes me angry
because I'm not getting support from this couple who I label as important in my life. I also feel they are crossing boundaries. I feel like I'm being constantly examined. I know their comments are ignorant since I've only dropped from a size 16 to a size 12 since mid-Jan. I feel so silly and like a child for complaining but this really bothered me. I also feel more tempted to eat sweets since I'm an emotional eater.Is there something wrong with me because I feel this way? What are some things to do or say when you receive negative comments?
I would love any feedback
0
Replies
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Mom my dealt with a lot of crappy people when she lost 100 pounds, a lot of people just can't handle that kind of change.
She told them to take a long walk off a short pier.
If someone tried to run that game on me, it wouldn't turn out well. They'd find out in no uncertain terms that they should find out if their heads really do fit their rectums.0 -
I have this one friend, who likes to hang out with less attractive girls when going out. We went out pretty often half a year ago. Now that I lost weight (Im still 20 lbs away from her weight) she started to be jealous, and comment jokingly how soon I will be at her weight. We used to go to the gym 2-3 times a week, nowadays she always has something better to do. Also we dont go out anymore, because she doesnt feel like partying. But then she goes out with other people. Its like, she liked to be around me when I felt miserable, but now that I feel fit, and happy she is no longer around. If we go out for coffee she always encourages me to have a donut with my coffee, but when I say we should half the donut, she won't do that. She is only happy, when she is doing in comparison better than the other person. Sign of poor self-confidence. One thing I learned in my weight loss journey is, that you are doing it for yourself, and you should be happy about your accomplishments and not other peoples responses. Too bad, because otherwise she is a funny person.0
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I have to tackle these goals on my own and quietly a lot. Why I enjoy hanging out here. Most people do not understand, or want you to give in to justify that they give in. Or they've come to call their lifestyle "normal" and can't see why you can't be "normal" or their old friend they felt comfortable with. All part of it.0
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I had lost 60 lbs before and never heard anything but positive comments really.
The only thing that bugged me was that things were boring and stagnant in my life but when I was losing weight and tracking, that's when everything started happening that involved me eating unhealthy things like thanksgiving, christmas, my friends had parties with liquor and junk food and it got really hard to turn down the food.
So I gained all the weight back, and then the very day I decided to start tracking again, my fiance's family took us to Long John Silver's and then later that day we went to a family friend's house for dinner and it was like a buffet and the next day my fiance's friend wanted to go to the bar and hookah lounge...you get the point. It's difficult to stay on track.0 -
I have people like that in my life that make similar statements but I know they genuinely mean well by it. The woman is just a natural born mother and is constantly trying to look after and treat people. When people don't let her she feels redundant (her kids have flown the nest). The guy knows I have health issues and - bless 'im - just gets concerned if my appearance changes ... weight, tiredness, being pale etc ... and is worried I'm pushing myself too hard.
I'm certainly not saying that these people are the same but if they're important to you then it's worth trying to understand where they are coming from. Just tell them "when you say this it makes me feel like ..." and ask them where they are coming from when the say that stuff. If they are coming from a negative place then you should distance yourself from them ... regardless of whether it was all good once, it's not good for you general state of mind and THAT is what is important.0 -
I have a smaller frame (5 foot 6--140lbs) than most. so even when I am over weight my "paunch" is not as noticeable to others unless I am wearing tight clothes....so people I assume my wieght is good even though I have quite a bit of a muffin top....so I get some of what the OP is saying
sometimes I just want to pull my shirt off and say look at this (and point to my muffin top), but I don't......0 -
You know the saying (don't you?)
"Dear God, if you can't make me skinny, please make my friends fatter."
Ha. We're pre-designed to sabatage one another for that reason. It's not ill-intended, just natural. Just smile and be persistent and look at them like they're acting odd and ask if they're feelign okay if they insist.0 -
There are people like that everywhere, and you're bound to meet one of them one day. For me. it's my sister. The latest comment I got was:
"You shouldn't lose so much weight, it'll make you go all saggy."
Cheers sis!0 -
Imo,I truely think these ppl aren't your friends or you could find better,more supporting ones. I dealt with this a few yrs back when I first lost a lot of weight. I'm not huge,but I was always a 13-14 and got down to a 9-10. And most of my negative remarks came from my mom sad to say. From what I wore,to how I looked. The saddest comment she ever made was when my aunt from out of town was stating she heard I lost weight & telling me how good I looked. My mother then stated" no she doesn't,she looks terrible"
I think some ppl are just jealous because you are getting more attention & taking the spotlight away from them. And if their heavy as well they want you to remain that way because they don't wanna lose the weight. I don't think your weight lose is none of your neighbors business personally,you have to do it for yourself...what makes you happy. So I would kindly explain that to them,if they can't understand(which I'm sure they don't) then move on. Be fabulous alone!0 -
"Oh! You don't need to lose weight! Your weight is perfectly fine!" - Haha right, says the one that weighs about the same as me and is dieting? Are you scared ill do better?
"Are you on drugs?" - Oh shut up.
"You won't look good at your goal weight, trust me, you don't have the body type for that." - HA WHO ARE YOU TO SAY THAT?0 -
I am starting to see that people are used to the big you, and its hard for them to see you try to make changes in any way.
I never ever once heard someone say to me stop getting bigger you wont look good. Now I am losing weight its, a few people have said to me dont lose too much weight it wont look good. I dont think its sabatage or anything like that, they are just used to seeing me fat. I will stop when I have removed as much fat as I can. Aim is to look healthy.
It doesnt make sense to go backwards, you need to be firm with your friends. No thank you I do not want any. Its just as simple as that. Good Luck on your journey.0 -
I think the worst thing is constantly being accused of having an eating disorder by my family because I weigh out food and eat properly. I understand that they're used to large portions being normal so when I have what is actually a normal portion it looks like I must be starving myself but it makes me feel so awkward when I don't eat everything they expect me to.
Oh and the old "you don't need to lose weight" when I actually really do need to.0 -
People say and do the darnedest things. I am ever so sensitive to not telling people to eat or not eat in real life, and I know each of us is on our own individual path to the level of fitness we want, and if someone talks to me about my weight loss, I really try to emphasize how happy with how I feel and the increase in my energy level.
Yes, it is great to have lost the excess weight and wear jeans 4 sizes or more smaller. Great to look in the mirror and know my personal body image matches how I feel inside. But being told you are too skinny is just the same insult as being told you are too fat.
I am 5'8" and weight 128 pounds. It works for me!0 -
Here are my faves, that I have gotten more than once:
-You should eat a cheeseburger.
-You better hold on to something or the wind might carry you away.
-Is that all you're going to eat?
-Do you have to shop in the girls section to find something that fits?
-It's not healthy for you to be so thin.
My response is usually semi-sarcastic,
- "Are you serious, a cheeseburger, that is the best advice anyone has ever given me! Thanks so much for the pro tip"
-"The wind won't take me anywhere as long as you stand there and block it for me"
-"Oh, I have your permission to eat more? Wow, thanks!"
-"Do you shop at Home Depot to see what tarp looks best?"
-"It's not healthy to do nothing. I like to be the minority in this epidemic."
I know this may sound mean, but some people just don't know how to shut up. I get tired of being told I look anorexic or too thin when clearly I am well within my weight range and BMI. Plus, I think it is rude to comment like that...I wouldn't blatantly call an obese person fat or keep harping on the fact that they are that way. Double standards I guess...0 -
in the last 8 months ive lost 30kg/66pounds through eating healthy & light exercise.... last week, an aqaintance saw me for the 1st time in that period. She commented on how much i had lost & asked when i had had weightloss surgery? I politely said that i hadnt had surgery & that i`d lost it from eating healthy & some exercise. She then looked me in the eye & said BS, no one could lose that amount in that amount of time without surgery!0
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yes, quite a few
its usually from people who are being passive agreesive, they see you doing something successfully and want to sabotage it.
i got asked to lift a plate, and eat food at parties, nights out etc. I asked why it was so important for them to see me with food 'to make sure that you're eating'
my reply was 'if i wasnt eating, i'd be skinny by now'.
they didnt appreciate the curt response.
you just start to roll your eyes and move on, even if they havent0 -
A few months ago I got a lecture from a friend about how I didn't need to lose weight but it might be a good idea to go to counseling to deal with self image issues that I apparently have. The only thing I could really say to her was that I'm a lot heavier than she thinks I am and from that point on the topic of my efforts to lose weight is off limits.0
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in the last 8 months ive lost 30kg/66pounds through eating healthy & light exercise.... last week, an aqaintance saw me for the 1st time in that period. She commented on how much i had lost & asked when i had had weightloss surgery? I politely said that i hadnt had surgery & that i`d lost it from eating healthy & some exercise. She then looked me in the eye & said BS, no one could lose that amount in that amount of time without surgery!
blimey that is so rude. You would just say, wow well done, please tell me your secrets.0 -
"You won't look good at your goal weight, trust me, you don't have the body type for that." - HA WHO ARE YOU TO SAY THAT?
Hahahaha YES!
"OMG Youll look so skinny and unhealthy!" Oh really. No one that knows me today has seen me at my goal weight, so how would they have ANY clue as to what I will look like?!0 -
You say these friends are important to you and that you want them to be a part of your support system. Have you told them? Maybe they just need to be made aware of what you are trying to do and that you would like their support and encouragement. My advice is that the more positive you are with them the more positive they will be with you. My response when the husband asked if I was sick because I'd lost weight would be something like..."I feel great actually. I am just trying to eat a little more healthy and take care of myself. Thanks though for your concern." It is always hard in food situations to say no. I find the more I politely say no thank you when offered treats at a party the more accepting others are of your decision to decline. Also it always helps to compliment the person offering. "That birthday cake looks amazing. I'm trying to cut back so I'm going to say not this time, but it looks like you really outdid yourself this year." I find that the more positive and natural I react to these situations the more support I get. Pretty soon people will see your new normal and start celebrating your strengh. The more defensive you are the more defensive others are going to be in return. It is just human nature to give what you get.0
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"Are you on drugs?" - Oh shut up.
Haha!
This is one I am starting to get - and my brother gets it all the time! We were out the other weekend and I heard a girl say this verbatim:
"OMG there is like a half of you"
"Howd You lose the weight?"
"Seriously tho - safely right? No drugs?'
LOL Ummm maybe an Omega 3 supplement...does that count?0 -
Something I saw on FB. I lost 50 lbs since I started, focused on getting strong and still want to lose some more FAT because I want to be lean.. People can't fathom it because with clothes, I look pretty good already.. Anyway, here it is(Brad Pillon wrote it):
Speaking of success...
For those of you struggling with your friends and family not being 'overly supportive' of your decision to get in shape, remember that it's typically not your approach that gets their ire, but your success.
It doesn't matter is you did Eat Stop Eat or Weight Watchers, Whether you ate six meals a day or 3 meals a day, High protein or Vegan, did cross fit or did lots of cardio...if you found success you're going to find that people aren't always as happy for you as you'd like them to be.
Typically things that will be said (when you're not around) include
She looks great but.... (leading to comments about how unhealthy your approach was, or how unsustainable your lifestyle is)
or
He's in great shape but... (leading to some sort of suspicion of drug use, or that you lost 'too much muscle')
Don't sweat it. There is usually some degree of jealousy in these comments. Remember - by changing the way YOU look you've forced people to think about the way THEY look.0 -
I HAD a friend who used to encourage me to eat deserts and cakes while they sat there and had an entree for a main or just a skinny cap. I finally twigged and said "No I don't need desert" to which she nearly got on her knees and begged me to have it. She was literally getting her satisfaction from sabotaging me. I said to her "You love watching me eat these things don't you?" to which she slyly smiled and said "I just know you want it and want you to be happy". Needless to say, we are no longer friends. As my success kicked in, her anger and jealousy got worse. She propped up her poor self esteem by saying to herself "At least I'm not fat like her" B*TCH! GONE!!!!!0
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So far no one has said anything negative to me. I see my in-laws this weekend and they no nothing about my weight loss. We shall see how that goes.
A friend sent me one of those e-cards. It said I am on the cupcake diet. I give all my friends and family cupcakes so they get fatter to make me look skinny.0 -
It really took a conversation with my nephew for me to understand that my family just didn't recognize the fact that I was so overweight. My nephew looked me straight in the eye and said that he never thought I was bigger. I told him how much weight I have lost, and it meant nothing. I showed him a picture from this time last year and then he was shocked.
So after that conversation, I tend to let the "you don't need to lose anymore weight" comments slide.0 -
First off, congrats on your success so far! I think it's awesome that you're changing yourself for the better. As far as your dear friends are concerned, they must be shown this journey is important to you. They must understand there is nothing wrong with you and if they are not going to directly support your endeavor, they must respect it. So, no "insisting" on doing anything to sabotage your efforts.
Personally, I have been on and off the fit journey since my teens. I went through a great tragedy recently that has given me a new resolve to get in shape. People that don't know me well are like "good for you". Those who know me are like "have a beer. eat some candy...you're gonna fall off the wagon, anyway". I take negativity in stride. I understand why my loved ones doubt me. But I stick with my resolve even when I mess up. And I don't allow anyone to sway me in an undesirable direction.
I wish you all the best in your fitness journey!0 -
I didn't at first. I would say the first 30-45 lbs I had tons of support.
But, I feel and see that now since I have kept going I am getting some looks, and comments. I even get people now shoving food in my face and not taking NO as an answer. I get people telling me " not to throw it away". I get a lot of " what's for lunch, a cracker? Another salad?".
I don't get why people have to get so crappy. I am changing MY life not theirs. I feel like they secretly wanted me to fail, and thought " she will just put it back on" but they see that I have kept going and for whatever reason, feel the need to get sh*tty about it. I know it's silly to think that, but I can't help but think it.
It is what it is.. when you go through a life change and people can't support you, maybe they need to be cut out for a while. :ohwell:0 -
I agree with all the other posters who said your "friends" need to be shown how important this journey is to you. You aren't trying to change them, you're changing you, and if they don't like it, they are real friends.
I don't get why people try to sabotage and put down others for trying to be healthier. Maybe it's jealousy? Or they were comfortable with you being unhealthy? Who knows.
I haven't had anything really negative said to me (mind you, I haven't lost a lot of weight or anything yet, but I'm watching what I eat and exercising), but when I said something to my mom about my "run" (C25K), she was like "oh, you're running now?" in a not so nice tone. I don't get what the big deal is. I'm sick and tired of being a lazy loaf on the couch, so I'm doing something about it. People need to be more supportive.0 -
I actually posted about this very same issue and the BARRAGE of negative comments from friends and family whenever I post about fitness and weight loss on Facebook. "You don't need to lose 40 lbs!" (I really do) "BMI is useless!" (I've done my research and I think it's a good gauge for average height/frame people like me and I'm aiming for a middle of the road BMI) "What are you, trying to look like a Hollywood actress?" (Thanks for the shade!) "My mom lost 60 lbs once and she gained it all back in 3 months." (OMG no1curr.) etc etc etc.
I think that making a change in your life makes people defensive. Some people know they should be doing things for themselves that they aren't, so they see your changes and your ability to stick to something as an indictment on their own failures, when really probably most of us could give a crap about what anyone else is doing with their own lives, much less are we bothering to judge anyone for their diet and lack of exercise.
Gently asking for respect and reminding people that you're NOT talking about THEM - that your posting a photo of your low cal dinner is no less a judgment than their posting a photo of their triple burger and fries - helps. And if anyone continues to try to sabotage you - chuck 'em. Nobody needs that!0 -
I'm at the point where some people are beginning to act panicked at the thought of my weight loss. I regularly here 'How much MORE are you going to lose?!' and when I say My goal has not changed, I am still going to get to130 pounds they act like this is an anorexic weight or an unreasonable weight for me. I have also had people tell me that I didn't/don't need to lose 108 pounds...Um, yes I did/do. I started at 238, my goal is 130. That's 108 pounds. One woman told me that the only people who need to lose over 100 pounds are those that are obese. I said, yah, that was me, I WAS obese. She tried to argue with me over the definition of obesity! Talking about I wasn't 400 pounds or whatever. Sorry to break it to you, but 238 pounds on a 5'6 woman is OBESE.
Just like I wasn't going to stay obese for anyone, I'm not going to stay overweight for anyone. I will get to my goal weight and if folks don't like it, oh well.0
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