Do you receive neg comments about your weight loss?

TehNoms

I will get to my goal weight and if folks don't like it, oh well.

:drinker:

KingOfTheBurke

Let's say you have this friend who has a drinking problem. She is a solid, good good person, but for whatever reason she overindulges, and it's taken its toll on her health, relationships, and self esteem. At some point she digs deep and faces it head on. She throttles waaay back on the behaviors that have made her miserable. With hard work and sacrifice, she starts to feel better, get her life under control, and to be happy. She's thriving.

But this friend has other people in her life that try to get her to party with them. People that nag her to drink at a birthday party. People that tell her she's no fun anymore, and that they liked her much better when she drank as much as everyone else. People that comment on how unhappy she seems to be.

What would you say to this friend?

dbmata

in the last 8 months ive lost 30kg/66pounds through eating healthy & light exercise.... last week, an aqaintance saw me for the 1st time in that period. She commented on how much i had lost & asked when i had had weightloss surgery? I politely said that i hadnt had surgery & that i`d lost it from eating healthy & some exercise. She then looked me in the eye & said BS, no one could lose that amount in that amount of time without surgery!

blimey that is so rude. You would just say, wow well done, please tell me your secrets.

I would have asked her if she got her medical degree at STFU.

dbmata

I get a lot of " what's for lunch, a cracker?"

I was asked that exact thing once, back when I was fasting for a short period.

My response was: I don't eat white people.

mikepautzke

Not worth your time, people like this need to be superior to you in some way, and your weight was the only thing they had, lose the weight, and lose about 280 more pounds when you ditch these "friends"

MizPassion

I appreciate all the mixed support full of humour, sarcasm, advice, and explanations :laugh: Your comments made me laugh, reflect, and learn. I feel more uplifted because of you guys. I think more people should know about this issue because we often see images of friends and fam supporting the person who lost weight. This is not always the case in the real world. It's ironic how the ones enforcing their opinions about health/nutrition usually know very little about the subject? I'm learning that knowing how to react to saboteurs is also a BIG part of losing weight/being healthier. I don't see this topic in weight loss books?

I also agree that people don't like change and there may be hidden jealousy. If they continue to say things like "eat more", I will shove food down their throat when they decide to stop eating. Oh, I mean, as many suggested,I will simply explain (part of me feels like I shouldn't have to) that I'm doing it for health reasons. I could even further state that not all bodies are the same (since they are naturally thin). I feel like a Grade K teacher. I don't really feel the need to have to explain further. However, if they continue to overstep boundaries then I will nicely explain how I feel. If they continue? We are no longer friends.

I'm sure with time I will get better at responding and reacting. I hate confrontation, but I'm working on it. Thanks for your support! I'm really enjoying this forum.

OP

cdjs77

I have plenty of experience with this and I have found that it generally stems from one of three things:
1. Jealousy/Insecurity/Needing to relate things to themselves
Most people try to relate things to themselves and their own experiences in order to feel engaged, so when someone they know starts a new lifestyle change, it often makes them aware of their own failings or insecurities (however founded or unfounded they may be). When I was in my lower teen years I suffered from anorexia. I was painfully thin and one of the most common comments I would get would be "if you think you're fat, what am I," which completely ignores the fact that EDs are about one's own insecurities, body dysmorphia and need for control, not one's absolute view of fat and thin (i.e. my ED was about my own mental problems, it wasn't that I thought everyone my size or bigger was fat). People will often take everything you do personally, even if it is not at all related to them or your view of them. Even now, when I recently announced I wanted to get more in shape and start eating healthy, I still have people telling me to stop, saying that they are more out of shape than I am and that they are fine. While they direct it at you, it's usually subconsciously directed at themselves. They might feel threatened that you are doing something they should be doing too and that you might judge them for it.
With these people, I usually try not to bring up my new fitness journey. I know it makes them feel (unnecessarily) self conscious about themselves, so I try to divert conversation away from it to more positive things going on with them. I don't blame them either, there are many times someone has told me they are doing x, y, and z to better themselves and I get really self-conscious that I am not doing that myself.

2. Trying (and failing) to be helpful/supportive
When I had my ED, people were always telling me I was too thin, or that I was thinner than them and they were a healthy weight, etc. Most of the time, thought it sounded mean to me, it wasn't intended to be. Sometimes people try to be supportive by telling you that you look fine the way you are, thinking that it's what you want to hear. A lot of people are lacking in tact or really don't know what to say to encourage you in your fitness goals. Before I started trying to improve my health, I saw my doctor and a nutritionist in order to monitor my progress and make sure I was maintaining healthy practices. Whenever someone tries to be "helpful and supportive" by telling me I don't need to eat healthy or work out, I simply tell them that I enjoy what I am doing and that my doctor and nutritionist both think what I am doing is great and not at all being done for unhealthy reasons.

3. Cultural Norms
When I got to college I was about 125 lbs, with a low, but healthy BMI. I packed on about 15 lbs during my undergraduate career and ended up at about 140 lbs with a BMI of 21. I was definitely still at a healthy weight/BMI, but was looking to drop a few pounds and "tone up." I lived in the US and people were constantly telling me it was unnecessary and that I was thin enough already. Not long after, I moved to Switzerland, where it seems like nearly everyone my age was super svelte (in the city at least). When I recently told my friends about my intention to lose a few pounds and generally improve my fitness, all of them were encouraging and not one said anything about me being "thin enough." Obese and overweight people are so prevalent in the US, and "couch potatoes" so common, that we really lose sight of what is a "normal" weight range and what a healthy level of fitness looks like. With a BMI of 21 in the US, I was one of the thinnest people around, whereas here in Switzerland, I am definitely more "middle-of-the-road." There's no real way to correct for this and even I fall victim to it a lot. Girl that I would consider painfully thin in the US, I would consider active and fit here.

I think the moral of the story it that people need to understand that each person's weight loss/weight gain/fitness journey is their own. No one enter into it because of how they view others, but because of how they view themselves. Someone trying to get fit or lose weight doesn't mean they discount others for not doing the same thing. In addition, weight loss/gain is okay as long as the person is maintaining a healthy weight and/or not going to extremes with their diet.

WVprankster

I've received a few, generally from people who haven't seen me in a long time. I laugh long and loud at them, and direct the chat to how I got sick- sick and tired of most of the ladies drooling over all the buff actor de jour, so I decided to give those guys some competition. Mentally, I chalk it up to jealousy on their part.

tamisawyer

Sounds like they're not your friends.

LindsNW05

Oh the best part is when the person who is giving you the negative comments is the one who told you that you needed to lose weight in the first place! My mom is always telling me "it's not healthy for you to be so overweight", "you really need to lose weight"... etc. Now that I am losing weight, and wanting to tell my mom about my exciting weight loss, she's just indifferent about it, like she doesn't even care that I am trying to get healthy. My brothers both lost a lot of weight, and they look great and she's very excited for them, and happy, but for me when I try to get healthy, it's just feigned happiness from her, "oh that's nice honey" and then a quick subject change.

Why is it that when men lose weight it's no big deal at all and people will compliment them until they are blue in the face about it, but when women lose weight, all we get are neg comments?