No Support from 'Friends'
Replies
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wow. this girl sounds SUPER worthless.
im pretty sure this is bullying and harassing
and yes you should just "rise above"
but if it were me, id pull her aside and let her know youre THISCLOSE to filing harassment papers on her, and taking her back down to the gutter where she belongs, so she better back the **** off. and then have a sip of your soda. and always make eye contact with this woman. ALWAYS. dont give away your power.
I'm not sure what harassment papers are...but I would say to document, document, document because this is the type of person to try to bring you down in HR. I work in an employee-at-will state and when it's employer Vs employee the employee typically loses.0 -
I would totally use this as fuel for your success. Associate the negativity that this person is handing out, with the foods that she is doing it with. The next time that you get a craving for a soda, think about this person standing in front of you, with her can of soda, trying to tempt you. I bet you never go for one again!! The best revenge is to destroy her with your success.0
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Minus the fact that I want to drop kick that *****. Really why does anyone have to be so darn mean. You can handle her and the best way is to let your changes shock her. Remember the better you do the worse she may get. That means you keep getting better and better.
There is a woman I work with and she is nothing short of nasty with me. So you know what she gets back..exactly what she gives me. If she is walking behind me and I open a door I don't hold it for her, since that is how she treats me. I do not say hello or anything to her. She wants to act like she is the ****. Go ahead but with me you get what you give.
I am not losing weight for anyone but me. I am doing it my way and in my own time. A few people know and yesterday one girl I said something to about walking to work to keep the 25 pounds off I lost. She said oh I don't want to hear it. Now I am sure she was kidding but I made a mental note. Never to say anything about my weight loss to her again.
You lean on your sister in the hard times and you lean on us. We are here for you.0 -
I would not run to HR. While she is certainly acting like a jerk, her conduct does not seem tho fit the legal definition of harassment. (based on race, color, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age, national origin, disability, or other protected category.)
Tell her to stop, if she doesn't ask your supervisor to talk to her.
Stick to your guns and don't let her derail your efforts. Good luck!0 -
I have kind of noticed this thing about women.... Somehow, a lot of women are raised to believe that everything is a competition. I have noticed this a lot when it comes to male attention, weight, career. They want to sabotage each other at every turn. I was raised by my mom to believe that we women are all on the same team and that it is our job to root for each other, support each other, and encourage each other. It seems to me that she is doing this to you so you will cave. How do you handle it? By smiling, being positive and encouraging to her, and not caving into what she wants you to do. Don't go to HR. I assume that you want to become a permanent employee there and you don't want to seem like you're not a team player. Don't make comments about how she will gain weight and you will lose it, because that is stooping down to a level where all things are a competition. Just smile and joke, "It must be great to eat whatever you want and still lose weight! I don't have that gene, so I have to stick with my water and healthy snacks!"
You can do this!!!!! Your sister sounds like a great support system!0 -
i guess everyone handles things different.
id be worried id eventually punch her in the face so getting HR involved would be ME protecting MYSELF.
short fuse
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I would not run to HR. While she is certainly acting like a jerk, her conduct does not seem tho fit the legal definition of harassment. (based on race, color, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age, national origin, disability, or other protected category.)
Tell her to stop, if she doesn't ask your supervisor to talk to her.
Stick to your guns and don't let her derail your efforts. Good luck!
True story. I am an HR person and complaining about someone 'teasing you' by drinking soda in front of you would make me cringe and it would reflect negatively on you rather than them. Especially if you are a temp. It is much easier to replace a temp who is complaining because someone is drinking soda in front of them than a long standing employee. You will been seen as overly sensitive and a potential future risk if something as mundane as a soda can send you running to HR.0 -
I was never planning to go to HR, that was other peoples suggestions, I don't care if she was tripping me down the stairs I live in NH, where anyone can be fired and you don't have to be given a reason...0
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I have kind of noticed this thing about women.... Somehow, a lot of women are raised to believe that everything is a competition. I have noticed this a lot when it comes to male attention, weight, career. They want to sabotage each other at every turn. I was raised by my mom to believe that we women are all on the same team and that it is our job to root for each other, support each other, and encourage each other. It seems to me that she is doing this to you so you will cave. How do you handle it? By smiling, being positive and encouraging to her, and not caving into what she wants you to do. Don't go to HR. I assume that you want to become a permanent employee there and you don't want to seem like you're not a team player. Don't make comments about how she will gain weight and you will lose it, because that is stooping down to a level where all things are a competition. Just smile and joke, "It must be great to eat whatever you want and still lose weight! I don't have that gene, so I have to stick with my water and healthy snacks!"
You can do this!!!!! Your sister sounds like a great support system!
Thank you, Voice of Reason. OP, when you play into this competitive stuff, it will make YOU feel bad. It might make her feel bad, too, but at what cost to your own peace and contentment? I'd try to take a merciful approach, after all- it's HER issue, not your issue. You are doing great. Maybe try to see her as a sad product of a sad society. It will help you to feel compassion instead of competitiveness. After all, she's just a robot, doing what her programmers programmed her to do. You, however, can defy your own programming and be nice, cool, calm and unaffected by her meanness- if you see it for what it is.0 -
How exactly is she 'teasing you' by drinking soda in front of you?
That's what I was wondering. Is she holding it to you for you to take a sip and then pulling it back while saying "psyche!" when you move to drink it? Is she saying "haha i'm drinking soda and you're not!"? I need more information than a girl at your work drinks soda and others at your work do too.
You can't expect everyone else to change their habits so that it's easier for you to change yours.
Anyway - if the friend uses this sight, she'll probably see this thread and since the OP is using her own picture, she'll know you were talking about her and maybe she'll stop.0 -
It's great that at least you have your sister and you two are close. I know what you mean though, even if a friend isn't intentionally leading you astray (yours do sound like they're trying to, though) it can be hard being around people who are eating things you are not longer eating because of a lifestyle/not a cheat day, be it soda, cheese, pizza, breads etc. It's freaking hard. It's hard to say no to cookies. And having friends that are encouraging it rather than discouraging it is even harder. It's good that at least you have your sister to go to for support. Just find your inspiration in you. You know you shouldn't have those things, regardless of if your friends have them. You're doing something good for you, and you know that.0
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I was never planning to go to HR, that was other peoples suggestions, I don't care if she was tripping me down the stairs I live in NH, where anyone can be fired and you don't have to be given a reason...
That's a terrible excuse to use to make workplace bullying ok.
Well, you know how to fix it, if you don't, it's because you like and/or accept it.0 -
Wait . . this girl is drinking sodas and eating pizza and losing weight . . and also on this site?
Maybe you could learn a thing or two from her.0 -
I don't know of any work place that endorses one employee or a group of them making it an unwelcoming or unpleasant atmosphere for another employee, particularly when it negatively impacts efficiency. I'd talk to HR. That should fix it in a quick second.So my sister is my biggest supporter right now, she's eighteen 5'6 and about 120 and super gorgeous but she works her *kitten* off to stay in shape and she has been really bringing me shopping and telling me what not to eat and refusing to let me spend my money on cookies and stuff. Then I get to work and this girl whose supposed to be my friend and is also using this site and just dropping weight but not showing it is constantly bringing over soda and drinking it teasingly in front of me. It makes it even harder to say no, and now she has other people at work doing it too, and they think it's all funny.
I would also remind her that the workplace is an environment to act professionally in, and it isn't high school.
^this^
I think she has some growing up to do. You shouldn't have to deal with that at work. If you are losing weight doing what you are doing, then keep it up.
Good luck!0 -
Since youre doing well, I would bring the scales into the office and have a weekly weigh in for everyone. You betchya she wont even go near them!0
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Have a soda. :drinker:0
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Wait . . this girl is drinking sodas and eating pizza and losing weight . . and also on this site?
Maybe you could learn a thing or two from her.
My oh my, you sir are hot!!!0 -
Next time she's teasing you with that Diet Coke, grab the can and toss it in the trash. She'll get huffy about it, so tell her to suck it up and deal since what did she expect to happen with teasing you. Other option is come out and tell her to knock that shizzle off because it's annoying as fudge.
Ummmm. Don't do this. That first part might get you landed in jail for assault or simple battery. Don't touch another person like that in the workplace.
Just ignore her. Her drinking a soda in front of you isn't failing to support you. Her taunting you is, but be the bigger person and ignore her.0 -
Keep working hard and try to ignore her. If she gets too out of hand, report her to your supervisor.
If you need any more MFP friends to help support you, feel free to add me!
Ditto.
Also, I would tell that co-worker that her behavior is annoying and attention seeking, doing nothing positive for your life.
Also, I would KILL to have a supportive sibling.
The problem with getting support and dealing with triggers is that most people have a skewed view of consumption. If you know what you want from this and what your struggles are, try your hardest to focus on yourself.0 -
Quit rewarding their behavior and get a sense of humor.
We always had boxes of donuts, cup cakes, mixed nuts, whatever sitting all around our field office. The guys would always pick on me and offer me the goodies. I laughed em off and told em I was superman and that crap didnt bother me....and then I would moan longingly & laugh!
One day one of the clowns waved a donut at me and taunted, "Want it? It's the veerry last one!", I grabbed his hand and pulled it to me and licked the donut from top to bottom and said, "Nope". I left him standing there with a wet donut. (He got mad cuz it was the last one.) Another clown taunted with a soda. I grabbed the bottle, took a big swig, back washed it a few times, wiped my mouth, went "AHHHH", set it down on his desk and walked. (He didnt appreciate that either)
After they saw there was no return in their efforts they soon became bored with the game.0 -
I would not go to HR with something like that - it is pretty trivial - I agree with the earlier post from HR perspective. I will just give you advice my mother gave me any time someone was being annoying - ignore her. It took me a long time to be able to do and maybe you need time to but since I am not actually there I cannot tell if she is actually doing this to annoy you or if she just happens to be drinking pop in front of you and it is making you crazy.
I have not even told anyone at work that I'm trying to lose weight or that I've lost any.0 -
Quit rewarding their behavior and get a sense of humor.
We always had boxes of donuts, cup cakes, mixed nuts, whatever sitting all around our field office. The guys would always pick on me and offer me the goodies. I laughed em off and told em I was superman and that crap didnt bother me....and then I would moan longingly & laugh!
One day one of the clowns waved a donut at me and taunted, "Want it? It's the veerry last one!", I grabbed his hand and pulled it to me and licked the donut from top to bottom and said, "Nope". I left him standing there with a wet donut. (He got mad cuz it was the last one.) Another clown taunted with a soda. I grabbed the bottle, took a big swig, back washed it a few times, wiped my mouth, went "AHHHH", set it down on his desk and walked. (He didnt appreciate that either)
After they saw there was no return in their efforts they soon became bored with the game.
Love this!!! We have a winner lol!!
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Next time she's teasing you with that Diet Coke, grab the can and toss it in the trash. She'll get huffy about it, so tell her to suck it up and deal since what did she expect to happen with teasing you. Other option is come out and tell her to knock that shizzle off because it's annoying as fudge.
Ummmm. Don't do this. That first part might get you landed in jail for assault or simple battery. Don't touch another person like that in the workplace.
Just ignore her. Her drinking a soda in front of you isn't failing to support you. Her taunting you is, but be the bigger person and ignore her.
Explain to me how taking someone's drink and tossing it in the garbage is assault and battery? Taking that view means the friend can also be charged with assault and battery.
Seems to me that playing nice isn't doing any good (getting it to stop). Yes, I'm b***y because I don't play a victim for anyone, even good friends who tease me with sodas and candy.0 -
Just remember that you have been making positive choices for your body and life and that she has nothing to do with it. She can sit there drink soda and even have some non-nutritional junk food while you keep dropping lbs and feeling better about your choices by just looking at her.
If she is harassing you, pointedly making jokes about your current habits of eating, it would be best to report it to HR and you can also do the report anonymously so she won't know if it were you or someone who saw it although most 'bullies' put 2 and 2 together because they know what they were doing.
I hope you find some better support from your friends that are close to you and that work with you, it's definitely very helpful and I am glad you at least have your sister helping you and cheering you on 0 -
Those of you suggesting I take stuff from her obviously dont' understand a work enviorment and I dont' know how if you did what you said you did you didn't get fired. I'm pretty sure snatching things that belong to other people, or things they paid money for, and then ruining it so they can't have it anymore is not okay in any work places books...I'm going to stick with the people who are actually making sense adn not telling me to just turn around and pretty much be a bigger *kitten* to her...0
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Are you sure she's doing it with bad intentions in mind? Maybe she's just kidding around with you and doesn't realize you find it hurtful/annoying? Have you tried speaking to her about it? I think running to HR would be a bit much. You're both adults so I'd suggest telling her why you don't like it and just asking her to stop. You said she's suppose to be your friend so I'd give her the benefit of the doubt first and assume she's not doing it with bad intentions and just talk to her.0
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Those of you suggesting I take stuff from her obviously dont' understand a work enviorment and I dont' know how if you did what you said you did you didn't get fired. I'm pretty sure snatching things that belong to other people, or things they paid money for, and then ruining it so they can't have it anymore is not okay in any work places books...I'm going to stick with the people who are actually making sense adn not telling me to just turn around and pretty much be a bigger *kitten* to her...
Now I see what the problem is.0 -
I haven't read all the posts, so sorry if I'm repeating.
If she is asking other people to do it too, she obviously knows it affects you. But have you tried telling her how it makes you feel and asking her to stop?
It sounds to me like people at your work are quite childish. If after you talk to her she doesn't stop...
That woman is NOT your friend. Friends don't do that to each other. I would back off of 'friendship' type interactions and stick to professional communications only.
But also, it's only been 4 days. It's hard but it gets easier with time... hang in there!0 -
I would not run to HR. While she is certainly acting like a jerk, her conduct does not seem tho fit the legal definition of harassment. (based on race, color, gender, religion, sexual orientation, age, national origin, disability, or other protected category.)
Tell her to stop, if she doesn't ask your supervisor to talk to her.
Stick to your guns and don't let her derail your efforts. Good luck!
True story. I am an HR person and complaining about someone 'teasing you' by drinking soda in front of you would make me cringe and it would reflect negatively on you rather than them. Especially if you are a temp. It is much easier to replace a temp who is complaining because someone is drinking soda in front of them than a long standing employee. You will been seen as overly sensitive and a potential future risk if something as mundane as a soda can send you running to HR.
HR Person here too. Dont do that!0 -
I know the feeling.
When I first started losing weight, my co-worker who was supposed to be my friend had a trail of little Dove chocolates go from my desk to hers and ended at the big bucket full of candy..... :sad:0
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