How to Handle Unwanted Attention
Replies
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Perhaps cut down on this type of warmup at gym?
I can't seem to stop watching...0 -
I think some people confuse the polite wink and a smile of a perfect stranger with an aggressive sexual advance. Throw in a little delusion and ego and BAM, we have a problem Houston! Call Human Resources!
I'm in Houston!!! Oh, not the point of this silly thread?0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.0 -
When I was in my early 20's I didn't seem to have a problem deflecting unwanted attention. However, these days I seem to be at a loss.
I've recently started getting a fair amount of attention. And I admit after 5 or so years of next to no attention, it's an ego boost. However, there is still that line that can be crossed where it becomes inappropriate and makes me uncomfortable. I try to be gracious, I'll always say thank you to well intentioned compliments. But what do I do when the comments are rude (for example cat-calling, or some kind of vulgar reference/remark), or the person invades my personal space?
I'm not being flirtatious, or doing anything in my opinion to attract this attention. I dress modestly, I don't go out to bars/clubs. I'm nice to everyone, but I'm not going to start being me to every male that comes within 3 feet of me.
My first reaction is to ignore/walk away. But this hasn't been working well for me lately. My next reaction is to nicely say that I appreciate the 'compliment', but you're making me uncomfortable. I'm a married woman and I can't have other men advancing on me. Again, this is not working very well for me. Should I just be a b!tch? Are there other strategies that I could use? Any help would be great!
I would hang out around more attractive people. Honestly if you friends are prettier than you you won't have to worry about the attention. Honestly.....I wouldn't have noticed you on the street......but I do understand what you are saying. If you don't have hotter friends you can hang out with as soon as you meet a guy talk about your dream wedding and that you want to have 10 kids. That should do it.
that was awful nice of you to offer to be her friend!0 -
If they compliment you, and you think they are trying to hit on you, say "yeah, my husband says that too!"
I have no problem putting it out there that I'm taken. ESPECIALLY if I think I know where the attention is coming from. Be mean if you have to. If it makes you uncomfortable, stop being so nice. I'm the same way you are, until I was getting hit on and cornered into some not so nice situations.
Sometimes you need to be a *****. Some people may find that more attractive. Start being nasty then. Make it very clear that you're not here for that kind of attention, and while you appreciate the compliments, you're not interested. Case and point - Monday night I go out with 2 dear friends of mine to a wings and beer place. There is a guy we know at the bar who knows I'm in a relationship, yet hits on my every time. I've known him about 3 years (was friends before we would go to the bar), and we always hug to say hi and bye. Last time his hug he held me a little too close and his hands wandered. I pushed him off me and told him to watch himself because I wasn't his girlfriend and how dare he do that. He hasn't hit on me since honestly, but now he texts my friend I go with to ask how I am. I went over there and said ask me myself how I am, not going behind my back and asking my friends instead. I also make it a point to tell him how good my boyfriend is too, and how happy we are. He's stopped hitting on me finally and stopped asking my friends how I am.
Adele said it best:
"Women, when a man whistles at you, ignore him. You are a human being, not a dog."0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
Somehow the whole staring at your laptop with headphones on doesn't ward of creeps.
I can't even count the amount of times some random guy came up to me and started offering drinks or asking for my phone number.
Dude, I'm working. Go away. I generally just completely ignore them.
Sometimes they even go right into your face if you pretend you can't hear them. I have even had men that went to stand behind me and looked over my shoulder to look at my laptop screen and then wrapped their arms around me. Let me give you an introduction to proxemics:
Kindly f**k off to well beyond my public space.
I am guessing that someone is not a hugger . . .
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I think some people confuse the polite wink and a smile of a perfect stranger with an aggressive sexual advance. Throw in a little delusion and ego and BAM, we have a problem Houston! Call Human Resources!
Yeah, I think the same thing when women complain about "creepers" hitting on them at the grocery store. What that usually means is that some guy who wasn't super attractive said "Hi, how are you?" when he walked past. You know if it was a hot guy, the story would've been much different.0 -
I think some people confuse the polite wink and a smile of a perfect stranger with an aggressive sexual advance. Throw in a little delusion and ego and BAM, we have a problem Houston! Call Human Resources!
Yeah, I think the same thing when women complain about "creepers" hitting on them at the grocery store. What that usually means is that some guy who wasn't super attractive said "Hi, how are you?" when he walked past. You know if it was a hot guy, the story would've been much different.
hahahahahahahahahahaha, oh my goodness, YES!!0 -
How you doinI think some people confuse the polite wink and a smile of a perfect stranger with an aggressive sexual advance. Throw in a little delusion and ego and BAM, we have a problem Houston! Call Human Resources!
Yeah, I think the same thing when women complain about "creepers" hitting on them at the grocery store. What that usually means is that some guy who wasn't super attractive said "Hi, how are you?" when he walked past. You know if it was a hot guy, the story would've been much different.
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I say, thanks but I must go now my husband is waiting on me......if they still pursue it, then just be a *****...say, I told you I'm married back off!!0
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Believe it or not (gasp), yes I do receive unwanted attention from females! This attention would be appreciated if I were single, but every time I'm in a relationship and go out to eat somewhere, or go to somewhere with other people (yes literally almost every single time I go out), I receive this unwanted - or at least a bit annoying - attention from females.
A few weeks ago I went out to eat with a very beautiful female friend, just friends, and suddenly out of nowhere the female server behind the counter is, how shall I say, a bit too "extra" smiley and friendly with me.
The time before that, the same thing happened with the same friend in a different place.
And before that, while I was in my last relationship I would get hit on by other girls literally while I was holding my girlfriend's hand at a restaurant or just out places where there are people.
(For some reason waitresses seem to really enjoy hitting on guys with girlfriends?)
I can even remember a very specific time, which happened to be the very first time I went out with a girlfriend to a restaurant, several years ago. I will always remember it. My beautiful gf of the time went outside to take a phone call, and the waitress brought our food and smiled and winked at me at the table. I just smiled back and basically ignored her. Then, literally in the same two seconds, I looked across to the other side of the room just randomly and made eye contact with ANOTHER WAITRESS who freakin winked at me also! Wtf! I was winked at by two waitresses within literally 5 seconds, and surely both of them knew I was there with my date (at least the one serving us did).
So ladies... what's the freakin deal! Is it really so simple as the "want what you cant have" mentality, or is there something more to it? Literally every time I am out with an attractive girl, girlfriend or just friend, I get hit on blatantly in front of her by other girls.
Care to explain!?
OMG I totally know what you mean. The same thing happens to me.
The other night I went into this bar. I was just sitting there at a table minding my own business and out of the blue this woman walks up and starts rubbing on me and taking her clothes off! I couldn't believe it. Then there were other women on a stage taking their clothes off and shaking their boobs in my face. I'm all for friendly service but this was taking things a bit far.
So, like the quoted guy asked: what's the deal? It's like literally every time I go to this bar there are women literally getting naked and dancing around in front of me within minutes. I totally don't get it. What is it they want?0 -
I think some people confuse the polite wink and a smile of a perfect stranger with an aggressive sexual advance. Throw in a little delusion and ego and BAM, we have a problem Houston! Call Human Resources!
Yeah, I think the same thing when women complain about "creepers" hitting on them at the grocery store. What that usually means is that some guy who wasn't super attractive said "Hi, how are you?" when he walked past. You know if it was a hot guy, the story would've been much different.
Hi, how are you?0 -
I think some people confuse the polite wink and a smile of a perfect stranger with an aggressive sexual advance. Throw in a little delusion and ego and BAM, we have a problem Houston! Call Human Resources!
Yeah, I think the same thing when women complain about "creepers" hitting on them at the grocery store. What that usually means is that some guy who wasn't super attractive said "Hi, how are you?" when he walked past. You know if it was a hot guy, the story would've been much different.
yes, I think this is the case. I have sit on air planes with people when I talk to women I talk to all of them the same. Old ladies think I am so nice, and the younger ones think I am hitting on them.0 -
@ChasinPavemnt --- I am very surprised you don't get a lot of attention. Shoot I wanna know how I can look so good when I'm 99 years old!0
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Sometimes if you haven't had attention for years or you've been obese and had low self-esteem you misconstrue normal friendliness for everyone in the world hitting on you.
Just consider for a second that some people are probably just being friendly and not every man is a sleazebag/creep.0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
curious. so you expect privacy in public spaces?0 -
When I receive unwanted attention I just act like a complete *kitten*. I'm nice at first of course, but then make it clear I am not interested and if they are STILL lingering, I become a complete *kitten*. If they still don't get it, I mention the word "harass" and they usually leave then.
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I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
:huh:0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
:huh:
Wait...you don't have a desk or table at home? Uhhhh, maybe invest in one? Or go old school and use the bed...if you don't have one of those either, the floor works wonders.
ETA: or check Craigslist. People give stuff away for free sometimes, or at least really cheap0 -
Start digging for gold
either end will do0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
curious. so you expect privacy in public spaces?
Not so much privacy, just not random men wrapping their arms around me while I'm writing.0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
:huh:
Wait...you don't have a desk or table at home? Uhhhh, maybe invest in one? Or go old school and use the bed...if you don't have one of those either, the floor works wonders.
I live in London, I don't have a desk or table because there is no space for one. And sitting on the bed only works for so long until your back starts to really hurt.
I never said I have problems with working in museums etc. They're lovely places to work. It's just that occasionally you have to deal with people who just won't take a "no" when they ask you for your number.
Why are so many people attacking me for where I work?0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
curious. so you expect privacy in public spaces?
Not so much privacy, just not random men wrapping their arms around me while I'm writing.
Ummmm lol. Maybe you should video all this and make a sexual harassment video for each of the places you frequent. Sounds like the establishments and the town/city you live in could be #1 for sexual harassment.0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
:huh:
Wait...you don't have a desk or table at home? Uhhhh, maybe invest in one? Or go old school and use the bed...if you don't have one of those either, the floor works wonders.
I live in London, I don't have a desk or table because there is no space for one. And sitting on the bed only works for so long until your back starts to really hurt.
I never said I have problems with working in museums etc. They're lovely places to work. It's just that occasionally you have to deal with people who just won't take a "no" when they ask you for your number.
Why are so many people attacking me for where I work?
I was making helpful suggestions. I don't use a table either. I use my lap...with my laptop and work/write for hours just fine. This includes graphic creations, etc.0 -
HAhahahaha^^^^^^^^^^^^^I think some people confuse the polite wink and a smile of a perfect stranger with an aggressive sexual advance. Throw in a little delusion and ego and BAM, we have a problem Houston! Call Human Resources!
Yeah, I think the same thing when women complain about "creepers" hitting on them at the grocery store. What that usually means is that some guy who wasn't super attractive said "Hi, how are you?" when he walked past. You know if it was a hot guy, the story would've been much different.
On a rolllll!!!0 -
tell them your gay0
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So what you've done in the past isn't working anymore. Telling them straight out isn't working. I would continue to start with the "Thank you. I'm happily married" walk off and if they harass you then say "Look I don't want any trouble. Leave me alone. If they still won't leave you alone. Ask "Do I have to get a cop?" A look them straight in one eye. You'll have to look determined. You have to I MEAN IT look.0
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Where do you live?
I get NO attention.
I need to move.
Ditto
^^ This :ohwell:0 -
I get a lot of attention at work, all the time. I have young men dropping by my shop and chatting for up to two hours at a time. I also have older men who come in and talk to me for hours. All ages, all backgrounds.
I suppose it's because I run a gaming shop and for some of my customers I'm the only female who can't run away when they talk to them!!!
Lol!0 -
I'm a writer so I do a lot of work at coffee shops, museums, venue lobbies etc.
whats the point of being a writer if you can't be a writer in a public space so people will know you are a writer?
I work in public spaces, because that's where the tables are. I don't have a desk or table at home.
curious. so you expect privacy in public spaces?
Not so much privacy, just not random men wrapping their arms around me while I'm writing.
i guess that makes sense. i remember my friends and i talking to a couple of british girls on a beach in Mallorca. they loved us because we just made small talk. they said that british guys will go up to a group of girls and just ask who is single and then just talk to those girls.
'merica!!0
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