Divorce

beachgod

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Cameron_1969

At 43, I think being divorced is the norm. . being never-married is a red flag!

Unknown

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LonLB

HOW the divorce happened matters IMO.


I wouldn't seriously date a woman who got divorced because of HER affair. Then again, she would likely not admit to it if that were the case.






Divorce isn't all bad. I'm about to get divorced. I REALLY care about her, she REALLY cares about me, neither one of us have screwed around with other people.......We just don't get along.

michellemybelll

At 43, I think being divorced is the norm. . being never-married is a red flag!

Yep. That's the other side of the coin. I've date some 40-something women that have never been married, and I keep thinking there's a psycho in there somewhere. How is someone not marryable?

i disagree. especially with younger generations, i think we're becoming cynical about marriage. i know i have no desire to get married. i never have been, nor do i ever plan on it. now that doesn't mean that i don't want to fall in love and build a life with another person - that sounds lovely, and if it happens i'll happily venture down that path; i simply don't need that piece of paper telling everyone else something that myself and my partner already know to be true.

Unknown

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ForABetterMe89

Also just curious would you ever date someone that was divorced? In a society where it seems to becoming the norm I'm curious. My ex-wife was married before we got together and it took me 6 years to propose to her. I felt like we were too young and all that stuff. Now I realize I was hesitant for other reasons but that's for another thread.

My husband was married and divorced before we got together. So yes, I would date someone who has been divorced. He was young when he got married, and got married because they got pregnant and he wanted to do the right thing. The divorce still gets to him sometime 8 years later. Don't let it define you at all, they're are so many more things you could be that are worse than divorced. No worries.

michellemybelll

At 43, I think being divorced is the norm. . being never-married is a red flag!

Yep. That's the other side of the coin. I've date some 40-something women that have never been married, and I keep thinking there's a psycho in there somewhere. How is someone not marryable?

i disagree. especially with younger generations, i think we're becoming cynical about marriage. i know i have no desire to get married. i never have been, nor do i ever plan on it. now that doesn't mean that i don't want to fall in love and build a life with another person - that sounds lovely, and if it happens i'll happily venture down that path; i simply don't need that piece of paper telling everyone else something that myself and my partner already know to be true.

Michelle, will you NOT marry me?

now you, mister, already know the answer to that :flowerforyou:

weevil66

At 43, I think being divorced is the norm. . being never-married is a red flag!

Yep. That's the other side of the coin. I've date some 40-something women that have never been married, and I keep thinking there's a psycho in there somewhere. How is someone not marryable?

I didn't get married until I was 42, didn't meet the right fella until I was in my late 30s. I am so damned glad that things in my life worked out the way it did (dating douches, debt, etc) because it all caused me to work on myself and that prepared me and gave the the strength, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, for my relationship with my husband. We went through a lot together and he is absolutely the best man I ever had the pleasure of having in my life.

sorry. off on a tangent.

Willowana

I "skipped" the first two proposals for marriage. At 30 and never been married, it's tough meeting a guy that hasn't been married. Personally, I want guys I date to be upfront with their status. It's not a deal breaker either way. Finding "the one" isn't easy and most people do fail at their first attempt.

I'm not the kind to rush into marriage (obviously). I watched my mother go through two very ugly divorces and stuck raising kids on her own. So although I will date divorced men with kids, I'm wary if they are obviously searching for a new "wife/mother" replacement. This ain't no job interview, and I will quickly make an exit if the questions asked on a date remind me of some sort of application process.

For me, marriage is optional....not required. And there is no time frame like, "Well, we have been dating a year, so maybe we should consider marriage?" No. One of my boyfriends I dated for 6 years. He would have been my first divorce too...lol. I would only marry someone if there was not ONE speck of hesitancy. He really would HAVE to be the one for me.

But I agree with some of the posters here. The reason for divorce is important. Did the guy cheat? Did she cheat? How nastily does he speak about his ex-wife? Will there come a day that he will speak that terribly about me? Is he still bitter? Is he going to make me pay for all HER sins.... simply because I'm of the female persuasion? What are the chances of reconciliation? Does he have a bat-*kitten* crazy ex that's going to slash my tires?

Just saying you're single is misleading to a lady you are wanting to date. I'm the definition of single. My last name never changed, I've never taken any vows, and no rings. I would be angry if a guy lied about his status. That he would conceal something important, and yet not necessarily a deal breaker, makes me mistrust everything else he might have said (or not said). Not a good way to start things off.....and if his situation IS a deal breaker, he would have just wasted both our times.

Unless it's only about sex. I'm cool with that.... except if a guy has a crazy ex. Ain't nobody got time for that.

LonLB

But I agree with some of the posters here. The reason for divorce is important. Did the guy cheat? Did she cheat? How nastily does he speak about his ex-wife? Will there come a day that he will speak that terribly about me? Is he still bitter? Is he going to make me pay for all HER sins.... simply because I'm of the female persuasion? What are the chances of reconciliation? Does he have a bat-*kitten* crazy ex that's going to slash my tires?

:drinker:

JennInMA

I am currently going through the process of getting divorced and I will certainly say that I am divorced if people ask in the future. I'm not ashamed of it. I think of it as a more formalized break-up.

Relationships come and go and things change. I really think it's important to acknowledge where I have come from to have healthy relationships going forward. I don't feel it defines me as a person, but I don't think it'd be fair to get involved with someone else in the future without sharing that information. We also have 2 children together so it's not like we are divorced and will never speak again.

I don't want to spend every minute leading conversation with divorce talk or always rehashing it over and over, but in a new relationship in the future, I could see how talking about it and the reasons that it happened would be important to building some trust and honesty. It is the past, it will not cloud how I think about a new relationship, but I do think the reasons that I am divorcing my husband are important and should be shared when necessary.

As for dating a divorced man, I am assuming that at some point in the future I would be dating a divorcee. I also assume that the person I date may or may not have kids. At this point in the game there are many of us out there who for a variety of reasons are divorced. I would be fine with dating a man who has his own past. Don't we all?