Deciding not to date while losing weight? Your thoughts?

emilyinatl

I'm thinking of not dating while I work on improving myself here. Two reasons behind this.
1. Simply tired of the rejection based on my size. I know physical attraction is important, but the constant rejection is really getting to me.
2. Most dates involve getting drinks and/or food, and this just makes it harder to lose.

Has anyone done this or currently doing this? I've always wondered if men who seemed turned off by my size would suddenly be interested in a smaller me. And if so, will I have some sort of resentment towards them for it? Curious what others' thoughts on this are.

aerynth

I didn't date the entire time I lost weight because I didn't think it would be fair to enter a relationship with a calorie-obsessed person who was learning to finally love herself. I think it's different for everyone, but that's how I felt, personally.

MysticRealm

Dating? What's dating? Haha. I don't date and not by choice haha.

aloranger7708

If I weren't in a relationship right now and were in the dating phase, I wouldn't date. You're right: dating and relationships means food, food, and more food. I gained almost 60 pounds being in my current relationship. It doesn't help if you're dating someone whose eating habits and/or goals are exponentially different from yours.

metacognition

Honestly ? I looked at your picture and I think you are a knock out ! I'm surprised with your lovely face and red hair that men have turned you down. What do these men look like any way ? I'm sure they're not easy on the eyes, foolhardy.

I didn't date when I was near the top of my weight, because the thought of dressing up - or down - was very stressful to me.
All of the clothes in my closet were either too small or large.
On my first date in four years, I wore a pair of jeans held up with safety pin.
Now I can walk up to my closet, pull anything off the rack and it fits fine.

Keep losing weight until you are confident enough to take that first step and I guarantee you will find someone who deserves you and treats you like a goddess. As for the food, most restaurants have lighter options if you ask. Just put all sauces on the side and get something with grilled chicken about the size of your palm.

Vune

I don't date for many personal reasons, including the fact that I'm a thirty-something disabled actress and I figure most men my age would want someone who has gotten past being a free spirit with no money (Hi, my hair is white, pink, and teal and I won't bear your children, but I will sing for my supper)!

When it comes to relationships, like attracts like. If you want to date, date who you are in the moment. I've learned about who I am the hard way over the years...

aerynth

I know exactly what you are saying, I went on a blind date one time, I was very fit, (unlike now ) & the guy really liked me , I asked him what he would have done if I was overweight, he replied , " I would have turned around & left". I didn't see him again.

I do believe that there are guys out there that are not shallow & will accept a girl for who she is regardless of size..
I am currently single & wont be looking for a partner until I am at my goal weight, because I feel that I cannot truly love someone until I truly love me,& that's going to take time.

All the best on your journey

Yeah, I've done that before too. I've also done the OKCupid thing and had guys message me with, "Wow, I expecting nothing but fat girls on this site, but you were quite the find!" Nope. Go screw yourself, buddy.

craigmandu

Makes me glad I'm married

Unfortunately, when you date, EVERYTHING is centered around drinking/eating...and perceptions are as well.

I hate to say it, but alot of people will make an assumption on someone by the way they eat...and that is frankly not fair, but alas true.

I had a buddy who was dating a nice girl and he kept complaining that she wouldn't hardly order anything when he took her out to dinner. It put a picture in his mind that she was "overly" worried about food. He didn't date her much longer.

I would personally shy away from dating if I weren't married while trying to work on me.

HollisGrant

I'm thinking of not dating while I work on improving myself here. Two reasons behind this.
1. Simply tired of the rejection based on my size. I know physical attraction is important, but the constant rejection is really getting to me.
2. Most dates involve getting drinks and/or food, and this just makes it harder to lose.

Has anyone done this or currently doing this? I've always wondered if men who seemed turned off by my size would suddenly be interested in a smaller me. And if so, will I have some sort of resentment towards them for it? Curious what others' thoughts on this are.

My best relationships (my marriage to my wonderful late husband) developed from friendships. I met my husband doing volunteer work... when I wore no makeup and could have cared less about what I looked like. Volunteer at something you enjoy or find meaningful, don't worry about dating, make friends with new people, and you never know what could happen. When you are friends first, people know what you look like and know about your diet, etc.

cheyennekl

Right now, my life is all about me, and I don't have space for someone else. That may sound harsh, but if I want to be the best I can be, I need to be 100% committed to myself. I am getting fitter, healthier and most importantly, HAPPIER by the day, and I will be a better person at the end of this than I have ever been before. I am choosing to wait until I am that person, until I love myself, inside and out, before asking someone else to love me.

That's the right decision for me, but everyone is different. You have to do what is right for you :happy:

berriboobear

I honestly do want to improve myself right now, I don't feel the confidence to date. In general though, I've decided not to actively seek out someone, it may sound weird, but I'm not interested in men my age. I would rather wait until I'm older to date. ><

indyducks

Dating doesn't have to be about food.... I dated a girl for a long time, and half of our dates were at the gym. We worked out together, motivated each other, and supported each other in our goals. I dropped 65 pounds in that relationship, and she dropped 10 sizes (from a 14 to a 4). Unfortunately, life happened and we broke up, and I have since put all of my weight back on (which is why I am here!)

There are guys out there that will support you in making your lifestyle changes. You just have to find them... ;-)

Good luck to you.

thesupremeforce

There are times when a person needs to focus on himself/herself. Actually, it's always fine to not go looking for something. It's your life, so live it in whatever way gives you the best shot to make the most of it. If dating (or the possibility of doing so) is causing you stress, it makes total sense not to bother with it. The odds of guys suddenly ceasing to exist is fairly low (or so my limited research into the subject indicates), so they'll (likely) still be around once you feel ready to dive back into the stresspool.

Erica_theRedhead

I didn't date during the majority of my weight loss. Idk if it was my doing, or lack of male interest, but it didn't happen. I'm in the tail end of my weight loss now and I'm starting to date, but I'm still not totally comfortable with my body. Guess I'm just going to try and hopefully no one is a jerk..

NanaWubbie

Funny, but when I quit looking I found love!!!! I was in San Antonio attendin a medical conference, and was not dating, and not looking....focusion 100% on myself. I was walking around the outside of the hotel, which was on the Riverwalk when I noticed a ton of bicycles fly by. There was a police officer on a bike, talking to another guy on a bike (turned out to be a lawyer, I found out later), and I asked what was going on. They told me that they were part of a Thursday night ride. They got together at a local bike shop after rush hour, ride bikes all over downtown and all meet-up at a German bar. What started out as a get together of 10 people had grown to a weekly event involving close to 300! Anyway, they told me they were meeting their wives there, and invited me along, as it was a safe place. Under usual circumstances I might have turned them down, but was feeling social so I showed up at the place an hour later. Anyway...the lawyer introduced me to a guy named Dan. Hot and sweatty from the bike ride, and me not looking and not interested...we talked briefly and exchanged business cards, and that was it. I got home and he had sent me a postcard, I sent him a post card back with a pic of something in my town, and we did this for a while...then we started swapping emails....and 3 months later it was time for another visit to Texas, one month later he came to Tennessee.....and one year later we were married. ...that was in April 2005, and we are as happy as happy can be. So....go ahead.....choose not to date, but do keep an open mind!

IslandDreamer64

I met my husband when I weighed 250 pounds. Then just for the heck of it I gained 30 more pounds. Do what you're comfortable with, but I have NEVER let my size interfere with me living my life, and it makes me sad to think that others would.

NanaWubbie

eazck...you sound like a great guy!

Mr_Bad_Example

I dated while I was overweight... and met my current wife. I really didn't start losing until a year or so after we were married. But I've had my share of rejection because I wasn't the 'right size' or didn't have the chiseled physique of a Chippendales dancer. But hey, everyone has a type - and you don't really know if you're that person's type unless you give it a try. If nothing else, it helps you figure out what and who you would be better off with.

Though it is fun to catch women checking me out now - I sometimes think to myself, "Sorry lady, you missed the boat."

Chieflrg

I haven't dated by choice for just over a year now. Going through a D-vorcy and decided to focus on my kids as my health has been in question to say the least.

I lifted the ban on womenz just recently, but I am really busy in summer time, so the only women I meet are married and want to cheat or much much younger ladies. I'm in no hurry, although its getting hard to say no to the beauties lately.

emilyinatl

Lots of great feedback! I'll clarify that I think I'm quite the catch and I actually had better luck with men before I lost what I've lost. Go figure! I've been stood up and lied to so much the past year that it's starting to make me feel down on myself. I don't want the jerks in this city to make me feel I'm anything but beautiful, which is the main reason I started thinking of taking a break from it. In turn, I could focus even more on my weight loss which is a good thing. I think my plan will be to stop, but if someone really awesome comes along and knocks my socks of that wouldn't be a bad thing either.

deksgrl

My best relationships (my marriage to my wonderful late husband) developed from friendships. I met my husband doing volunteer work... when I wore no makeup and could have cared less about what I looked like. Volunteer at something you enjoy or find meaningful, don't worry about dating, make friends with new people, and you never know what could happen. When you are friends first, people know what you look like and know about your diet, etc.

^^This. All this.