Deciding not to date while losing weight? Your thoughts?

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  • melmonroe
    melmonroe Posts: 111
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    It's probably best NOT to date but to fall back on people who love and care for you no matter what.

    I have guy friends were we are friends where we just hang out because I am comfortable around them and them with me. None of the guys care whether I'm fat or skinny but care a LOT if I'm sick or unhealthy.

    If you already have guy friends where you are comfortable NOT having to eat with, then those are the ones to hang out with because they often care about you no matter what and you care about them no matter what. And anyone who can put up with sweaty stinking after a work-out, most definitely hang on to him.

    I have a very fat guy friend that I visit annually in the very late fall through early spring (I'm retired) . I told him that I HAD to do something about ME being fat and sick and I hoped he might do the same himself. No pressure. We planted a garden of veggies at his house this year. Hint hint, have some fresh veggies?

    In the spring, I come home to a guy friend who is skinny no matter what he eats. He, my roommate, loves to help out around the house (which he does for free rent) so while I run on the treadmill, he'll piddle around doing things for the house. It's fun watching things get done while I work out. He can ask my advice or more projects etc while I am running etc. He's also planting a garden at this house and a lot I have down the street because he loves veggies and canning (what luck.)
  • msmichydo
    msmichydo Posts: 55 Member
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    I think I'd find it too distracting to date when I'm trying to better myself already. Plus, I'd like to date guys who are also into fitness, but not being fit myself (or just not being at my goal weight yet) is kind of hypocritical. While sometimes it can DEFINITELY get lonely, I feel better knowing that once I've reached my goal, I'll have more confidence and I'll therefore be ready to date someone then.
    I'm keeping my mind open though in the off-chance that someone special comes along!
  • vstraughan
    vstraughan Posts: 163 Member
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    I am reminded of a quote from that queen of curve, Marilyn Monroe

    ".... if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"
  • alisonlynn1976
    alisonlynn1976 Posts: 929 Member
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    No way am I putting my personal life on hold until I feel that my body is perfect. I've always had plenty going on in that area, even when I was at my fattest. Life is for living!
  • HotMummyMission
    HotMummyMission Posts: 1,723 Member
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    Focus on you sweetie get you happy an loving yourself before you let a man in your life don't let nothing mock your confidence but if an amazing man comes along let it just happen x
  • QuietRain
    QuietRain Posts: 157
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    If I weren't with someone right now, I probably wouldn't date.
    I'd still be stuck in the 'no one could possibly love me' mindset. Glad to be wrong.

    Not everyone is going to turn you down based on looks, and those that do aren't worth your love in the first place.
  • PlayerHatinDogooder
    PlayerHatinDogooder Posts: 1,018 Member
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    I am reminded of a quote from that queen of curve, Marilyn Monroe

    ".... if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"

    I have to say that as much as I admire Marilyn Monroe I'm not a big fan of this quote. The idea that if we're not attracted to you at your 'worst' is ludicrous. I for one am not attracted to someone who's obese and doesn't take care of themselves. Does that make me shallow? Maybe.

    But it doesn't make me any less genuine or proud when the weight does come off.

    OP I support your idea of not dating until your weight comes off. I think you should use this time to focus on yourself and decide who you really want in a partner. Maybe someone that wants you to be at your best rather than someone who is willing to settle for you at your worst.
  • fatboi79
    fatboi79 Posts: 4
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    I find it's better for me to concentrate on losing weight and getting fit for the moment. While I like the idea of dating, it would doubtless involve alcohol at some point plus food and be totally counter productive to my goals. :(
  • confetti_blind
    confetti_blind Posts: 91 Member
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    I think it is always best to like yourself and treat yourself well before starting a relationship. I think you are more likely to attract guys who like you and who treat you well, if that is your frame of mind.
  • emilyinatl
    emilyinatl Posts: 17 Member
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    ".... if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"


    LOVE this! This is my new motto! :)
  • Audrey24HisSuccessStory
    Audrey24HisSuccessStory Posts: 72 Member
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    Right now, my life is all about me, and I don't have space for someone else. That may sound harsh, but if I want to be the best I can be, I need to be 100% committed to myself. I am getting fitter, healthier and most importantly, HAPPIER by the day, and I will be a better person at the end of this than I have ever been before. I am choosing to wait until I am that person, until I love myself, inside and out, before asking someone else to love me.

    That's the right decision for me, but everyone is different. You have to do what is right for you :happy:


    Well said!! I'm learning that I need to do this!
  • peopletalk
    peopletalk Posts: 519 Member
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    i plan on getting healthy and happy before dating. it's not fair to someone else if i come into a relationship full of insecurities!
  • sarah12277
    sarah12277 Posts: 212 Member
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    I've thought of that myself. This is my second go around for weight loss and have been leaning towards the not dating (also due to no interest either). What was difficult is being heavy I was attracting the guys with unhealthy lifestyles when I was wanting to not go back to that yet too big for the healthy guys.

    At this point, and others' advice to you as well, I'm focusing on making myself happy and if someone comes along great if not it's okay too.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
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    Personally I don't think it's an all or nothing decision. Keep focusing on yourself, but if someone great comes along don't turn down a date because you're weight isn't perfect, you will most likely only regret that later on.
  • Katina3333
    Katina3333 Posts: 259 Member
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    Don't date while losing weight... well isn't there always going to be some sort of improvement you're making? Yes its hard to date while watching calories but its either a part of your life or its not, I wouldn't think it would just go away. I like to go out... does that mean that I won't just because I'm trying to lose weight... nope! I either make it fit in my day or I go out and enjoy other things besides drinks & food.

    Its like this... do you think that you won't go out to eat or for drinks once you hit your goal or get into a relationship? I believe you should meet people doing what you like to do. So if you don't like to go to church, don't go there looking for a man! If you like to go out & have a drink, have one... but make it fit.

    When I was dating and losing weight I loved getting the shrimp cocktail because it worked for me... find what works for you but I think putting off any part of your life is just silly.
  • Katina3333
    Katina3333 Posts: 259 Member
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    Just wanted to add that it was great to find a guy in the same boat as me to be there with me on this journey because that's what sharing a life together is all about!
  • Silver_Star
    Silver_Star Posts: 1,351 Member
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    I would advise you to not put your life on hold while you lose weight.


    If you're awesome now...you're still going to be awesome even when you're fitter ( im hoping!?!)

    so if someone comes along and recognizes your awesomesauciness...dont stop the LOVE baby!!:flowerforyou:
  • withabandon
    withabandon Posts: 168 Member
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    One thing that was really difficult for me at my highest weight was that I was CONSTANTLY putting things off "until I reach my goal weight". If I had kept up with that, I would be still living in my parent's basement, working at a dead end job.

    I DESERVED love, respect, admiration, that new job and the awesome apartment even when I weighed 324lbs. And I didn't, later, want the people who didn't want me at my highest weight. You take me for me, regardless of the physical state. If that is too much to handle, I'm sorry, we're not compatible.


    I want a love who loves me "as is", whatever that state might be. And I have it right now, when I "wasn't really looking" because I had a lot on my plate looking after and loving me (it's a full time job!) -- what I found hard later though, was to not leave all the loving of myself to my partner, and to keep it up on my own as well.
  • sam308lbs
    sam308lbs Posts: 1,936 Member
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    my self esteem and the way i look go hand in hand these days so not a good time for me
  • MissChrissySunshine
    MissChrissySunshine Posts: 6 Member
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    I've battled with this and decided to focus on myself and getting to where I want to be for now. Not saying that anyone should put off dating because they are trying to lose weight. Maybe instead of eating & drinking, suggest an activity for dates. Walks on the beach, hiking, skinny dipping :blushing: (I'm just kidding).

    If you think you are in a good place, then there's no harm in dating.

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