im at the end of my rope!!

MelodyJoy80

Hello Luly,
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are having. I think we've all hit a low point and "undo" all of our progress. And it seems hopeless! I've lost weight, hit a stressful point and put all the weight (and more, :-() back on. It takes small steps to get back to where you were. Too many times I've tried to do it quickly, only to get frustrated and quit. Make one small change in your diet each week. Now that the weather is getting nicer, take a brisk walk. Just do ten minutes each day and gradually increase it until you can do 30 minutes. As for the large grocery bills, I agree with others that you and your husband should split the bill. You buy your healthy items with your money and he buys whatever he wants with his money. It seems there are other issues in your marriage and a marriage is a team, so you should have support from him to continue with your healthy lifestyle. Sit down with him and tell him that you need him more than ever to help you get healthy again. I think that maybe you and him should even exercise together. It will give you some "bonding" time and it will be great for both of you.
Feel free to add me as a friend or send me a private message.
Best of luck to you!

valeriebpdx

Well, I am way bigger than I want to be so I can't solve all your problems, but I can speak to the husband issue. Sometimes you have to give yourself what you wish you could get from somebody else. My husband exercises a ton and can therefore eat whatever he likes; he has no concept of the idea that anyone could need "support" to lose weight. He loves sports, isn't emotionally attached to food, and for him it's all very logical--if you gain a few pounds, exercise more and eat better until they're gone. Whining and crying that I can't do it without him or waiting on him to act a way he probably never will is not going to get me anywhere.

SO, cook for you. I'm not a big fan of the "he eats whatever I cook" foot-stamping philosophy--he's my husband, not my kid, and he is out working his butt off all day, so he deserves to eat food he likes for dinner at least some of the time. Try to cook things you would both like, make healthy tweaks if possible, and exercise portion control. If there's stuff you love and he hates, have it for lunch or have a couple of free for all, everyone cooks for themselves days each week (no sense wasting your expensive groceries on him if he's going to trash them). And try to make time to do something physical during the day--a walk or swim to clear your head and think about your own stuff rather than everyone else's is bound to feel good.

JDBLY11

Secondly, your husband is a grown man, if he can make PB&J GOOD! He will not starve! Let him grumble as it is good for him to realize that you are a person too! Sometimes, husbands get too darn comfortable and it is good to shake them up a bit. I would make a really tasty meal that you like one day and make one he likes the next day and just eat a smaller portion of it with a salad. If he grumbles just say, "Sweetie, I have to do this for me, but I bought Pb&J for you and I'll make what you like for dinner tomorrow." Do not apologize or get angry. Just state it as a matter of fact! Understand that he is trying to manipulate you into the status quo that HE likes. That is human nature, but trust me he will get on board when you take charge of yourself and he realizes he has two options, get on board or get left behind. You need to take charge and change the dynamics and not back down from them.

I think this is really good advice for dealing with your husband.

salladeve

"I'm not a big fan of the "he eats whatever I cook" foot-stamping philosophy"

This made me laugh :bigsmile:

I've never stomped my foot in my life, and I don't think I made any kind of suggestion to that effect. My point was I cook dinner every night, if he doesn't like the good healthy meals I make, he can 1) make his own 2) go grab fast food 3) open a can of soup! Easy and simple, he's a big boy he'll figure it out. BTW I work hard all day also, and I deserve to eat what I like for dinner.

FestivalDiva

Luly,
You've done it before, you can do it again. Stress and difficult times in our lives can make us all get a bit derailed at times. What matters is you take the control back. We've probably all regretted a day, a week, a year when we've not done our 'healthy eating plan' as we wanted. Thats just life!
But now, you are in charge, go girl. It's no wonder you find it difficult with a husband willing to sabotage your efforts! Whatever happened to caring for your partner so much you want them healthy so that you can spend more time together in this life! Your personal life is affecting your happiness and this often makes sticking to a diet & healthy plan difficult...but you've done it before and you are determined, you will work out a way to do it. You are brave posting your heart on this site, you aren't alone we are rooting for you. Also 1200 calls per day sounds too little. Check out the info and articles on MFP site.

Get yourself a super sexy healthy body. Show your husband what a gorgeous strong woman he has got. Let your self esteem increase so much that you have the confidence to tell hubby what you really think. And try to enjoy the journey.

Good luck and keep the faith, YOU CAN DO IT!! :flowerforyou:

stephaniemejia1671

Take care of yourself, since no one else cares. Take it upon yourself to get back on track stay there and lose the weight you gained. I myself lost 10 and gained 20, so now I'm here struggling I have to stay but I'm determined to not let the fat (or lack of support from people not on this site) get me down. I believe you will be ok.

jljshoe1979

My husband and I are getting ready to become foster parents...one of the questions that came up in class was about feeding picky eaters (in foster care, you cannot take away missing a meal as a form of punishment). One suggestion I liked was keep peanut butter and crackers on hand because if nothing else works you can offer kids peanut butter crackers - in other words, if your husband is acting like a picky child, treat him like one and fix him peanut butter crackers while you eat fish and brown rice and veggies.

Another thing I do is keep things on hand my husband likes and that he can easily prepare (he likes mini raviolis, frozen burritos, frozen pizzas, & flavored peanuts). When he gets hungry, and I'm not home or it's not a meal time he can get up and make one of these items on his own.

HollisGrant

I've done this twice now. The second time is infinitely harder to get rolling, but once you commit to it you'll get it back. Very seriously... you CAN do this.

Know that no one can change you or sabbotage you but you. Don't let anyone or anything derail you. If hubby wants to eat crappy food let him. Remind yourself that you want to be healthy, fit, lean, strong, powerful, courageous, controlled and awesome. The crappy food won't help you with that.

You also have to put as much effort into you as you do into anything or anyone else. Don't let yourself get hungry. Don't forget to eat. Don't leave your needs to the very end after everyone else has been tended to. Stop and eat along the way. Plan your meals and prioritize yourself. You are, in fact, worthy of your own efforts. You don't exist merely to serve others.

Set yourself a very modest goal. Don't deprive yourself and you will be less inclined to eat mindlessly. Set your goal to lose 1/2 a pound weekly and in one year you'll feel awesome without having barely had to feel like you're restricting yourself.

Feel free to add me if you want. I want to see you succeed.

Wonderful post. I agree with every word.

svelt123

:flowerforyou: NO! You are not at the end of your rope!! You can make this work! This is what I would try:

Always make meals that you can make two meals from. Yours and His. Your plate will have more veggies and a smaller portion of what you made for him Or. you could make a meal for yourself using the same main meats that you used for his meals. Make a recipe for you from all of his "favorite" meals. but taylor it Just for you!! YOUR PLATE MEALS!! Be creative!!
When you are at the grocery store think about your plate. ASk yourself What can I do with this meal to create my plate?
Always have more fresh vegetables, beans, and whole wheat bread in the house just for you!

Well, as for those Grown kids, you said it! They are grown!!! Let them figure it out for themselves!! Give them welcomed advice and then let them go on to make their own decisions. You have raised them to the best of your ability! Now, It is time for you to take better care of yourself. Keep a personal journal. Ask yourself what have you done for Yourself Today? Everyday take time to take care of yourself. Do not feel guilty for caring for yourself!. Love and know thy self!!!

As. for that Husband of yours, If you truly love him and he truly loves you the two of you will make this work!..
You can live the life that you deserve to live. Hopefully it will include having this man as your husband.

Lastly, Welcome back! Welcome back to taking care and taking control of your life!!! Promise yourself, your soul, and to God that you will never forget to take time to take care of yourself. Mentally,Physically, Emotionally, and Spiritually.

We are only here for a little while. Live YOUR life!!!:flowerforyou:

naturallyme36

Take charge of your life and accept that you gained the weight back because of choices that YOU made. You cannot account for your husband on judgement day so why are you accounting for him now? We as "foodies" sometimes overlook the big picture. Food will always be there and always be available but we don't have to be available to it. It's nobody's fault that YOU gained the weight. It's just something that happened while YOU enjoyed what YOU were doing. Own it and deal with it. We are all here to help you through this but the only way this can happen is if YOU own YOUR choices.

Scubanana7

If I dont feed my hubbe enough, he will disappear....152 lbs at 6 foot tall! I made turkey meatloaf the other day, chopped veges tiny to go in it. then separated into two piles. I used flax seeds to hold my loaf together instead of the crumbled garlic bread I used in his. I made gravy and potatoes for him and roasted squash for us both. I had a salad too. No biggie...same cooking time.

Also, if your hubbie likes fried chicken and fish, then fry it while yours bakes. I don't eat any grains or sweets. unless I cheat which is rare. There is no reason you can't make a healthy version of what you are cooking him. and having cooked chicken breast is a life saver. eat tons of salad greens. after you eat and he pulls out those dang heart attack ruffles, put on your shoes and walk around the block so you don't have to smell the devil chips!

I cook completely different stuff sometimes because we both need it. My hubbie must have the calories and I have to give him some stuff that would never cross my lips like potatoes and white rice/gravy. it's okay. I just make the veges I like the most. It is a little more work but it must be done. My hubbie is at least supportive tho he says he loves me fat or thin. However, supportive doesn't matter cause you can be creative and cook things two ways at once....keeping the peace is important too. Feed him his crap and you choose to eat healthy.

sweetiebelle

Salsa Chicken

3 3 ounce pieces skinless/boneless chicken breasts
1 can rinsed black beans
1.5 jar chunky salsa
1 cup frozen corn
2 cups rice
235 calories a serving will feed 3 people


Put your chicken in the crock pot. Top with the rinsed black beans, salsa, and corn.
Cover and cook on low for 6-9 hours, or on high for 4-5.

So easy and yummy

If your hubby don't eat, than more for you! I had to double my recipe. You can eat on this all week.
I added garlic powder to mine. If you make crockpot meal for it will give you & him more time to do something
Else to do besides getting on each others nerves. Most of the time I eat separate foods but, I do the cooking so I make it the healthier way. If he does the cooking he makes it his way I just eat something else. My husband drinks pop eats honey buns Doritos and everything else. He buys them not me. He carries what he calls a snack bag. I never look in there. I eat cheap you just have to learn to cook cheap. Veggies are so cheap so have a plate full eat your heart out

lazydaydays

Hi Sorry to here that your husband is less then supportive, i would try cooking what he wants and just having a little yourself, if your having sausage mash just put less on your plate and fill up half your plate with salad ( that way you wont feel your missing out by having different meals, do this for all meals.

keep logging even when your at your goal weight, this has to be a lifetime commitment , good luck ( add me as a friend if you want.)
Tracy