Terrified of the gym

esme1983

Hi there,

I think I need some encouragement. I run, which (along with healthy eating) meant that I lost a couple of stone last year but I am by no means toned. I am "slim" and fairly happy with how I look in clothes, but I want to lose a few more pounds and tone up. I am 30 in November and am convinced that this is my last chance (after dieting and battling with eating and exercise for 18 years - my whole teenage and adult life) to get in to shape once and for all.

I feel like no matter what I acheieve in life, I always come back to one major disappointment in that I have never been happy with my body. I feel like everytime I gain weight that I have lost people are laughing at me ) I have lost count of how many times this has happened but I reckon on average I loose and gain two stone evry 18 months. I know I need to go to the gym but have signed up 5 or 6 times before and been all excited then gone in, had heart pulpitations, jumped on a running machine in the corner, got bored after 5 minutes, and gone home never to return. I can't face an instructor showing me around because I had that once and hated the scrutiny of them watching me on the machines. I can't do classes because I hate the way you are shouted at by the instructor and I'm really badly coordinated, I can never keep up. I've searched all over the internet for motnhs for a routine I could do at the gym but they all involve things like lying on a mat and doing a plank, or similar and the thought of walking in to a room of strangers and lying on a mat to do a poorly formed shaky muscled plank makes me want to cry. I feel like I want this so badly but can't overcome my insecurity.

I know it sounds mental, but to me exercising at the gym is a bit like taking a shower or using the toilet in a room full of strnagers. I feel so embarrassed, uncomfortable, vain, stupid, a failure... you name it - any negative emotion.

But I know I need to do it. I am exhausted by worrying about my body... it's been 18 long years of self loathing followed by contentment followed by failure, followed by self loathing.

Does anyone else feel this way? Maybe we could buddy up and do this horrible thing together?

Esme.

mperrott2205

If it makes you feel any better. Nobody cares what you're doing in the gym. When you're in a gym, you're concentrating on yourself and your work out, you shouldn't be there to comment on other peoples work out.


Only thing I can say is this. Get a work out plan, write it down, and just do it. Complete one gym day with a full work out and notice how little people care about what you're doing.

Also: A personal trainer will be a definite bonus on increasing your confidence in the gym. Trust me. Everyone has to start somewhere.

esme1983

Thanks for the help. I guess I know you're right. But surely the people who work in the gym have seen people like me so many times... There must be a "type" that walks through the door and they just think "She'll never be back". That's what I think everyone is thinking.

mperrott2205

Thanks for the help. I guess I know you're right. But surely the people who work in the gym have seen people like me so many times... There must be a "type" that walks through the door and they just think "She'll never be back". That's what I think everyone is thinking.

Well if you walk around with that mental attitude, yeah. But like you said, you've been pissed off with yourself for 18 years. That's an awfully long time to be pissed off with yourself and not do anything about it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CRVjMQuOaM - Watch this video, if this don't motivate you I don't know what will haha

fyoufat

I know what you mean. I am lucky to have an all female gym. I love men, but I can get all sweaty and ugly as I want and not feel like I have to care. I would recommend just joining one you are the most comfortable in, then going there and just using the tredmill or something for a while until you start feeling more comfortable. You will find yourself watching how other ppl use equipment, the way the gym flows and you will start doing more. Or you could find someone that works there, ask them to give you some guidance with how to use what. I found that after I got a trainer also, and she gave me what to do, I feel much more comfortable and confident with what I am doing. Good luck and don't get discouraged, if you go consistently (make yourself) you won't care in about a month! Everyone started at the gym new, so they have all been there even if you feel like you are getting judged. As long as you are working out hard and not pooping around, I think you will be fine!

*also I think a lot of people come into the gym with a sour look of dread on their face, so I try to walk in with a big smile and hello-once they see you come consisently no one will even remember how you started (if they were even paying attention in the first place).

MelsAuntie

Why in hell should you CARE what anyone else is thinking? They probably don't notice or care, so don't go putting thoughts in other people's heads. If you want to go work out, do it. If you're really crippled by doubt, work out at home. It's your body. Nobody's opinions matter except yours.

elprincipito

lol when I go to the gym is to make sure I get back to good shape not to see how others are doing :P

PosterPens

i think the hardest part of the gym is getting there...and the second hardest, getting there OFTEN. ive had my membership..what 3 years now...and ive gone 2ce..all last year. i used to go everyday, but its a mental block that i have to JUST GO. so i get what youre saying. you are not alone.

when i did used to go...i thought the same thing..omg, everyone is staring at me and thinking how unfit i am. but in reality, they dont give two sh*ts.. they really do only care abt themselves and thats why theyre there. i too am making a plan to get to the gym by the end of the month. less than 2 weeks! agh.

vorgas

Start lifting heavy. Commit to going to the gym for 8 weeks. Follow a simple program like Stronglifts or New Rules of Lifting For Women. You will simply not believe the amount of confidence you gain when you can put 135 pounds across your shoulders and huck it up in the air 25 times.

I'm a guy. I've worked out before. I played football. Black belt in martial arts. Used to hurl myself down 10 or 15 stairs on a skateboard, no big deal. I'm a cocky, arrogant, conceited SOB. And I wasn't prepared for the effect of weight training. I just had no idea. All that other stuff I had been using to cover up my true insecurities just vanished.

I've worked with a few other women in my area, and got them involved. 8 weeks is nothing. You can handle it. Make that commitment and see what happens.

TavistockToad

So work out at home?

kcoftx

You've identified the problem. This IS mental. In order to overcome that, you have to face it and work through it. You have to find positive thoughts about all of it and learn to let that lead you. You have to talk yourself into how wonderful you already are and how helpful the productive and process will be. You have to practice weeding out the unproductive negative thoughts. You need a new set of lenses to which to see the experiences through. It's an adventure. It's there to help shape you and help you be your best. At the same time, you also have to learn to appreciate the body you already have. There are always goals to work towards, but that doesn't mean you don't already rock just like you are. The more positive you are about yourself where you are now, the better. Why? Because none of us are airbrushed magazine models. We can mold and shape our bodies but are also rooted in our own genetic shapes. Often women underestimate just how beautiful variety really is. Just how beautiful we are. You have power now. Start learning to see that and use that to drive the rest of your goals. You will be much happier in the long run.

jalloggio

Thanks for the help. I guess I know you're right. But surely the people who work in the gym have seen people like me so many times... There must be a "type" that walks through the door and they just think "She'll never be back". That's what I think everyone is thinking.

Trust me anyone who is worried about what your doing in the gym is wasting their time. And their the ones not focusing and not getting an effective workout in. I've been to the gym some days and never even thought about or cared what anyone else was doing. Most people in the gym could care less what your doing in fact id make a bet and say if they did know you were there they would say kudos for trying! Most people don't even give he effort to get off the couch.

Having been around the gym and my experience with training folks for a while I can tell you that beleive it or not no one really cares that you are there (not being mean) just that's at people who are there to workout that's what they are focused on

esme1983

Thanks so much. I like the idea of getting on the treadmill and watching what others are doing, although it might scare me more if they are better than me! I think it's just the effect of failure after failure piling up and making me feel hopeless.

zoeysasha37

I go to the gym 5days a week, but am extremely shy, and fear being laughed at so sometimes this really hurts my workout.. But I know I need to over come this in order to move forward.. I'm recovering from an injury and really need to be careful and do things correctly.. I got some kettle bells and resistance tubes and am practicing in my home , so then when I feel more confident I will be able to do these things at the gym... In my gym, the weights are on the same floor as the cardio machines , so every body on the machines watches the people using the weights. So my plan to overcome this is , practice at home with what I have , and now that I have the all clear note from my doctor, I will have trainer show me how to properly use the weights..then maybe I will feel more confident....I've also thought about going up to someone who looks friendly and asking them if I could tag along and watch them so I can learn..(but I haven't walked up to anyone yet:( ) sorry for the rant , but this has been on my mind a lot lately

jamiek917

what kind of gyms are around u?

there are plenty of women who are intimidated by workout out around men, so they go to women's gyms, or join gyms that have rooms that are only for women.

additionally, gyms like Planet Fitness stress "no intimidation" and are geared more towards exercise beginners.

i cant help you overcome your insecurities, but you have to remember that EVERYONE starts somewhere, even the ones who look like they know exactly what they are doing. I worked at 3 gyms, and always felt so proud of people who started their fitness journeys.

additionally, u are already slim. i know u dont feel like u are in shape- but u are already in the place where so many people wish they would be. imagine starting your gym routine if you had 100+ lbs to lose... people do it all the time, and i dont know about you- but im damn proud of them!

chin up- people dont go to the gym to judge.

zoeysasha37

I have no problem doing the machines , I do all of them...my issue is the weights....I just wanted to clarify ....

HelloDan

Thanks for the help. I guess I know you're right. But surely the people who work in the gym have seen people like me so many times... There must be a "type" that walks through the door and they just think "She'll never be back". That's what I think everyone is thinking.

They're probably actually thinking "I wonder how much money we can make by selling her personal training" and will likely be super friendly, so as not to lose a potential customer.

Just research some lifting programs, have an idea what you want to do, and hit the gym. If you're not sure about something, don't feel stupid asking for help, either from staff, or other people there who know what they're doing. Everyone was a beginner once, and a majority of people appreciate this, and will happily offer help.

You know even the big scary guys are just normal people!

bumblebums

Please don't take this the wrong way, but the level of anxiety you describe sounds like it might be interfering with your life, which is a sufficient reason to talk to a therapist. And yeah, working out at home might be a good idea for a while, until you get a handle on this.

Sactown900

We only have to please ourselves, not the strangers at the gym. I have lift weights for 47 years. In my 20s I thought I had to Bench Press, Squat, and Deadlift the massive weights the freaks were doing at my gym.

Now at 59 I lift SMARTER. I use light weights, strict form and never go to failure. I am seeing muscle growth I never had 30 years ago when I was SO paranoid.

Go for YOU.

Brownsbacker4evr

Honestly, unless you are doing some kind of clowning around or purposely doing something to seek attention, then you really have nothing to worry about. I have actually drawn attention to myself, unintentional and unwanted of course, but when people catch a 300+ guy running 8mph on a treadmill, I guess they feel the need to compliment me. Even had a guy come up to the treadmill and ask for a fist bump lol.

So it can't always be bad if people are perceiving you, but even if they are don't worry about it. Headphones in and eyes on the prize. Get in there and keep working at it. Mental blocks like that are what can stop you in your tracks after making great progress.

I made swimming my number one exercise a few weeks back due to injury, and having to take my shirt off was a big, big, mental barrier I had to break myself through. I said to myself "Fu*k it! This is the reason why I am here and doing this."

Push through your mental barriers. They are harder than the actual exercising part itself...so once you get past it, it becomes a lot easier! Good luck and I hope you can reach your goals.

ColumnHugger

The way I look at it. If someone is going to judge me while i'm at the gym that's their own selfish and petty problem because at lest I'm at the gym trying to better myself instead of sitting on the couch doing nothing. Yes, I may not be in as good of shape as the person judging me but at least I'm getting off my butt and doing something to better myself.

Crochetluvr

You have embarrassment anxiety... and, BOY, do I know all about that. I do go to the gym, but I put on my headphones and use imaginary blinders so I don't think about anyone but ME. People may look at you, but I guarantee there is someone else in that gym who is as embarrassed as YOU are. The more you go, the less anxiety you will feel.

mazdauk

Did you have a bad time in gym lessons at school? Of all my school reports the one comment that sticks in my mind is my PE teacher "M... will never get any enjoyment out of this subject until she puts more effort in." We were only offered netball and hockey - both of which I hate. We had one term of fencing (which i loved) but never dance or horse riding. So as far as I am concerned gyms always have been and always will be torture chambers.

BUT

Rather than pay to skip the gym I spend my money on DVDs and do my workouts at home. And I've discovered Zumba, where being out of time, out of shape or just plain doing it "wrong" is not a problem. Its no fashion parade of the latest workout gear - everyone wears what they feel comfortable in. Once class I go to the instructor doesn't wear a headset, she looks like she's having a party and we get disco lights (and the hall lights off) so we can kid ourselves its not even exercise really. The other clas is in the cold light of day in a studio, but no-one gets picked on, there's just encouragement to get really funky (sort of thing :ohwell: ). And on days when I can't get to a class Wii zumba fits the gap.

If you want a big range of weights and equipemnt you'll have to get to a gym sooner or later. But if you want to tone up a bit irst try a home-made route and maybe you'll feel able to go in, in a little while.

ChristinaR720

So work out at home?

^^^This. I, too, have never been good about working out in gyms (which probably explains why I carried around the extra weight for so long). I have lost 33 pounds without stepping foot in a gym. I have an elliptical and hand weights at home. I also have recently taken up running. There are also loads of videos that you can buy or view on Youtube that will help you lose weight and tone.

If you really want this, then go for it and don't let anything get in your way. Don't make excuses as to why you can't do it. Just do it, and do it for YOU.

ron2e

Every time I go past a gym it is full of slim, fit, young people doing their thing. I wish they'd all just get a life so us old, fat, unfit folks can have a turn.

esme1983

Please don't take this the wrong way, but the level of anxiety you describe sounds like it might be interfering with your life, which is a sufficient reason to talk to a therapist. And yeah, working out at home might be a good idea for a while, until you get a handle on this.

You might be right, I REALLY (cant stress enough) appreciate everyone's advice but I'm kind of reading it all and thinking "You just don't understand" I even feel anxious exercising alone at home to be honest. If I get a move wrong or something my eyes start to sting and I just turn off the DVD or put the weights away. In all other areas of my life I am confident, I have quite a high performance sales job where I don't worry about what people think (anymore than anyone else does that is) but when it comes to exercise I just feel like a giant mass of bones and flesh that's kind of been cut out and plonked in the middle of another planet where the air doesn't suit its lungs... or something like that anyway..!!

Running is okay, because no one can see me and it's just me in my own thoughts, I don't feel claustrophobic or watched. But it's not going to get me the body I want.

fyoufat

There will be people better than you at the gym, use it to inspire you to want to be there (at least that is what I do). I am so fat and I still am running, out of breath, and sweaty -and it took me a while to feel comfortable to push myself. But once I did, it definitely brought my focus up. Give yourself goals, and write what you are doing down, so you see your progression. Put some music on an ipod and just zone out of the real world and into your workout. And you will be SO surprised at how much you improve if you go consistently, you just have to make yourself keep going to the gym and it will all work out believe me. You only have 17 pounds to loose, you can definitely do it.

lausa22

I walked into my gym the other day and there were two women, obviously friends because they were working out together, and they both weighed well over 20 stone! Of course people noticed them when you walked in, because 1) they're new and 2) they're quite big
But no one even looked at them after a few seconds! I asked my boyfriend after our gym session if he saw them too and he said he didn't notice, he was too busy on his own workout.

I used to be terrified of joining the gym too, because I thought I was too big and everyone would think 'what is she doing here'. I still have those worries now! But I think, MY health is more important than what other people think.

metacognition

If it helps, just being in the gym makes you a member of the elite. No matter how much you sweat, wobble, or tire out - just going the extra mile to work out makes you awesome ! It doesn't matter if you are skinny or obese. And everyone else is working too hard to notice what you look like.

I've left the gym with my entire back drenched in sweat and my face as red as a tomato. It's not pleasant to workout in front of others, but it's no big deal.

MariahRea

Let me tell you this, the only bad workout is the one you didn't do!!! I go o Zumba and I am the most uncoordinated person ever. I step on my own toes and trip myself and can't keep up but I just keep moving even if I'm not doing the exact same thing the instructor or the rest of the class is doing. You have to learn to laugh at yourself, It's all in the name of being healthy and having fun with it. No one is there to judge you, in fact, you will find that in these classes at he gym is where you will find the most encouraging people, You just have to get there and start, That's the hardest part. If you don't do it you will continue this self destructive pattern you are on of hating your body and yourself for not doing it so just get out there and do it. It will build your character and charisma and it will give you the confidence you so desperately desire. It's you vs. you and no one else.

MelsAuntie

Terrified is not thinking that somebody may disapprove of you at the gym. Terrified is when the doctor tells you that your beloved husband's blood sugar is 511 and he has to get on daily insulin injections or be dead in 5 years. Terrified is when you have shingles involving the face and have lesions on the eyeball, and you're told that if it develops further you may well lose the sight in that eye. This while your face is so swollen you cannot see out of your right eye for three days, your skin feels like it's on fire, with acid dripping into your eye, and a crawling itch under the skin that won't go away even if you scratch till you draw blood...and this goes on night and day, 24/7, for eight months. That's terrifed. Trust me on this, I've been there.