Ideas? How to talk to worryingly overweight relative?

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aloranger7708

I wouldn't say anything. You said yourself that you hadn't seen your aunt in a while. That leads me to think y'all aren't very close, which could make the situation worse/more awkward. If you really have concerns, find a relative that's closer to your aunt and have them casually bring up the subject to life, weight, exercise, food, like another poster suggestion.

I have been in the position where someone brings up weight in a harsh or uncaring way, and it hurts. Instead of listening, I got flustered and basically tuned them out. I think if the conversation came up in a more constructive or casual way, would've been more apt to listen. And if someone I wasn't close with brought it up, I would be wicked offended.

SaraBrown12

You could maybe take the lime light off her and try to inspire her with your success. I dont know what size either of you are but for me personally so many aspects of life have changed for me. Example... Bending down to tie a shoe lace, it was almost impossible for me so maybe instead of directing at her try and highlight the positive things you have experienced. When you meet up and she asks how you are.. Maybe you could try being all hyper and excited and say something like... Well i managed to beat my own time whilst running/walking.

It is very difficult but i believe (depending on the individual) potentially a direct, frank chat about your fears for her could do more harm then good. Also the person has to want to do it for themselves. I have a close friend who is trying to lose weight but struggles with motivation and confidence. I wish i could find the switch on her that i had when i started doing this and stuck at it.

Exercising when your on the larger side is.. well frankly its the last thing you want to do (well it was for me). If your at the point where breathing when you walk is tough and you have aches and pains in legs and back already it seems almost impossible.

1 other slightly cheeky but could work thing to try... The pay weekly diet chef or whatever brands they are where you get all your meals for a week, buy a voucher and say you have won it and its of no use to you, ask her if she fancys trying it as you have asked a few people and no one wants it. Maybe not diet chef as the name might put her back up, one of the other ones with a more subtle name.

However you go forward, good luck xx

freckledrats

Honestly, I'd talk to her and ask if anything is going on in her world. From what you've said, she kind of sounds depressed. She's not taking care of herself and not making sure that she has adequate clothing even though she has the time and resources to do these things. She is not placing herself as a priority, so I think what she really needs is a friend to remind her that someone cares about her.

If you've ever been to therapy yourself, mention how it has helped you to get out of a rut when things were getting you down and how it was like preventative medicine to keep you from getting worse. If you haven't, I would bring it up only if she mentions feeling sad and not like herself in the conversation and mention how it might help in her situation to have someone to talk to, but her weight seems more like a symptom of depression.

This this this this this

My first thought was that she sounded depressed.

AprilOneFourFour

Maybe she wants to spend her money on other things than clothes? Maybe she doesn't give a *kitten* what anyone else thinks of her?

Unless she's showing any major character changes in the space of a week or so which would indicate mental health issues, I would stay the hell out of her business.

You don't know her health from just looking at her.

If you really must try and change how others lead their lives based on your opinion of whats good for them then lead by example, if they are interested then they will follow.

Wow...that was a bit on the mean side...

Do you know what I think is mean? Looking at a relative you've not see for "some time" and making judgements on their mental and physical health and talking about it on a forum of strangers and allowing them to make judgements too.

The post is anonymous. Nobody is exposed.

The request was for advice, not for judgements. There is a difference. It's a forum after all.

Being able to read a large number of peoples' views has been very helpful to me. Even if it is 'butt out', like yours, or 'I have this problem too'.

If we lived by your rules, nobody might ever say 'are you okay' for fear of being accused of making a 'judgement'. And that's not okay with me.