Anyone else have an Uber-Picky Eater Child?
Replies
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i know for certain that i wouldn't bury my head in the sand, as my own mother did, refusing to change her tactics despite my weight dropping dangerously low.Question if you had a daughter like yourself how would you handle the situation? Would you make a second meal for her, would you change the recipes so she would accept it, would you keep her at the table, or would you let her make her own choice at meal if old enough?
there are things that my kids dislike. we talk about it, think about alternatives, compromise on frequency. i never make my kids eat the things they utterly loathe. i don't see the point in continuing to put cabbage on her plate if she hates cabbage. i cook less cabbage and give her extra brocolli & peas.
i try to emphasise the fun of finding healthy diets you like, not in forcing down yucky greens whist dreaming of yummy candy.
if nothing i did worked, i'd be taking my kid to the doc and asking to be refered to an expert. a lot more teens die from eating disorders than they do from being picky!
I like that you make finding healthy foods fun. And I like that you don't force feed your daughter a vegetable over and over if she doesn't like it.
My mom made eggplant parmesan once when I was about 7 or 8. I hated it with a passion. She never made it again. I am the oldest of 7 kids. We don't have a small family and I was the only one who didn't like that meal. But when she cooks for everyone, she wants everyone to eat. She loves to try different recipes and she will. With different ingrdients and different vegetables and different combinations. She finds out the healthy family favorites over time and will make those more often. She never catered to one kid's taste.
Also since there were so many of us, a lot of the stricter rules she enforced on my brother and I (we were the oldest). As more kids came along, the rules were more relaxed. haha We always pick on her for that. :laugh:nope. i think i just don't like onions.
I don't like onions either. :grumble:0 -
I have two kids who are 14 and 19. They are both super picky. I have always made them eat what I cooked even if they didn't like it. I also make them try new things even when they don't want to. I would say that I have tried to cook things I know they will like just using new recipes. My son hates vegetables but has eaten them all his life. The other day he told me he actually likes that I stuck to my guns and made him eat everything. No one can tell you what to do but you are the parent and you can always use that to your advantage!0
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http://benandbirdy.blogspot.com/
This blog with recipes and funny commentary may not be everyones cup of tea, and I will grant that her kids eat things mine would not, but I have gotten quite a few ideas from it!
A couple tricks I like:
* Make it fun: Ie, dips and do it yourself toppings, skewers for eating, mini portions like a tasing at costco (my kids eat anything at a free sample tasting!) Some examples, a white bean hummus might be a milder taste than reg hummus. With tortilla chips. My kids will eat guac but not avocado! I made mini sliders turkey burgers the other night and used potato rolls as the buns. We like rice bowls with a variety of toppings set out for kids to do-it-yourself with.
* Go ahead and use a little butter, sugar, cheese as needed to make it go down! I have been making a sort of "churro" thing with a whole wheat tortilla, fried in a little butter and filled with sweet potato, cinnamon and little brown sugar. Even things like pizza can be healthed up by using a whole wheat bagel or english muffin, some mozz and spag sauce in the toaster oven!0 -
[/quote]No offense, but I feel sorry for your kids. "If they like something too much, it's a CLEAR sign that I should step in and limit it!" Where on earth did you get this notion? What are you hoping to accomplish by punishing preferences this way? Would you like someone to do that to you? If my kid loves to eat something, I love making it for him. You can't get "addicted" to any one particular food. You're projecting your issues onto your kids. I'm not saying this to be mean, but that's a MEAN way to treat a kid who is honest about what their preferences are to you.
I'll raise my kids, you raise yours, OK?
Nobody's trying to raise your kids, girl, you're posting on a public message board and you're going to get responses to what you say.
Yes and no. We are a 2-person household and I can't imagine us having 3 boxes of Oreos in the house at one time, but if we had one and he ate most of them in one sitting (he better save some for me!) - oh, well, no more Oreos until we do groceries again, which we do once every 7-10 days. But if he asked me for more Oreos next time we went grocery shopping, I'd have no problem buying more of them.Let's say if your kid ate 3 boxes of Oreos in a day, you'd go out and buy 4 next week, that way they "express their preferences"? Because that's what you are saying.
Because there is nothing inherently evil about Oreos. And if a child wants to eat a box of Oreos one day or even several days in a row - big deal in the grand scheme of things. You yourself admit that kids' attention wanders - sometimes you just need to get a craving out of your system and that's all. I've never met a child who eats 3 boxes of Oreos a day every day for years. It's just not a huge deal to me and I think it's more detrimental to restrict food than it is to present options and information and let the child make as many choices as they're able to.
Okay. You admit that you restrict your children's food choices because they aggravated you about wanting certain foods too much. You called that "an addiction" in your original quote but it's clear now that you don't even believe that. In this scenario, your children were not "addicted to nuggets." They just worked your nerves about them, and you retaliated by not buying them nuggets hoping to modify the whining behavior.For a while they got really annoying about eating chicken nuggets, and would only eat those and whining about it. So we stopped buying them temporarily, and, lo and behold, being tiny children, their attention wandered and they started eating other things. Then we brought them back into rotation.
This is not for their benefit, but yours. That's okay, but let's be clear that it doesn't actually benefit your kids to restrict nuggets if they whine about them too much.0 -
I lie. *GASP* Yes I do. Are there onions in here? You see any? No? Well, that's because they're not there (visibly)... I used to blend everything. He's 13 now and will try more and more, but the structure of the food is his main issue (almost like Asperger's), so I keep blending the pasta sauce. Juicing works for fruits. Thank God he now likes celery and carrots...0
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thanksI like that you make finding healthy foods fun. And I like that you don't force feed your daughter a vegetable over and over if she doesn't like it.
My mom made eggplant parmesan once when I was about 7 or 8. I hated it with a passion. She never made it again. I am the oldest of 7 kids. We don't have a small family and I was the only one who didn't like that meal. But when she cooks for everyone, she wants everyone to eat. She loves to try different recipes and she will. With different ingrdients and different vegetables and different combinations. She finds out the healthy family favorites over time and will make those more often. She never catered to one kid's taste.
Also since there were so many of us, a lot of the stricter rules she enforced on my brother and I (we were the oldest). As more kids came along, the rules were more relaxed. haha We always pick on her for that. :laugh:
this week, at 16, she's packing herself salad with her school lunch. she's glowing with health, says too much junk food makes her feel ''bleurgh!'' and has great body image.
i don't claim to have all the answers but i'm proud of not screwing her up over food.0 -
I lie. *GASP* Yes I do. Are there onions in here? You see any? No? Well, that's because they're not there (visibly)... I used to blend everything. He's 13 now and will try more and more, but the structure of the food is his main issue (almost like Asperger's), so I keep blending the pasta sauce. Juicing works for fruits. Thank God he now likes celery and carrots...
BAHAHAHAHA
My mom did that too!!! But the opposite.
I knew she was lying though. She told me flat out that if I ever asked her if there were onions in something, she would say yes.
"Even cake!?" I asked. Yup. Even cake.
I hated onions so much that if I knew they were there, I wouldn't eat it.
Now, I still don't like them, but if they are in a soup or meat sauce or something and they aren't raw or crunchy or big, I will eat them.0 -
Okay. You admit that you restrict your children's food choices because they aggravated you about wanting certain foods too much. You called that "an addiction" in your original quote but it's clear now that you don't even believe that. In this scenario, your children were not "addicted to nuggets." They just worked your nerves about them, and you retaliated by not buying them nuggets hoping to modify the whining behavior.
"Addiction" was in quotes, I don't believe they are actually addicted.
My post had a context; let me spell it out. If OP's child is unwilling to try any new foods and only eats a few things, because that's what "uber-picky" is, then one possible solution is to simply not buy the foods that they *do* eat. It's a hell of a lot easier than trying to cajole a 2-year old into trying new foods with reasoning and logic and bribes and whatever.
You are reading way far much into what I'm saying.0 -
thanksI like that you make finding healthy foods fun. And I like that you don't force feed your daughter a vegetable over and over if she doesn't like it.
My mom made eggplant parmesan once when I was about 7 or 8. I hated it with a passion. She never made it again. I am the oldest of 7 kids. We don't have a small family and I was the only one who didn't like that meal. But when she cooks for everyone, she wants everyone to eat. She loves to try different recipes and she will. With different ingredients and different vegetables and different combinations. She finds out the healthy family favorites over time and will make those more often. She never catered to one kid's taste.
Also since there were so many of us, a lot of the stricter rules she enforced on my brother and I (we were the oldest). As more kids came along, the rules were more relaxed. haha We always pick on her for that. :laugh:
this week, at 16, she's packing herself salad with her school lunch. she's glowing with health, says too much junk food makes her feel ''bleurgh!'' and has great body image.
i don't claim to have all the answers but i'm proud of not screwing her up over food.
That's awesome. You should definitely feel proud!!
And I honestly think no one really has all the answers, because every kid and every parent is different. You work via trial and error. Something that works for one parent/kid won't necessarily work for you and yours.0 -
Addiction is a very powerful word that LOTS of people on this board struggle with, and it is grossly misused when referring to a 5yo really wanting chicken nuggets, even in quotes.Okay. You admit that you restrict your children's food choices because they aggravated you about wanting certain foods too much. You called that "an addiction" in your original quote but it's clear now that you don't even believe that. In this scenario, your children were not "addicted to nuggets." They just worked your nerves about them, and you retaliated by not buying them nuggets hoping to modify the whining behavior.
"Addiction" was in quotes, I don't believe they are actually addicted.
My post had a context; let me spell it out. If OP's child is unwilling to try any new foods and only eats a few things, because that's what "uber-picky" is, then one possible solution is to simply not buy the foods that they *do* eat. It's a hell of a lot easier than trying to cajole a 2-year old into trying new foods with reasoning and logic and bribes and whatever.
You are reading way far much into what I'm saying.
Let me "spell out" what my point is: Kids are not picky eaters because they like a certain food too much. They're picky eaters because a) kids are naturally and biologically programmed to picky and reluctant to try new foods AS A RULE and b) they don't yet trust that something unfamiliar isn't going to be disgusting. This trust will grow over time with the patient and nonjudgmental and consistent introduction of new flavors and textures, and has nothing to do with how much they like Oreos/nuggets/pizza/whatever. It's a false dichotomy to think otherwise.0 -
i'm super anti fibbing to my kids. if i lie to them, how can i expect them to trust me? if i lie to them, how can i expect honesty from them? my mother used to tell lies like that and it just made me sceptical about everything she told me.I lie. *GASP* Yes I do. Are there onions in here? You see any? No? Well, that's because they're not there (visibly)... I used to blend everything. He's 13 now and will try more and more, but the structure of the food is his main issue (almost like Asperger's), so I keep blending the pasta sauce. Juicing works for fruits. Thank God he now likes celery and carrots...0 -
thanksI like that you make finding healthy foods fun. And I like that you don't force feed your daughter a vegetable over and over if she doesn't like it.
My mom made eggplant parmesan once when I was about 7 or 8. I hated it with a passion. She never made it again. I am the oldest of 7 kids. We don't have a small family and I was the only one who didn't like that meal. But when she cooks for everyone, she wants everyone to eat. She loves to try different recipes and she will. With different ingrdients and different vegetables and different combinations. She finds out the healthy family favorites over time and will make those more often. She never catered to one kid's taste.
Also since there were so many of us, a lot of the stricter rules she enforced on my brother and I (we were the oldest). As more kids came along, the rules were more relaxed. haha We always pick on her for that. :laugh:
this week, at 16, she's packing herself salad with her school lunch. she's glowing with health, says too much junk food makes her feel ''bleurgh!'' and has great body image.
i don't claim to have all the answers but i'm proud of not screwing her up over food.
I think you came at it from a different perspective. I'm sure you dont believe in being a restaurant and catering to everyone, but seems like you engaged the kids talked about nutrition, about the benefits of eating vegetables, and allowed them to experiment.
I dont have a big family just myself and my fiance and hopefully one on the way next January (crosses finger), and I'm pretty good about making meals that the super picky bf will eat and getting the vegetables that I love. If I was to have a child I know the rule would be you try it, if you dont like it fine, and what is served for dinner is served for dinner. If I knew everybody hated brussel sprouts I guess I'd do what tinak33's Mom did and never serve it again looking for another recipe.0 -
Yep.
i'm super anti fibbing to my kids. if i lie to them, how can i expect them to trust me? if i lie to them, how can i expect honesty from them? my mother used to tell lies like that and it just made me sceptical about everything she told me.I lie. *GASP* Yes I do. Are there onions in here? You see any? No? Well, that's because they're not there (visibly)... I used to blend everything. He's 13 now and will try more and more, but the structure of the food is his main issue (almost like Asperger's), so I keep blending the pasta sauce. Juicing works for fruits. Thank God he now likes celery and carrots...0 -
My eight yr old has always been picky ..I try to make him smoothies ( I make sure he doesn't see what I'm putting in) you can add tons of veggies , fruits and the kids love them cuz they think its like a milk shake...you can get loads of recipes online for spinach smoothies , etc...(add in realy sweet fruits to cover up veggie taste , I use straw berries a lot and he doesn't know what's exactly in it)0
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Yes. But I am the PARENT and she will eat when she gets hungry enough. Sure she gets a few indulgences here and there, but health comes first. Interestingly, children will eat things less sweet when they get used to less sweet! True story.0
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thanksI like that you make finding healthy foods fun. And I like that you don't force feed your daughter a vegetable over and over if she doesn't like it.
My mom made eggplant parmesan once when I was about 7 or 8. I hated it with a passion. She never made it again. I am the oldest of 7 kids. We don't have a small family and I was the only one who didn't like that meal. But when she cooks for everyone, she wants everyone to eat. She loves to try different recipes and she will. With different ingrdients and different vegetables and different combinations. She finds out the healthy family favorites over time and will make those more often. She never catered to one kid's taste.
Also since there were so many of us, a lot of the stricter rules she enforced on my brother and I (we were the oldest). As more kids came along, the rules were more relaxed. haha We always pick on her for that. :laugh:
this week, at 16, she's packing herself salad with her school lunch. she's glowing with health, says too much junk food makes her feel ''bleurgh!'' and has great body image.
i don't claim to have all the answers but i'm proud of not screwing her up over food.
I think you came at it from a different perspective. I'm sure you dont believe in being a restaurant and catering to everyone, but seems like you engaged the kids talked about nutrition, about the benefits of eating vegetables, and allowed them to experiment.
I dont have a big family just myself and my fiance and hopefully one on the way next January (crosses finger), and I'm pretty good about making meals that the super picky bf will eat and getting the vegetables that I love. If I was to have a child I know the rule would be you try it, if you dont like it fine, and what is served for dinner is served for dinner. If I knew everybody hated brussel sprouts I guess I'd do tinak33 Mom and never serve it again.
Funny thing. We LOVE brussel sprouts now.
We all (all 7 of us) hated them as kids. Only ate them once a year at Grandma's house during Thanksgiving just to be nice to Grandma.
Now we have actually ASKED mom to make them during family dinners/get togethers.
Some things change. And some things don't (I will never eat eggplant again). :flowerforyou:0 -
i still have things they hate on my plate. sometimes, years after first trying & hating food, they'll ask for as taste and realise they like it now. kids are naturally curious creatures, as a rule.
thanksI like that you make finding healthy foods fun. And I like that you don't force feed your daughter a vegetable over and over if she doesn't like it.
My mom made eggplant parmesan once when I was about 7 or 8. I hated it with a passion. She never made it again. I am the oldest of 7 kids. We don't have a small family and I was the only one who didn't like that meal. But when she cooks for everyone, she wants everyone to eat. She loves to try different recipes and she will. With different ingrdients and different vegetables and different combinations. She finds out the healthy family favorites over time and will make those more often. She never catered to one kid's taste.
Also since there were so many of us, a lot of the stricter rules she enforced on my brother and I (we were the oldest). As more kids came along, the rules were more relaxed. haha We always pick on her for that. :laugh:
this week, at 16, she's packing herself salad with her school lunch. she's glowing with health, says too much junk food makes her feel ''bleurgh!'' and has great body image.
i don't claim to have all the answers but i'm proud of not screwing her up over food.
I think you came at it from a different perspective. I'm sure you dont believe in being a restaurant and catering to everyone, but seems like you engaged the kids talked about nutrition, about the benefits of eating vegetables, and allowed them to experiment.
I dont have a big family just myself and my fiance and hopefully one on the way next January (crosses finger), and I'm pretty good about making meals that the super picky bf will eat and getting the vegetables that I love. If I was to have a child I know the rule would be you try it, if you dont like it fine, and what is served for dinner is served for dinner. If I knew everybody hated brussel sprouts I guess I'd do what tinak33's Mom did and never serve it again looking for another recipe.0 -
Amen to that! I have to find sneaky ways to get my 4 year old AND my husband to eat veggies!0
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My son has high functioning autism and as a child he had severe sensory issues that caused him to throw up if he ate certain textures and flavors. He went through a phase where he'd eat nothing but pizza for 4 solid months. Today he is 16 and will eat anything you put in front of him, including foods he used to have meltdowns about if he even saw them on the same table.
This gives me hope!
Ditto - my 13 year old is slowly trying more foods. Just got to work on the very picky 2 year old with suspected ASD. Though having her obsessions can help sometimes as she wont get what she wants unless she tries something.0 -
My mom let us have 'moderate' amount of choices about what to eat. We didn't like lima beans, so we ate peas. I didn't like broccoli so she let me sprinkle some cheese on it. Stuff like that. But we had to try it, and we had to eat most of the stuff on our plate, and I think it really helped me develop broad tastes as an adult.
Disclaimer: I don't need to lose weight because I don't know how to eat healthy. I need to lose weight because I like eating too much. 0 -
]i still have things they hate on my plate. sometimes, years after first trying & hating food, they'll ask for as taste and realise they like it now. kids are naturally curious creatures, as a rule.
Very much so, and if they see it on the table enough Mom enjoying it they will try it. The more variety and exposure you can give a kid the better there are so many ingredients and recipes out there you could never try it all in a life time.0 -
I can never understand why this should be an issue. Tell the child she will eat what is cooked for the family, and if she doesn't want it, she doesn't eat. No separate meals. She has two choices; take it or leave it. She won't die of self starvation through refusing to eat. If she gets hungry she'll eat.0
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I don't need to lose weight because I don't know how to eat healthy. I need to lose weight because I like eating too much.
my problem too I love almost all food0 -
It takes a child an average of 15 times before he/she will learn to like a food.So, I always tell my kids that their taste buds are evolving and they will grow to enjoy new foods. 1) This makes new food fondness sound like a "grown up" thing--and, with you setting such a positive example, this will only solidify the argument. 2) It's true. We are born with super sensitive taste buds that die off or grow accustomed to certain--repetitive--foods. My daughter loathed sweet potatoes, but I always had her take a "thank you taste." It took around 5 years, but now they are among her favorites. She will even REQUEST them now. Another thing you can do is get a juicer & juice fresh veggies, then sneak that juice into things your child does like. My friend's daughter only liked plain tomato sauce on her pasta-no veggies--but we could sneak the veggies in with this method. At least then you know your child is getting the nutrients needed for healthy growth. And you can get a lot more nutrients from fresh juice yourself. Good luck! 0
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I have an extremely picky 13 yr old and 3 year old and then I have a 9 yr old and 5 yr old who pretty much eat anything. It's so frusterating!!!!
One thing I have done recently is got a very good blender (ninja) and some Visalus. (you don't have to do the visalus but it is packed full of vitamins and taste like cake batter super healthy) I make her a smoothie every morning, after breakfast but before school. 1 container of yogurt, 1/2 c milk, 2 scoop visalus, some fruit like strawberries and bananas and blueberries and my secret she don't know about spinach! I pack it full to the top with spinach and blend! She has NO idea there's about 2 full cups of spinach and she LOVES it. It is soooooo super healhty with fruits, veggies, milk and yogurt and visalus!0 -
you have no idea how close to starvation under those rules.I can never understand why this should be an issue. Tell the child she will eat what is cooked for the family, and if she doesn't want it, she doesn't eat. No separate meals. She has two choices; take it or leave it. She won't die of self starvation through refusing to eat. If she gets hungry she'll eat.
had you read the thread, you'd know that there are kids who will.0 -
bump as I also have a child who pretty much only eats refined carbs and I am very worried for her future health0
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i'm super anti fibbing to my kids. if i lie to them, how can i expect them to trust me? if i lie to them, how can i expect honesty from them? my mother used to tell lies like that and it just made me sceptical about everything she told me.I lie. *GASP* Yes I do. Are there onions in here? You see any? No? Well, that's because they're not there (visibly)... I used to blend everything. He's 13 now and will try more and more, but the structure of the food is his main issue (almost like Asperger's), so I keep blending the pasta sauce. Juicing works for fruits. Thank God he now likes celery and carrots...
Santa Claus? Just sayin...0 -
I personally am not a fan of "You can't do XYZ preferred activity until you eat such and such" as a tactic for getting a child to try anything. This sets up food as a means to a reward instead of fuel to be thoughtfully considered, ignores the child's taste preferences and requests, makes the kid feel pressured, and is not going to do much in the way of making them more adventurous in trying new foods.
When I want my (high functioning autistic 16yo) son to try something new, I try to relate it to something I already know he likes. "Lasagna is basically pasta, only flat instead of macaroni-shaped." Then I'll serve it with things I already know he does like - a small serving of lasagna with garlic bread, salad and a veggie he likes, and then eat it enthusiastically while talking about how delicious it is and how much I think he'll like it if he tries. I keep it very positive. It has sometimes taken YEARS of doing this to get him to try something. After a lifelong refusal to eat rice, for example, he ate some for the first time last week and declared it "good." But it took years.
Whenever I've lost my patience and turned food into a battle of wills - it's like someone else said. I have things to do, my son can afford to dig in his heels and wait me out, so I'm going to lose.
Keeping a long term perspective helps. Your child will not be 25 years old and subsisting exclusively off mac and cheese and hot dogs.0 -
When I was young, Mom made one meal for everyone. You ate it or you sat at the dinner table all night long until it was time for bed. That didn't mean you didn't have to eat it. She saved it for you for the next night.
We spend a ridiculous amount of time catering to our kids today. My philosophy is, put it out there, they'll eat when they get hungry enough.
Don't even get me started on designer pet food.
YES! THIS EXACTLY!0
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