How can I want it so badly, But never follow through?

marybeth9999

I just completed the Beachbody 21 day reset program. It was suppose to reset my metabolism and jumpstart my healthy eating and it helped SO much. For 21 days, I ate nothing but super healthy food....detox is part of the program. I believe this is going to be a changing point for me. My daughter also did the program...and it changed her health....plus she went down 4 dress sizes and is healthier than she has ever been. I'm not a Beachbody coach or anything....so this is not a sales pitch. I just needed to make a drastic change in my eating and health....and this program helped. I have lost 11 pounds in 21 days.....and plan to continue eating super healthy using the recipes and tips from the program.

kitticus15

First of all any exercise is good, I took a long time to be ready to do this for good...

all the weight will give you low self esteem from the sound of your post, so go get yourself a self hypnosis program, me personally love using glen harrold, people may think you just need motivation, but like you I hate what I see in the mirror and how unfit I feel...

I took my own advice and now I exercise virtually everyday, I eat fairly healthy cos it gives me the energy to workout...

I do lots of classes cos it takes your mind off the fact you exercise plus walking...

just keep at it and eventually you will get there and will stay there...

kmm7309

You're doing it wrong.

I don't know WHAT you are doing wrong, but you are doing something wrong. Either your motivation is wrong, your methods are wrong, your routines are wrong. Something is wrong.

I gained and lost weight for years. Sometimes 40 pounds at a time! It always felt like I had finally found success. I was doing it wrong. I went extreme with my diet, ignored exercise, and would lose 12 pounds a month and burn out in 3 months (bad methods). I wanted to lose weight to be attractive, but I was also happily married (poor motivation).

This time around, 14 months ago, my doctor told me I was too large and had become infertile due to a medical condition that could be controlled through diet and exercise, mostly. Having a child has been one of my most important goals. Finally I had a better motivation. The doctor helped teach me how to work with my PCOS to create a better diet (methods). She and I discussed how to have a successful amount of activity in my life (routines).

I've lost the weight more slowly, but it doesn't matter much. I'm 199 now. When I was 180 I was a size 16, and right now I'm a size 14. Because I'm losing it right, the pounds don't matter. I'm still smaller than I was last time I was at this weight because my exercise is happening.

neandermagnon

then you don't want it badly enough.

THIS. People who want something bad enough rarely let any obstacles stop them. They usually find a way.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

IMO that's a little simplistic, even though it's true in a lot of cases.

In some cases the person really does want it badly enough, however other issues/fears get in the way, so it's like they're pulling in two different directions at the same time, and thus going nowhere, or moving much more slowly towards their goal than they should be, given the effort they're putting into trying to achieve it.'

OP: as for what to do about it, have a deep think about yourself and your beliefs about yourself and see whether there are any negative beliefs or fears holding you back. Sometimes making lists helps, e.g. "why I want to lose weight" and "what is stopping me from losing weight" and "why I think I can't lose weight" and "why I'm afraid to lose weight" - those kinds of questions... make a list, and see what you come up with... but the list making is only the start, you have to examine every one of those beliefs/fears that is holding you back or pulling you in the opposite direction, and eliminate the belief or find a way to get around all the limitations. Most people when they do this exercise find that most of what's holding them back is totally irrational, and you have to work at replacing the irrational beliefs with rational ones.

A lot of these kinds of beliefs operate at the subconscious level, so you have to do a bit of mental digging (e.g. list writing) to find them and when you've found them you can work on getting rid of them or on changing your beliefs about yourself. There are quite a few self-help books that teach you how to do this, I'd recommend this rather than just following what I've written, because I'm not a psychologist. However I do know how conflicting and self-defeating beliefs can hold you back and lead to self-sabotage that undermines all the effort you put in to achieving your goals. This kind of stuff does work, and like I said, simply "not wanting it enough" is too simplistic an answer at times.

dortilolma

I'm a little uncomfortable with the 'you don't want it badly enough' sentiment. I understand where people are coming from and yes it's important to want it otherwise you just won't be motivated.

But, there is wanting it and then there is obsessing about it. When I was in my early 20's a had such low self esteem, and I felt enormous (I wasn't). I wanted to lose weight so badly that I developed an eating disorder. Of course there were other factors that led to the full scale restricting or purging but being skinny was so important to me I didn't care about the health consequences.

Nearly a decade later and I still have to be careful when I start managing my food. It still enters my head to 'just not eat today' or 'eat those treats and then purge after'.

It's very easy to become obsessive - take it a day at a time, don't focus on the wanting to look a certain way try and focus on wanting to feel a certain way. The only time I ever successfully lost weight and it stayed off was when I developed a whole knew approach to food and activity. Activity is now part of my day to day life by cycling to work, running at the weekend and walking as much as possible.

OddballExtreme

It's hard to get motivated at times. For the longest time in my life, I wasn't motivated, used excuses, you name it.

Then, January 26, 2012, changed my life forever. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I didn't get upset over that because I knew it ran in both sides of my family. I had a choice to make: Be miserable and continue with my bad eating habits, or embrace I have it and not let it get me down. I'm happy to say I chose the latter.

Since then, I'm now down 50 pounds after changing my eating habits, drinking more water, and exercising. I also took the slow and steady pace because I wanted to do it right instead of quick.

You have to be the one to push yourself. No one will believe in you if you don't believe in yourself first. In the words of the late Jim Valvano, "Don't give up, don't ever give up."

dortilolma

then you don't want it badly enough.

THIS. People who want something bad enough rarely let any obstacles stop them. They usually find a way.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

IMO that's a little simplistic, even though it's true in a lot of cases.

In some cases the person really does want it badly enough, however other issues/fears get in the way, so it's like they're pulling in two different directions at the same time, and thus going nowhere, or moving much more slowly towards their goal than they should be, given the effort they're putting into trying to achieve it.'

OP: as for what to do about it, have a deep think about yourself and your beliefs about yourself and see whether there are any negative beliefs or fears holding you back. Sometimes making lists helps, e.g. "why I want to lose weight" and "what is stopping me from losing weight" and "why I think I can't lose weight" and "why I'm afraid to lose weight" - those kinds of questions... make a list, and see what you come up with... but the list making is only the start, you have to examine every one of those beliefs/fears that is holding you back or pulling you in the opposite direction, and eliminate the belief or find a way to get around all the limitations. Most people when they do this exercise find that most of what's holding them back is totally irrational, and you have to work at replacing the irrational beliefs with rational ones.

A lot of these kinds of beliefs operate at the subconscious level, so you have to do a bit of mental digging (e.g. list writing) to find them and when you've found them you can work on getting rid of them or on changing your beliefs about yourself. There are quite a few self-help books that teach you how to do this, I'd recommend this rather than just following what I've written, because I'm not a psychologist. However I do know how conflicting and self-defeating beliefs can hold you back and lead to self-sabotage that undermines all the effort you put in to achieving your goals. This kind of stuff does work, and like I said, simply "not wanting it enough" is too simplistic an answer at times.

+1 this!

KANGOOJUMPS

its called motivation, and how bad do you really want it....

Capt_Apollo

you can't be brave unless you're afraid.

if you want something bad enough, you will be brave and move past any fear.

but OP is basically saying she would rather sleep than accomplish anything else.

read this, and watch the video at the bottom http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2011/08/31/is-it-really-worth-it/

SurfyFriend

From a holistic point of view, perhaps you are missing something.
Take sleep as an example.
If you are deprived of sleep, your body might crave sweets or stimulants to keep you awake. Your workouts won't be as effective. You're body won't be able to recover fully.
If shift work is making it difficult, find time during the day to sleep, or even just set aside a day every week to just sleep or lie in bed and watch movies. Don't eat anything, just let your body recover and rest.
Don't underestimate how things like sleep, sunshine, nutrients, physical activity, hydration, and even spirituality and relationships can effect you. Listen to your body

phieaglefan

I think in the beginning it's easy to be excited but that wears off. You have to develop the habits and commitment to keep going regardless of whether you feel like it or not. That way if you wake up and it's supposed to be a gym day you're not thinking "should I go to the gym?" You're just doing it, because there isn't a choice. Same with food. Make logging, weighing, and measuring second nature. Don't let it be a matter of "if I feel like it," it's just what you do now.

I couldn't have said it better. It's great that you're exercising, but honestly, I focused on food first. Get in the habit of logging every last bite. I know it sounds simplistic, but it truly guides your eating. Then, when you feel the desire for some more food, add in exercise and you will WANT to do the exercise to gain access to the additional calories.

Oh, and it seems in general that for extra calories, longevity trumps intensity. In other words, don't kill yourself running if that's not really your thing. 30 or 40 minutes of walking (at 4mph) will burn more calories than 10 or 15 minutes of moderate running. Plus, in my experience, the running makes me hungrier in an hour or two than the walking does.

You can do it. Remember Log, log, log!

wild_wild_life

It's natural to put short-term rewards before long term rewards. This is not a character flaw. If the short term pleasure of sleeping or eating that donut is strong enough, setting that aside in exchange for some future, abstract, possibly deep down considered unattainable goal is really hard and some people probably find it harder than others regardless of how much they "want" something. One thing that might help is to try to use this to your advantage, try to make doing the healthy thing now more rewarding for you. When you place short term desires behind what you know is better in the long run, treat yourself (to something non-caloric). I think we are all pretty Pavlovian deep down.

anglbebe

Reading through I've seen good advice here and bad advice here. Good advice equals to life is about choices, I.E. I could have had birthday cake for breakfast or an egg with toast. Bad choice cake, good choice egg and toast. I chose the egg and toast.
If you chose the cake don't beat yourself up, make a better choice at lunch, or dinner.
The bad advice/comment you just don't want it bad enough. WRONG! The start is because of the want, Now you have to learn how to change your lifestyle,choices, etc. to match your goal and that is HARD enough without naysayers.

What works for me, short daily and weekly goals like drinking 8 ounces of water a day, or snack on fruit at work instead of the granola bars. these small little changes really do work. These were the small little changes that put you where you did not want to be. Just know you did not wake up with the weight you did not want to be, it took time to get there too. So it will take time energy and patience to get where you want to be too. If you skip or miss a work out, don't fret do something else to move instead. I walk every evening, if it rains i put on my ipod and dance around the house My kids make fun of me but hey.
I remember working 3rd shift, try getting up 2 hours earlier for work and doing anything to move your body. You will find 2 things,more sunshine = more energy and more exercise = more energy. (with working 3rd shift, hows your vitamin d?) As far as your boyfriend loosing interest or not being motivational, forget him you have to make all changes in your life for you not anyone else or it will not work.
good luck, I'm a supportive ear and positive idea lady if you need it.

lacroyx

I work 3rd shift so im horrible inconsistant due to my longing for sleep. Any ideas?

I work 3rd shift as well. Have been for 3½ years and all of my weight loss has come while working this shift. Is it hard? It is. I make sleep my #1 priority. I made sure my bedroom is completely dark, and I set a regular bed time, usually in bed and asleep by 2/3PM PST and I stick to it. This means I can't stay out and hang with friends like other people do, I miss out a lot on my social life but for me right now my health is more important. I don't sleep in chunks like other nightshift people that I know. I sleep a straight 6-7 hrs and I hit the gym after I get off in the mornings. The important thing is you need to find what works for YOU.

ChristinaR720

First of all, congratulations on your progress so far!

I can understand--to an extent--what you are going through, because I was in the same place for about 11 years. I knew I was putting on weight, but was in denial about how much. I made excuses as to why I couldn't work out or change my eating habits. I think a part of me feared the process and didn't believe that I had the strength or wherewithal to be healthy and lose the weight. I also tend to be pretty self-depricating, so I also let myself believe that I was going to be fat forever and I didn't deserve to be healthy. Six months ago, it just clicked for me, and I convinced myself that it was now or never. No more excuses for me. I am now six months in and 10 pounds away from my goal weight, and I still have my eye on the prize.

You have to want this more than anything, and you have to be willing to push yourself to make it happen. Nobody else can make this happen for you.

Remind yourself that you ARE worth it and you CAN do this.

TravisBikes

http://youtu.be/lsSC2vx7zFQ

You gotta want it. Not just talk about it.

jkal1979

You mentioned that your boyfriend is losing some love for you. Are you losing the weight to please him or are you doing it for yourself?

stardancer7

No one is born with habits...even if we are 'creatures of habit', we can change our habits. Empower yourself with the knowledge that you are in control of the choices you make within your given circumstances. One step at a time and you will make the choices that will get you to what you want.

ninerbuff

The bad advice/comment you just don't want it bad enough. WRONG! The start is because of the want, Now you have to learn how to change your lifestyle,choices, etc. to match your goal and that is HARD enough without naysayers.

Sorry I disagree here. Say someone says they want to learn how the play the piano. They take a couple of lessons and learn a little bit. They practice it daily for a couple of weeks. The third week they resign to the fact that this may take a long, long time before they become really good enough to play their favorite song. It would still be nice to play the piano, but at this point they don't want to spend their free time doing it. So if someone thought that "learning" how to change one's lifestyle is too hard, then they don't want it bad enough.
Losing weight is pretty much the same. The people who successfully lose, overcome obstacles, setbacks, stalls, plateaus, etc. because they wanted it more than letting those deterrences stop them.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

philleah

Hi. I wish you good luck in your journey. If you don't have a lot of time to work out, focus more on your diet. Lean protein, fruits, veggies, nuts. Eat a smaller meal for dinner.

Of course, you need to work out too, but focusing more on a healthy diet will be helpful!