How can I want it so badly, But never follow through?
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I think in the beginning it's easy to be excited but that wears off. You have to develop the habits and commitment to keep going regardless of whether you feel like it or not. That way if you wake up and it's supposed to be a gym day you're not thinking "should I go to the gym?" You're just doing it, because there isn't a choice. Same with food. Make logging, weighing, and measuring second nature. Don't let it be a matter of "if I feel like it," it's just what you do now.
I couldn't have said it better. It's great that you're exercising, but honestly, I focused on food first. Get in the habit of logging every last bite. I know it sounds simplistic, but it truly guides your eating. Then, when you feel the desire for some more food, add in exercise and you will WANT to do the exercise to gain access to the additional calories.
Oh, and it seems in general that for extra calories, longevity trumps intensity. In other words, don't kill yourself running if that's not really your thing. 30 or 40 minutes of walking (at 4mph) will burn more calories than 10 or 15 minutes of moderate running. Plus, in my experience, the running makes me hungrier in an hour or two than the walking does.
You can do it. Remember Log, log, log!0 -
It's natural to put short-term rewards before long term rewards. This is not a character flaw. If the short term pleasure of sleeping or eating that donut is strong enough, setting that aside in exchange for some future, abstract, possibly deep down considered unattainable goal is really hard and some people probably find it harder than others regardless of how much they "want" something. One thing that might help is to try to use this to your advantage, try to make doing the healthy thing now more rewarding for you. When you place short term desires behind what you know is better in the long run, treat yourself (to something non-caloric). I think we are all pretty Pavlovian deep down.0
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Reading through I've seen good advice here and bad advice here. Good advice equals to life is about choices, I.E. I could have had birthday cake for breakfast or an egg with toast. Bad choice cake, good choice egg and toast. I chose the egg and toast.
If you chose the cake don't beat yourself up, make a better choice at lunch, or dinner.
The bad advice/comment you just don't want it bad enough. WRONG! The start is because of the want, Now you have to learn how to change your lifestyle,choices, etc. to match your goal and that is HARD enough without naysayers.
What works for me, short daily and weekly goals like drinking 8 ounces of water a day, or snack on fruit at work instead of the granola bars. these small little changes really do work. These were the small little changes that put you where you did not want to be. Just know you did not wake up with the weight you did not want to be, it took time to get there too. So it will take time energy and patience to get where you want to be too. If you skip or miss a work out, don't fret do something else to move instead. I walk every evening, if it rains i put on my ipod and dance around the house My kids make fun of me but hey.
I remember working 3rd shift, try getting up 2 hours earlier for work and doing anything to move your body. You will find 2 things,more sunshine = more energy and more exercise = more energy. (with working 3rd shift, hows your vitamin d?) As far as your boyfriend loosing interest or not being motivational, forget him you have to make all changes in your life for you not anyone else or it will not work.
good luck, I'm a supportive ear and positive idea lady if you need it.0 -
I work 3rd shift as well. Have been for 3½ years and all of my weight loss has come while working this shift. Is it hard? It is. I make sleep my #1 priority. I made sure my bedroom is completely dark, and I set a regular bed time, usually in bed and asleep by 2/3PM PST and I stick to it. This means I can't stay out and hang with friends like other people do, I miss out a lot on my social life but for me right now my health is more important. I don't sleep in chunks like other nightshift people that I know. I sleep a straight 6-7 hrs and I hit the gym after I get off in the mornings. The important thing is you need to find what works for YOU.I work 3rd shift so im horrible inconsistant due to my longing for sleep. Any ideas?0 -
First of all, congratulations on your progress so far!
I can understand--to an extent--what you are going through, because I was in the same place for about 11 years. I knew I was putting on weight, but was in denial about how much. I made excuses as to why I couldn't work out or change my eating habits. I think a part of me feared the process and didn't believe that I had the strength or wherewithal to be healthy and lose the weight. I also tend to be pretty self-depricating, so I also let myself believe that I was going to be fat forever and I didn't deserve to be healthy. Six months ago, it just clicked for me, and I convinced myself that it was now or never. No more excuses for me. I am now six months in and 10 pounds away from my goal weight, and I still have my eye on the prize.
You have to want this more than anything, and you have to be willing to push yourself to make it happen. Nobody else can make this happen for you.
Remind yourself that you ARE worth it and you CAN do this.0 -
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You mentioned that your boyfriend is losing some love for you. Are you losing the weight to please him or are you doing it for yourself?0
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No one is born with habits...even if we are 'creatures of habit', we can change our habits. Empower yourself with the knowledge that you are in control of the choices you make within your given circumstances. One step at a time and you will make the choices that will get you to what you want.0
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Sorry I disagree here. Say someone says they want to learn how the play the piano. They take a couple of lessons and learn a little bit. They practice it daily for a couple of weeks. The third week they resign to the fact that this may take a long, long time before they become really good enough to play their favorite song. It would still be nice to play the piano, but at this point they don't want to spend their free time doing it. So if someone thought that "learning" how to change one's lifestyle is too hard, then they don't want it bad enough.The bad advice/comment you just don't want it bad enough. WRONG! The start is because of the want, Now you have to learn how to change your lifestyle,choices, etc. to match your goal and that is HARD enough without naysayers.
Losing weight is pretty much the same. The people who successfully lose, overcome obstacles, setbacks, stalls, plateaus, etc. because they wanted it more than letting those deterrences stop them.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Hi. I wish you good luck in your journey. If you don't have a lot of time to work out, focus more on your diet. Lean protein, fruits, veggies, nuts. Eat a smaller meal for dinner.
Of course, you need to work out too, but focusing more on a healthy diet will be helpful!0 -
Sounds to me like your fundamental problem is structure. Your life probably isn't "structured" in any way to allow the activities you want to come to fruition.
You really do have to "decide" to create a routine that will accomplish your goals. You work 3rd shift, so something like 11pm - 7am?
Create a schedule, form an atomosphere that will give you 8 hours of sleep and allow you the time you need to do things like exercise.
Me personally, I would do something like this......work, get off at 7.....get home by 8, change and go workout....back home by 9-10, eat (healthy and logged of course), do my errands...11-12...get home make my meal for my next work shift....go to bed....get up at 8, *kitten*, shower, shave, eat (healthy and logged of course)...do whatever I want to do before work...go to work (ensure I take my "lunch" with me, ensure I eat that lunch about half way or less through my shift)....start over.
I tend to do better if I make a schedule and force myself to that schedule.0 -
then you don't want it badly enough.
This is a little harsh and not very constructive. For some people, like myself, this is true, I finally gave up smoking (20+ years ago) when I really wanted to badly, I started to lose weight when I wanted it badly enough, but that is me and this doesn't apply to everyone. It depends on the type of person they are and personal circumstances.
Sorry, but I disagree. We are all on a journey and we've all been in the "Oh I really really WANT TO, but I just CAN'T" stage... and you know what? When my journey REALLY started was when I admitted to myself that I wasn't ready to commit to it. That I was still not ready to give up everything and commit to a lifestyle change and not just look for some quick fix. It was when I recognized all my "But.... " reasons were really just excuses or justifications as to why I didn't want to. It's when I started taking accountability for myself.
I'm not saying it's wrong to be wherever you are - we've ALL been there. But this is the truth. When you want something bad enough - a college degree, a new job, a new relationship - when you've FINALLY REALLY had enough of it, you MAKE IT happen. I'm sure people convince themselves they THINK they want to, but they don't want it enough yet.
People do what they want to do and they don't do what they don't want to do. It's just that simple. And just that hard.0 -
then you don't want it badly enough.
This is a little harsh and not very constructive. For some people, like myself, this is true, I finally gave up smoking (20+ years ago) when I really wanted to badly, I started to lose weight when I wanted it badly enough, but that is me and this doesn't apply to everyone. It depends on the type of person they are and personal circumstances.0 -
I hate that we are " creatures of habit" . I used to be tiny. I was 120lbs. over a course of 6 years I gained 50 lbs. It was hard on me because I looked into the mirror and I couldn't believe what I had become. Even though i noticed some of the weight and that my pants were not fitting when i woke up each morning i felt like it happened over night. I lost 20lbs. ( yay!) However I still have 30 more to go. I want it so bad but Its so difficult. I hate being out of shape. I truely do. When I run on the track and have to stop running after 3 laps I feel ashamed. My boyfriend has lost some love for me because not only did I gain this weight I have been saying how Im going to fix it and I don't. I have a hard time doing sit up and push up. My lower back becomes easily hurt and it annoys me because im only 21. im 5'5 I weight 165lbs. I want to weight 130 or less. If I had my way I would be 119 or something like that. I have very large hips and a large butt though. I just need motivation and a way to become consistant. I work 3rd shift so im horrible inconsistant due to my longing for sleep. Any ideas?
Issue aside- maybe your goal is unrealistic. You said you're only 21 and want to go back to a weight that you were when you were 15. You're been through puberty since then and you're body has changed, so depending on you're build you might not be able to get back to that weight.
If you are struggling for motivation I recommend you set mini-goals and reevaluate as you go. Also as others have mentioned, get into a routine and it becomes much easier.
Edit for grammer.0 -
Workout when you wake up, not after work (so you're not as tired). I was the same way, I would quit because I was so disappointed in myself (which, in reality, doesn't make sense to quit). The reason why your back hurts and you can only run 3 laps is because you aren't used to it-- before your body has a chance to get used to it and get better, you QUIT. You just can't quit-- you haven't gone long enough to be "disappointed" in yourself. Don't be annoyed with yourself-- be proud that you are taking the steps necessary to get better! I promise your view will change...as long as you continue to make the change.
The periods of aches, pains, and soreness, will get better once your body has adapted to just training (trust me).0 -
I hear ya...It's tough situation. I spent about two years wanting to get in shape but i gradually regressed.
I don't have an answer other than at some point I got so fed up with it that I threw any excuse and obstacle out the window and did it. That is just kind of how it is.
That happened in January of this year. I then hit a mental wall in april and got lazy. Got rid of excuses and back in the game recently. It's a learning process.
You can have All the tips in tricks in the world, but it comes down to knowing what needs to be done, then doing it, and coming to the realization that not doing what needs to be done is your conscious choice to stay how you are or move farther away from your goals.0 -
at first I started losing the weight out of shame. I felt horrible about myself. I worried that even if i did lose the weight i wouldnt look like a girl my age. Im 21 but I feel like i dont have a 21 year olds body. My legs are not slender I have broad shoulders. Im built like marilyn monroe at her chubbiest. It looks cute for retro but I hate that I can't dress modern without looking funny.
I wanted to lose weight to get him off my back. I knew if i lost it for him I would regret not doing it for myself. As much as I care about him no man should ever be motivation to do better for yourself .
idk I guess because my relationship is a mess im confused on what I want even though i know what i want. If that makes sense.
Im distracted,0 -
THIS. People who want something bad enough rarely let any obstacles stop them. They usually find a way.then you don't want it badly enough.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Sounds to me like your fundamental problem is structure. Your life probably isn't "structured" in any way to allow the activities you want to come to fruition.
You really do have to "decide" to create a routine that will accomplish your goals. You work 3rd shift, so something like 11pm - 7am?
Create a schedule, form an atomosphere that will give you 8 hours of sleep and allow you the time you need to do things like exercise.
Me personally, I would do something like this......work, get off at 7.....get home by 8, change and go workout....back home by 9-10, eat (healthy and logged of course), do my errands...11-12...get home make my meal for my next work shift....go to bed....get up at 8, *kitten*, shower, shave, eat (healthy and logged of course)...do whatever I want to do before work...go to work (ensure I take my "lunch" with me, ensure I eat that lunch about half way or less through my shift)....start over.
I tend to do better if I make a schedule and force myself to that schedule.
This is great idea. I should have thought to create a schedule. My life has been so messy lately so its hard to tell where my head and my *kitten* is anymore.
It hurts knowing I want something but im too stressed to see through it all.0 -
at first I started losing the weight out of shame. I felt horrible about myself. I worried that even if i did lose the weight i wouldnt look like a girl my age. Im 21 but I feel like i dont have a 21 year olds body. My legs are not slender I have broad shoulders. Im built like marilyn monroe at her chubbiest. It looks cute for retro but I hate that I can't dress modern without looking funny.
I wanted to lose weight to get him off my back. I knew if i lost it for him I would regret not doing it for myself. As much as I care about him no man should ever be motivation to do better for yourself .
idk I guess because my relationship is a mess im confused on what I want even though i know what i want. If that makes sense.
Im distracted,
i think you just don't know how to dress for your body. i think a lot of men and women have that problem.
but what is a 21 year olds body? whats a thirty year olds body? you have some pre-concieved notions of what you are supposed to look like. what you look like is a result of the work you put in.0 -
You obviously don't want it THAT badly then.
Experiment and find what works for you.0 -
It's a terrible mind set but I have this idea in my head that if i lose the weight than i will be in more of a position to tackle all my other endeavors.
It seems like a lame excuse to myself but I just feel handicapped because I dont feel like a woman.0 -
then you don't want it badly enough.
This is a little harsh and not very constructive. For some people, like myself, this is true, I finally gave up smoking (20+ years ago) when I really wanted to badly, I started to lose weight when I wanted it badly enough, but that is me and this doesn't apply to everyone. It depends on the type of person they are and personal circumstances.
I agree with the 'you don't want it badly enough' answer because OP's words were almost identical to mine on New Years day 2011. It took me 4 months from there to realize that looking in the mirror and feeling miserable wasn't good enough, and I didn't have to accept what the mirror reflected. She hasn't quite hit bottom far enough to want it badly enough. That, and get some sleep and find exercise you enjoy, and if running 3 laps kills you, start slower, like with Couch to 5K.0 -
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...” Dr Suess
"Do or do not. There is no try." - Yoda
See what I'm pointing out here? You can also choose how you think about things. Saying we are 'creatures of habit' is a bit of a cop out I'm sorry to say. If you want to change you'll change. And instead of feeling ashamed of 'only' running three laps, you could choose to think "wow, I ran three laps, I bet I can go further tomorrow". As for your boyfriend, I'm not going there. But accepting and loving yourself is probably a good goal to aim for. Best of luck in your decisions.
Love the quotes!0 -
You said the word "distracted". All of these negative thoughts and views of yourself is what is "distracting" you from getting you what you want. You are not accepting yourself for who you are NOW. You are too busy beating yourself up to accept who you are and which is prohibiting you from MOVING FORWARD and making a change. That means saying "Yup. I need to lose weight. And these are the (small) changes that I'm going to stick to for now". Then build upon that. If you do too much at once = overwhelmed = beating self up = sense of failure = static in you ability to make change. Get over wishing the way you used to be and accept it is who you are now. Accepting yourself does not mean that you condone your bad behaviors or that you exactly "like" the way that you are. It simply means you accept all the reasons and whys you got to where you are at and taking steps to make changes moving forward.
I know it's hard. CHANGE IS HARD! But ACCEPTANCE of who you are vs. who you were will stop the inner battle. Take it from a therapist
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For the people saying " You dont want it than."
No you're wrong. I do want it. Otherwise I would not have said it.
To be more correct with your statement you should say " You wan't it but you are not putting forth the effort to obtain it."
I just don't like the whole Guilt trip routine and making me feel lazy. Clearly I'm aware i am lazy. In fact it makes me depressed. In turn I get grumpy and don't know what to do with myself because im depressed by the fact that im lazy. It's terrible!
it's all mental.
I appreciate if that is your way of trying to help me see my fault in this and help me change it but tough love doesn't work for me. I get offended.0 -
It's a terrible mind set but I have this idea in my head that if i lose the weight than i will be in more of a position to tackle all my other endeavors.
It seems like a lame excuse to myself but I just feel handicapped because I dont feel like a woman.
whenever i want to feel like a woman, i put on shannia twain's song "damn, i feel like a woman" on repeat and prance around in my underwear. true story.
in all seriousness, have you thought about changing your goals a little. i know it'll be hard to change your mindset, but if you do something like register for a race in the fall, you will have a real tangible goal. you will have a date to be ready for, and something a little more to aspire to than a size or weight.
you said before that you can do three loops of a track? well, that is 3/4 of a mile. that is a lot more than some people i know can do. and everyone starts somewhere, and you are already ahead of some people. we just need to point you in a new direction.
maybe you can check out some of the obstacle course races, such as spartan race, warrior dash, or rugged maniac. they are generally 3-4 miles long. it is also a team effort, so get some friends to do it with you. their is beer at the end, so thats a plus. and the obstacle course races are great because you don't need to be able to run a 6 minute mile to do them. there are plenty of oppurtunities to stop and catch your breath at obstacles. and the obstacles are generally made so that if you want, you can walk around them... but you're not going to do something like that, because you'll have your team mates to do it with you.0 -
You said the word "distracted". All of these negative thoughts and views of yourself is what is "distracting" you from getting you what you want. You are not accepting yourself for who you are NOW. You are too busy beating yourself up to accept who you are and which is prohibiting you from MOVING FORWARD and making a change. That means saying "Yup. I need to lose weight. And these are the (small) changes that I'm going to stick to for now". Then build upon that. If you do too much at once = overwhelmed = beating self up = sense of failure = static in you ability to make change. Get over wishing the way you used to be and accept it is who you are now. Accepting yourself does not mean that you condone your bad behaviors or that you exactly "like" the way that you are. It simply means you accept all the reasons and whys you got to where you are at and taking steps to make changes moving forward.
I know it's hard. CHANGE IS HARD! But ACCEPTANCE of who you are vs. who you were will stop the inner battle. Take it from a therapist
Mindy,
Thank you! That is very insightful! And true. I know my body had changed. I think what hurts the most is my boyfriend brings up how wonderful i looked than. No wonder why I wish I loved the way I did. I explained to him that it doesn't work that way because of puberty but he still gives me a look of disapproval.0 -
It's a terrible mind set but I have this idea in my head that if i lose the weight than i will be in more of a position to tackle all my other endeavors.
It seems like a lame excuse to myself but I just feel handicapped because I dont feel like a woman.
I think that in addition to taking control of your health you need to take control of what is going on in your head as well. Chances are that kind of mental position will still be in place no matter what size or shape you are. The perfect body does not exist. You just need to find a way to be happy with who you are. I know plenty of people that are on the larger side and are supremely happy with their lives.
You may have a touch of Anxiety going on in there somewhere. I'd talk to your doctor about it if I were you, I did when I was having panic attacks. At the very least it could help you to get a better understanding of your expectations for yourself.0 -
It seems like a lame excuse to myself but I just feel handicapped because I dont feel like a woman.
This isnt a problem with your weight, and losing weight wont magically make you 'feel like a woman'. This is something mentally you need to work on. I agree with Apollo, try and find a non weight loss related goal, that focusses on taking care of your body and what it can DO, not how it looks 0
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