Mother of a problem...

Giovanna_Isabella_Santarelli

To all the mother's on this site... please don't judge or take offence because i know there are many awesome moms out there....

I just want to know if there are any other people who are in the same boat as me???

I have a mom who absolutely regrets having me ( she had me when she was 20 to save her marriage) & takes out all of her frustrations & anger out on me. I obviously don't live with her but she always bad mouths me to my dad and sisters, she even makes up stories about me. I've always been respectful towards her even when i am hurting & i still visit her at least once a week becasue she is my mom and i love her & don't want to regret not visiting her when she is gone one day. But when i visit she gives me dirty looks, rolls her eyes at everything i say & constantly puts me down in front of mys sisters. I was always skinny but now that i picked up weight she makes fun of me & when i say i am trying to lose it, she remarks that i won't be able to lose weight because according to her, "i don't have it in me" I don't know what to do anymore... do i ignore her and cut her out of my life or do i sit back and take her insults?

Please when answering... please be respectful. If you can't just skip this post...

To those who read & understands... thanks in advance :flowerforyou:

MyOwnSunshine

Save yourself now. Find a good counselor to help you work through this. Stop visiting your mother. Move on and create a wonderful life for yourself and stop tolerating people who treat you badly.

_Krys10_

I am not in the same boat. I would have to say walk away, it can't be good for your self esteem. Do you siblings see it/say anything to her? I'll bet you will be one incredible mother from lessons learned.

hannahpistolas

Save yourself now. Find a good counselor to help you work through this. Stop visiting your mother. Move on and create a wonderful life for yourself and stop tolerating people who treat you badly.

THIS.

Giovanna_Isabella_Santarelli

Both my sisters see it & they both amazing to me.... but if they confront her, she makes up lies about them to my dad!

michellechawner

I'm in the opposite boat, but I do know that if family isn't there for you, stick with your friends. They can be like family, sometimes better than family.

missymakayla

prove to her that she was wrong..

kgerm317

Save yourself now. Find a good counselor to help you work through this. Stop visiting your mother. Move on and create a wonderful life for yourself and stop tolerating people who treat you badly.

^^ This! I wish you the best of luck.

billsica

I'd be gone. Go find the people who love you and concentrate on them. I'm sure you have plenty of people who do.

although I have to say your story does sound a little familiar.

pastryari

Stop visiting her. Toxic people will only bring nastiness to your life. I don't talk to one of my older brothers, the day I finally cut him out for good (it'd go back and forth with me forgiving him) is the day that I cut a heavy weight loose from my life. Just because someone is family doesn't mean you have to put up with them and their negativity/nastiness. Don't make yourself miserable because you think "it's the right thing to do." You have to do what's best for you. I finally realized that.

SlimJanette

Save yourself now. Find a good counselor to help you work through this. Stop visiting your mother. Move on and create a wonderful life for yourself and stop tolerating people who treat you badly.

This

msleanlegs

If someone is being cruel to you, cut contact. Just because the woman birthed you doesn't mean she has a right to treat you like dirt.

Some_Watery_Tart

It's time for some therapy, girl. No one has a right to treat you that way. And you are in no way obligated to subject yourself to emotional abuse just because it's your mom.

audra0831

My mother doesn't treat me badly, but she treats my children - her grandchildren - horribly. And so I keep them away from her. I've never confronted her about the way she treats them, and I probably never will. In my situation it just wouldn't do any good. So my choice is to just stay away, and when a situation arises that my kids must be around her, I don't leave them alone with her.

My advice would be to get some counseling. She's obviously not going to change but maybe you can change the way you deal with her.

Best of luck to you.

ally_cole

This! You are worth so much more. It will be harder than anything you've ever done in your life to walk away, but you deserve people in your life who are supportive and loving.

Save yourself now. Find a good counselor to help you work through this. Stop visiting your mother. Move on and create a wonderful life for yourself and stop tolerating people who treat you badly.

DeeBrownBaker

just because you're related does not mean you have to allow someone to treat you badly... love yourself FIRST!

unless you like feeling like a martyr...

SugarPickles

I am not in the same boat...but I have learned over the years that you should surround yourself with positive people...not people who will bring you down...

Best of Luck!!!

tpittsley77

Have you ever confronted her with your feelings? I would write down your feelings, with cold hard facts to back them up. Give her what you wrote. Along with an ultimatum. Either she focuses on fixing the relationship, and how she treats you, or you walk away. It will be better for your emotional health. And I am speaking from experience. Best of luck to you.

Jennloella

my mother has a very different memory of mine and my sibling's child hood than we do.....we remember being locked in closets and hit with wooden spoons, she swears she was an angel to us. She makes up stuff to start fights between us kids (there are 8 girls and one brother) and she has succeeded in causing some permanent rifts between a few of us. out of 9 kids, 5 of us have completely cut her out of our lives, one of my sisters to the point that she cut the entire family out just to prevent our mother from ever finding her. The rest of us call on christmas and mothers day out of obligation. Once I made that choice to hang up on her when she was abusive, to stand up for myself when she was wrong, and to not visit, call, or invite her over when she couldn't "play nice" I felt such a sense of relief and empowerment. At 34 I would still get anxiety walking into her house. I finally had to distance myself. Currently we have not spoken in over a month because she yelled at me on the phone and when I asked her to stop she hung up on me. I refuse to fall for it and call her, I'm not going to interact until she apologizes, and honestly I hope I never hear from her. I'm expecting a baby next month so it's really too bad, but my family and my emotional state are more important than putting up with her because "she's my mother" took me a long time to realize that. Good luck whatever you decide.

saviarre

At some point, you will need to do what is best for you. Dealing with her negativity is not in your best interest, especially as you're trying to lose weight. It might be time to put your foot down, create some boundaries and get assertive with her that you do NOT deserve to be treated this way. The more you take it, the more she will think she can get away with. Take control of this. And if you ever need to talk, feel free to message me.

pinkledoodledoo

It sounds like your mom doesn't deserve to have such a tolerant daughter. I would definitely give that relationship some space and maybe in time the two of you can find a better relationship. You don't have to cut ties completely but I'd say that weekly visits or even phone calls are not in your best interest. Cards for holidays to let her know you care... maybe a visit on her birthday to see if her attitude has changed... but otherwise you're not doing yourself any favors by sticking close to her.