Help! I'm afraid they'll end up better than me!

TheNavet

First and foremost, I want to apologise, because what I'll say is probably so close and small minded that it will offend some people. And that's definitely not what I'm trying to achieve. Heck no.

My question is: has any one ever felt reluctant to share their success stories and secrets?

Let me explain:

I started my fitness journey in November 2012, and have, since then, achieved some incredible success. I mean, I've got beautiful muscles, have reverted from a chubby physique to an athletic one and finally feel proud of myself! And... and I've finally got a bit of attention from well... boys. I know, I'm being terribly juvenile...

Anyway.

I've been asked by girls in my class to share what I've done, mainly on the exercice topic. And I couldn't... I just couldn't avoid sharing it. I mean, sharing is good right? I bragged a bit along my journey, because, yeah, that's also one of my defaults and now... now some others are starting it to because I inspired them (and, heck, despite it all, I'm happy of that too!)


And I know that it's completely childish but you know, if they were to achieve the same results as I, I... I'd be alone again. I've always been that nerdy, good student and not so much the pretty one - the girl nobody found any interest in. And yet I managed to reverse things and for the first time in my life I finally... collect interested stares. And now it might all crumble apart again...

And I can't help but feel jealous of what they might achieve and afraid.
I'm really really sorry, I must seem so greedy and oh so terribly attention craving... :frown:

(I apologise for any mistakes and incoherence too, I'm incredibly tired...)

TavistockToad

It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice....

Or just keep bringing your friends cake and hope that they stay fat for ever.

crazybookworm

I can understand what you are feeling. However I, myself have never felt that way. I remember how hopeless and alone I felt when I was overweight. Now that I've achieved my goals, I am happy to help anyone who needs it. I can relate to their feelings and would do anything I can to make them feel better about themselves. I don't want anyone to feel they are alone in this. Where would we be if we didn't have the help and support of others when we started?

sexymuffintop

Your friends losing weight isn't going to detract from your success. How could it possibly? Part of me thinks this sounds like a troll thread? :laugh:

neandermagnon

Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

Runninglibrarian13

I think I understand what you mean.. I, too have always been the smart one, the nerdy one, etc.

Its natural, now that you've found something you enjoy and excel in to want to shine.... but think of it this way...

You're not small minded or whatever, because you have shared your successes with these ladies... and its not like you are wishing them ILL... you yourself have said you're happy for them. And like you, if they put in the work, they deserve to reap the rewards.

And maybe you need to think of it this way.... you ARE special... you have achieved this success and have been the inspiration for others.

I'm not sure if I'm making sense either... lol... I've only had one cup of coffee and I think today is a 2 cup day!

Vansy

It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice....

Or just keep bringing your friends cake and hope that they stay fat for ever.

^lmao.

HeidiCooksSupper

Take joy in the successes of your friends and others will see a loving generous person (who also just happens to be a fit and healthy one, too) and they'll think you hung the moon! Your inside beauty will shine through your outside beauty.

3foldchord

....if they were to achieve the same results as I, I... I'd be alone again. ....

If they achieve the same results as you, you will not alone, but will have a group of healthy fit friends that you helped to make... Kinda making you the leader of the pack!

HappyHungryHealthy

It's nice to be important, it's more important to be nice....

Or just keep bringing your friends cake and hope that they stay fat for ever.

^^ This!! Giving them cake could work!

That said, you know how much work and dedication went into your overall transformation, it's not easy and you need some serious willpower to carry on and come out better for it the otherside, some people don't have this and give up easily - I know I was one of those people not so long ago. You could always just help them out and keep them on track, because even though you have seen some serious results you could help create those same results, and make other people feel just as good as you feel. Surely, all of that will make it worth it in the end, knowing you've helped someone to their own success!

megsmom2

Thinner doesn't equal better. Just thinner.

MarioLozano16

So work harder than them

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I am trying to muster up an ounce of sympathy but it's really difficult.

It would behoove you, before you get too far in life, to try and really figure out what actually defines you. Is it really that you've lost weight?

I am certain that you did nothing radically new to achieve your results -- anything you did, those seeking your advice could likely locate on the internet. Whether to tell them what you did or they research for themselves, if they dedicate themselves to a program, they are likely going to see results too. How their success diminishes yours, I don't understand -- but you have to realize it could happen whether you tell them your "secrets" or not.

mjoshua87

Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

^^^^ What they said!

ninerbuff

A lot of the uber rich in America feel the same. If everyone had the same statis as them, then how can they domineer? People will realize others character by their actions. It's not hard to figure someone out if you're around them for a little while and you can trust that not everyone will say everything to your face and lots behind your back.
Sharing information doesn't mean that people will get the same results since that has more to do with the person's desire and discipline. And what you've learned and done isn't a secret in weight loss. If they really want to know they can find out, especially in today's easy access to information.
If they did do it on their own and got the same results you did, then you'd still feel the same way yes?So really this is more about your insecurity about yourself.
I think inherently with females (because of how society puts pressure on women) that they are much more critical of themselves compared to how they are really viewed by the world.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

conniemaxwell5

Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

I agree with this. It sounds like you are still unsure of yourself and that's why you have insecurities about others doing better than you. Did you get in better shape for you or for the attention it would get you? I know the attention is nice, but the above poster is right, it won't always be there. Someone else who's newer, shinier, or whatever will always come along and 'steal the spotlight.'

Be generous with your inspiration to others and celebrate their victories just like you're celebrating your own and you will find that you will always have friends and support in your life. Giving is always better than receiving.

csand11

It's okay to feel a little worried, but the fact that you are aware of it and don't want to be petty is excellent. As they achieve their goals it will help you to remember and maintain your own

As to the boys, confidence is sexy. The fact that you are feeling better in your own body is most likely the cause of those stares. Keep owning the changes you have made in your body!

Microfiber

I must say the reason I did (and completed) Insanity again (finished about a month ago), was because some girls were talking about doing it at work. They said they would start it that weekend. I came home and dusted the DVD boxset off thinking "I'm not going to be left behind" :laugh: so I started it secretly Anyway, one by one, they dropped out of doing Insanity but I completed the programme thanks to them :drinker:

You'll just have to up your fitness levels a notch :happy:

alisonlynn1976

People are attracted to happiness and confidence at least as much as looks, if not more. If you have a great body but you're insecure and jealous of others, you will cease to be as attractive.

Also, men [or insert gender(s) of choice here to make this applicable to everybody] are not objects that you compete with your friends to win. They're people. Don't you want to be with someone who specifically finds *you* attractive, and also likes your personality, rather than just ending up with someone who may not even be right for you because you won the pretty contest? Give them, and yourself, more credit than that.

metaphoria

Friendship does not have to be competition. It can just be genuine care for each other. Why this need for others to feel jealous of you, when actually you've inspired them to take better care of themselves?

MelsAuntie

If your friends were to achieve the same success as you, it would in no way invalidate what YOU have done. To wish them failure (i.e., staying overweight) so that you stand out is indeed small minded. You don't build yourself up by tearing others down. If they want guidance, give it to them, and be glad that you can help.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

I agree with this.

I would add that you can't always control feelings. Emotions just happen. But you can control your actions. So make sure they are good ones.

donrdon

Go ahead and share your successes and how you achieved them. There are thousands of fitness programs out there that work, but for them to succeed one must have determination and commitment. (as you must have to do what you did) So share, it's not the program but the person that makes it work.

xstarxdustx

Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

^ This. Really great advice.

mystiedragonfly

My sister has lost 110 pounds. Her husband has lost 160. My brother has lost 170 and his wife has lost 120.

... I... have lost 20.... BUT, I have lost 10 pant sizes.

I've been working out longer than them and eating healthier longer. Yet, they have gotten the results. I am excessively proud of my family!! ... just a bit jealous.

My nutritionist pointed one thing out to me though.... He asked me how much can they bench press.

This is what *I* have to remind myself of every time I get discouraged (or even jealous) that everyone else SEEMS to be doing better than me. That I lift weights. That is an accomplishment in itself.

As for being the girl unnoticed, we all want to be noticed. We all want to be seen as pretty, but you have to be something more than pretty. Also, have you not noticed by now that the "odd" girls are the ones men (whoever) tend to notice the most. The confidence of us (me for sure) "odd" girls is the thing that could make or break us. Someone sees us shying away and jealous of the world, they will no longer care to see more of us. We stand up, smile, speak our mind, and beat them at video games... and suddenly we are kind of hot. People are surprised at how attracted to us they are.

TheNavet

I read every single of your replies and I just want to say thank you!

And all of what you said (which I can't unfortunately sum up) is right an just. I'll try my best to change myself and not to... not to feel like this again. You've opened my eyes and already have given me a bit more confidence (and yes, 'confidence is sexy' :drinker: )

Attention is just a phase and isn't a challenge, I'll get over it and learn to focus more on my happiness AND the one of others - we all merit it after all.

Thank you again for all your words, they might just be truly life changing :flowerforyou:

TheNavet

Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

Thank you incredibly :flowerforyou:

EllytoSkinny

I understand what you are feeling, but it's not like by telling them what you are doing you are giving them a magic pill that will automatically transform them overnight. Share your success, tell them about this site, and be an inspiration. It will be up to them to do the work for themselves.

ImtheOnethatsCool

Meh... tell they how you did it. Once they realize how much work it is, most of them will give up anyway.

Mother_Superior

Learn to like yourself more and you'll stop feeling threatened by other people. Like yourself for who you are, not for any attention you do or don't get from other people. That attention from other people won't always be there, even if you are a totally amazing person, others won't always notice or appreciate it, because of their own issues or whatever. If you rely on it, then you'll always be second guessing yourself and always be feeling threatened by other people doing well. However if you learn to believe in yourself and value yourself for who you are, you won't need that constant validation from other people and if other people achieve great things you'll be happy for them and you.

I agree with this.

I would add that you can't always control feelings. Emotions just happen. But you can control your actions. So make sure they are good ones.

This is absolutely right. Good actions can override intentions and feelings. Feel what you feel, but find your good in what you do. Don't stop improving yourself, and you won't have to worry about someone being better than you. You'll be constantly working towards your own best, and if along the way, you can help others find their own best then you can truly be happy for both yourself and the friends you've helped along the way.

rmn79

Someone looking their best will not make you less attractive just as someone looking their worst will not make you more attractive, you will make you more attractive. The problem is not with how you look externally but how you feel about yourself, you need to love and accept every part of you because if you need to compare yourself to others to feel worthy of attention you will always feel left out.