Food Nazi?
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active4life4vr
Posts: 9
Apparently I am...
I am 7lbs away from my goal weight. I love my new lifestyle. I am not dieting. I eat everything in moderation and do not deprive myself of anything. I make it fit.
When my husband and I first got together we ate whatever we wanted. Chips, candy, ice cream, large portions etc. Well after a baby and too many extra pounds lingering, I made a change, for me.
My husband always talked about how he would like to lose some weight, get rid of his belly, he even bought a Bowflex! I thought I was being nothing but supportive towards him. He needs motivation with anything, so we came up with some great mini bets- eg. bench "x" weight- get a BJ, lol, bank 3 workouts- get a BJ, and the big prize was when he gets to his goal weight of 170lbs (he only needs to lose 10lbs) he'd get one whole week of whatever he wants sexually, whenever he wants! We both win!
Now I love this man but I have told him that I don't find him sexually attractive at the weight he's at. I was honest. I am attracted to him, I love his insides but I don't exactly have the urge to rip off his clothes and ravage him. We are intimate and still have fun, but that sexual passion is lacking for me. We keep referring to his goal weight as "spoons on the floor" weight. Meaning, we can be in the kitchen washing and drying dishes, then next thing ya know is the spoons are on the floor and we are getting busy! lol
So with me thinking he was on board to eating healthy and exercising, apparently it has done nothing but cause tension between us. He says he feels like he can't have ice cream without getting a death stare from me, or he'll go back to the pan and scoop out the leftover noodles to eat even though I already gave him a decent portion for dinner and if I mention that then I am the food Nazi, if he eats our daughter's candy he gets the "wrath of Wendy", he wants to order Chinese food on a Tuesday when he knows I try to save meals like that for a Saturday (cheat meal). It has been like this for 7 months now.
He says that just because I want to change I am forcing it on him too.
I am at a loss and I don't want to live the rest of my life sitting on the couch eating chips and candy.
How do I deal with this? Is it so wrong to want to be sexually attracted to your spouse?
Am I expecting too much?
ETA- I am not asking for a six pack. He is stalky and has a solid build but carries all his weight in his belly. He could lose 20lbs total but I would just like the belly diminished...it ages him greatly...he just turned 40 and I am 28. We have been together for 7 years and the more years go by, the older he is looking because of his weight. When we met, he wasn't this big, he was 165-170lbs. During our marriage he has gone up to 210lbs at the highest.
ETA- the sexual stuff was all his idea
ETA- I am not breathing down his neck. Really. One day he'll ask for help and I am encouraging and I feel like we are on the same page. Next day he resents me because I happen to mention the noodles and how many calories they are etc. He gets mad because he wants to eat what he wants and how much he wants, not caring that he WILL get back to 210lbs....I just want to be healthy together...
I am 7lbs away from my goal weight. I love my new lifestyle. I am not dieting. I eat everything in moderation and do not deprive myself of anything. I make it fit.
When my husband and I first got together we ate whatever we wanted. Chips, candy, ice cream, large portions etc. Well after a baby and too many extra pounds lingering, I made a change, for me.
My husband always talked about how he would like to lose some weight, get rid of his belly, he even bought a Bowflex! I thought I was being nothing but supportive towards him. He needs motivation with anything, so we came up with some great mini bets- eg. bench "x" weight- get a BJ, lol, bank 3 workouts- get a BJ, and the big prize was when he gets to his goal weight of 170lbs (he only needs to lose 10lbs) he'd get one whole week of whatever he wants sexually, whenever he wants! We both win!
Now I love this man but I have told him that I don't find him sexually attractive at the weight he's at. I was honest. I am attracted to him, I love his insides but I don't exactly have the urge to rip off his clothes and ravage him. We are intimate and still have fun, but that sexual passion is lacking for me. We keep referring to his goal weight as "spoons on the floor" weight. Meaning, we can be in the kitchen washing and drying dishes, then next thing ya know is the spoons are on the floor and we are getting busy! lol
So with me thinking he was on board to eating healthy and exercising, apparently it has done nothing but cause tension between us. He says he feels like he can't have ice cream without getting a death stare from me, or he'll go back to the pan and scoop out the leftover noodles to eat even though I already gave him a decent portion for dinner and if I mention that then I am the food Nazi, if he eats our daughter's candy he gets the "wrath of Wendy", he wants to order Chinese food on a Tuesday when he knows I try to save meals like that for a Saturday (cheat meal). It has been like this for 7 months now.
He says that just because I want to change I am forcing it on him too.
I am at a loss and I don't want to live the rest of my life sitting on the couch eating chips and candy.
How do I deal with this? Is it so wrong to want to be sexually attracted to your spouse?
Am I expecting too much?
ETA- I am not asking for a six pack. He is stalky and has a solid build but carries all his weight in his belly. He could lose 20lbs total but I would just like the belly diminished...it ages him greatly...he just turned 40 and I am 28. We have been together for 7 years and the more years go by, the older he is looking because of his weight. When we met, he wasn't this big, he was 165-170lbs. During our marriage he has gone up to 210lbs at the highest.
ETA- the sexual stuff was all his idea
ETA- I am not breathing down his neck. Really. One day he'll ask for help and I am encouraging and I feel like we are on the same page. Next day he resents me because I happen to mention the noodles and how many calories they are etc. He gets mad because he wants to eat what he wants and how much he wants, not caring that he WILL get back to 210lbs....I just want to be healthy together...
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Replies
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Is it so wrong to want to be sexually attracted to your spouse?
Am I expecting too much?
yes...you promised to love him through thick and thin. This is the thick part.0 -
My husband didn't touch me when I was 40 pounds bigger, it was a HUGE blow to my self esteem. We are having major problems now.0
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It's hard to motivate someone else unless they really want to be motivated....like pushing a rope uphill. It has to come from within each of us. Sorry for your troubles:(0
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Is it so wrong to want to be sexually attracted to your spouse?
Am I expecting too much?
yes...you promised to love him through thick and thin. This is the thick part.
agreed. my fiancee is overweight. he loved me before my weight loss and I love him even though he isn't losing. You should want to be attracted to him but this is causing undue tension and maybe something else is lacking. Worry about yourself and hopefully he will follow suit0 -
Is it so wrong to want to be sexually attracted to your spouse?
Am I expecting too much?
yes...you promised to love him through thick and thin. This is the thick part.
agreed. my fiancee is overweight. he loved me before my weight loss and I love him even though he isn't losing. You should want to be attracted to him but this is causing undue tension and maybe something else is lacking. Worry about yourself and hopefully he will follow suit
uhhhh...I was actually being a bit sarcastic...my keyboard sometimes takes over0 -
There's nothing wrong with wanting your hubby to be sexy to you. There is a problem with thinking that 10 lbs will be the miracle.
I've been married 30 years to the same man. I've learned that the answer to what makes great sex is in my head, not what's underneath his shirt. And I assure you, babies and life hasn't left me the same slender, sweet 22 year old he met, either. Sexy is as sexy does...0 -
when he gets to his goal weight of 170lbs (he only needs to lose 10lbs)
Ok...maybe I missed something. He is only TEN pounds overweight and you are not sexually attracted to him?0 -
His self esteem has been damaged. You were honest with him, but the truth hurts. Now he's self conscious around you when it comes to food. You're probably pushing him to be a closet eater. Let him come to his own conclusion that he needs to make a change. You can't force it on him.0
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when he gets to his goal weight of 170lbs (he only needs to lose 10lbs)
Ok...maybe I missed something. He is only TEN pounds overweight and you are not sexually attracted to him?
Wow I missed that...0 -
You do sound like the foof Nazi. If you can't find him attractive as he is you might want to do yourselves a big favor and move on.0
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Whatever you fix/cook for your family, add extra protein for your hubby, so he is less hungry all of the time. Stay strong and you don't have to sit on the couch and eat chips and junk. It's your choice to be healthy.
LeeAnn, married 47 years, and still trying to "make it work"! It does get easier!
All the best to you!0 -
You're not sexually attracted to your husband because you perceive him to be 10 lbs overweight?? :noway:0
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I have never been married, but I have had someone treat me this way by pointing out my weight and then "glaring" at me if I reached for anything they didn't approve of. They would try to "motivate" me by putting me down. I'm not exactly saying you're putting him down though. Have you tried to include him in workouts or plan something fun together that includes physical activity? How about cooking healthy meals together or going to a cooking class?0
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You can't force anything on him and attempting to do so will cause more harm than good. 10 pounds really isn't very much and if you can't accept him for how he looks now what happens if he gains more weight? I'm not sure how old you are or if you have kids, but if you decide to have kids one day how would you feel if he told you that your pregnancy gain turned him off? I've been in his shoes and it ended up leading to divorce.0
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You're not sexually attracted to your husband because you perceive him to be 10 lbs overweight?? :noway:
Umm this?!
I've been with my SO for six years and through those years we both have gained and lost a lot more than 10lbs...
I have never been less attracted to him regardless of his weight. I love him unconditionally no matter what.
Honestly, if I were your SO I wouldn't even want to have sex with you or even be around you if you told me you weren't as attracted to me anymore.0 -
I would venture to say that maybe you guys need some outside help, i.e., counseling. He's only 10 pounds overweight? Did I read that correctly? Maybe I missed something...? And you're bargaining for blow jobs?
Um...I don't know what else to say. Wow.0 -
when he gets to his goal weight of 170lbs (he only needs to lose 10lbs)
Ok...maybe I missed something. He is only TEN pounds overweight and you are not sexually attracted to him?
Only 10lbs and I would feel better. I am not asking for a six pack. He is stalky and has a solid build but carries all his weight in his belly. He could lose 20lbs total but I would just like the belly diminished...it ages him greatly...he just turned 40 and I am 28. We have been together for 7 years and the more years go by, the older he is looking. When we met, he wasn't this big, he was 165-170lbs. During our marriage he has gone up to 210lbs at the highest.0 -
Only 10lbs and I would feel better. I am not asking for a six pack. He is stalky and has a solid build but carries all his weight in his belly. He could lose 20lbs total but I would just like the belly diminished...it ages him greatly...he just turned 40 and I am 28. We have been together for 7 years and the more years go by, the older he is looking. When we met, he wasn't this big, he was 165-170lbs. During our marriage he has gone up to 210lbs at the highest.
All I'm hearing from you is, "I will feel better", "I want"... What about him? How do you think he feels because of you pressuring him to lose this weight just so he can be attractive to you? And yes, when years go by, people get older looking.0 -
I would like to point out that YOU are the one who decided to become fit. He went along with it, and is only 10 lbs away from this supposed magic goal weight that will make him the Sex Machine you want. Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.
The thing I think you've forgotten is that the most important sex organ is the brain (your mind). You have DECIDED that he isn't sexy, so therefore, that is what you see. When you start looking at him like he is your Hunk of Husband, Protector, Provider, Best Friend and Lover, THAT is what you will see.
I believe (and I've been married for over 30 years) that you can fall in and out of love with your spouse, in and out of "attraction" with your spouse and have a love/hate relationship. Marriage is W.O.R.K. All the time, every day. Remember one thing though:
It is worth the work.
Focus on YOU. Love him for who he is now, appreciate him, support him, cook healthy meals for him and let him choose who he wants to be. Spouses need to feel the unconditional love you promised to be the best person they can be.
Also, if you don't have the junk in the house, he can't eat it. Just sayin.
Good luck!0 -
My concern is that he will get back to 210lbs.
You guys are taking the 10lbs out of proportion. It is his LAST 10lbs. It's the 30+lbs that I am not wanting back in our life because of his eating habits.0
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