Food Nazi?
Replies
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She DID mention that HE wanted to lose the weight.
Since you mentioned ages, I will let you in on a terrible little secret. It is 50 gazillion times harder to lose weight at 40 than it is at 28. When I was 28, I could eat whatever the heck I wanted and burn it off by walking around the block twice. Now, at 38, I have to lift weights, monitor cardio, eat clean - and even with all this hard work, it's STILL not coming off!
I understand where you're coming from (my hubby is about 40 lbs overweight but does nothing to lose it, and it's hugely affected our marriage because he's constantly complaining about his gut hanging over while he eats his 3rd bagel). But you also have to see it from HIS perspective. You work hard, you look fantastic. He works hard, nothing changes. You offer to help but he sees it as controlling. Your idea of helping may not be what he needs.
What would I do? Back off. Let him try things his way. He's not stupid (hopefully), he understands what he needs to do to lose weight. If he asks for your help, then help him. But in the meantime, just be supportive. If you're the one who cooks, cook healthy meals and buy healthy food. If he wants to eat crap, then don't deny him, but don't join in. Love him big or small, he needs a boost in his confidence that he can make these changes, because no matter how many BJs you offer him - you can't lose the weight for him. This is something that HE needs to do, and he needs a supportive wife, not a coach breathing down his neck.0 -
I'm sure people have lots of interesting comments on the 10lbs thing, but I want to comment on a different part.
If I was him, I'd bank 3 workouts a day!
I'd be killing it at the gym everyday with that kind of motivation.0 -
Maybe I didn't read close enough, but all I saw about the OP's weight was she was within 7 pounds of it. SO, how much has she lost ? Did he love her for who she was before she was " within 7 pounds?" Sounds pretty elitist to me. You should want your husband to be fit for a long and healthy life together. If you based your whole relationship on sexual attraction and looks alone, you already failed.
Married to my soul mate for 21 years now, she is what no other woman could ever be, the mother of our daughter, and a damn fine one at that.0 -
She DID mention that HE wanted to lose the weight.
Since you mentioned ages, I will let you in on a terrible little secret. It is 50 gazillion times harder to lose weight at 40 than it is at 28. When I was 28, I could eat whatever the heck I wanted and burn it off by walking around the block twice. Now, at 38, I have to lift weights, monitor cardio, eat clean - and even with all this hard work, it's STILL not coming off!
I understand where you're coming from (my hubby is about 40 lbs overweight but does nothing to lose it, and it's hugely affected our marriage because he's constantly complaining about his gut hanging over while he eats his 3rd bagel). But you also have to see it from HIS perspective. You work hard, you look fantastic. He works hard, nothing changes. You offer to help but he sees it as controlling. Your idea of helping may not be what he needs.
What would I do? Back off. Let him try things his way. He's not stupid (hopefully), he understands what he needs to do to lose weight. If he asks for your help, then help him. But in the meantime, just be supportive. If you're the one who cooks, cook healthy meals and buy healthy food. If he wants to eat crap, then don't deny him, but don't join in. Love him big or small, he needs a boost in his confidence that he can make these changes, because no matter how many BJs you offer him - you can't lose the weight for him. This is something that HE needs to do, and he needs a supportive wife, not a coach breathing down his neck.
Thanks for the reply. Honestly though, he works out for 3 days and loses 4lbs! He has no problem losing it, he just has no desire to workout or eat right. He ate 1100 calories in one supper last week alone.0 -
Could it possibly have something to do with the fact that you have not yet reached your weight loss goal? You said you still have 7 pounds to lose...that's only 3 pounds less than him.
I dated a man for years and in that time I adopted his eating habits and gained 20 pounds. In the time we dated he gained 50.
I lost the 20 pounds I gained and he kept his 50 on. Yet, he still wanted me to lose more. Nothing was every good enough. I had to listen to guilt trips and be poked fun at constantly. It made me hate him. I knew he was really just disappointed and uncomfortable with his appearance and he wanted me to feel as low as he did.
I'm not saying this is why you're giving your husband negative reenforcement but in any case he could read it as such and even if and when HE decides to lose the weight, you may be more attracted to him and he may be less attracted to you.0 -
Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.
Hilarious.0 -
Is it so wrong to want to be sexually attracted to your spouse?
Am I expecting too much?
yes...you promised to love him through thick and thin. This is the thick part.
agreed. my fiancee is overweight. he loved me before my weight loss and I love him even though he isn't losing. You should want to be attracted to him but this is causing undue tension and maybe something else is lacking. Worry about yourself and hopefully he will follow suit
^^ that. My fiance loved me just the same at 260 as he does now. He didn't exactly find me as attractive then as he does now, heck I didn't find me attractive then, but you need to be supportive of him no matter what. He has to want to do it, and remember that saying "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best"0 -
Wow really....I think it's age that bothers you, more than the weight.
You referred to it as making him look older...he is 40.
Put him on here, so i can tell him to kick your selfish shallow *kitten* to the curb!0 -
It's hard to motivate someone else unless they really want to be motivated....like pushing a rope uphill. It has to come from within each of us. Sorry for your troubles:(
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Yes. Like any addiction, change has to be internal.0 -
Only 10lbs and I would feel better. I am not asking for a six pack. He is stalky and has a solid build but carries all his weight in his belly. He could lose 20lbs total but I would just like the belly diminished...it ages him greatly...he just turned 40 and I am 28. We have been together for 7 years and the more years go by, the older he is looking. When we met, he wasn't this big, he was 165-170lbs. During our marriage he has gone up to 210lbs at the highest.
All I'm hearing from you is, "I will feel better", "I want"... What about him? How do you think he feels because of you pressuring him to lose this weight just so he can be attractive to you? And yes, when years go by, people get older looking.
I believe that relationships are give and take. There are many things that I do for my spouse because he has expressed they are his needs and wants, in this life and our marriage.
I expressed mine. Is that so wrong?
Uhhhh.....say what?!?!?! :noway:
So you are saying that if he told you, you would look better with plastic surgery and breast implants that would be ok? Seriously?! I'm 22 and even I'm not the ignorant. Ugh! You sound so shallow it's ridiculous. I typically don't judge on here at all, but you make me want to scream. I gained almost 100 lbs in the 8 years I've been with my fiance, never once did he tell me I needed to lose weight. Also, as time goes on people age!!!! Duh!! You think you look the same as you did 7 years ago? Think again! :grumble: :mad: :explode:0 -
Thank you for all your replies.
At my heaviest I was 145lbs post baby and stayed that weight for 2 years after our daughter was born. Now I am 127lbs. I worked damn hard to get to where I am and I love being healthy. I just want to share that with my spouse.
I believe that there is a definite weight limit that your spouse could reach before you say "hun I think it's time we lost a few lbs" That line will be different for everyone, but you can't tell me that if your SO got up to 250lbs+ for example, that you would still find them sexually attractive? Love them, yes of course, but attractive?
I realize that this has caused a lot of tension between us and I did have a talk with him about it today. I told him that I am done with our bets. That he knows how I feel about being healthy and that I leave it all up to him.
I will no longer try to encourage him or talk to him about calories.
If he chooses to come on board and actually make an effort then I will support him quietly because he resents me otherwise. No more of this back and forth.
He is a very prideful man and thinks he can do everything by himself. So I will let him and I will continue in my weight loss and bettering myself and my body.0 -
Uhhhh.....say what?!?!?! :noway:
So you are saying that if he told you, you would look better with plastic surgery and breast implants that would be ok? Seriously?! I'm 22 and even I'm not the ignorant. Ugh! You sound so shallow it's ridiculous. I typically don't judge on here at all, but you make me want to scream. I gained almost 100 lbs in the 8 years I've been with my fiance, never once did he tell me I needed to lose weight. Also, as time goes on people age!!!! Duh!! You think you look the same as you did 7 years ago? Think again! :grumble: :mad: :explode:
I agree. I gained 50lbs since meeting my SO and he always tells me how beautiful I am. Weight was never an issue. When I decided I wanted to change for MYSELF, he was nothing but supportive and made it clear that he loved me no matter what. That actually made me stronger and has helped keep me going. If he was tearing me down all the time and telling me how he didn't think I was attractive anymore, I'd be beating myself up over it and it would cause major issues in our relationship. In fact, I'd probably dump him for that.
My advice to you, OP, is to stop tearing your husband down before you lose him. Like someone else mentioned here, you agreed to be there for him through thick and thin. So do it. And if you honestly aren't attracted to your SO anymore and simply can't get past his weight, that's a damn shame and you both should see a counselor before you wreck your marriage over something silly.0 -
He ate 1100 calories in one supper last week alone.
And how is it that you know his calorie intake to such detail? Are you logging his food? Food Nazi might not begin to describe it.0 -
Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.
Hilarious.
...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.0 -
let him eat what he wants. you sound like a nag =/ i would hate that.0
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Is his belly 'hard'? Like, not a soft flabby belly, but one that protrudes out?
That's probably visceral fat, which might respond better to exercise than diet, anyway. Why not start walking or jogging together?
Food is such a personal issue, it might be easier to encourage him with exercise.0 -
You sound like a control freak.0
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because we ate the same things! I just ate much less!
I didn't tell him that the 2 burgers he ate were 300 calories each, plus hotdog, plus buns, plus coleslaw, plus chips, plus condiments etc.
It's when I do tell him this gently that I am the food nazi. I can't win.0 -
Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.
Hilarious.
...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.
Oh no!! He's .1 away from being overweight...really? It's a little sad that you keep track of this stuff...0 -
Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.
Hilarious.
...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.
Oh no!! He's .1 away from being overweight...really? It's a little sad that you keep track of this stuff...
I just looked it up actually...I had to put it in perspective for people who have never seen him.
What is so wrong with wanting my husband to be in a healthy weight category...geeesh
Overweight is no better!0 -
I am really not understanding all the judgement on this thread. What if she had phrased it this way:
Help! Unsupportive Spouse!
My husband orders chinese food and eats nothing but candy and chips in front of me!
He says he wants to lose weight, but won't make the effort and calls me a food nazi when I try to cook healthy!
!!!! !!!
I mean, wouldn't everybody be responding "You can't make him want it, worry about you!" or "What a jerk! Leave his *kitten*!"
Instead, she's trying to figure out how to encourage her husband to walk down this path (which he seems to have expressed interest in) and she's getting called all kinds of names. Geeeeeeeez, people!0 -
Wow really....I think it's age that bothers you, more than the weight.
You referred to it as making him look older...he is 40.
Put him on here, so i can tell him to kick your selfish shallow *kitten* to the curb!
*applauds0 -
but I have told him that I don't find him sexually attractive at the weight he's at.
A comment like that would do wonders for my self esteem. I'd probably be so ready to see you satisfied I'd want to do anything, that is as soon as I took some prozac and got over my deep depression.0 -
Are you kidding me? Let's imagine that this were a man, who was saying, "My wife is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. I told her I don't find her attractive, but that I will again if she loses 10 lbs." The OP is getting off easy.0
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Maybe you should try positive reinforcement. There have been times when my wife has seemed extra attracted to me after working out for a couple of weeks or made a comment about looking better and it doing something for her. That encouragement is particularly powerful for me.0
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My concern is that he will get back to 210lbs.
You guys are taking the 10lbs out of proportion. It is his LAST 10lbs. It's the 30+lbs that I am not wanting back in our life because of his eating habits.
Each to their own...210lbs = 95 kilos. A good size man IMO. I'm sure his insides are wonderful.
Also you have to realise, that it might not necessarily be the WEIGHT making him look old....he's 40 for crying out loud. No longer a 20-something. He's ageing. Reality.0 -
Ten pounds could not possibly make him an obese flabby mess of a man.
Hilarious.
...he's 5'5 and could lose 20lbs. He is 180lbs BMI of 30, so ya, obese.
Oh no!! He's .1 away from being overweight...really? It's a little sad that you keep track of this stuff...
I just looked it up actually...I had to put it in perspective for people who have never seen him.
What is so wrong with wanting my husband to be in a healthy weight category...geeesh
Overweight is no better!
You can't force him to do something that he isn't ready to do. That's what's wrong with it! He has to want to do it, and you trying to force it on him is going to make him either resent you, or keep gaining weight.
Also, @vanillabone I'm being so mean I suppose because she told her husband she's not attracted to him. Another woman said it, if it was her husband telling her that she was unattractive because of her weight the other girls would say oh he's a jerk, leave him, ect. So why can't the same thing apply to her? Never in my entire life would I even dream of telling my fiance he was unattractive, EVER. That's something that you don't do. Sure you can make suggestions about eating better, or working out together. My fiance and I lift together, weighin together, and eat healthy together, but I would have major resentment towards him if he just looked at me and told me I was unattractive then tried to bribe me with sex acts.0 -
Are you kidding me? Let's imagine that this were a man, who was saying, "My wife is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. I told her I don't find her attractive, but that I will again if she loses 10 lbs." The OP is getting off easy.
Well, the whole 'I don't find him attractive anymore' may be a bit starchy, but it's not like she said "I won't touch you till you're skinny". Attraction is what it is...A loving spouse will work through it, as she seems to be trying to do.0 -
You have to focus on yourself you can't really change other people. You can have sit down face to face, real talk about it and then you move on to working on yourself, he can only change himself.0
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I am really not understanding all the judgement on this thread. What if she had phrased it this way:
Help! Unsupportive Spouse!
My husband orders chinese food and eats nothing but candy and chips in front of me!
He says he wants to lose weight, but won't make the effort and calls me a food nazi when I try to cook healthy!
!!!! !!!
I mean, wouldn't everybody be responding "You can't make him want it, worry about you!" or "What a jerk! Leave his *kitten*!"
Instead, she's trying to figure out how to encourage her husband to walk down this path (which he seems to have expressed interest in) and she's getting called all kinds of names. Geeeeeeeez, people!
Interesting observation.0
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