Is it rude to bring your own food?

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tobeftmom
tobeftmom Posts: 52
in Health and Weight Loss
My mother in law invites us to dinner every week. I usually make do with what she makes, but it's usually not healthy.
Now that I am getting serious with clean eating, would it be ok to bring your own food or not?
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Replies

  • gettingtogoal2012
    gettingtogoal2012 Posts: 1
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    It might be better to offer to bring a dish such as a healthy vegetable side dish, rather than bringing your own separate meal. It also depends on your relationship with her. Will she vet insulted if you explain why you want to bring your own food. If not, then go for it, but I would probably let her know in advance.
  • kitinboots
    kitinboots Posts: 589 Member
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    I would say not. What sort of food does she make? Is there anything healthy that you can load your plate with and rave to her about? If you consistently praise her for the healthy options (wow this side salad is AMAZING I could eat it every day!) then she will make them again when you visit.
  • LoraF83
    LoraF83 Posts: 15,694 Member
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    It might be better to offer to bring a dish such as a healthy vegetable side dish, rather than bringing your own separate meal. It also depends on your relationship with her. Will she vet insulted if you explain why you want to bring your own food. If not, then go for it, but I would probably let her know in advance.

    It depends on your relationship with her. With my mother-in-law, she would be upset if I brought my own meal. If I offered to help and bring a side dish, that would probably be ok.
    One less than stellar meal a week is an ok price to pay for family peace (for me, anyway).
  • hhayes06
    hhayes06 Posts: 189 Member
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    I think maybe instead of bringing your own food you should start inviting her over to your house, that way you can control the meal. I do personally think it would be rude to show up with a whole meal for yourself but if you brought a side dish or two that should be okay. I would start by trying to trade off weeks for which house you will eat at and if she rebuffs that idea start bringing side dishes (telling her first of course). If she isn't receptive to either one of those ideas then start planning for that meal. When you know that you are going to dinner at her house then eat super healthy for breakfast and lunch. Or you could just use that as a cheat meal and chalk it up to a not awesome day.
  • bevtyndall
    bevtyndall Posts: 72 Member
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    I would eat before i got there and just eat a little of the food there.
  • corsetiere
    corsetiere Posts: 12
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    Hi! I have been in your position before.

    I say sit down with her and simply explain that you and your family are trying to be healthier in order to live fuller lives, and this includes eating healthy well balanced meals. Ask her if she would like you to help her prepare the food so that it will fit into a healthier category and benefit all of you.

    If she gets offended, remember you don't have to go to dinner at her place. Its optional.
  • Picola1984
    Picola1984 Posts: 1,133
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    Hide it in the plant pot
    Give it to the dog
    Swipe it under the carpet

    This seems works in cartoons
  • smilingalltheway
    smilingalltheway Posts: 216 Member
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    I agree, I talk to her first and let her know you enjoy visiting with her weekly, but you have requirements regarding your meal plan. You might try swapping weeks with her, so she can see the type of meals you prepare, you could still visit regularly and still take care of yourself.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I'd be offended if I made dinner and someone brought their own meal. I wouldn't mind if someone called ahead and asked if I can make something to accommodate their needs though. Why don't you try that?
  • tobeftmom
    tobeftmom Posts: 52
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    Hide it in the plant pot
    Give it to the dog
    Swipe it under the carpet

    This seems works in cartoons
    I wish we did have a do:laugh: g
  • drkatiebug
    drkatiebug Posts: 1,946 Member
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    Hi! I have been in your position before.

    I say sit down with her and simply explain that you and your family are trying to be healthier in order to live fuller lives, and this includes eating healthy well balanced meals. Ask her if she would like you to help her prepare the food so that it will fit into a healthier category and benefit all of you.

    If she gets offended, remember you don't have to go to dinner at her place. Its optional.

    Sort of this. I would not bring my own food. I would not do anything that could be perceived as saying her food is not good enough for you. I would say something along the lines of "you know we've been trying to cut out fats (sweets, whatever you want to say) at our house. I made this AMAZING dish the other night and would love to make it again sometime for the whole family to try. Would it be okay if I made it for next week's dinner?"
  • tobeftmom
    tobeftmom Posts: 52
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    I would say not. What sort of food does she make? Is there anything healthy that you can load your plate with and rave to her about? If you consistently praise her for the healthy options (wow this side salad is AMAZING I could eat it every day!) then she will make them again when you visit.

    She doesn't believe in brown rice, doesn't make any vegi side dishes or salads. I have brought a salad on a couple of occasions. She seemed to be ok with that.
  • fueledbychange
    fueledbychange Posts: 132 Member
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    Whenever we go to my grandmother's house, I always pack my own little salad. Nice and portable. Also, no one thinks I'm rude for doing it! They just know I'm serious.
  • dalgal26
    dalgal26 Posts: 781 Member
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    Be the one that brings the healthy dish. Eat a tad of hers and lots of yours. Hopefully everyone else will eventually jump on the healthier bandwagon. You may be the catalyst to get the entire family eating better. It may take awhile, but you never know.

    Wishing you great success in your journey to a healthier life!:flowerforyou:
  • fay_pigu
    fay_pigu Posts: 125 Member
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    My gf who can only do western food for a few days at best offers to do cooking.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I would say not. What sort of food does she make? Is there anything healthy that you can load your plate with and rave to her about? If you consistently praise her for the healthy options (wow this side salad is AMAZING I could eat it every day!) then she will make them again when you visit.

    She doesn't believe in brown rice, doesn't make any vegi side dishes or salads. I have brought a salad on a couple of occasions. She seemed to be ok with that.

    Well if that's the case then now I'd say bring your own food. Just make sure to bring some for other people too if they want.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    It is a little rude, but if this is something you do every week, you should have a decent enough relationship to explain that you are eating more healthfully now and would like to bring a side dish that helps you stick to your plan.

    You could also just call that meal your "free meal" for the week and just enjoy letting someone else do the cooking and kitchen clean up.
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    It would be interesting to get the recipes she uses, plug them into the recipe calculator here and see what your macros are for the meal. Perhaps she doesn't realize that she is eating a whole days worth of calories in a single meal. I know that I didn't have any clue what my calorie counts were before I started tracking last year.
  • RealWomenLovePitbulls
    RealWomenLovePitbulls Posts: 729 Member
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    just try to eat a small amount and have ur own food later maybe?
  • ndluvergirl
    ndluvergirl Posts: 2
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    My soon to be mother-in-law is pretty nice. However, I still did have some problems working with here when I decided to lose weight. I told her how much losing weight meant to me, and I explained that a slight cheat didn't bother me but when every side dish and main dish she made was outta the park she understood. So she started to add one veggie to the meal...this helped but not much. I then told her one week that I would like to make and bring the dinner the next week so she could have a week off. She accepted. I made something more my style and brought something that was a bit more her style(Meatloaf, salad, vegetables, and baked chicken). She then saw what I was choosing to eat. Now she makes a salad and vegetables every week with her own meal, I also bring the meal once a month. She also usually will make a healthier option of the main meal(aka a small roaster hen when she makes fried chicken). All it took was open honesty. I told her I loved her cooking... a bit too much. And that I needed to lose the weight, I told her how hard I had struggled in the past, and that I was worried about falling off the band wagon again...especially when my boyfriend is a fast food nut and she cooks polish/southern...and my mom is pop/sweet person. She was really sorry and didn't realize it was that hard at dinner.

    I would just sit down and talk to her. Don't be mean, don't insult her food as fatty but compliment it as being too good to have a healthy portion of.

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