Attraction Question

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  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    My theory about natural selection in humans has nothing to do with mate selection. My theory is (and I may catch flack for this) but if you die because you did something stupid... that my friends is natural selection in humans.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    Its an interesting one. I'd agree in part with it because I in part base my goals on women I think I can attract, which over time has evolved.

    However it has evolved as I've grown bigger and the women I can 'choose' has changed. So, in part it is also down to social standing on my part and her part as well and how both partners consider how others will consider them in front of other people.

    At 168lb stone I didn't attract many good lookers, at 250lb I attracted women I'd consider miles out of my league 5 years ago.

    So its not all that simple - social and physical needs must be considered among others - I'd have never have attracted http://www.myfitnesspal.com/xprincessx25 at my old weight/look.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
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    So I guess I see this on two different sides since I have been overweight and traditionally "less attractive" and more fit, so traditionally "more attractive".

    I never really had a problem meeting people even before, because of my kick *kitten* personality and modesty ;) BUT I found that people got to know ME then became interested. Now it's strange because I find people are noticing my looks first, sometimes shamelessly and it's weird, different and I don't know how to handle it lol!

    I have found that people become more or less attractive to me as I get to know them though. If they have a great personality I find myself thinking wow, hot. Or if they are dumb, rude or just boring I'm like ummmmmmm okay....
  • zgochenour
    zgochenour Posts: 67 Member
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    Humans definitely follow assortative mating. There are many universally desirable traits -- good looks, income potential, intelligence, positive attitude, etc that ceteris paribus increase your mate value. On the other hand there are selectively desirable traits like shared interests, religious views, type of humor that different folks will value differently. And of course even among universally desirable traits, different folks have different preferences when making tradeoffs between them. The market is very interesting because it's primarily a barter market (pride prices and dowries notwithstanding) and there's tons of weird signalling rituals and such that humans and other animals have come up with.. fascinating really

    I actually just gave a "market for mates" lecture to my class last week, and they were highly entertaining. I made sure I put in plenty of self-deprecating humor about how unlikely it was that I of all people would be lecturing people on dating and marriage strategy.. but I think they learned a lot. Trying to come up with an interesting exam question on the topic now.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    Haha, bump. I only date above me on the totem pole! ;]

    Actually, the lower someone is depicted on a totem pole, the higher level an honor is being given them. Interesting fact of the day. Carry on.

    So what you are saying, is that true beauty is on the inside? Gees...google the scale theory and find out what it is about. Also find out what the Natural selection theory is about. It is apparent in every organism. It goes way deeper than what you said. I wont cater to ignorant comments like that.

    I wasn't commenting on scale theory or natural selection, which I'm familiar and well-versed in (it ain't rocket surgery), but the meaning of actual totem poles, carved by Native Americans. The other girl's comment suggested that higher spots on a totem were "better" spots, when really it's the opposite. And, in fact, you did cater to a comment you saw as ignorant, since you responded and all.

    Haha.......Well, I guess I was out of place. My apologies. I rescind that comment.

    No worries. :-)

    True beauty is the character of the person, but you still have to dangle some outer "bait", if you will.

    But outer beauty is a concept that changes with each culture, fashion, economical trends, etc. Whatever trait shows higher economic and social status generally becomes a standard of beauty. Back in the day, women who were plump and pale were hot stuff because it showed they were well taken care of, did not lack food, and did not have to work outside at manual labour. Now in North America, if you're tan and skinny, you must have the free time to tan, which means you probably have a well paying job, and you have the money to pay for a gym membership. :-P
  • sunshine_gem
    sunshine_gem Posts: 390 Member
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    My theory about natural selection in humans has nothing to do with mate selection. My theory is (and I may catch flack for this) but if you die because you did something stupid... that my friends is natural selection in humans.

    Haha! I totally agree!

    Oh and to the woman saying she doesn't want her children to be gingers, we're gonna take over the world eventually. Get used to it.
  • rdyne1
    rdyne1 Posts: 53
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    Humans definitely follow assortative mating. There are many universally desirable traits -- good looks, income potential, intelligence, positive attitude, etc that ceteris paribus increase your mate value. On the other hand there are selectively desirable traits like shared interests, religious views, type of humor that different folks will value differently. And of course even among universally desirable traits, different folks have different preferences when making tradeoffs between them. The market is very interesting because it's primarily a barter market (pride prices and dowries notwithstanding) and there's tons of weird signalling rituals and such that humans and other animals have come up with.. fascinating really

    I actually just gave a "market for mates" lecture to my class last week, and they were highly entertaining. I made sure I put in plenty of self-deprecating humor about how unlikely it was that I of all people would be lecturing people on dating and marriage strategy.. but I think they learned a lot. Trying to come up with an interesting exam question on the topic now.


    See, I find this attractive, because he's a) smart, b) obviously loves his job and c) has the confidence to speak in front of crowds.
    I always have a thing for teachers/superiors, how is that natural selection?
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    I have found among my friends that beauty is definitely in the eye of the beholder. There are certain guys that my friends find to be hot, and I think they are fugly. We just don't agree on who is attractive. Granted, there are some dudes, that almost all of us can agree are NOT hot, but the ones that we swoon over vary greatly.

    Personally, I have to have the hots for someone if I'm going to date them. It's funny, because the last guy to ask me out before my husband I rejected, and all the reasons I gave him were total crap. "I don't want to ruin our friendship" blah blah baloney! I was friends with the hubs and I dated him because he was hot. :) I can't help it. Either I'm attracted or I'm not.

    Keep in mind, while this seems shallow, I do believe in some sort of natural selection. I think that if we are genetically related to someone, they don't smell as enticing to us as someone who is not related. I have been attracted to a variety of physical features, but the common denominator is that the guy cannot look like my dad or my brother, and he can't look like me.

    Sorry gingers! I am one too, and I can't date one. :)
  • marketdimlylit
    marketdimlylit Posts: 1,601 Member
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    I saw ginge hate!
    D:
  • fiberartist219
    fiberartist219 Posts: 1,865 Member
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    Oh, and for the record, neither of my parents had red hair. :glasses:
  • o2bADyer
    o2bADyer Posts: 208
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    Isn't it all personal preference? Two people aren't going to want or desire the exact same traits in their mate as the other person. And it isn't JUST the physical traits either...in my opinion. :wink:
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    Oh, and for the record, neither of my parents had red hair. :glasses:

    Wow....that ginger comment has gotten a lot of circulation. I had to google it to find out what it was. Turns out, it is ME! that got me interested. And then, as I slept in lazily, out of reach of the remote, I heard the Wendy Williams show (ugh), and she was talking about them. Strange.
    I can speak on the redhead thing. I have a dark auburn haircolor, and freckles. I do not have flame red hair, vampire pale skin, or bright freckles. Relative to my "race", I have a darker complexion. I am told that I look just like my dad, but only structurally. He has brown hair, and no freckles. I have the same hair color as my birth mother, but I believe only by coincidence. I will explain. Also, my facial makeup is from my dad.
    My sister, born to my current mother, is a spitting image of me, which tells me that my dad carried the redhead gene, but it was recessive in him. As he passed it on, it became dominant. He is adopted, so I cannot trace my geneology past my father, but because my sister looks exactly like I do, and her birthmother (my stepmother) does not have an ounce of red hair in her, I can come up with these conclusions.
    It is a complex science, but you have to look at family history to be able to tell if your kids will have red hair or not. I am not totally sure, but I think that the redhead gene is alternate in some cases. Is there a Geneologist than can shed some light on this? I would bet that if you are a redhead, fiber, someone in your biological family has red hair and freckles, even if it is a few generations back.
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
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    For some of us, the personality makes or breaks the physical attractiveness nearly completely. I don't care what you look like, if you don't have a sparkle in your eye when you laugh, make me laugh, or seem smart to me, there is no hope whatsoever. And while it sounds like crap, it's so very true for me. I've dated guys of all builds, and I just am not interested if I don't find that I could enjoy all of my time with him and have fun.

    That said, scale theory is largely about self image, too. Even though I've lost weight and husband claims I look better than ever, think my self image is still low overall. I still see myself as a 2 as far as looks go. I do, however, think I'm hilarious and witty and cute in a nerdy sort of way.... Which helps. But I also feel that my husband has taken huge strides in this and is now significantly higher on the scale than I am, and that's hard to deal with sometimes.

    that is why there are two main parts to the scale. you could be a ten, and it will be easy to meet people, but if you are two, it wont go much farther than that (unless the goal is a one night stand). But, you could look like a two, and have the personality of a ten, and never get a chance to show it, except with other 2s, as you wouldnt get a second look.

    P.S.---- A guy loves it when his girl gets slimmer, for two reasons. It makes it easier for you to be on top, and it enlarges his penis! :bigsmile: Food for thought.

    Ha! So it's all selfish, is it....?

    I kind of also suspect it's that I eat less food now, which means more for him.

    I'm really losing here.
  • anels449
    anels449 Posts: 3,187 Member
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    Hello. I have a question. I am not a religious buff. I want to get opinions on this question: Do you believe in Natural Selection? The theory suggests that a person will choose a relatively attractive person to be with, because their kids will look great too. I know the old cliche:"Its what is on the inside that counts." But do you really want the nicest, smoothest guy if he looks like McLovin? Sex appeal is a greater factor in relationships these days, as premarital sex runs rampant.
    I believe that if the sex attraction is not there anymore, the relationship is dead. We are mammals, it is natural. Science proves that better looking and fit people do better in life because it speaks volumes about their personality, and other people see that. What do you believe? In addition, do you believe in the scale theory (noone can date higher than their 1-10 rating)? I believe it has some merit, and for various reasons.

    For me at least, there's the initial sexual attraction, but if their personality isn't sexy as well, I'll walk away and find someone else.
  • myateam4
    myateam4 Posts: 63 Member
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    I absolutely think you have to be attracted to someone to be in a relationship. From the moment I seen my boyfriend I knew there was an attraction there, and then over time you find out who they really are and their personalities which should make you even more attracted to them. Could I be with someone who I wasn't attracted to? NO. Also I think people can be attracted to someone and go through a break up and then be completely disgusted by their appearance. And then we all have different tastes, so when someone is ugly to us they might be hot as hell to someone else. :)
  • gogojodee
    gogojodee Posts: 1,261 Member
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    Haha, bump. I only date above me on the totem pole! ;]

    Actually, the lower someone is depicted on a totem pole, the higher level an honor is being given them. Interesting fact of the day. Carry on.

    So what you are saying, is that true beauty is on the inside? Gees...google the scale theory and find out what it is about. Also find out what the Natural selection theory is about. It is apparent in every organism. It goes way deeper than what you said. I wont cater to ignorant comments like that.

    I wasn't commenting on scale theory or natural selection, which I'm familiar and well-versed in (it ain't rocket surgery), but the meaning of actual totem poles, carved by Native Americans. The other girl's comment suggested that higher spots on a totem were "better" spots, when really it's the opposite. And, in fact, you did cater to a comment you saw as ignorant, since you responded and all.

    haha - I'm actually 100% Native so I actually knew this, I was only making a joke. :] That tidbit of info was probably helpful.
  • iKapuniai
    iKapuniai Posts: 594 Member
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    t it basically assures me that my children will not be gingers!


    ಠ_ಠ

    LOL! I literally just lol'd.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
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    I'll come back to this..

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