need advice from men and women *warning TMI*

Is he still seeing the therapist? If so, could you ask if you could go along so you could talk about this issue? Is he on antidepressants? They can lower the libido. They can also prevent him from getting an erection. Both of those things are sometimes embarrassing for a man to admit and may be the reason he's not acting on your suggestions.

I am married 12years / 39years old
over the last 2 years have lost 125lbs
over the last 6 years my hubby has been mildly depressed and finally seen a therapist recently and is thankfully much better.
I deeply love hime - I know he loves me but there are time I feel that he is not IN love with me.
my problem is that while I was heavy - I didn't mind being the initiator behind closed doors.
since my weight change I feel more sexier, curvies and people notice. I am definitely more wanting of him only he is not.
He does nothing to "seduce me" and is only interested in quickies....when he is interested. Even that is maximum 4 times a month. I have stopped trying to "seduce" him because I feel I shouldn't have to always be the initiator.

I have requested he look up seduction techniques or I told him he could lay a nightie on the bed and I would change as soon I got home. Over a period of months he has not done it once...

I am just asking for a fresh perspective....

thank you.

SAME HERE!! we used to go at it almost every day, since i started eating healthy about a month ago ive gotten it maybe twice. weird.

Some men need to be told. Were having sex tonight. Or Not tonight.

In seriousness. Talk to him, be open, and listen to see what he has to say. If he truely loves you, it shouldnt matter how you look or what size you are.

Have you asked him what is going on? Tell him how you feel and that may open the gates for more communication.

I agree with hbrittingham, see if you can go with him to his therapists. Or maybe you go by yourself and talk to the therapist.

Firstly, sorry to hear that you're having those issues :-(

As you say that your husband has suffered from depression, perhaps it's a confidence issue for him, even subconscious? I know you say that he has responded well to counselling, but there could still be an underlying problem.

The only advice I can give is to talk to him, if he is willing! I am lucky in that my husband is very open, I know not everyone is though. Tell him how you're feeling, ask him if there is anything he wants. Bite the bullet & be direct; he'll never know what you want if you don't tell him! I broached the subject of handcuffs with mine the other day. Hey, it was worth a try!! ;-)

lowered libido is a very common symptom or depression. Even though your husband is improving, this can still be a factor. Per other suggestions, I would suggest talking to your husband about it openly and honestly. Consider seeing a couples therapist. I hope that things work out!

edit: age, hormones, activity level are also factors in male sex drive. You stated that you are 39, is your husband the same age? older? hormones may be at play. With older age comes hormonal changes to men as well as women (i.e. lower testosterone) which can decrease sex drive. Same goes with low activity level. Getting out and doing things together (taking walks, hitting the gym, playing sports, etc) could possibly help ease the depression and help with your sex life.

Well done first of all on your amazing weight loss!
At a time when you should be feeling great your husband being at a low ebb has to be hard to deal with. The good thing is at least he is turning the corner now and feeling better...
I think the main thing for you to do is not feel you are to blame for this, how he is feeling is likely to be nothing to do with how he feels about you.
Was he into seducing you before? I know we can all get into ruts and what we once made time for can become infrequent. Could he be a little bit threatened that you are now looking so well?
I do feel as he gets better mentally then that will have a positive effect in the bedroom.
Your suggestions have been ignored so perhaps hes just not comfortable with those ideas, can you get him to talk about the physical side at all?
I think the best approach for you is to be patient, be more touchy feely and enjoy kissing and cuddling just for now - let things that follow come naturally...
Its always best to talk your feelings through in a patient and loving way, without making him feel he is lacking in anyway as its a sensitive subject.

I do feel for you and I hope this is just a temporary blip for the both of you, you both should be enjoying a physically loving relationship for many years to come. I find that sometimes we can get out of the habit of love making so its just a matter of making new habits and that will take the both of you working on those and keeping things fun.

I hope that others reply to your post, others who can give you more professional advice - I am just replying from lifes experiences.

Ruth

I am married 12years / 39years old
over the last 2 years have lost 125lbs
over the last 6 years my hubby has been mildly depressed and finally seen a therapist recently and is thankfully much better.
I deeply love hime - I know he loves me but there are time I feel that he is not IN love with me.
my problem is that while I was heavy - I didn't mind being the initiator behind closed doors.
since my weight change I feel more sexier, curvies and people notice. I am definitely more wanting of him only he is not.
He does nothing to "seduce me" and is only interested in quickies....when he is interested. Even that is maximum 4 times a month. I have stopped trying to "seduce" him because I feel I shouldn't have to always be the initiator.

I have requested he look up seduction techniques or I told him he could lay a nightie on the bed and I would change as soon I got home. Over a period of months he has not done it once...

I am just asking for a fresh perspective....

thank you.

I'm right there with you!

Married 14.5 years.
40lbs gone and looking better than I did in High School.
Getting noticed!

Arent you glad the church created marriage?!

YAY!!!!
=(

you two need to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Tell him exactly what you told us. Communication is key. Like one guy posted on here...tell him. I know sometimes when my wife says one thing and i do that she will be like you werent supposed to do that..i tell her, Baby, i cant read your mind...Tell me. Just let him know how you feel.

In addition to what everyone else is saying, he may be self concious. I don't know how physically fit he is, but I know for some guys, just like with women, your strides toward fitness may be making him rethink his own physical appearance. With depression the issues and underlying causes can be so deep it takes a lot of patience. It is a daily struggle and it is important to have supportive and patient people around. Be direct, but gentle. I definitely cosign seeing if you can attend some therapy sessions as a couple too.