Long distance relationships.

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  • small_ninja
    small_ninja Posts: 365 Member
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    Yeap, I'm currently in the long distance relationship. He's currently living in Japan and I'm back home in New Zealand. We've been apart almost a year to this day (but I visited over Xmas) and we've got one more year to go till he's back home. We'd been together almost 2 years before he left. I wouldn't recommend a long distance relationship unless you were determined to make it work and knew roughly how long it was going to be long distance for. I do have jealousy issues, but they're not too bad and I make sure to be open with him about everything. We skype most days. It is difficult, so again, only do it if you're willing to make the commitment to that particular person, otherwise I'm not sure it's worth it.
  • MellowGa
    MellowGa Posts: 1,305 Member
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    MY wife went to School in Pittsburgh, PA and I went to School in NJ, we dated 6 years, been married for 15...together 21.....yes it can work.

    Have to be trusting and loose and not controlling for a relationship to work.
  • Shelgirl001
    Shelgirl001 Posts: 476 Member
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    I am currently in a long distance relationship (Colorado and Iowa, 10 hours) and we have been going out for 2 years and almost 2 months now. It is hard to deal with when you can't be together or don't get the time to communicate like you want or need to. He had been visiting here every couple months, but has been too busy at work this Summer, and I am a totally broke single Mom of two kids, so I can't go there. It makes things very hard to deal with. Personal issues, missing them, just wishing for someone to spend that special time with. It is especially hard after the newness wears off and you haven't even spent much time together. I think we have spent a total of 18 days/nights together in the 2+ years.
    It is all in your commitment as many have said, but also in the communication and the trust.
  • Shelgirl001
    Shelgirl001 Posts: 476 Member
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    When me and my husband met we lived 80 miles apart, which to you people in the USA probably seems like nothing but to me it was long distance because we only really saw each other on weekends as it was a 3 hour round trip do couldn't really be done in the week. Anyway we did that for a year then I moved to his home town and 5 years on from that we are about to celebrate our first wedding anniversary.

    Personally I think long distance relationships will only work if you are both committed and with a big of give and take. You always have times when it feels so rubbish you can't see them, or when you start to doubt it but we had way more quality time together than a lot of couples who live close by. Ultimately my relationship lasted because I was willing to move, and I think realistically it will only ever work if one of you is willing to do that. If you both want to stay in your home town, that's when problems arise.

    I agree here. You do have to want to eventually be together. One or the other will need to move.
    Currently, for my bf and I, I can't move because I need family around to help with my kids (Special needs) and he just seems to want to stay where he is. He says he will move, but It really doesn't seem like it. I am personally losing faith and he seems to want to just brush it off. I am not sure how to approach it any more because of this.
  • 7bel0
    7bel0 Posts: 192 Member
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    Relationships, long distance or not, are hard work. Successful relationships occur with trust and amazing communication. Without that, you're doomed.
  • jerbear67
    jerbear67 Posts: 247 Member
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    I have been in a long distance relationship I in Michigan and he in Chicago (200 miles). We made it work for 2 years without any problems. Between us driving to see one another, phone calls and the internet. We had a amazing trust and solid communication. It ended shortly after he moved back to South Africa to be with his very ill mother. At the time it would not have been safe for me to move there. After 6 months of not seeing him and a major time difference we decided to end it.
  • Kairunz
    Kairunz Posts: 51
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    My girlfriend moved to the bottom of the South Island (NZ) I was in the North Island $900 flight at the time, we had been together for about 18 months before she moved. I was 21 she was 18. We talked every night on the phone and I sent her cd's with voice recordings and music almost like a radio station just for her:) We talked about everything and never let a day go by that we didn't put effort into some sort of communication with each other.

    I moved down to her 18 months later and had only seen her about 3 times in that time.

    We got married a year after I moved and we just had our 8 year anniversary:)

    So yeah it can totally work but you have to really work on it and communicate all the time.... just like any relationship:)

    Best of luck:)
  • Candicimo
    Candicimo Posts: 44 Member
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    My then boyfriend, now husband, and I lived 4 hours apart. I was in Georgia and he was in South Carolina. We texted regularly and Skyped almost every night : ] We kept things interesting and learned a lot about each other during this time. Yes, sometimes it was really hard to be apart, but I feel like it brought us closer together. About the 3rd year we were together, he moved to Georgia to be closer to me as I finished my senior year of college and he proposed in September of that year (2010). Last December we got married!
  • DavetheHYNIC
    DavetheHYNIC Posts: 318 Member
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    Ever been in one? How did it work out? How far apart?

    I'm talking states. Very new relationship, very excited about it and nervous at the same time. I have jealousy issues that I never knew I had, with him. Tips? tricks? ideas?!

    lol HELP!!

    No never. I require a lot of attention, I don't like talkin on the phone, and I drive for my business so the last thing I wanna do in my personal life is have to drive to go see a SO.

    I have a 25 mile radius max. on someone I date seriously
  • Camandes
    Camandes Posts: 21
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    I'm currently in one. I live in Norway and he lives in England. At the moment we're trying to find him work here so that we can see each other more often. To be honest long distance relationships are hard and they require a lot of trust, but there are a lot of good things that come out of it. If you're in one the distance can either ruin the relationship or make it even greater. Depends if the person you're with is someone you would actually consider spending the rest of your life with i guess. For me it's made my feelings grow much stronger and even though being apart isn't fun, the joy of seeing them after a few months is amazing.
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
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    2.5 years, we're now engaged and planning a wedding.

    It's hard hard hard work.
    But it's worth it.
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    I've done it a few times. I actually REALLY like it because the visits are freaking awesome because you actually get to miss each other which doesn't really happen when you live close to someone. The first one was my high school boyfriend who went away to college a year before me...didn't work out b/c he was a jerk. Second one was in college and lasted a year and a half, we only broke up because our lives were going in very different directions. Third one...I married almost 7 years ago, and when that one started I was in Pennsylvania and he was in California! It can work!
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I was in a long distance relationship for over a year - same state, but completely different sides of that state.

    We put THOUSANDS of miles on our cars (I seriously put 22,000 miles on my car in like 3 months).

    After a year apart, he quit his job, left his home/friends/family and moved to be with me.

    They CAN work IF you're willing to put in the time and energy. Was it easy? NO WAY. One of the hardest things I've ever done, but it was worth it. :)
  • susannamarie
    susannamarie Posts: 2,148 Member
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    It can work out. I have friends for whom it has.

    I was in one for some time (he was in England, I was here). It ended, though, because he didn't trust *me* and I had (still have) close male friends through the martial arts group I was involved in. He was terrified I was going to dump him for one of them and so decided to dump me first.

    If either of you has trust issues, it's a recipe for disaster.
  • degausser234
    degausser234 Posts: 157 Member
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    I've been in a few long distance relationships, the farthest being Sao Paulo, Brasil. I think the biggest things that help are...
    1. You need to be independent
    2. You must have self confidence
    3. Trust, trust, trust

    Hope it works out! :)
  • breakingthecyclept2
    breakingthecyclept2 Posts: 29
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    Been there, it was fun and it taught me a lot about patience, commitment and the reality of love.

    Want to do it again, with someone but meh, he isnt into them. :wink:
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
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    Last year,my (ex) bf moved to Washington from Cali (I'm in Cali) in our third year of being in a relationship. About almost of month of him being out there we broke up. It unfortunately did not work out.

    I think LDR can work, just make sure COMMUNICATION is key. Period.
  • shida206
    shida206 Posts: 1 Member
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    I am currently in a LDR, I live in Texas, he is Illinois. Been together for the past 2 and a half years, and it is so freakin hard, we have our up's and downs, but I rather have him than any other man here in Houston. Very expensive too! But he is worth it! Try to communicate on a daily basis, and answer all the questions he asks and make sure you check in with him so he knows you are okay, and we Skype a lot so we can see each other, we text regularly as well. He is my best friend and my confidant... and I trust him. Don't go into a LDR if you can't trust him, and don't let haters get in your ear and put things in your mind. If I have a concern, I tell him and we talk about it so it is not a issue.
  • kalyn_QT
    kalyn_QT Posts: 273 Member
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    it's been working for me really well. I am from Arkansas and he is from Wisconsin. I go to school in Virginia so it's still quite a distance. We have been together for 2 and a half years. I see him one week in the summer and a week and a half in December. But we are constantly talking to each other and skype is absolutely wonderful. We have lots of trust and so it works. Next May I am moving up there so it has been great for us.
  • skinnyfithealthyme
    skinnyfithealthyme Posts: 213
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    I'm about to be - the universities we are going to are 17 hours apart. But we've got something really unique and I know we'll survive. It's just going to hard to miss each other so much. we both are very secure with each other though never had a jealous tendency so I'm not worried about that.

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