I hate myself.

Phoenix_Rising · December 2009

Under message boards, there is a specific area labeled Recipes.

This link might take you directly there:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/14-recipes

34at35 · December 2009

My name is Destiny Phan
I am 22, I have a little boy an amazing husband.
But im still not happy.
I am 251 pounds.
My weight has never been this bad.
I HATE it!!!
I HATE myself so bad!
I feel like one big FAT embarassment!
I Look in the mirror everyday and cant help but to think how much I HATE myself.
I HATE this person, who I have turned into.
I am SURROUNDED by skinny people and dont feel like I have a friend in the WORLD that can understand how I feel!
I feel so alone, and ashamed.
I feel so rejected by everyone including myself.
I walk into anywhere in public with my husband and feel like people are looking at us and thinking.. what is that amazing man doing with that TERRIBLE looking woman!
I have tried every diet under the sun, but nothing seems to work.
It might sound like a lame excuse but I DONT feel like I have the energy to exercise.
I LOVE my little boy with all my heart, but I feel like he loves everyone else more because they get down and play with him.
My back is always hurting and if I get down on the ground to play with him.. its a lot of work to just get back up.
I SERIOUSLY fee like I just dont have any energy at all.
Everything LITTLE thing seems like such a challenge.
And because I HATE myself, I guess Im just angry at myself and lash out at others sometimes.. and Im feel like im slowly driving everyone that does care away because I cant stand myself.. I feel like I dont even deserve to have people who care..
I am at the LOWEST point in my life and I just DONT know what to do.. :(:(

*Des

Thank you, Destiny, for adding myself and so many others as your MFP friends. I'm sure I speak for all of us, you won't be sorry you did. We will be here to help you when you want help. You can do this! It ill take time and changes to your lifestyle, exercise, and eating habits but they will be good for you, your family, and your outlook on life. Believe me, they will.

Many of us here have lost lots of weight with MFP's help and you can too. You can check out the threads in the Success Stories area for my story, but better yet, a picture is worth a thousand words they say, so here's mine:

Casi23 · December 2009

If you want a simple way to start working out that is private and doesn't take up a lot of your time...try Jillian Michael's 30-Day Shred. It's an easy-to-find DVD on Amazon or at Wal-mart...and the only equipment you need are two small free weights.

Each workout is only 20 minutes a day and she shows you ways to modify the workout if you are just starting out. I set my alarm a half an hour early and knock it out before work! It'll give you a little push and once you lose a little weight and get stronger, you'll feel more confident to hit the gym or try a short jog outside. Try to stick with this DVD for the full month and weigh yourself only once a week.

Good luck!

Mina133842 · December 2009

I agree- start out small - I am too. I also have a son, and am not able to do everything I want to do - but I've done a few things to get started (and I have more weight to lose than you!) get a pedometer - I think I got one from the $1 bin at Target, just to get started. Start walking - I used the high school track after work, or a lot of shopping malls have a walking club in the morning before the mall opens - take the little one (I put my son in the stroller and take him with). I like the high school track - because I can track my distance. Start out with a couple of laps, and then each week work up to more. The track I use 4 laps = a mile. My husband goes with too, so it's family time (not during the winter). invest in a good cookbook. I have a few, and you can usually find them at yard sales, so you can build your collection fairly inexpensively. some good ones to try are the Biggest Loser ones, or some of the Weight Watcher ones- I have a few of them- and those books usually list out the nutrition info as well, and all the recipes I've tried have been delicious. I've also picked up some on Amazon.com (really cheap) and at used book stores. There are lots of resources on here to help you - we are all in this together! it starts one step at a time, and baby step are ok, that's how a mountain eventually gets climbed - you start out with one foot in front of the other.

Phoenix_Rising · December 2009

Many of us here have lost lots of weight with MFP's help and you can too. You can check out the threads in the Success Stories area for my story, but better yet, a picture is worth a thousand words they say, so here's mine:

34, you look fantastic! Like a whole new person! (Your wife is pretty hot too

)

34at35 · December 2009

Many of us here have lost lots of weight with MFP's help and you can too. You can check out the threads in the Success Stories area for my story, but better yet, a picture is worth a thousand words they say, so here's mine:

34, you look fantastic! Like a whole new person! (Your wife is pretty hot too )

Why, thank you young lady! And my wife thanks you too! Several people have told me that I look 20 years younger now. I know I feel that way - maybe even 30 yrs! :laugh: :laugh: And several others have said I look like Ted Turner! (Really? I just wish I had his money - he can keep Jane Fonda or whomever he's married to now! I'm sticking with the woman I married 35 yrs ago! She's still plenty hot in my eyes - and I'm glad you feel the same!

mrsbeck · December 2009

Baby steps...I wish I had something other to add, but the previous posters beat me to it. You've gotten some great advice in this thread. Add me to your friend list, I'll be happy to talk to you anytime you want encouragement.

This isn't easy, but it's an investment in your quality of life that will pay off a thousandfold. One day, you'll find yourself chasing your child around the playground and tiring him out! And you'll look back and be so glad you did this.

If you feel overwhelmed, just pick one healthy habit to add a day. Like, today you drink 64 ounces of water. Tomorrow, you drink the water and you go for a walk. And so on. I would make eliminating the drive thru food a priority. If you are eating fresh, healthy food, you will be more energetic, and more likely to stick to an exercise routine. All you really need for exercise is to strap on a pair of good shoes, and head for the horizon.

You can do it!!

BamaRose0107 · December 2009

First: Glad your here its a great place for support, motivation and help!
Second: Stop with the self hate. I know from personal experience it will only make you sink deeper and deeper and then you will just have a harder time doing the things you want to do! Focus on what is good in your life. Your family your friends anything but your weight and how you look because that is only a small part of who you are. You have made a great start coming here. You should be proud. Look at this as your new start. Be patient and work hard and it will pay off.
Third: My heaviest weight was 280-285. I read your post and those same words have come out of my mouth. It really gave me chills. If you need any advice I would love to help.

rfsahae · December 2009

GREAT advice here.

Everyone who is successful has found a trick that works for them.

For me, it's having something in the refrigerator that is ok to eat, whether it's something I cooked the night before, or a packaged healthy salad from the supermarket. (Trader Joe's is my first choice because they have salads between 170 and 350 calories)

I also like the way this site adds my daily exercise to my calories and tells me I can have more food! Great motivation!

Hoping to lose 20 lbs by my birthday (March). Do you have a modest goal?

Tamishumate · December 2009

You can do this. You need some time in the kitchen , even if its at midnight, you need that time to plan and prepare. The first 6 months of this year I didn't not have any fast food. I was afraid I would fall back into my old habits and I just didn't want to tempt myself. Check out my profile and my before pics. I understand where you are coming from. You can feel better. You just need to want it bad enough. It sounds like you are there!
Best of luck! Tami

futfurd · January 2010

Good news Destiny you are right where you need to be! I have tried to talk to many people who ask "how do you do it". I tell them, and then hear "well I just don't have time for that". All you can do for people like that is say "you aren't ready". You have to be at the bottom, Almost desperate for the change. When it becomes THE priority to you it will change for the better. I know you have a child and husband but you really have to make this goal your priority for a while. I was 315 pounds, and have lost 100 pounds to date. I KNOW you don't have energy. This is a circular event. The more sedentary you get the less energy you have. The less energy you have the more sedentary you get. The first few weeks are HARD! Then you will notice you're up doing things you would have just let slide a month before. You will have energy you never had before. It becomes EASY! This is the catch! It is a lifestyle change. You can't continue to eat whatever you want or the weight will come back. You can't start skipping workouts on a regular basis. You have to dedicate yourself to this thing for the long haul. Last but not least, I don't think you hate yourself, but what you let yourself become. I was there too. The great news is you can change that! I promise! If you want a fitness pal friend, I would be honored to help you in any way I can. Keep your head up girl You can do this!

jrbowers83 · January 2010

Hi Destiny. I would just like to invite you to join one of the groups I'm in... Chubby Twenties. We all understand how hard it is to feel so overweight, exhausted, and depressed with yourself because of your weight and in "your prime" age feeling old, and would love to lend a hand.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/71908-any-more-chubby-twenties

BTW, I just wanted to suggest a counseling option. I receive therapy through someone I met at church. He bills based on a sliding scale dependent on income, and so I'm able to get the help I need for $20 a session. Depending on your insurance, you may have coverage for therapy as well (something like 20 sessions for most plans). I think it would be a good thing to look into, but some really good friends can sometimes do the trick

Mina133842 · January 2010

forgot to mention - church is an excellent place to find counseling - most pastors are well versed in counseling, and usually it's free! Also, you can check your insurance - and see if there's something there- my workplace offers free "wellness" perks, some of them being counseling, or 24 hour nurse hotline, or things like that- and I can tell you, I had no idea that was available, until I started looking for what I had to do during my pregnancy (as far as work goes). I stumbled upon the free stuff at work, and can tell you, it's been great for me. Good luck! (the best part is, you're in the right place now, since you've taken that GIANT first step!)

I hate myself.

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