How to motivate my boyfriend to work out with me

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eatrainsmile
eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a little problem. My boyfriend moved in my place one month ago. Both of us work so we come home at about 7 pm. As the girlfriend I am supposed to cook and feed him if you know what I mean:) After dinner or before dinner I want to go to gym or run outside or do something. He doesnt want to join me and I dont want to leave him alone at home because we can spend time only in the evening after work so I dont want him to think I disregard him. I dont know what I should do. Should I stop worrying and go to work out alone or should i find a way to bring him to the gym with me. I am sure there are many married couples over there, how do you make time to work out without disregarding your husbands/wives who are just couch potatoes:)
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  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
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    I was the couch potato wife, and my husband that fitness king, and there was nothing that he did or could have done that would have made me want to work out with him before I was ready to. So put up the offer, but worry about yourself, cause trying to force him to do it is probably not going to work...If is more important that you spend time together in the evenings than you may have to find an alternative time to work out like very early in the morning or on lunch breaks. Honestly I don't think he will think you are disregarding him. At least I never did.
  • alleycat88
    alleycat88 Posts: 756 Member
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    Not your responsibility to get him up and at 'em doll.

    All you can do is ask if he wants to join and if he doesn't go by yourself :)
  • fat2fitKara
    fat2fitKara Posts: 136
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    Maybe try to find something of his he'd like you to be more involved in and try to compromise?
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
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    Oh yes probabily I should ask him to join me although I know the answer. If he doesnt like to work out, I must let it go. I'll continue my life like I have done before. It doesnt mean I should change my life just because he lives with me now, does it? I'll tell myself I must not do something I dont like. Spending the evening in front of the TV is sooo boring to me. I just need to be sure if he doesnt think I disregard him. Oh maybe it's me who is trying to be a mom to him. I feel a bit pressure since we are living together. I love him but I am afraid when I think of myself married with kids. I am afraid I'll have no life and I'll have to live their lives. Do I sound paranoiac?
  • nalfavi
    nalfavi Posts: 174 Member
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    I used to ask my ex to just walk to the gym with me and hang out with me while I did my workout. We talked, he played on his phone, and sometimes I'd trick him into trying weight lifting, being all 'Oh, I bet you can't press over 10lbs!' (which I was the one even having problems with 5lbs, I think he ended up doing 50 rofl) It gave us some time together, and he didn't come EVERY time, but I wasn't expecting him to. Once a week was cool with me, and he ended up trying some of the equipment while he was there out of curiosity, so it gave him the starting point to make it a routine if he enjoyed it.
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
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    This is really clever:)
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I am sure there are many married couples over there, how do you make time to work out without disregarding your husbands/wives who are just couch potatoes:)
    It's okay to do your own thing. Go do your workout then come home and sit with him for a while. The motivation for him may be seeing how good you look and feel and he'll decide to join. You especially need time for yourself after you have children, so try to always find time for yourself. You'll be a better wife and mother if you're emotionally and physically happy.
  • sbernardy
    sbernardy Posts: 188
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    I have sort of the same problem.. We have six kids together... so when I get home.. I have to kick of the shoes.. and get to work making supper while all the kids including the hubby clean up around the house.. a month ago I was trying to squeeze in a hour work out.. but I missed being home with the family.. since family is super important to me.. I adjusted the time I work out. I have a 35 mile commute in the morning so I was usually leaving the house around 6am.. I decided to get up earlier.. yes I roll out of bed around 3:45-4am.. and head to the gym for an hour.. this way.. When I get home.. I spend it with the kids and my husband.. (since he's not ready to start lifting weights yet) Just an idea!
  • dereksmb
    dereksmb Posts: 95 Member
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    Tell him if he doesn't get off his lazy *kitten* your going to upgrade to someone better. =p
  • classycouture
    classycouture Posts: 888 Member
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    Sex is always a great motivator!
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
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    When I first started changing my eating habits/exercising, my boyfriend was supportive but didn't really want anything to do with it either. What seemed to change his mind was when I was starting to have small victories (pants not fitting anymore, etc.) and he was remaining stagnant.
    He now goes to the gym every morning while I'm in work and has been changing with me. I didn't pressure him to do it.. he chose it on his own.

    If I were you, I'd ask him to WALK with you. A run can seem really difficult for someone just starting out. Maybe progress him into it?
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
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    Sex is always a great motivator!
    Damn...always late
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    Sex, or stop nagging him.
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
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    Work out alone. You need time to yourself, too.

    Or you could work out in a wicked weasel bikini. (yes this is a brand. no their site is not safe for work...)
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
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    Sex, or stop nagging him.

    This sounds about right.....my hubbby would work out if I bribed him with a hot night in.
  • _TheAceofSpades_
    _TheAceofSpades_ Posts: 5
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    I'm in the same situation, although having a little more success. I'd echo what insomniaddict said - two months into living together, he started noticing the difference, and I think that's been a motivator. I think I can add a few things more, though:

    1. Cook healthy fancy stuff. He'll feel like you're still, you know, being house-wife-y but at the same time he'll probably get the point and start to think a little healthier, and it will be better for you. Another good choice is to use a crock pot. If you can have dinner already ready, you don't need to spend time cooking dinner, which gives you a little more time to just relax.

    2. This one is maybe a bit cruel, but it worked for me. My boyfriend gets jealous somewhat easily (I have an armada of ex'es that I'm still friends with, and he's somehow still worried about them, even after we've been dating for years...) and so I asked him if he would train for a 5k with me - or if I should look for another running partner to motivate me. He sure didn't want that! Haha.
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
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    You can't make anyone change. They need to find the internal motivation to do it themself
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
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    As part of a married couple, it's definitely challenging to weigh spending time on yourself against spending time together. The way I see it, there are 3 components to my marriage: me, him, & us. All 3 are equally important, even though the balance of where focus is placed may shift from time to time.

    For the "me" part, working out is not optional. My health & fitness are #1 on my priority list & that's not selfish. If I take the best possible care of myself - & taking care of myself physically leads to better emotional health too, especially with stress management - then I can be the best possible wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee, etc. I don't feel pressured to choose between spending that time taking care of myself & entertaining my husband. I'm in grad school, work full-time, work out 6 days a week & I still make time for my him. He has a life of his own just like I do & if me improving my health makes him feel bad about himself, that's his issue, not mine.

    That said, people are ready to make a change when they're ready, & not a moment before. In the meantime, I love him whether he does what I do or not, so I don't throw it in his face that I'm being awesome in the gym every day. But if I'm proud of myself for smashing a PR, I'll share it with him because he is my friend & your friends are supposed to support you when you accomplish something (he does).

    I don't think it's fair to expect him to jump on board just because you are. If he's fine not working out, then leave him be. If he tries to make you feel guilty for taking time out for yourself, that just means he's got some insecurities about it & he'll need to work that out. You need to do what makes you feel good about yourself & try to keep it balanced enough that you still give him some of your time. Don't let him manipulate you into slacking off so he can stop feeling bad.

    Keep up those workouts & let that be separate from your relationship with him. If he wants to get on your bandwagon, awesome. If he doesn't, that's ok too. Leave him be & he might surprise you.
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
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    Tell him if he doesn't get off his lazy *kitten* your going to upgrade to someone better. =p

    Haha If I could find someone better:)
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
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    I have sort of the same problem.. We have six kids together... so when I get home.. I have to kick of the shoes.. and get to work making supper while all the kids including the hubby clean up around the house.. a month ago I was trying to squeeze in a hour work out.. but I missed being home with the family.. since family is super important to me.. I adjusted the time I work out. I have a 35 mile commute in the morning so I was usually leaving the house around 6am.. I decided to get up earlier.. yes I roll out of bed around 3:45-4am.. and head to the gym for an hour.. this way.. When I get home.. I spend it with the kids and my husband.. (since he's not ready to start lifting weights yet) Just an idea!


    This is why I am afraid of marriage. I feel the same although I am not married and dont have children. As soon as I come home from work, I cant stop doing things like preparing food, tidying around etc. I used to do it for myself but now the mess has been doubled so I have to pay extra effort. I sometimes dont sit down until it's time to go to bed and I am almost dead. I cant imagine what it'll be like when i have kids. Oh scary! Waking up at 4 am?? This is impossible. It means that I have to go to bed at 8 pm which will not let me spend time with him either. I do really envy women like your who can find a balance. It sounds uber eutopic to me for now. I need to be more laid down, I guess. I just cant do it. I am such a control freak. :-S

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