How to motivate my boyfriend to work out with me

eatrainsmile
eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have a little problem. My boyfriend moved in my place one month ago. Both of us work so we come home at about 7 pm. As the girlfriend I am supposed to cook and feed him if you know what I mean:) After dinner or before dinner I want to go to gym or run outside or do something. He doesnt want to join me and I dont want to leave him alone at home because we can spend time only in the evening after work so I dont want him to think I disregard him. I dont know what I should do. Should I stop worrying and go to work out alone or should i find a way to bring him to the gym with me. I am sure there are many married couples over there, how do you make time to work out without disregarding your husbands/wives who are just couch potatoes:)
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Replies

  • Meg_78
    Meg_78 Posts: 998 Member
    I was the couch potato wife, and my husband that fitness king, and there was nothing that he did or could have done that would have made me want to work out with him before I was ready to. So put up the offer, but worry about yourself, cause trying to force him to do it is probably not going to work...If is more important that you spend time together in the evenings than you may have to find an alternative time to work out like very early in the morning or on lunch breaks. Honestly I don't think he will think you are disregarding him. At least I never did.
  • alleycat88
    alleycat88 Posts: 756 Member
    Not your responsibility to get him up and at 'em doll.

    All you can do is ask if he wants to join and if he doesn't go by yourself :)
  • fat2fitKara
    fat2fitKara Posts: 136
    Maybe try to find something of his he'd like you to be more involved in and try to compromise?
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
    Oh yes probabily I should ask him to join me although I know the answer. If he doesnt like to work out, I must let it go. I'll continue my life like I have done before. It doesnt mean I should change my life just because he lives with me now, does it? I'll tell myself I must not do something I dont like. Spending the evening in front of the TV is sooo boring to me. I just need to be sure if he doesnt think I disregard him. Oh maybe it's me who is trying to be a mom to him. I feel a bit pressure since we are living together. I love him but I am afraid when I think of myself married with kids. I am afraid I'll have no life and I'll have to live their lives. Do I sound paranoiac?
  • nalfavi
    nalfavi Posts: 174 Member
    I used to ask my ex to just walk to the gym with me and hang out with me while I did my workout. We talked, he played on his phone, and sometimes I'd trick him into trying weight lifting, being all 'Oh, I bet you can't press over 10lbs!' (which I was the one even having problems with 5lbs, I think he ended up doing 50 rofl) It gave us some time together, and he didn't come EVERY time, but I wasn't expecting him to. Once a week was cool with me, and he ended up trying some of the equipment while he was there out of curiosity, so it gave him the starting point to make it a routine if he enjoyed it.
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
    This is really clever:)
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    I am sure there are many married couples over there, how do you make time to work out without disregarding your husbands/wives who are just couch potatoes:)
    It's okay to do your own thing. Go do your workout then come home and sit with him for a while. The motivation for him may be seeing how good you look and feel and he'll decide to join. You especially need time for yourself after you have children, so try to always find time for yourself. You'll be a better wife and mother if you're emotionally and physically happy.
  • sbernardy
    sbernardy Posts: 188
    I have sort of the same problem.. We have six kids together... so when I get home.. I have to kick of the shoes.. and get to work making supper while all the kids including the hubby clean up around the house.. a month ago I was trying to squeeze in a hour work out.. but I missed being home with the family.. since family is super important to me.. I adjusted the time I work out. I have a 35 mile commute in the morning so I was usually leaving the house around 6am.. I decided to get up earlier.. yes I roll out of bed around 3:45-4am.. and head to the gym for an hour.. this way.. When I get home.. I spend it with the kids and my husband.. (since he's not ready to start lifting weights yet) Just an idea!
  • dereksmb
    dereksmb Posts: 95 Member
    Tell him if he doesn't get off his lazy *kitten* your going to upgrade to someone better. =p
  • classycouture
    classycouture Posts: 888 Member
    Sex is always a great motivator!
  • jynxxxed
    jynxxxed Posts: 1,010 Member
    When I first started changing my eating habits/exercising, my boyfriend was supportive but didn't really want anything to do with it either. What seemed to change his mind was when I was starting to have small victories (pants not fitting anymore, etc.) and he was remaining stagnant.
    He now goes to the gym every morning while I'm in work and has been changing with me. I didn't pressure him to do it.. he chose it on his own.

    If I were you, I'd ask him to WALK with you. A run can seem really difficult for someone just starting out. Maybe progress him into it?
  • _binary_jester_
    _binary_jester_ Posts: 2,132 Member
    Sex is always a great motivator!
    Damn...always late
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Sex, or stop nagging him.
  • 76tech
    76tech Posts: 1,455 Member
    Work out alone. You need time to yourself, too.

    Or you could work out in a wicked weasel bikini. (yes this is a brand. no their site is not safe for work...)
  • mamagooskie
    mamagooskie Posts: 2,964 Member
    Sex, or stop nagging him.

    This sounds about right.....my hubbby would work out if I bribed him with a hot night in.
  • _TheAceofSpades_
    _TheAceofSpades_ Posts: 5
    I'm in the same situation, although having a little more success. I'd echo what insomniaddict said - two months into living together, he started noticing the difference, and I think that's been a motivator. I think I can add a few things more, though:

    1. Cook healthy fancy stuff. He'll feel like you're still, you know, being house-wife-y but at the same time he'll probably get the point and start to think a little healthier, and it will be better for you. Another good choice is to use a crock pot. If you can have dinner already ready, you don't need to spend time cooking dinner, which gives you a little more time to just relax.

    2. This one is maybe a bit cruel, but it worked for me. My boyfriend gets jealous somewhat easily (I have an armada of ex'es that I'm still friends with, and he's somehow still worried about them, even after we've been dating for years...) and so I asked him if he would train for a 5k with me - or if I should look for another running partner to motivate me. He sure didn't want that! Haha.
  • EBFNP
    EBFNP Posts: 529 Member
    You can't make anyone change. They need to find the internal motivation to do it themself
  • stubbysticks
    stubbysticks Posts: 1,275 Member
    As part of a married couple, it's definitely challenging to weigh spending time on yourself against spending time together. The way I see it, there are 3 components to my marriage: me, him, & us. All 3 are equally important, even though the balance of where focus is placed may shift from time to time.

    For the "me" part, working out is not optional. My health & fitness are #1 on my priority list & that's not selfish. If I take the best possible care of myself - & taking care of myself physically leads to better emotional health too, especially with stress management - then I can be the best possible wife, mother, daughter, sister, employee, etc. I don't feel pressured to choose between spending that time taking care of myself & entertaining my husband. I'm in grad school, work full-time, work out 6 days a week & I still make time for my him. He has a life of his own just like I do & if me improving my health makes him feel bad about himself, that's his issue, not mine.

    That said, people are ready to make a change when they're ready, & not a moment before. In the meantime, I love him whether he does what I do or not, so I don't throw it in his face that I'm being awesome in the gym every day. But if I'm proud of myself for smashing a PR, I'll share it with him because he is my friend & your friends are supposed to support you when you accomplish something (he does).

    I don't think it's fair to expect him to jump on board just because you are. If he's fine not working out, then leave him be. If he tries to make you feel guilty for taking time out for yourself, that just means he's got some insecurities about it & he'll need to work that out. You need to do what makes you feel good about yourself & try to keep it balanced enough that you still give him some of your time. Don't let him manipulate you into slacking off so he can stop feeling bad.

    Keep up those workouts & let that be separate from your relationship with him. If he wants to get on your bandwagon, awesome. If he doesn't, that's ok too. Leave him be & he might surprise you.
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
    Tell him if he doesn't get off his lazy *kitten* your going to upgrade to someone better. =p

    Haha If I could find someone better:)
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
    I have sort of the same problem.. We have six kids together... so when I get home.. I have to kick of the shoes.. and get to work making supper while all the kids including the hubby clean up around the house.. a month ago I was trying to squeeze in a hour work out.. but I missed being home with the family.. since family is super important to me.. I adjusted the time I work out. I have a 35 mile commute in the morning so I was usually leaving the house around 6am.. I decided to get up earlier.. yes I roll out of bed around 3:45-4am.. and head to the gym for an hour.. this way.. When I get home.. I spend it with the kids and my husband.. (since he's not ready to start lifting weights yet) Just an idea!


    This is why I am afraid of marriage. I feel the same although I am not married and dont have children. As soon as I come home from work, I cant stop doing things like preparing food, tidying around etc. I used to do it for myself but now the mess has been doubled so I have to pay extra effort. I sometimes dont sit down until it's time to go to bed and I am almost dead. I cant imagine what it'll be like when i have kids. Oh scary! Waking up at 4 am?? This is impossible. It means that I have to go to bed at 8 pm which will not let me spend time with him either. I do really envy women like your who can find a balance. It sounds uber eutopic to me for now. I need to be more laid down, I guess. I just cant do it. I am such a control freak. :-S
  • Mclark325
    Mclark325 Posts: 51
    workout Naked
  • MissShancey
    MissShancey Posts: 464
    naked push ups?
  • JosieRawr
    JosieRawr Posts: 788 Member
    I have sort of the same problem.. We have six kids together... so when I get home.. I have to kick of the shoes.. and get to work making supper while all the kids including the hubby clean up around the house.. a month ago I was trying to squeeze in a hour work out.. but I missed being home with the family.. since family is super important to me.. I adjusted the time I work out. I have a 35 mile commute in the morning so I was usually leaving the house around 6am.. I decided to get up earlier.. yes I roll out of bed around 3:45-4am.. and head to the gym for an hour.. this way.. When I get home.. I spend it with the kids and my husband.. (since he's not ready to start lifting weights yet) Just an idea!


    This is why I am afraid of marriage. I feel the same although I am not married and dont have children. As soon as I come home from work, I cant stop doing things like preparing food, tidying around etc. I used to do it for myself but now the mess has been doubled so I have to pay extra effort. I sometimes dont sit down until it's time to go to bed and I am almost dead. I cant imagine what it'll be like when i have kids. Oh scary! Waking up at 4 am?? This is impossible. It means that I have to go to bed at 8 pm which will not let me spend time with him either. I do really envy women like your who can find a balance. It sounds uber eutopic to me for now. I need to be more laid down, I guess. I just cant do it. I am such a control freak. :-S
    1. you both work= u both clean(that's how it works in my house, my SO cooks too and when I was working and he wasn't he did 90% of the housework and cooking)

    2. it's important to have time to yourself too, as long as it's not creating tension between y'all, he's probably use to having his "me" time too. And I've learned that my baby is much more content sitting on the couch relaxing while I go work out. :)
  • BerryH
    BerryH Posts: 4,698 Member
    As the girlfriend I am supposed to cook and feed him if you know what I mean:)
    Here's your problem. Make him cook dinner while you work out.
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    As the girlfriend I am supposed to cook and feed him if you know what I mean:)
    Here's your problem. Make him cook dinner while you work out.


    No, this is 2012, I dont know what you mean. Does he 'expect' you to cook, or are you putting it all on yourself?

    There's no reason why the boyfriend cant put time in to make a meal to be supportive for you to let you hit the gym.
  • eatrainsmile
    eatrainsmile Posts: 220 Member
    Of course as a man he must be expecting me to do cooking. He is not telling me so though. In fact he helps me in the kitchen if I ask him. It's just me who takes all responsibility about the house. It's not about cooking or doing housework. I am just getting used to living with someone else, I thought it would be nice to make time for my workouts and him at the same time.
  • MrsSWW
    MrsSWW Posts: 1,585 Member
    I've been with MrWW for 19 years, sometimes I cook, sometimes he cooks. If either of us wants or needs to do something else we do it - yes, we'd more than likely say to the other one that we were busy doing something else, but there's really no need for an explanation.

    If he's hungry let him cook himself something, and hopefully he'll offer to make enough for you too! You both work full time so don't feel you have to do everything in the home too :flowerforyou:
  • cramernh
    cramernh Posts: 3,335 Member
    Of course as a man he must be expecting me to do cooking. He is not telling me so though.

    Sorry, thats a very bad assumption.

    You can work out any time you want. If this boyfriend is truly supportive, he would be lifting some of the responsibilities from you and take them on so you could go work out. Whether its 4am you go or 4pm you go - but to willingly think this? ... Thats not good... thats not mentally healthy to think "of course as a man he must be expecting" you to do the cooking. I wonder how he would feel if he knew that.

    You will burn yourself out and get sick, injured, or worse if you think youre the person who handles everything.
  • jfinnivan
    jfinnivan Posts: 360 Member
    You could get up earlier and go to the gym in the morning.
    You could exercise in the same room he is watching TV in.
    Ask him to cook on the days you want to work out.
    Tell him about the guys at the gym who are in great shape.
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    Of course as a man he must be expecting me to do cooking.

    Not necessarily, I'm sure he can cook for himself just fine.

    My SO (even when I wasn't working) has always cooked for himself. We've lived together just over 2 years. We have different meals, and eat at different times, mainly because of his work schedule. He is happy cooking for himself and I think he prefers it that way as he gets to eat what he really likes, in the portions that he likes and when he likes. He also does all the washing up - I am very lucky!

    To be honest, if you are both working, you should be sharing the household stuff more equally, instead of leaving it for yourself to do. Get your workout done, come home and do some housework if it needs doing. Obviously not all of it, but you know, pick up after yourself and help him with the chores - you're in this together. If he can't wait until then to eat he can do it himself, if he really doesn't want to cook then you can cook for two, but in your own time, and the food that you like, makes sense really.

    Then spend the rest of the evening together doing things like watch TV together and things that he likes doing. Just some quality time together. Also, if he's helping with the housework, it will save time to spend together and not disregard each other.

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