How do you move past the horrible comments
Jess6385
Posts: 60 Member
Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
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Replies
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Ah, grasshopper, when you forgive them, you forgive yourself.
Don't waste any more of your life being fat. I was there. Believe me, it's better being fit. By about 10000%.
People say dumb stuff. I know I do it, I'll bet you do it, too. Forgive.0 -
The best thing to do, the think I always did was take that negetive stuff and turn it into a motivator.Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
"Bill, you are never going to make it thru Airborne school. you are scared of heights". I remember those words as I had my wings pinned to me.
"Bill, Ranger school is way to ohard. You won't make it past RIP". I heard those words as I adjusted that Beret.
"Bill, you are dreaming if you think you are going to get ripped. you just don't have the body shape."
220 LBS and 8% body fat later, I just smiled.
When you hit your target weight and look in the mirror, listen to those "fat" words and just smile.0 -
I have also been commented by my close ones as a ugly duckling when I was in my early teens. Maybe it's for
Fun, maybe not who knows? The fact that the comments are by the people whom i genuinely care for have no doubt shattered my heart. I would say that time is the best healing factor. But this medicine hasn't fully cured me. When I think of those comments ( they don't pop out that often now), trust me it still hurts. I feel your pain and would like to hear how the others have coped with it.0 -
I have also been commented by my close ones as a ugly duckling when I was in my early teens. Maybe it's for
Fun, maybe not who knows? The fact that the comments are by the people whom i genuinely care for have no doubt shattered my heart. I would say that time is the best healing factor. But this medicine hasn't fully cured me. When I think of those comments ( they don't pop out that often now), trust me it still hurts. I feel your pain and would like to hear how the others have coped with it.
You sound exactly like me. The thoughts don't pop out that often, but when they do they hurt so bad.0 -
I remember being called monkey face because I used to be an ugly child. My close relatives used to say to me, "You better be really good at school because lets face it, no one will ever pick you for your looks."
I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams.
To top it off, since I have a younger sister who is thinner, fairer and prettier than me, I had to live with the constant comparison. It used to create problems between us for all the wrong reasons. It didn't matter that I was always at the top of my class, it didn't matter that I am a trained singer and dancer, that I paint and that I do all those things really well besides being good at my profession!
When I started gaining weight, there was whole new set of comments about how God was really unfair to me. My relatives used to say things like when God was doling out beauty, I was hiding.
Now that I fell in love with and married the most amazing guy in the world, they say things like, "Its karma. She looks bad but she must have done something really good in her past life to get such an amazing guy."
Sometimes you cannot win against such people. You just have to let it go. Think about how much life has to offer besides looks and beauty. I've seen and done things which those people will never see or do. If I gave importance to such people, I wouldn't have any time left for myself. Focus on all the good things in your life. Accept that you cannot change everyone, but you CAN ignore the hell out of them! :flowerforyou:0 -
The only person, other than myself, who has ever told me I was fat was my mother. She said to me, when I was 16 and trying to lose weight, that I would always be fat, no matter what I did. Well she is pushing 300lbs now and so I wonder if she was really talking to me, or herself?
The person who said the meanest things to me about being big was myself. Everytime I looked in the mirror I hated myself. Everytime I went to buy clothes, I hated myself.
Finally I said enough was enough, and in Feb. decided to seriously do something about it. I am now smaller than I have been since I was in 8th grade. I have muscles, and I am not done yet.
But the truely important thing is that I don't hate myself anymore.0 -
The best thing to do, the think I always did was take that negetive stuff and turn it into a motivator.Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
"Bill, you are never going to make it thru Airborne school. you are scared of heights". I remember those words as I had my wings pinned to me.
"Bill, Ranger school is way to ohard. You won't make it past RIP". I heard those words as I adjusted that Beret.
"Bill, you are dreaming if you think you are going to get ripped. you just don't have the body shape."
220 LBS and 8% body fat later, I just smiled.
When you hit your target weight and look in the mirror, listen to those "fat" words and just smile.
Thank you! I cannot wait to stand in front of the mirror and smile! Congrats on all of your achievements!0 -
I can so relate. I too remember being called "fat" names. My own mom use to tell my sister and I that she never had children she had livestock. I am 42 years old and remember that to this day:(0
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When I was a kid my older brother used to say "Harpoon that whale" when I would walk into a room. I'm 100% sure he doesn't even remember that but at 41, I still remember! I don't think about it often but its still there in the "junk" drawer in my head. I hope to able to toss that whole drawer out one day!0
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I was always small, like teeny tiny until a few years ago when I had a sugery and meds and lots of things that make you chubbier...I always feel like people are talking about how much weight I put on (30 lbs) etc... It is uncomfortable but a good motivator for me to work harder toward my goal.0
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Do what Monica from friends did and lose all the weight then say ha! In your face! :bigsmile:0
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The best thing to do, the think I always did was take that negetive stuff and turn it into a motivator.Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
"Bill, you are never going to make it thru Airborne school. you are scared of heights". I remember those words as I had my wings pinned to me.
"Bill, Ranger school is way to ohard. You won't make it past RIP". I heard those words as I adjusted that Beret.
"Bill, you are dreaming if you think you are going to get ripped. you just don't have the body shape."
220 LBS and 8% body fat later, I just smiled.
When you hit your target weight and look in the mirror, listen to those "fat" words and just smile.
Go Bill! That's great to hear - and great motivation!0 -
A . Prove them wrong!
B. People like this need to be reminded that their crap isn't ice cream
IE I once was told by a (balding) man that I worked with that I was getting a pot belly. I replied with "Yeah but I can always lose weight,however I don't think your hair will be growing back any time soon hun"0 -
Do what Monica from friends did and lose all the weight then say ha! In your face! :bigsmile:
And accidentally cut off a few toes ;-)0 -
I don't know what's wrong with your families eyes but from what I can see of your profile picture you are far from ugly!0
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All the girls in high school had me convinced that I was the ugliest girl in the world. It wasn't until I was an adult and out on my own before I realized that I wasn't really all that ugly after all.
My mom and dad still tell me I'm fat. I just don't let it bother me anymore.
Might be why I hardly talk to them and why they ignore me.0 -
Stop blaming other people and stop choosing to be obese. That's how I started thinking.
I used it as motivation, insults can be a good reminder that you need to correct something.
My though process was:
If you are obese face it head on, don't want to be call fat then get a grip and do something about it rather that putting another cup cake in your mouth and watching telly for 5 hours an evening.
So I did I not fully there yet but as the finish line is in site I am more determined than ever.
I didn't exercise for 20 years, I smoked (20 to 80 a day) for 17 years, I was a heavy binge drinker, I was lowed end of BMI obese for 16, I am 40 next year and WILL be in the best shape of my life.
If can do it ……..0 -
I know exactly what you mean. Just this week my younger sister who has never had a weight problem asked me what classes I was taking at the gym, when I told her I was doing weight training 3days a week and cardio 2-3 days in between she looked at me said "why would you want to tone the body you have? You should focus on cardio and try to lose weight." I couldn't believe it I didn't even reply. She seemed so disgusted by my figure. She also asked me to do her a favor earlier and when I said I couldn't because I've been going to the gym 5 days a week she started laughing and said " well it doesn't show " But I realize I can't change anyone and plan on proving her wrong. It really hurts to hear here comments but there's nothing I can do.0
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I remember being called monkey face because I used to be an ugly child. My close relatives used to say to me, "You better be really good at school because lets face it, no one will ever pick you for your looks."
I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams.
To top it off, since I have a younger sister who is thinner, fairer and prettier than me, I had to live with the constant comparison. It used to create problems between us for all the wrong reasons. It didn't matter that I was always at the top of my class, it didn't matter that I am a trained singer and dancer, that I paint and that I do all those things really well besides being good at my profession!
When I started gaining weight, there was whole new set of comments about how God was really unfair to me. My relatives used to say things like when God was doling out beauty, I was hiding.
Now that I fell in love with and married the most amazing guy in the world, they say things like, "Its karma. She looks bad but she must have done something really good in her past life to get such an amazing guy."
Sometimes you cannot win against such people. You just have to let it go. Think about how much life has to offer besides looks and beauty. I've seen and done things which those people will never see or do. If I gave importance to such people, I wouldn't have any time left for myself. Focus on all the good things in your life. Accept that you cannot change everyone, but you CAN ignore the hell out of them! :flowerforyou:
pspetal, I am so sorry that the people you love knocked you down when they should have been building you up! How sad for them not to recognize the beauty in their lives. Regardless of what a child looks like, family should be the first to recognize inner beauty and celebrate it! And for the record, I think you are lovely. :flowerforyou: xx0 -
I just don't give a damn anymore. I'm trying to be healthy, not esthetically pleasing to people that never cared about me to begin with.0
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Wow, you could be telling stories from my childhood, I have the same type memories....
To be honest I still havent 'moved on' from those comments/memories, I know I should but its very hard......
Add me if you want
xox0 -
The best thing to do, the think I always did was take that negetive stuff and turn it into a motivator.
"Bill, you are never going to make it thru Airborne school. you are scared of heights". I remember those words as I had my wings pinned to me.
"Bill, Ranger school is way to ohard. You won't make it past RIP". I heard those words as I adjusted that Beret.
"Bill, you are dreaming if you think you are going to get ripped. you just don't have the body shape."
220 LBS and 8% body fat later, I just smiled.
When you hit your target weight and look in the mirror, listen to those "fat" words and just smile.
[/quote]
Exactly! Nothing motivates me more than someone telling me I can't do it! Pushes me to prove them wrong!0 -
I know exactly what you mean. Just this week my younger sister who has never had a weight problem asked me what classes I was taking at the gym, when I told her I was doing weight training 3days a week and cardio 2-3 days in between she looked at me said "why would you want to tone the body you have? You should focus on cardio and try to lose weight." I couldn't believe it I didn't even reply. She seemed so disgusted by my figure. She also asked me to do her a favor earlier and when I said I couldn't because I've been going to the gym 5 days a week she started laughing and said " well it doesn't show " But I realize I can't change anyone and plan on proving her wrong. It really hurts to hear here comments but there's nothing I can do.
Aw, so sad for your sister, she is fighting like a child against the fact that she will no longer be the "skinny one" and "the one everyone pays attention to" It's a long fall from atop that princess pedestal. I hope she lands ok.0 -
Instead of trying to just get over it... use it for motivation in the gym!!0
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I still have issues with self esteem from what was said to me when I was 20-21, I'm almost 40. I use it to motivate me. I don't think some people realize how much words can hurt.0
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Living well is the best revenge. It will be fun to make the nay sayers eat their words.0
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Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
I might be giving a different answer but it might work for you, it sure works for me but it is a little negative. But sometimes loving yourself and forgiveness isn't enough to get rid of your anger and resentment. You get motivated, change yourself and then confront your mom and brother or whomever about what complete @ssholes they were and how you want them to know how ashamed of them and pissed you are. Then tell them to go F themselves. Like I said it doesnt' work for everyone but for me this gets it right off my chest and the burden now lies with them. Then forgive of course lol, sometimes loving yourself means telling someone that has hurt you to kiss your @ss.0 -
It's so much easier said than done but let go of the ugliness. Find a way to surround yourself with happy positive people that love you as is and support you through all your hard work to become a healthier person!
There are a lot of shallow, ignorant, and hateful people out there but there are a lot of great people out there too. The bad comes with the good but decide to be kind regardless of how unkind others can be. Sometimes people are out and out cruel and other times they don't realize how far they shoved their foot in their mouth. (Mainly the family members and friends who think they're being supportive and helpful.)
The world is not without hurt and even if you were "perfect" someone would find something mean to say. It's the nature of the beast. You being a thinner/healthier you won't fix other people's stupid. :noway:0 -
I also remember nasty comments, but sometimes we need to look at the person saying them, they are probably a self hater and toxic person...The memories are painful but I try to add that to my motivation and fuel myself further towards my goal.
I will remember the fat comments but will not let the toxic people win:happy:0 -
Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
The Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes to mind for me here, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent". These negative comments are only given power by you. Who's to say that calling someone fat or big is negative? You decided it was negative, and it doesn't have to be. Ultimately you're hurt because it feels like people kick you when you're down when you're "big". They dont get to wear their so called faults on their sleeves like heavy people do, they dont have giant targets on their back. The people prey on bigger people are cowards. Everybody has stuff unique or different about them, but its certainly not your mother or brothers job to make sure you know about it anymore than it is yours.
My point is you move on by forgiving yourself, when youre okay with you no matter what size you are those comments cant hurt you anymore. You forgive them because its good for you, what they did was crappy and cowardly but we all do things like that from time to time.0
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