How do you move past the horrible comments
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Forgiveness helps alot. Replace the stupid, aweful words with good ones and say them outloud to yourself thruout the day. You are beautiful!0
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I too have been told all kinds of things....
You won't do this, you won't do that. It's your genes to be fat, it's hereditary, etc etc.
But you know what...... I lost the weight before and I WILL DO IT AGAIN! I can do anything I set my mind on and for everyone that said anything to me, I just ignore them because they obviously they are the ones that have an issue otherwise they wouldn't be picking on me, right?
It's like the girl that always nit picks on all the other girls, she does it because she has the issue and wants to make all the others look bad in her eyes (& tries to to other people).
And just some people are mean, it's who they always have been and will never change. Those are the types of people you need to NEVER listen to because what pukes out their mouth is not worth listening!
I use all this to motivate me knowing that one day soon, they won't be able to say that about me anymore.0 -
Thank you so much everyone!! This has really helped. Great advice!0
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Ah, grasshopper, when you forgive them, you forgive yourself.
Don't waste any more of your life being fat. I was there. Believe me, it's better being fit. By about 10000%.
People say dumb stuff. I know I do it, I'll bet you do it, too. Forgive.
Wonderful answer!0 -
I have always been heavy. As kids my older brother always told our friends my dream come true would be a bottomless bag of potato chips. A few years back I told him I was thinking about getting married and he said "Wow, how are you going to find a garter belt big enough to fit around that thigh?" I then said immediately and in a friendly way , "well I have to go now "and got off the phone. ( I did not rudely hang up on him.)
My brother can be so charming to everyone and I think he is nicer to strangers than his own family. I noticed this is not so uncommon -treating family worse than strangers. I see it a lot. For me, I do know my brother loves me even when he's a royal jerk. I believe, he knows deep down that no matter what he does or says, as family he is safe and I will always love him even when he hurts me.
I believe his actions are a reflection of his insecurity, of what people think of him. He worries about making the right impression. When he acts like a jerk to me I think it somehow makes him feel stronger like dominating over a weaker animal in the pack. It used to make me crazy. But now I think its kind of sad posturing and when he does it, I immediately and politely remove myself from his presence. I am allowed to show respect for myself and remove myself from disrespectful behaviors.
He occasionally asks when I do this "Are you going because of me?" and I just say "Well, honestly I just didnt really appreciate what you said and I have other things I need to get to anyway. No big deal. I'm not mad or anything." Sometimes he will even apologize. In the 7 to 8 years that I have used this technique his jerk remarks have become less and I think he actually gained some respect for me by not letting him dump on me. He still slips up but its hard to teach an old dogs new tricks.
I struggled for years with a love/hate for him. But there are times when he is sweet and thoughtful. Without that though, I dont know that I would have been able maintained a close relationship with him. We are actually pretty close now and even supportive of each other...most of the time.
Respect yourself and see others hurtful behavior as what it is, a weakness in them. They lack something and consiously or subconsiously they think hurting you fulfills something in them. You dont have to strike back but you dont have to be a victim of their weakness either. Take the power back for yourself and move forward.
Sorry for how long this is. Guess you struck a cord close to my heart.0 -
I think many of us have been in this kind of situation as a kid. I grew up in a house where my step-dad's knickname for me was Miss Piggy and he'd make oinking sounds at me when I ate from about 6-15 years old. My mom was a former lettergirl/majorette and parade princess. She favored my little brother because he was the adorable thin one. She put me on my first "diet" around 10 years old. Growing up was hard at home and equally hard at school. I see a lot of the kids I grew up with at my kids schools, in town and on fb etc. They choose not to remember how they treated me and what they said about me. I go along with it but, my prayer is that none of their children ever experiences the pain they caused me. They don't know that the "teasing" I grew up with shaped so much of my life. It took me so long to forgive them and even after that, it doesn't take the memory away. I am trying to change my life but, it's a day to day struggle. When I am failing, I have their voices in my head reminding me why "I am unworthy of succeeding".
My husband, kids, friends and friends from sites like this are my strongest support system. Despite my self doubt and inner voice shaped by my upbringing, I know with the help of the good people in my life, I can do this. God has been good to me and replaced the hateful people with likeminded, lovely friends and family members who lift me up as an adult. Overcoming your childhood is difficult alone. Lean on others, talk it out, and trust that there is peace and happiness in your future.0 -
you just realize "well i am fat, people are telling the truth'
rude, yes absolutely!
their parents should have taught them some manners.. but being fat is something you can, and are!, changing. they will always be *kitten*.
i've never had someone call me fat to my face, but i would say 'i may be fat, but i can lose weight. you will still be an ugly jerk'
i would use the comments as motivation, and then get over it.0 -
I work in retail and a customer once made comments about my weight, then told me it should be ok because I 'should be able to put up with abuse from customers'. At the time, I was speechless and it really hurt me. Now, I understand that he was a middle-aged man with a middle-aged spread and nothing better to do with his time than insult a stranger.
It's worse when your relatives do it because you have to listen to it more often. My great-grandad once told me (at my 16th birthday party) that I looked like I'd put on weight. What do you say to something like that?
You can only use these things to push yourself into working harder. Don't forget the comments, just don't let them get you down.0 -
Its sad. These days I keep my comments, goals and achievements to myself. I lost 40 lbs - I was told I needed to exercise to lose the weight I was carrying. I mentioned the other day how I hadn't worn these size jeans in years - I heard, that's good a woman on the street asked me how I keep my feet so smooth. If they can't flat out right insult, they will ignore my accomplishments. My neighbors have joined in - I planted a garden and they will pass right by me and not say a word, meanwhile I got cars honking to tell me how beautiful the garden looks. If they can't criticize they will minimize. I have learned to take their silence as a compliment.
But, I do believe that all things work for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to his to his purpose. I hope that they see the light of Christ in me. Amidst all of this negativity, he has taken me "from glory to glory." I guess I've learned to roll with the punches.0 -
My Dad said to me recently:
"I cant believe Ray (My husband) Married you. you are so much bigger than he is."
It devastated me.I havent been able to speak to him since, and Im not sure If I should mention it when I do....0 -
Words hurt the most when they come from those closest to you. For me it was family members. I got all sorts of awful comments, but, like another posted mentioned, forgiveness was the answer for me.0
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Time and proving them wrong.0
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I remember being called monkey face because I used to be an ugly child. My close relatives used to say to me, "You better be really good at school because lets face it, no one will ever pick you for your looks."
I was born dark skinned in a country that is obsessed with fairness/paleness, so I got all sorts of comments about how dark I was, how its the only thing people will see when it comes to marriage and how I should use fairness creams.
To top it off, since I have a younger sister who is thinner, fairer and prettier than me, I had to live with the constant comparison.
Sometimes you cannot win against such people. You just have to let it go. Think about how much life has to offer besides looks and beauty. I've seen and done things which those people will never see or do. If I gave importance to such people, I wouldn't have any time left for myself. Focus on all the good things in your life. Accept that you cannot change everyone, but you CAN ignore the hell out of them! :flowerforyou:
You and I have similar families, and I suspect, share the same ethnic background. My dad's family was mean, rude, nasty to me because I was the dark skinned child born to fair skinned parents, and have a light skinned younger brother. Of course, it didn't help that I was a girl either. I was called all sorts of names, scarecrow, beggar child, etc. and that was my aunt with multiple degrees in education.
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In the end, I've forgiven them, but not forgotten. They've lost all credibility. And you know what? These mean, narrow minded, shallow people? There is just no helping them, they will always remain ugly on the inside.0 -
My Dad said to me recently:
"I cant believe Ray (My husband) Married you. you are so much bigger than he is."
It devastated me.I havent been able to speak to him since, and Im not sure If I should mention it when I do....
I truly understand your pain. The question you have to ask yourself is"Will talking to Dad about it change anything?". What kind of person is your dad? Do you think the comment was meant to be hurtful or was it more a lack of sensitivity, like a terrible joke? If you dont think it was deliberate then dont shy away from talking about it. Dont make a big deal about it , but you can let him know what he said wasnt very nice but that you love him and wanted to share your feelings with him. On the other hand my motto is you cannot reason with crazy so if he did on purpose then know its a sad failing in him and not you.0 -
i was called all kinds of names in high school and got called a few in grade school. sometimes a thought will pop into my head while i'm working out and i use THAT as my motivation to push myself. oh and going to my 20th year high school reunion and seeing how some of my classmates ummmm aged helped me feel WAY BETTER!0
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When I was a child, I cried when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
When I was a teenager, I ate more when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
When I was of age, I drank when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
When I was a middle aged adult, I blamed other people for not valuing who I REALLY was. That didn't work.
When I turned 46, I got my as* off the couch and stopped crying, drinking, overeating and blaming others. It's working! :happy:0 -
Ah, grasshopper, when you forgive them, you forgive yourself.
Don't waste any more of your life being fat. I was there. Believe me, it's better being fit. By about 10000%.
People say dumb stuff. I know I do it, I'll bet you do it, too. Forgive.
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:noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway: :explode: I cannot believe people can be so cruel. That statement makes me SO MAD! Even more mad at your brother for talking about you that way, especially to others. Its one thing to think it and another go around saying it others. THATS HORRIBLE! I feel for you.My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”0 -
One of the biggest things I've learned about hateful comments and people who make them is that no one is exempt from them...
everyone experiences a hateful comment in their life, overweight people, disabled, people, jocks, princesses, everyone does...
we are all in the same boat and that boat is pretty simple...
you may remember it, but the person who said it will not. You aren't fixing anything or ruining anyone else's life but yours by hanging on to those comments. It takes time and it's not easy but you simply have to let it go...
and if you can't, it'll only scar you.
No one else.
And with that kind of realisation I decided to let it go....yes I know there were hateful comments in my past...i remember being very upset and hurt at times in my life from mean people, but at this point in my life, I could not remember a single comment made...i chose to let it go and I'm not wasting my space in my head and my heart holding on to that....
Let it go.0 -
I obsess over the comments, then pout, and then take a Big Girl pill and use their words as a challenge to prove them wrong. I remember my first IT-related job, in which the guys who sat near me KNEW I knew my stuff, but would still preface everything they said to me with, "I know you're just a girl, but maybe you'll know the answer to this..."
I didn't have a college degree back then and sometimes thought I'd be stuck in dead-end jobs forever.
I'm now working on my second Master's Degree, this time an MS in Information Security. I never see those guys any more, but there's more than a little bit of pride knowing I could kick their little IT bums across the building and back nowadays.
Take the hurtful words, acknowledge what you can do to make sure no one ever has cause to say those words to you again, and then take the steps necessary to make that happen. Even if you never see the mean person again, YOU will know they'd have to eat their words if they saw you now. :flowerforyou:0 -
Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
Just let them roll right off your back. people say ugly things like that to make themselves feel better. your beautiful dont let anyone tell you any different. kill 'em with kindness lol0 -
I know how you feel and sadly I have no advice to offer.
I am still trying to figure my similar situation out for myself.
The positive in my life are my wife and children! Their love and support has been immense and I am grateful every day!
I wish you the best on your journey through life!0 -
Today I was reading about everyone’s most embarrassing fat moments. It made me think about growing up overweight.
I have been heavier since I can remember. I cannot forget the mean/negative things people have said to me.
When I was around 10 years old I overheard my brother (who was in high school at the time) talking to his girlfriend. He was telling her how fat his sister (me) was. Exact quote “no she is really big, trust me!”
My brother was on the fire department. I attended an event where the entire fire dept was to attend. Another member of the department came up to me and said “Oh, you’re the fat sister your brother talks about”
I remember being very young my mother said to me “you will never be small”
These are only a few. Some are worse, some are small things.
I remember all of these instances in complete detail. Where I was, what they said, how I felt… I can’t get over it.
How do you move forward from the past? How do you forgive people? How do you not let it affect who you are today? How do you accept the fact that people that are suppose to be there for you let you down completely – To your face and behind your back.
And just remember that there are people (like me) who can't wait to be where you are today and accomplish that much!0 -
If its a close family member, like one of my sisters, I might talk to them about a comment hurt my feelings. My older sister insulted me a few times about my weight - we inherited very different builds and as a teenager I was the same size of her when I was12 and she was 17!
When I was in my early 20's I confronted her about her negative comments, and she apologized and has never ever made a comment about my weight. That was very healing to hear. My baby sister who is messed up in drugs and booze, says unkind things about my appearance all the time (even though I am signficantly thinner than her) but I know its coming from a frightened place and I feel very sorry for her. Unfortunately for her, it means that I don't want to spend time with her that much anymore. There really isn't enough time in life to spend it with people who try to make you feel bad. I really hope that your brother is the kind of person who can apologize and be kinder. Good luck!0 -
i've lost 67 pounds in the past two years and sent a bathing suit photo to my momz recently. first two piece i've worn since i was a toddler. momz says: maybe you should think about liposuction. bwah-ha-ha.
some ppl aren't trying to bring you down, they just have no filter.0 -
I use it as motivation when working out *punch punch kick!*0
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As a size 8 (5'6 tall) , I am constantly "teased" about my "child bearing hips" and "linebacker shoulders". I am not American and didn't even know what a linebacker was! The only compliment I ever got was someone who said I was a classic hourglass, and then followed it up by stating- "HEH- you look like a barbell!!"
Some people will always find something to knock.
1. Appreciate the people around you. If there is something you have appreciated about the people around you, say so. I have lost count of the amount of people in my life who complain all the time that no one is supportive of them, who have themselves not had a single nice thing to say about anybody. I am not implying you are like this, but that generally- the golden rule is a good thing.
2. If someone says something nice to you, look them in the eye and thank them like you mean it. Don't make a self-deprecating remark or wave off their compliment. People are being appreciative, and it is nice to respond like it made a difference.
3. Sometimes people rag to show affection and familiarity. If you believe that these people would stop if they knew they hurt you, tell them. A lot of people who have spent decades calling me "sumo wrestler" have stopped when I finally told them it is hurtful.
4. If they are jerks, they don't matter and don't be ruled by those whose sole purpose is to bring you down to make themselves look cool.0 -
i've lost 67 pounds in the past two years and sent a bathing suit photo to my momz recently. first two piece i've worn since i was a toddler. momz says: maybe you should think about liposuction. bwah-ha-ha.
some ppl aren't trying to bring you down, they just have no filter.
Haha. Good for you on your weight loss.
My mom also had a real gem recently: she said, "with all that exercise you're doing...I still don't understand..." and then she pats my saddlebags. I was like, THANKS MOM.0 -
Two weeks after I started getting serious about all this, I had a girl tell me that she thought it was hilarious how I was always working out and was still "fat as *kitten*"
1) I was 155lb and 5' 7'' at the time
2) I don't take that kind of bull****
So I cut her out of my life and have thus far lost 6lb in the past 7 weeks.
Honestly people like that are such losers. I just take solace in the fact that this particular girl is probably never going anywhere in life (she spent 10 minutes ranting to me about how going to school was the biggest waste of time - uh, okay, because full time fashion blogger on tumblr is a profession I want) and I'm already better off than she is (why is she so obsessed with me???)
You just take those comments and laugh about them and move on. Personally, I like to think that after weight training like I have been, I could kick her *kitten* in record time if I ever see her again. 0 -
I didn't used to be overweight, but I was always "bigger". Especially compared to my friends who were all very petite. I am tall with a large, athletic frame--except I'm not athletic. I was never much of a looker, and I was always pretty awkward. I remember boys telling me I was the ugliest girl in school. I remember being called "Big Rebecca" by my best friend b/c she had another friend named Rebecca who was small, and she was "Little Rebecca". I also remember one of my other best friends calling me "the freakishly tall girl" (i'm 5'10"--hardly freakishly tall. but when you're 15, nothing sounds outrageous when it's about you). It was mortifying. I remember being told not to smile b/c my smile was ugly. I remember being told no one would ever want to date me. I remember the guy I liked telling my best friend that he thought I was nice, but definitely not pretty. I remember my brother not wanting to associate with me b/c I wasn't "cool enough" or "fit enough" or whatever garbage that was. Being a teenager REALLY sucks. And it really only got worse when I got to college and started gaining a lot of weight--because then I was the one who was meanest to myself.
The only thing I can say is that these are small minded people, who are probably pretty insecure themselves. Despite all the comments about my looks and my size, I still managed to get married to a wonderful guy.
As far as the comments to myself...Making the decision to get in shape and lose my excess weight has done wonders. Losing 50lbs has been empowering, and I'm now back to the size I was in hs when I was just "big" but not fat. But ya know what? I'm in shape. I'm a runner. My build fits me now because I've made it fit me. And it has done wonders for my confidence. I'm not big, I'm powerful. I'm not skinny or fat, I'm healthy and fit. Or at least getting there. But I had to separate myself from the people who made me feel bad about myself, and focus on being healthy. Once I removed myself from the people who made the comments to start with, I could focus on getting healthy and stop insulting myself as well. It's a process. The more weight you lose, the more in shape you get, the more confident you feel, and the less impact those nasty comments from others in your past (family included) will mean to you. Because you'll know that yes, maybe you were overweight at one point, maybe you were "weak" or "out of shape", but you are strong now, you are powerful, you are healthy and next time those people who insulted you see you, they'll be speechless at how far you've come. I have to say, as soon as I decided that losing weight was more about getting in shape and being strong, the more confident in myself I felt. I just ran a 5k, the first one I've ever run, and I"ve never felt better than I did after that race. I felt strong, confident, healthy and even though I didn't come in first, I felt like I had because no one had ever dreamed I would, or could do something like that. My goal was to prove everyone wrong, that the clumsy, awkward, "big" girl, could be strong, powerful and healthy. Chin up! Surround yourself with people who encourage you and the small people of your past will fade away.
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