How do you move past the horrible comments

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  • iris8pie
    iris8pie Posts: 224 Member
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    As a size 8 (5'6 tall) , I am constantly "teased" about my "child bearing hips" and "linebacker shoulders". I am not American and didn't even know what a linebacker was! The only compliment I ever got was someone who said I was a classic hourglass, and then followed it up by stating- "HEH- you look like a barbell!!"

    Some people will always find something to knock.

    1. Appreciate the people around you. If there is something you have appreciated about the people around you, say so. I have lost count of the amount of people in my life who complain all the time that no one is supportive of them, who have themselves not had a single nice thing to say about anybody. I am not implying you are like this, but that generally- the golden rule is a good thing.

    2. If someone says something nice to you, look them in the eye and thank them like you mean it. Don't make a self-deprecating remark or wave off their compliment. People are being appreciative, and it is nice to respond like it made a difference.

    3. Sometimes people rag to show affection and familiarity. If you believe that these people would stop if they knew they hurt you, tell them. A lot of people who have spent decades calling me "sumo wrestler" have stopped when I finally told them it is hurtful.

    4. If they are jerks, they don't matter and don't be ruled by those whose sole purpose is to bring you down to make themselves look cool.


    I love this!~ thank you xoxo
  • Reneefit135
    Reneefit135 Posts: 170
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    Ah, grasshopper, when you forgive them, you forgive yourself.


    Don't waste any more of your life being fat. I was there. Believe me, it's better being fit. By about 10000%.

    People say dumb stuff. I know I do it, I'll bet you do it, too. Forgive.

    This...When you reach your goals and lose the weight you may still remember the hurtful things. Those things hurt not only because you are overweight but because people you love hurt you. That feeling will not go away by losing the weight it will only go away when you forgive them and realize that many times people say hurtful things out of their own insecurity and ignorance. People especially family and friends for some reason dont get how much what they say hurts. It has happened to all of us and rather we want to admit it or not someone somewhere has memories of something hurtful we said to or about them. ITs part of being imperfect. So when your mind goes to the past and the negative things just remind yourself that we all hurt each other and most times its not on purpose forgive them so that YOU can move on. When you are thin and feeling great and beautiful guess what, someone will have some negative comment to make about something or another it just happens. Its tough to hear and tougher to move past but understanding, forgiveness and sometimes just confronting the issue so that you can move past it is all you can do. Like sometimes i will say "ouch, why are you throwing jabs, that hurt". Sometimes people need to be made aware that what they just said or did HURT.

    Oh and being a Friends buff i love the references to Monica and her losing all that weight. I am also reminded of what our dear Phoebe said one time "you cant be mad about the past...its in the past".
  • Reneefit135
    Reneefit135 Posts: 170
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    As a size 8 (5'6 tall) , I am constantly "teased" about my "child bearing hips" and "linebacker shoulders". I am not American and didn't even know what a linebacker was! The only compliment I ever got was someone who said I was a classic hourglass, and then followed it up by stating- "HEH- you look like a barbell!!"

    Some people will always find something to knock.

    1. Appreciate the people around you. If there is something you have appreciated about the people around you, say so. I have lost count of the amount of people in my life who complain all the time that no one is supportive of them, who have themselves not had a single nice thing to say about anybody. I am not implying you are like this, but that generally- the golden rule is a good thing.

    2. If someone says something nice to you, look them in the eye and thank them like you mean it. Don't make a self-deprecating remark or wave off their compliment. People are being appreciative, and it is nice to respond like it made a difference.

    3. Sometimes people rag to show affection and familiarity. If you believe that these people would stop if they knew they hurt you, tell them. A lot of people who have spent decades calling me "sumo wrestler" have stopped when I finally told them it is hurtful.

    4. If they are jerks, they don't matter and don't be ruled by those whose sole purpose is to bring you down to make themselves look cool.

    Love this, thank you. I think we all needed to hear that and i couldnt agree more.
  • Reneefit135
    Reneefit135 Posts: 170
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    When I was a kid, I was considered an ugly duckling & would always get bullied on. They also make fun of my "strange" appearance since I'm half-Caucasian with a tanned skin. And being in an Asian country where having fair skin is considered beautiful, I also get a lot of bad comments about my tanned skin.

    But the worse come when I turned 15, the time when I also started to gain a lot of weight. Being in Asia where the people are generally small, I was already considered big with my natural frame alone & so being overweight is double jeopardy. My mom's Asian relatives keep on making nasty fat comments on me. One time when we were in a shopping mall, we saw one lady who I estimated to be around 250 pounds. My mom then told me this exact words "If you were going to be that big, I would disown you". To make the situation even worst, they all compared me to my Asian looking sister who is naturally skinny. My relationship with my sister suffered because of this & we're still on bad terms as of this time. She was, is & will always be a competitor to me, instead of somebody who I can offer my support. I don't think it will improve. Also I hate my Asian relatives & I erasing my Asian side of blood as well (good thing I don't have their features).

    It sucks to be in Asia. Sometimes I even wonder what on earth are we doing here :grumble:

    Dont be ashamed of any part of you. Thats not healthy. You cant erase your genes so you may as well figure out how to work with them and make the most of it. There are positives and beauty in every ethnicity enjoy all parts of who you are and i am sure you skin looks AMAZING!!!
  • Rayzback
    Rayzback Posts: 73
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    “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.” ― Bob Marley
  • Stardiva37
    Stardiva37 Posts: 169 Member
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    you cant control what someone says,you can only control how you respond:flowerforyou:
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    Remember that it's just life. Everyone has been torn down in one way or another. You can let the school of hard knocks make you or shake you. Let it make you strong and find confidence from within yourself.
  • celestialmoon
    celestialmoon Posts: 18
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    That's just awful!! I went through the same stuff as a child and as an adult. As a matter of fact, just recently. I'm still losing weight, but when you are out there working your weight off and people harass you, you get sick and tired of it. I went to the kids house and told his mother...in tears by the way. I was called, Fatty Mc Fat. She made him apologize, but seriously, the kid had emotional, behavioral and mental issues...why would he do that to someone else knowing he isn't perfect...because people are cruel and in order to feel better about themselves they must insult you.

    I don't take it from anyone anymore! If someone insults me, they are likely to be corrected for it or have it come back to them through Karma. That is why I am an animal lover, they love you un-conditonally. I know it's not right to harbor such anger from all of this, but I believe it's healthy to let it out. because bottling it up isn't. You will prove to them that healthy or heavy you deserve to be loved, respected and cared about!
  • LosingWeight4Good
    LosingWeight4Good Posts: 156 Member
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    When I was a child, I cried when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
    When I was a teenager, I ate more when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
    When I was of age, I drank when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
    When I was a middle aged adult, I blamed other people for not valuing who I REALLY was. That didn't work.
    When I turned 46, I got my as* off the couch and stopped crying, drinking, overeating and blaming others. It's working! :happy:
    THIS
    instead of wasting time feeling bad and thinking about other people's opinions about one aspect of your being, spend that time getting fit and healthy, and it will all sort itself out.
    No one has ever said, "good things come to those who make themselves feel powerless."
    Good things come to those who work their butts off and never give up!


    Bingo!
  • april522
    april522 Posts: 388 Member
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    Wow, I'm looking at so many profiles here and seeing all the pretty ladies that get made fun of. :( I wasn't big in high school, but I had an overbite, so I was always "bugs bunny" or "4-eyes." It does hurt, constantly being called something - but time is the best healer. 15 years later, and I am a much strong and much more confident woman and will be so even more when I loose about 10 more lbs.
  • ladytinkerbell99
    ladytinkerbell99 Posts: 970 Member
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    When I was a child, I cried when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
    When I was a teenager, I ate more when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
    When I was of age, I drank when my feelings were hurt. That didn't work.
    When I was a middle aged adult, I blamed other people for not valuing who I REALLY was. That didn't work.
    When I turned 46, I got my as* off the couch and stopped crying, drinking, overeating and blaming others. It's working! :happy:

    ^ I love this - so true!! :drinker:
  • apedeb09
    apedeb09 Posts: 805 Member
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    I remember my brother calling me a "fat cow" when I was about 12 years old.. (he is 12 years old than me) and he also said to me when I had my first boyfriend that "he's going to dump you.. Guys don't like fat chicks."

    That hurt me really bad and even thinking about it right now still hurts. I remember when he moved out of state, he called me on the phone a couple months later and told me how sorry he was for that. But it still hurt me.

    I've had many more insults from people growing up. I just try not to think about it... Obviously you won't ever forget, but you can choose to forgive.

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