Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?

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TheMiddlePath
TheMiddlePath Posts: 230 Member
in Chit-Chat
I recently met a really lovely guy and I'm pretty sure he was born with this facial disfigurement. At first glance, it looks like one cheek is kinda swollen - maybe from getting your wisdom teeth pulled - but then you see that it's likely a birth defect.

He is 28, a Cordon Bleu trained chef, has great style, and like I said - really lovely - great conversationalist - super smart and fun.

I am going out on a date with him tonight.

The weird thing is that I've always kinda considered myself to be superficial when it comes to the opposite sex's appearance. Sadly, I've dated cute guys that maybe had other issues...I mean who doesn't. But saying yes to him has taken me by surprise and I'd love to hear from anyone who has, who hasn't, who would, who wouldn't...just your thoughts.

I had a friend tell me he thinks that I'm afraid of what people may think of me - which has me thinking - but not sure if that applies. I mean - it's not me - it's him - but yeah - maybe people would judge me too. I don't know.

Like I said, your thoughts and insights are appreciated.
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Replies

  • sazzyp1973
    sazzyp1973 Posts: 517 Member
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    I haven't but I would if I was drawn to them. The fact that you said yes because of the great qualities he has, rather than because you thought you couldn't stay no, speaks volumes and I would just go out and have fun.

    It may or may work out and if it does I bet you no longer even notice the swollen cheek.

    As for others, who gives a f*#k what they think about it anyway, right?

    Have a great night!
  • retriev00
    retriev00 Posts: 227 Member
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    I would. Although, I'll admit they would have to be more interesting and a better person than someone w/o the facial disfigurement.
  • TimedEventSystem
    TimedEventSystem Posts: 60
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    I guess I'm just surprised that this would even be a question. It doesn't sound like he's John Merrick and even then if he has the qualities you desire does it really matter?
  • Hickyvikki69
    Hickyvikki69 Posts: 371 Member
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    i would . its personality and whats on the inside that counts the most.
  • idream2bgwen
    idream2bgwen Posts: 424 Member
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    Beauty fades. If he outshines in other areas that is a bonus. Get to know him and see where it goes...no pressure. Enjoy it!
  • cowgirlashlee
    cowgirlashlee Posts: 301 Member
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    If I'm drawn to a guy, I don't care about disfigurement. If he has a desired personality, treats me right, and is all around a respectful guy and we click, then it shouldn't matter if he doesn't look "perfect" to the rest of the world. People can think what they want, but if he's "the one" then let them talk. It shouldn't matter.
  • Guisma
    Guisma Posts: 215
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    That question is amazing , and why in net ? I think its a heartless question and very shallow, if i was the guy i wouldnt date you
  • beccarockslife
    beccarockslife Posts: 816 Member
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    My husband has severe skin issues, when it flares up people properly stare at him, people make comments to his face. It sucks. I love him anyway.
  • BrandiL83
    BrandiL83 Posts: 100 Member
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    I have been with my husband for almost 8 years (married a little over a year) and he has a birth defect. He was born with cerebral palsy. His right arm can't extend all the way and his fingers spasm/move all the time when he is awake. When I first met him I wasn't sure about the whole thing. I got to know him and 8 years and 2 kids later here we are. My point is, if he's a nice guy and you are interested in him give him a chance. Could be the best decision you ever make :)
  • hazelovesfood
    hazelovesfood Posts: 454 Member
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    I recently met a really lovely guy and I'm pretty sure he was born with this facial disfigurement. At first glance, it looks like one cheek is kinda swollen - maybe from getting your wisdom teeth pulled - but then you see that it's likely a birth defect.

    He is 28, a Cordon Bleu trained chef, has great style, and like I said - really lovely - great conversationalist - super smart and fun.

    I am going out on a date with him tonight.

    The weird thing is that I've always kinda considered myself to be superficial when it comes to the opposite sex's appearance. Sadly, I've dated cute guys that maybe had other issues...I mean who doesn't. But saying yes to him has taken me by surprise and I'd love to hear from anyone who has, who hasn't, who would, who wouldn't...just your thoughts.

    I had a friend tell me he thinks that I'm afraid of what people may think of me - which has me thinking - but not sure if that applies. I mean - it's not me - it's him - but yeah - maybe people would judge me too. I don't know.

    Like I said, your thoughts and insights are appreciated.
    attraction is all to do with the inner person being nice looking is only a part, if someone is nice to you , you will end up finding them attractive imo, Its human nature Go have fun and forget about his little problem
  • agbaeb
    agbaeb Posts: 179 Member
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    Here's the thing:

    Externals are going to fade with age anyway... nothing against those who are older but we will never stay looking like we do now.
    So, with externals being so temporal, why not? It's not like it's really HIM who is disfigured. It's his shell. I would hope that no one would avoid being my friend because of my external imperfections... and love is so much deeper than regular friendship that stuff you would never have found attractive before becomes beautiful to you in a new way.

    When you join a relationship for the long haul, there's always the chance a great accident could happen or sickness could come and the beautiful exterior of someone could be changed. I'm married to a firefighter. At any point, something could happen to him, and he could be burned and/or maimed as a result of his service. The question of whether or not I love him should not change by the outside of his body or the look of his face. He is still the man I loved when I married him and will remain that even with a mangled body.
  • tumblyweed
    tumblyweed Posts: 416 Member
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    I guess I'm just surprised that this would even be a question. It doesn't sound like he's John Merrick and even then if he has the qualities you desire does it really matter?

    ^^ This. Some people look better on the inside than most do on the outside.
  • MSimm62385
    MSimm62385 Posts: 227
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    I dated (and almost married) someone for 5 years with an eye that always drifted out of alignment. Wouldn't be too much of a stretch as long as I really liked the person.
  • TimedEventSystem
    TimedEventSystem Posts: 60
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    That question is amazing , and why in net ? I think its a heartless question and very shallow, if i was the guy i wouldnt date you

    QFT. And thanks to people like OP, he has been a baseline of always "that guy with the disfigured face." She doesn't mention chef or intelligent first, it's his flaw.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Of course I would. If I like someone I want to spend time with them.

    I don't entirely understand your point of view. You sound like you need approval to go out with someone you like, which is bizarre to me.
  • Sage4041
    Sage4041 Posts: 13
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    That question is amazing , and why in net ? I think its a heartless question and very shallow, if i was the guy i wouldnt date you

    Harsh much? Pretending that physical attraction doesn't matter is naive. Some people just can't get passed that sort of thing. Does it make them a little shallow? Sure, but that doesn't make them an awful person.

    As for myself, if I was drawn to them, I wouldn't have a problem. Pretty is as pretty does, as my grandfather always said.
  • LATeagno
    LATeagno Posts: 620 Member
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    Before I met my husband, I dated a wonderful guy who happened to have cerebral palsy. He had a limp and an atrophied left hand. He was a truly great guy, though, and aside from me getting used to how to treat things like opening doors, walking long distances, etc., it never bothered me at all. I really liked him, and like i said, he was a wonderful person. I never even noticed his disability after a while. :)

    It didn't work out with him, but it certainly wasn't because of his condition. I suspect you'll feel the same if this guy is as great as you think he is! :D
  • hazelovesfood
    hazelovesfood Posts: 454 Member
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    My husband has severe skin issues, when it flares up people properly stare at him, people make comments to his face. It sucks. I love him anyway.
    thats disgusting behavoir, no one has the right to do that to anyone. F them thats what I say. You love him and thats all that matters.
  • gromithere
    gromithere Posts: 172 Member
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    How shallow does it make me to say "probably not?" While personality and everything else is obviously important there still has to be SOME attraction there for me, and there's a good chance that this would effect the attraction.
  • LATeagno
    LATeagno Posts: 620 Member
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    I have been with my husband for almost 8 years (married a little over a year) and he has a birth defect. He was born with cerebral palsy. His right arm can't extend all the way and his fingers spasm/move all the time when he is awake. When I first met him I wasn't sure about the whole thing. I got to know him and 8 years and 2 kids later here we are. My point is, if he's a nice guy and you are interested in him give him a chance. Could be the best decision you ever make :)

    I hope i didn't date your husband before you married him! LOL (see my response to the OP... lol!)

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