Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?
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I have always been attracted to men who aren't considered "good looking" by society standard. So I can't really give you any advice or anything. It's not that I go out looking for them. Their personalities just really attract me. They become good looking once I get to know them.
I've had a lot of really bad experiences with good looking men. The ones I met, personally, did not have a very good personality. I guess they think their good looks give them a free pass to not be such a nice person.
I am just like you.. I have dated very few good looking men, and the ones I have those relationships were extremely short. I am actually severely intimidated by good looking men, because girls flock to them. I don't want to feel like I have to share my man with the rest of the female population. Not saying that the guy can't be trusted, but I know how girls are...and I simply don't want them laying eyes on my man.0 -
Every time we start to date someone we all ask ourselves what's in this for me. I sure as hell don't go on a date as a missionary.0
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Who cares about man's face? Belive me, it's not mostly important. If he intellegent, fun and you feel comfortable by him- don' t question second time. Plus , not so many beautifull on face mens treat women right...Don't know why.0
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I would if I totally connected with the person. If ever found a person like that I wouldn't give a f about what they looked like! I have facial disfigurement too (scars on my face, they look like burn marks) but I never got burned it was from an injury. I know even with them I'm not weird or any less of a normal being so I would not pass that kind of judgment on to others!0
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You have obviously seen something you like about him, or you would have said no. You don't need anyone to tell you what you already know.
Have fun and let us know how you go:flowerforyou:0 -
Would you ever date someone with facial disfigurement?
No. Because my husband frowns on me dating other people.
pffft. I cannot believe this thread is even getting legitimate responses. Totally offensive.
see what I mean?
Yarp.0 -
Gosh I sounded like Dr Sues LOLYou have obviously seen something you like about him, or you would have said no. You don't need anyone to tell you what you already know.
Have fun and let us know how you go:flowerforyou:
But you know what I mean!!0 -
I would date a person I was attracted to on a personal level. I just don't see someone and think, oh, that guy is hot I would like to date (or bang) that guy. If this guy was a great conversationalist and funny and interesting, it would draw me in and I would probably end up dating him. A swollen-looking cheek would not deter me.
Of course, than opinion comes with being demisexual.
I never really thought about people being bothered by such small physical problems before. My daughter is gorgeous and has a great personality but has a leg deformity, I hope people don't judge her by it.0 -
Well, I'm not a liar, on my high horse or holier than thou when I say I don't care what someone looks like. I grew up being called ugly so I don't care what someone else looks like.
Me, too. Beauty is not skin deep. And if you're shallow, you'd never get close enough to find out what the chemistry might be.0 -
Of course I would. The pearl lies beneath the oyster shell!0
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Here's the thing:
Externals are going to fade with age anyway... nothing against those who are older but we will never stay looking like we do now.
So, with externals being so temporal, why not? It's not like it's really HIM who is disfigured. It's his shell. I would hope that no one would avoid being my friend because of my external imperfections... and love is so much deeper than regular friendship that stuff you would never have found attractive before becomes beautiful to you in a new way.
When you join a relationship for the long haul, there's always the chance a great accident could happen or sickness could come and the beautiful exterior of someone could be changed. I'm married to a firefighter. At any point, something could happen to him, and he could be burned and/or maimed as a result of his service. The question of whether or not I love him should not change by the outside of his body or the look of his face. He is still the man I loved when I married him and will remain that even with a mangled body.
this.....you never know what will happen in the future you could marry the hottest guy alive and he could be in a terrible accident and changed forever or you could be the one in the accident. Go ahead and have fun and see where it goes0 -
I would as long as it wasn't really bad. Like a big scar or something like that wouldn't put me off. It's hard to say because these things are so specific to the individual.0
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Here's the thing:
Externals are going to fade with age anyway... nothing against those who are older but we will never stay looking like we do now.
So, with externals being so temporal, why not? It's not like it's really HIM who is disfigured. It's his shell. I would hope that no one would avoid being my friend because of my external imperfections... and love is so much deeper than regular friendship that stuff you would never have found attractive before becomes beautiful to you in a new way.
When you join a relationship for the long haul, there's always the chance a great accident could happen or sickness could come and the beautiful exterior of someone could be changed. I'm married to a firefighter. At any point, something could happen to him, and he could be burned and/or maimed as a result of his service. The question of whether or not I love him should not change by the outside of his body or the look of his face. He is still the man I loved when I married him and will remain that even with a mangled body.
This is a truly inspired statement. Feeling comfortable and being able to be yourself in the presence of your special person is the key. Without this, the passage of time will kill any relationship.0 -
Some of the best people in the world don't look like super models. I would never base my decisions about dating a person on their looks, that's how you miss out on the good ones.0
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My husband's in a wheelchair (he was born with spina bifida) and when we first started dating people would ask if I was only dating him because of the wheelchair. I wouldn't even tell people about it when I was describing him. His chair doesn't define who he is, just like a facial disfigurement doesn't define your date.0
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Absolutely! Beauty fads, then what? If all else is in line and feeling right, I could not let something like that hold me back from what might turn into the best love ever.....Those were my thoughts before I had to face that very decision. It was a good decision!!0
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is it me or is it mainly women overlooking the appearances?0
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I didnt read all the answers, but there's far more that outside appearance to attract you to a person. Being able to see past a major disfigurement shows a maturity in your ability to have chemistry with a person. I think the OP is surprised about the change in her maturity...and that's why she's posting....kudos to you, OP for your advancing maturity, however, I agree that posting this in general is in very bad taste, and immature on a whole different level......sigh.0
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Yes I would. And I did. Married him in fact. The chemistry between us is mind blowing.0
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You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.0 -
Well my friend.. Its hard to say. The truth is...attraction plays a great role in a relationship... sexual attraction is THE most crucial tool to a successful relationship.. no matter what anyone says...its the brutal truth! So..honestly..if u are on here asking for people to convince you..That ALONE ..is ur answer.0
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acutally ... no. i agree with her^^^^^^^^^^
my friends tried to convince me to go out with this guy in hs... he even bought me a sweetest day present! but attraction plays a huge role. cold truth..0 -
Well my friend.. Its hard to say. The truth is...attraction plays a great role in a relationship... sexual attraction is THE most crucial tool to a successful relationship.. no matter what anyone says...its the brutal truth! So..honestly..if u are on here asking for people to convince you..That ALONE ..is ur answer.
I would have to disagree. I have seen very several attractive people, but once they open their mouths they seem more foul than the typical hobo picking out of the garbage. And on the other hand, there are not-so-attractive people that I have seen, and once they open their mouths there are beautiful things I can see in them that I see in a totally different way.. Personality takes up a large role in SEXUAL and PHYSICAL attraction, even if it isn't because of PHYSICAL characteristics in a person.0 -
I dated a girl in high school that had a cleft palate that because of surgery had her lip pulled up...I didn't see it as a flaw I saw it as a part of her personality and made her cute in her own way. I've never been worried about what people thought...and everyone has some imperfections of some kind. I'm still friends with Dawn from 30 years ago...good luck0
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I'm married, so I wouldn't now, but I totally would have when I was single! Some people are born with disfigurements and others may be injured in some kind of an accident or even in war. Many brave men and women have come back from war with injuries, and they are heroes. I love Dancing With the Stars, and J.R. Martinez was on there a few seasons back. He was burned on a large portion of his body in the war, including his face, and his personality shined through in the show. He was such a wonderful example of perseverance and not letting something like that keep you down. I would totally date someone who was disfigured if they had a great personality.0
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I think it's great that you are going out with him and I don't think that it's horrible that you are surprised by your reaction. I think it shows honesty and maturity. Many people would likely say that they would have no issue with it but find other reasons why it wouldn't work out. I'm not saything that is the case with anybody that posted but a lot of people don't practice what they preach. It's way better to think that you are "shallow" or "superficial" about such things and then be surpised that you aren't as much as you thought than to think or tell yourself that these things wouldn't bother you only to find that they really do.0
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I haven't but I wouldn't rule it out.
I have a friend who has had a stroke (in his early 40s) and sometimes comes across as very down on how he now looks. Our friendship is platonic - since long before the stroke - but I genuinely can't see why he thinks that way and repeatedly want to argue with him whenever he makes such comments... I recently told him if he described himself as a cripple once more I would hit him, and I wasn't joking....0 -
I think you need to chill, this thread is not about you. I am sorry you have had a rough time with your health and had people make nasty comments to you due to the side effects, but it seems like your taking out your anger on the OP.
Please read her post again. She is going on a date with the guy and is actually surprised about the fact that his facial disfigurement hasnt stopped her from doing so. Atleast she isnt lying about the fact that she is aware that it is there. She is asking a genuine question from an honest place and i think that the fact that she is giving him a chance and trying to get to know him speaks volumes.
That being said, you can never really get to know someone unless you move beyond initial impressions. If i met someone who had some kind of obvious disfigurement, of course i would be aware of it, but that wont stop me from getting to know the person if he is able to catch my attention with a good convo, sense of humor and intelligence.
First, I will admit that I was irritated when I wrote that. But I don't think I made this thread about me because of one comment. There are many people ITT that have talked about personal experiences and mine is just as valid. Now off of the subject of me.
I did go over her post, at your request, and I can understand what you're getting at. Being honest with your feelings is something that we rarely do in this society when it comes to tough emotions. However, do I believe she's a great person because she's going out on a date with a guy? Quite simply, no, I don't believe that constitutes my and other users' opinions invalid. Making a thread about his possible disability in a thread where the entire world may see and speak about him without his knowledge about something very vulnerable is disheartening. I understand that people go to the internet to seek out advice, we all have at some point, but can't you see how this could be harmful? Even if he personally never reads it?
The bottom line is that she asked for advice and she's getting it. This is a public forum where all kinds of nasty, beautiful, articulate, repugnant and all other adjectives of an opinion can be given. This was mine.
First of all, i didnt think your experience was any less valid than others shared here, so if it came across that way i apologize. We all have a personal story and i can understand how that informs the way we see the world.
I wasnt in any way implying that going out on a date with him makes her a nice person, i just feel as though people are making snap judgments about who she and rudely pointing out her age and such without taking into consideration the fact that people discover new aspects of themselves every day and the OP just discovered that she isnt as shallow as she thought she was.
I do understand what you mean about having a discussion about this and the guy not knowing this is the case, but in real life we do the same thing. When we meet a guy, we have convo's with people in a bid to find out how we truly feel about the issues that seem to stand out the most for us. For some people it confirms what they have known all along about themselves, for others they discover a new side to themselves. I do not think the OP meant this as a thread to bash the youngman. sounds more like she is working through her thoughts.
cheers0 -
Not sure why people are over-reacting or coming with a holier than thou attitude, but 'tis the nature of these forums.
Anyway, OP, to answer your question; I'm not sure.
I don't regard myself as a shallow person, the opposite, in fact. But I appear to have issues surrounding dating. It takes a lot for me to feel comfortable with a man in the relationship sense. Attraction is a big part for me, and while I couldn't, and wouldn't, date a person who was merely attractive with no substantial personality and/or compatibility, I am not sure I could feel comfortable dating someone I wasn't attracted to. That being said, I think it depends on the circumstances. When just meeting a guy for the first time, I tend to be very aware of my level of attraction to them, but if I know them (say .. work with them or otherwise see them often in a non-intimate setting), I can find myself becoming attracted to them if we have a good rapport.
OP, I don't think you're a bad person or shallow. You're human, and you're being honest. You're not being mean, or rude. I wonder how many of these posters who are being critical would REALLY date someone they weren't attracted to and/or someone who had a facial disfigurement.0 -
You said that you've considered yourself superficial, and by having to ask this question, you have confirmed that.
Outer beauty doesn't last forever. What if you're future husband or partner gets disfigured in a freak accident or fire, would you love them less because of it? Most likely not, because you fall in love with inner beauty, not outer. You'll grow old one day, too. Remember that your character is what builds a foundation in a relationship, not your beauty.
When you love someone, they tend to become attractive to you no matter what.
That is entirely a different situation from meeting someone new who is already disfigured.
Very few people, if any, fall in love on the first date. So, yes, attraction tends to factor greatly. That is not a bad thing, it is part of being human. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't bother to dress up nicely before going on a date.0
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