Double Standards...

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13

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  • Spartan_Maker
    Spartan_Maker Posts: 683 Member
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    It's an insult. Try responding this way: "You ought to have higher standards for both of us."
  • chicky26
    chicky26 Posts: 127 Member
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    I cant stand these comments either and hear them at least five times a day its so infuriating :(

    when people tell me to stop loosing weight because im getting to thin, to eat cake because I need it or call me skinny and tell me to stop shrinking as I'm going to ruin my looks as I ave a pretty face now, I always tell them the same thing. . . . . . . . . ..

    1) I tell them my weight and dress size and target i.e. I'm currently 149lb, im a UK dress size 12 (USA 8) and my target is 140lb (for my height 5'6 thats a healthy BMI)
    2) Not to worry as my mum has PROMISED to tell me if I loose too much weight, and that I love and trust my mum and her judgement completley.

    But it really does wind me up. A mix of do gooders, green eyed monsters and interferers!!
  • CynthiaCollin
    CynthiaCollin Posts: 406 Member
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    It is so controversial. I have been skinny, then fat and now I am skinny again.....so I have seen and lived both sides. It is just really hard. We all have our opinions, but I think sometimes people should just keep them to themselves unless specifically asked what they think. I am proud of myself and my accomplishments and it feels great to be thin again after a year and a half of hard work. I think people just need to figure it out on their own. Maybe they are happy being overweight and comfortable in their own skin. Maybe the thin girl really thinks she's fat and just wants to achieve her goals. When I was overweight it just depressed me even more when someone commented.....I just needed to look in the mirror to see I was overweight and how I felt in my own body....and now being thin again, if I say I want to lose 5 lbs, people freak out.....and usually tell me I don`t need to lose weight (even though I gained 5 lbs and still had 5 lbs to reach my initial goal (which I never loss) just to be mid-way on my BMI which is totally healthy). People should worry about themselves.
  • chrystee
    chrystee Posts: 295 Member
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    I just encountered this situation this week. I have been heavy since I was 10 years old and got serious about my weight when my grandfather passed two years ago. I have a family friend and another family member tell me that I was "obsessed" because I was talking about my journey and my progress so much on Facebook. I think if someone had said to me bluntly, as my grandfather did in the last conversation I had with him, that I was getting to the point of putting my health in danger and that I needed to do something before it was too late I may have done something sooner. My grandparents went to their deathbed worrying about my health and that was the kicker for me and now am being accused of being obsessed. Of course it appears that I am obsessed because I know my family history. People need to be more open and honest with the loved ones in their lives when it comes to the concerns of weight and heatlh

    I had this happen to me! That I was obsessed.. Um, I had lost 30 pounds out of 150 that I needed to LOSE. I HAVE to be obsessed.. the weight isn't going to drop itself!
  • nataliexxxx
    nataliexxxx Posts: 262
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    I think usually there from people who are jealous not always because they are overweight but because they dont want the attention to be off them, just ignore them and do what you want to do
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
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    I've started getting snarky I'll say stuff like "well ,it's better than being too fat" regardless of if said individual is overweight
  • Jeeenjohnson19
    Jeeenjohnson19 Posts: 54 Member
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    I have been lucky to have a supportive boyfriend who has also lost a lot of weight himself, he understands when I say "I shouldn't eat anymore today" just so much as "screw it i'm gonna have a glass of wine because I beat my goal".

    I have had so not so supportive people state that I eat too much cereal, and that when THEIR dieting they only have a certain amount and thats what I should be eating. Or if I have some cake "you sure you wanna eat that?". It especially annoys me when I'm the one who has lost more than 80pounds, not them. I KNOW what my body needs.

    But on the opposite scale, if I have a small dinner (which is what I usually do, as I have a big breakfast) apparently it's not enough?

    You just gotta learn that everyone thinks they know the best way for someone else to lose weight. Also it has come about that being overweight is the norm, so at a healthy weight you will look "too skinny". Not that I mind the skinny comments, first time ever in my life I have been called skinny (i'm deffo still not skinny anyway! :P)
  • ZeroWoIf
    ZeroWoIf Posts: 588 Member
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    I don't know regardless of what a person is we should all mind our f*cking business. That is the lifestyle they want to live then so be it. That doesn't mean we should turn around and tell them I freaking told you so now you are not gonna get help from me. Quite the contrary, I am more for a society that is willing to accept people as they are, rather than play the I told you so, or you should have done this game.
  • MSimm62385
    MSimm62385 Posts: 227
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    I ignore them. I know what I look like without clothes on. They do not. I'm the better judge on what's best for my body.
  • MrsCCWoods
    MrsCCWoods Posts: 142 Member
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    I dont mind the comments it just makes me work harder to get to wear i wanna be
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  • _Elemenopee_
    _Elemenopee_ Posts: 2,665 Member
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    People say stupid things. Some try to backtrack and say, they didn't mean it that way, but, we know they did.

    My response usually varies depending on the person and how/what they say.

    My usual answer is "I'm not done yet."
  • bulbadoof
    bulbadoof Posts: 1,058 Member
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    I personally have no problem telling overweight people when they could be making better choices if they have complained to me before about how they look, how they feel, or how they live in relation to their weight. Otherwise, it's not really my business - if they're happy, I'm happy for them.

    As for when I get the "don't get too skinny" thing, I just smile and tell them in a very firm tone that I am working toward a healthy and realistic goal that makes me feel good about myself and I would appreciate if they could respect that. I've never gotten a negative response.
  • carloc
    carloc Posts: 135 Member
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    I think part of the problem is that in general our societies have established new normal's for what is considered an acceptable weight. This now means (I will use myself as an example);

    I am 5'7", normal build, at the beginning of this year I maxed out at 202lbs.
    I am now at 173lbs and still have a gut, and some excess weight that needs to go, about another 20lbs. This would put me in a normal weight range for my height and build.
    People are starting to say that I don't need to lose anymore weight, and that I look normal now. My response is that when I wake in the morning and my stomach still obscures and big man down there, then I am too fat still. This response shuts them up straight away.

    Even my oncologist who is happy with my weight lose made a comment a few weeks ago that I was good and didn't need to lose anymore weight. I said yes of course, but will continue until I get to my goal of 155lbs. Carrying an extra 30lbs is now a normal and acceptable weight.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    When I was young, it was almost a given that the skinny kids were popular and the fat kids were vilified. it just was the way it was...and it happened.

    and we started a movement where society preached acceptance and understanding and compassion...and I think the movement was good in it's intention, but what it has done...is raised some overweight people who have BECOME the bullies and as such, the skinny counterparts are vilified.

    it's almost like as soon as someone has a condition "overweight, ADD, Epilepsy, etc etc, it eliminates them from the bully feeding pool to the point where all that is left is those of us who are trying to be everything we can be, and trying to avoid having a "condition" that exempts us from trying.

    Maybe this doesn't make sense...but it's how I have been seeing things lately...

    if you aren't skinny and "normal" as deemed by your peers, then you are exempt from the target range and the focus group for bullying becomes much smaller....
  • GhostPack
    GhostPack Posts: 197 Member
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    I don't care what the internets tell me. The internets LIE!!! Like I'm not sure anyone on MFP is even real.
    Real people... I don't listen unless they are praising me for something good. :bigsmile:
  • Flixie00
    Flixie00 Posts: 1,195 Member
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    At 273 lb the only person who made fun of my weight problem was myself (to my face that is). At 173 lb I regularly have to justify my continued weight loss to friends and work colleagues even though I am still technically overweight and my goal weight is at the top of the scale for my hight. I have to point out to people that as I strength train, I am gaining more muscle, and thus appear smaller and they seem to buy it :bigsmile:
  • TheRealParisLove
    TheRealParisLove Posts: 1,907 Member
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    All it takes is one comment like "Why are you on a diet, you look fine?" to shut me down. I mostly keep my fitness lifestyle to myself unless someone asks me a specific question such as "How do you manage enough time to exercise?"

    I have friends and family that accuse me of being anorexic (trust me, at 24 BMI I am far from anorexic) and try to force food on me at every possible opportunity. Lately, I've just started spending more time with friends who also embrace the fitness lifestyle. It is so much more relaxing!

    Last week I went out for Thai food with my fit friends and it was kinda cute seeing everyone ordering according to their goals. John went high protein, Jenn had paleo, Angela had a balanced meal since she was recovering from shoulder surgery and I ordered Pad Thai because it was my free meal. We all logged our choices and had a fine time of it.

    One time an unhealthy friend made a comment like, "eat whatever you want, you don't have anything to worry about since you are so tiny."

    My reply probably stung but I said, "Did it ever occur to you that I might be 'so tiny' because I don't eat 'whatever I want?'"

    I have two first-cousins and an uncle who are on dialysis because of obesity caused Type-2 diabetes. My only sibling is also diabetic (type-2) and is controlling the disease through medications. Heart disease and hypertension also run in my family on both sides.

    Sorry, but eating healthy is a small sacrifice to keep my health. Someone is going to have take care of all my sick relatives, right?
  • mksitz
    mksitz Posts: 14 Member
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    I thought about this a couple weeks ago. I'm no longer trying to lose pounds, just maintain a healthy weight and hopefully gain some muscle/lower my fat percentage. So yes, I still frequent the gym and do at-home workouts and eat healthier than I used to. Yet I catch crap from friends and family about my "diet" or how I "love the gym too much" or that I'm "too skinny". I'm 5'6 128lbs and 25% body fat.. thats definitely not "too skinny". When we had a birthday party at work I skipped out on cake because the lunch we had was already ridiculous, and I heard comments that I was "too good for cake". Most of the comments I hear are always in a joking tone, but it still gets annoying. I just roll my eyes and brush it off. It's funny though, because all of the comments I've heard like that are all from people that could definitely stand to follow my lead and make healthier choices, but they don't. I don't tell them eat some celery instead of fries.. so why do they want to force cake and ice cream on me? At the end of the day, I'm still proud of myself for how far I've come and have more self esteem than I did before, and I FEEL better than that cake and ice cream could have made me feel.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Dont you know its fine to ooze hatred and intolerance to skinny people, fit people, slim people, strong people and active people?

    Dove says so. They attacked VS first.
  • _Wits_
    _Wits_ Posts: 1,286 Member
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    I guess I have not witnessed such double standards in real life....if someone wants to tell me I need to lose weight, I'll say "thanks Dbag. Now mind your business". If I was to tell someone they need to gain weight cuz *I* think they're too skinny, well hell I'd expect them to say "Thanks Dbag...now mind your business".


    I do not tell people what to do with their bodies and expect the same respect. I will say....it can very much depend on who it is coming from.. You usually can tell if it is snide and full of jealousy...vs your little old grandmother who believes you need to eat all the food and the plate.

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