Double Standards...

"Why do we need to "fat-shame" people, even if they ARE fat? What does it matter to you if someone is fat? It's their life, and they can be fat if they want to. Being fat sucks, but some people are just fat. I don't see how shaming them or pointing it out does anybody any good whatsoever. I don't understand why people can't just leave each other alone and get on with their own lives."


The reason it matters if other people are obese, not just fat, but obese, is that it affects the entire community. It's especially important since it seems the US is heading toward socialized health care. People who are willfully obese, I'm not talking about those with legitimate medical conditions, are a drain on society because their irresponsibility increases the cost of care for everyone. I don't know how much you know about the healthcare system or insurance, but the overall health of a pool, or group, affects everyone's premiums.

Yes, they have the right to do as they please with their personal choices and lives, but when their personal choices begin to adversely affect everyone's welfare it's time they put a stop to it. Would you be so quick to defend a person who chooses to drink and drive? This idea of the individual being more important than the community is counterintuitive to survival. We humans thrive when we are part of a community because we are stronger together than we are alone. For someone to claim they have the right to be willingly sick because it's their life to live, while at the same time increasing the burden to everyone, is incredibly selfish and self-centered.

I am in no way suggesting we start treating people like second class citizens or being cruel to them. Let's just get this idea that it's ok to be obese out of our heads. When someone who is overweight makes a disparaging remark about their weight, instead of saying, "It's ok, you're beautiful the way you are," why don't we say "You're right, you are overweight. Do you want some help with that?"

I'm not suggesting a person can't be beautiful while obese, especially since a person is so much more than their appearance, but I am suggesting that it is not ok to be obese when you can do something about it. There are plenty of programs for people to get the counseling and psychiatric care they need, if they need it, and there is a wealth of information and support for people who want to get healthy. There is just no good excuse for an otherwise healthy person to remain obese - especially when they are sure to become a drain on their community.

Take it as a compliment. :flowerforyou: She's jealous of the fact that you can do what she's too weak to accomplish.

So agreed. Now I'm just starting on my weight loss journy. What kills me is those who try and then give up and are angry at you because you have success where they failed. They failed because they gave up.

I take it as a compliment and feel that I'm achieving my goals when people notice. I don't let it get to me b/c either its coming from a good place or if not - I don't care about their comment anyway!

It's an insult. Try responding this way: "You ought to have higher standards for both of us."

It is so controversial. I have been skinny, then fat and now I am skinny again.....so I have seen and lived both sides. It is just really hard. We all have our opinions, but I think sometimes people should just keep them to themselves unless specifically asked what they think. I am proud of myself and my accomplishments and it feels great to be thin again after a year and a half of hard work. I think people just need to figure it out on their own. Maybe they are happy being overweight and comfortable in their own skin. Maybe the thin girl really thinks she's fat and just wants to achieve her goals. When I was overweight it just depressed me even more when someone commented.....I just needed to look in the mirror to see I was overweight and how I felt in my own body....and now being thin again, if I say I want to lose 5 lbs, people freak out.....and usually tell me I don`t need to lose weight (even though I gained 5 lbs and still had 5 lbs to reach my initial goal (which I never loss) just to be mid-way on my BMI which is totally healthy). People should worry about themselves.

I think usually there from people who are jealous not always because they are overweight but because they dont want the attention to be off them, just ignore them and do what you want to do

I have been lucky to have a supportive boyfriend who has also lost a lot of weight himself, he understands when I say "I shouldn't eat anymore today" just so much as "screw it i'm gonna have a glass of wine because I beat my goal".

I have had so not so supportive people state that I eat too much cereal, and that when THEIR dieting they only have a certain amount and thats what I should be eating. Or if I have some cake "you sure you wanna eat that?". It especially annoys me when I'm the one who has lost more than 80pounds, not them. I KNOW what my body needs.

But on the opposite scale, if I have a small dinner (which is what I usually do, as I have a big breakfast) apparently it's not enough?

You just gotta learn that everyone thinks they know the best way for someone else to lose weight. Also it has come about that being overweight is the norm, so at a healthy weight you will look "too skinny". Not that I mind the skinny comments, first time ever in my life I have been called skinny (i'm deffo still not skinny anyway! :P)

I ignore them. I know what I look like without clothes on. They do not. I'm the better judge on what's best for my body.

People say stupid things. Some try to backtrack and say, they didn't mean it that way, but, we know they did.

My response usually varies depending on the person and how/what they say.

My usual answer is "I'm not done yet."

I think part of the problem is that in general our societies have established new normal's for what is considered an acceptable weight. This now means (I will use myself as an example);

I am 5'7", normal build, at the beginning of this year I maxed out at 202lbs.
I am now at 173lbs and still have a gut, and some excess weight that needs to go, about another 20lbs. This would put me in a normal weight range for my height and build.
People are starting to say that I don't need to lose anymore weight, and that I look normal now. My response is that when I wake in the morning and my stomach still obscures and big man down there, then I am too fat still. This response shuts them up straight away.

Even my oncologist who is happy with my weight lose made a comment a few weeks ago that I was good and didn't need to lose anymore weight. I said yes of course, but will continue until I get to my goal of 155lbs. Carrying an extra 30lbs is now a normal and acceptable weight.

I don't care what the internets tell me. The internets LIE!!! Like I'm not sure anyone on MFP is even real.
Real people... I don't listen unless they are praising me for something good. :bigsmile:

All it takes is one comment like "Why are you on a diet, you look fine?" to shut me down. I mostly keep my fitness lifestyle to myself unless someone asks me a specific question such as "How do you manage enough time to exercise?"

I have friends and family that accuse me of being anorexic (trust me, at 24 BMI I am far from anorexic) and try to force food on me at every possible opportunity. Lately, I've just started spending more time with friends who also embrace the fitness lifestyle. It is so much more relaxing!

Last week I went out for Thai food with my fit friends and it was kinda cute seeing everyone ordering according to their goals. John went high protein, Jenn had paleo, Angela had a balanced meal since she was recovering from shoulder surgery and I ordered Pad Thai because it was my free meal. We all logged our choices and had a fine time of it.

One time an unhealthy friend made a comment like, "eat whatever you want, you don't have anything to worry about since you are so tiny."

My reply probably stung but I said, "Did it ever occur to you that I might be 'so tiny' because I don't eat 'whatever I want?'"

I have two first-cousins and an uncle who are on dialysis because of obesity caused Type-2 diabetes. My only sibling is also diabetic (type-2) and is controlling the disease through medications. Heart disease and hypertension also run in my family on both sides.

Sorry, but eating healthy is a small sacrifice to keep my health. Someone is going to have take care of all my sick relatives, right?