sick of being told you don't need to loose weight

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Replies

  • likemeinvisible
    likemeinvisible Posts: 309
    I wish there was a polite way of telling these people to stfu and mind their own business.

    There's no need for a polite way, it's their view that's distorted and needs to be changed.
  • crimsoncat
    crimsoncat Posts: 457 Member
    Regarding being skeletal at 5' 5" and 127, that is entirely possible. I am 5' 6" and I know I look skeletal at 135 so my goal is 145. It's because of the way my weight is distributed. My face and top half look super boney, plus when you're older, your skin is thinner, which makes you look even skinnier.

    I'm 125-127 and 5'5". I look normal to skinny because I have muscle. It is totally dependent on your body type.
  • mywayroche
    mywayroche Posts: 218 Member
    Someone told me that if I lost the stone I wanted to lose then I'd look gaunt... how rude. I'm actually more than a stone overweight so I seriously doubt that :explode:
  • filomenae
    filomenae Posts: 110 Member
    Yes, it happens to me quite a lot. No, I don't need to lose weight, but I'm not comfortable with my body. I remember last year, I was hanging out with an old friend and he told me, "You've always been the curvy, bigger girl. I can't imagine you skinny." now people are telling me I am too thin, I need to eat a burger (I don't eat meat, lol), stop losing weight, you workout too much, etc,. It's not their body, they don't have to live with it, I appreciate your concern, but it is none of YOUR business.

    People are insecure and hate to see others better themselves. As others have mentioned, it makes them reflect upon themselves and usually they end up feeling bad, negative, or otherwise. Do what feels right for you and ignore the others. Just smile, or deflect what they're saying by bringing up another topic.
  • msacurrie
    msacurrie Posts: 144 Member
    As long as you're reaching for a goal that is within your healthy weight bracket - for get it :) they are probably just worried you'll over do it. As long as you are doing it in a healthy way, then go for it! But remember the important things in life :)
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
    While I agree that for some people it may indeed be a matter of jealousy or that they feel inadequate or lazy by comparison, I actually think that most of the time it's because weight loss is so commonly associated with self-loathing. When someone says that they want to lose weight, people imagine that it's because that person hates him/herself or feels disgusting or unlovable. This is especially true when it's a goal that sounds extreme (like 100+ pounds) even when in reality it may not be overdoing it at all. They're not telling you not to lose to sabotage you; they're trying to let you know that you don't have to hurt yourself (again, part of the common view of "dieting").

    People see dieting and weight loss as punishments rather than "lifestyle changes" in spite of the attempts to change the nomenclature. If you're doing it, you must be punishing yourself. People who love you want to spare you the pain they imagine you must be putting yourself through, particularly if they themselves are overweight and have not found a sustainable way to lose weight.

    Just thought I'd throw out a different perspective.
  • NCchar130
    NCchar130 Posts: 955 Member
    I understand, OP! Just a few weeks ago I mentioned to a coworker who was griping about not feeling well, always feeling tired and icky, etc, that I also felt that way and that I was going to 'make some changes' because I want to feel good. She asked if I meant lose weight and I said, yes, I want to lose some weight and get fit and feel awesome. And she said "Nooo!! You look like you are at your ideal weight already!! Why would you want to lose??"

    She is just one of many friends who say this type of thing to me. I am 5 feet 6 inches tall and my starting weight was 216 pounds. My starting waist measurement was 41 inches and hips 49 inches. My starting body fat percentage was 48% and when I wear a sleeveless shirt and flex my arms a certain way, there is a vague cellulitish look to them. I have joint pain in my hips and ankles, plantar fasciitis, and a bad back.

    In spite of all that, I am a self-confident person and I do not complain and moan constantly about how fat I am. It just irritates me so much when people stand there and try to lie to your face or talk you out of making a change that will make you feel and look better.

    I honestly can't remember EVER trying to talk someone out of it when they stated their plan to get fit and lose weight unless they are skeletally thin and I happen to know they have an eating disorder or a severely skewed image of their body. To me, anyone who is aiming to improve themselves whether by going back to school or trying to get fit is something to celebrate!
  • mrsb102
    mrsb102 Posts: 16
    And, you wonder why, in today's society everyone has eating disorders and whatnot. I can tell you from personal experience, that my father is a personal trainer, so you want to talk about being under the microscope? I lost close to 20 lbs over the last year or so, and I can guarantee you, that my weight still is probably not good enough in his eyes, yet, he can have a crappy diet and not eat. I will never forget a few years back when he made a comment about how he and my mother can tell when I eat fast food because I "blow up". Sometimes, people just need to take a step back and think before they talk.. We all are on here for our own reasons, and should be damned proud of what we have accomplished, right!?
  • LisaWilson2012
    LisaWilson2012 Posts: 118 Member
    I keep getting told I'm taking things too far as I look at the fat / calorie / salt / carb content of things I eat. I only have about 10lb to lose in about 9 week which isn't extreme by any stretch of the imagination but the way people keep going on anyone would think I'm starving myself to achieve it.

    I keep telling everyone I'm never going to reach my goal if every time I ate with family I didn't give a damn.

    Total sympathy from me with your post. Stick at it girl. They think just because they are happy with how much you weigh, that you must be too and it doesn't work like that does it.....!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    When people tell me I look fine I simply say with a smile, "who wants to be 'fine'?"
  • cgarand
    cgarand Posts: 541 Member
    When I hit a plateau I had a lot of co-workers tell me that "I look fine"..."maybe this is just where your body is comfortable"... "sometimes at middle age, you just can't lose anymore". ..etc.. I researched, tweaked some things and started losing again.

    I'm glad I didn't listen. I'm not sure where you're at ...but I'm still 2 pounds over BMI (I know BMI is hooey...just using for frame of reference)....I refuse to accept that I can't reach a healthy weight just because it's hard.

    I've heard a lot about how weight loss is different when you are 'middle aged' and I know first hand how much harder it is. But, I'm with you. I am determined to reach a healthy weight and ensure that 'middle aged' doesn't mean 'out of shape'.
  • cgarand
    cgarand Posts: 541 Member
    When people tell me I look fine I simply say with a smile, "who wants to be 'fine'?"

    Love it! :laugh:
  • FuneralDiner
    FuneralDiner Posts: 438 Member
    When people tell me I look fine I simply say with a smile, "who wants to be 'fine'?"
    "I don't wanna be 'fine'.. I wanna be DAYYYUM FINE!"
  • Derinq
    Derinq Posts: 52 Member
    Sure did. People were far more vocal about telling me to stop losing weight than they ever were about telling me to start. Why is it people think they have a right to comment on your weight at all?

    Two thoughts for you:

    1) It's your body and you know what you feel like and what you really want. If you really want it, go get it and disregard what others say.

    2) Maybe come up with a response for those kinds of comments. Something that clarifies why you still want to lose weight. If they say "you look fine now", you could say something like "yeah, I do, but I'm not going for "fine" - I'm going for great!" Or if they ask why you still want to lose, something like "because even though I feel good about what I've done so far, I know I'll feel even better when I reach my goal. I don't want to be a quitter."

    And congrats to you on your success so far. RIGHT ON!

    Well said!
  • wgn4166
    wgn4166 Posts: 771 Member
    I hear this almost everyday! People don't understand that I have a goal to reach, and I will not be happy until I reach it. I just say Thank You and go on.
  • jennaworksout
    jennaworksout Posts: 1,739 Member
    yes!!!! it drives me nuts!!! I have 9 pounds to my goal, and people are like you look fine, i don't feel well!!!!! thats totally different
    love your profile pic!!!
  • Sammyk50
    Sammyk50 Posts: 77 Member
    Yep...and I will not settle for anything else than reaching my goal. Do what you need to do for you! Do not listen to "the others" lol
  • iluxoxo211
    iluxoxo211 Posts: 241 Member
    Hello, I wanted to comment on this because I understand what your going through.. I have lost 122lbs and ever since I have known most of the people in my life I have been very heavy.. that is all people are used to..they are used to me eating terrible and not caring about myself.. about a few months go I have noticed alot of people asking me how much more I want to lose and I tell them and they say ohh you dont need to lose anymore dont lose to much you look great.. My goal when I started this was to get to a healthy body weight.. it can be annoying sometimes but I am not letting it get to me.. I am on this journey for me and me alone. I hope it gets easier for you ..you have one great!:flowerforyou:
  • runzalot81
    runzalot81 Posts: 782 Member
    I understand! I've been physically fit for almost 10 years and well within a healthy weight range for all that time.

    Sure, I look fine. Even slim.

    But I'm ready to muscle up and try new things. Also, after all this time, I still struggle with sugar. I'm done with that mess! It has messed with my body chemistry so much over the last few years so it's time for a change.

    I like to raise the bar :)
  • hooperkay
    hooperkay Posts: 463 Member
    I have lost 55lbs since end of march. Everyone at work asks daily "so how much have you lost now?" followed by "How much more you wanna lose?". When I answer " 20-30 more pounds" I get "Why, you don't need to lose any more". I tell them that I want to be healthy weight for my body size. They just don't understand. They have a distorted idea of body size because almost everyone is probably in obese category. Kinda funny cause when they ask how and I say I eat less and exercise more; they lose interest. I'm tempted to say I'm taking a diet pill to see if they become interested..:p
  • hooperkay
    hooperkay Posts: 463 Member
    Hello, I wanted to comment on this because I understand what your going through.. I have lost 122lbs and ever since I have known most of the people in my life I have been very heavy.. that is all people are used to..they are used to me eating terrible and not caring about myself.. about a few months go I have noticed alot of people asking me how much more I want to lose and I tell them and they say ohh you dont need to lose anymore dont lose to much you look great.. My goal when I started this was to get to a healthy body weight.. it can be annoying sometimes but I am not letting it get to me.. I am on this journey for me and me alone. I hope it gets easier for you ..you have one great!:flowerforyou:


    Just had to say congrats on your weight loss.. Amazing!! Get to where you are satisfied.
  • violetta88
    violetta88 Posts: 117 Member
    All the time - it's one of my biggest gripes!

    I usually get it off family - they seem convinced that "healthy lifestyle" is synonymous with "eating disorder". But I feel like I may be to blame for that because of stupid crashing dieting in the past.

    I also get it off co-workers, I think because I changed jobs a few months ago and none of them knew me when I was a lot bigger.

    It's a political minefield, particularly if the person commenting is bigger than you. If you say "yes I do need to lose weight" then you're effectively insulting them! The response I usually give is that I didn't always look this way, so I need to watch what I eat so I don't get bigger. Or I say that I'm looking to get fitter, rather than thinner.

    Of course, the most effective way is to never discuss your diet/healthy lifestyle/food choices with other people. Don't rub it in their faces. There's not many people who will be rude enough to comment on it if you don't bring it up first!

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