Need to rant!

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Replies

  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    That's frustrating! I wonder if your husband felt startled or put on the spot when they complimented him. I personally hate when people talk to me about my weight and eating habits if I haven't included them into that part of my life. The "eating healthier" is a pretty standard line to throw out when you really don't want to talk about it.

    But good on you for the changes you've made--they are clearly working for your whole family.
  • LoyalAngel16
    LoyalAngel16 Posts: 186 Member
    My husband didn't use to say much to me at first when I started to show my weight loss. Ever since I started eating right and exercising, I have been posting it on FB. My friends love it and give me tons of support. Every time I put I lost or gained, my husband would respond with his. Never great job or anything. We both got gym memberships and after a year he only went maybe 3 times. I started losing motivation. No comments from hubby and no one to workout with. One day I kind of went off on him lol (not bad, just told him how I felt). Since then he has been telling me how great I am doing. Also he states he is telling people at work all about it. He doesn't need to lose weight. He is actually very skinny. So we both have the same weight goal, but I am losing and he is trying to gain. We eat the same things, minus what he eats while at work and sometimes I fix him other stuff with his dinner. I was recently unemployed and he was pushing me to try to get another job. My gym was out of the way now that I wasn't working, so I talked him into me changing gyms and cancelled his since he isn't going. Now that he is seeing my progress and seeing how much happier I am, he has told me to continue to try to find a job, but try to focus more on me right now. It is hard when you don't have support from a loved one. It almost makes you feel like you have failed or not worth the attention. You are doing great and keep up the good work. Maybe just sit down with him one day and let him know how you feel, he may not realize what he is doing to you is actually hurting you.
  • Titania1983
    Titania1983 Posts: 3 Member
    My dearest friend, Never forget you are loved! I have definitely noticed a difference! You look absolutely amazing! You inspire me everyday. I love you lots and lots!
  • MisChef
    MisChef Posts: 48 Member
    My husband is not trying to lose weight, but he is a huge support of me. He gives me props and even brags to people and tells me he's so proud of me! I'm sorry your husband is being such an *kitten* :frown:

    Every time i read these ranty posts about *kitten* husbands not being supportive, i tell mine, "Thanks for not being a jerk." He's very confused.
  • daughterofthesea
    daughterofthesea Posts: 82 Member
    Since I've started MFP, I've made some big changes in the household- some that my husband wasn't very happy about. I've cut out the soda, cook a lot more often (we used to eat out 3-4 times a week and now we eat out maybe once a week) and theres a ton of healthier changes made around here. I started working out 3 days a week and take our 11 month old son for walks and keep him active as much as I can. In return, from all of my hard work, I've lost 15 lbs! With all the changes I've made, my husband has lost 18 lbs without even trying. (I do the cooking and meal planning in our household and he joined my gym membership as well but has not used it yet) Last night, we went to a Japanese steakhouse with some friends we have not seen in a while. The first thing they say is "Wow Charlie, you look awesome! How much weight have you lost? What have you been doing?" He politely thanks them and tells them hes eating healthier. NOTHING was said about my weight loss or my hard work or the fact that he wasn't even trying to lose weight- he's just eating what I cook, as usual. He doesnt even know the tacos aren't ground beef anymore, but lean ground turkey and the wraps are low cal high fiber. He hasn't even noticed that the bread is 35 cals a slice and all the meals at night and for the lunches are all portioned correctly and accompanied with a veggie. And although he knows I've lost weight, the only comment he made was after I told him I reached the 15 lb mark and that entitles me to a massage, and he said 'yea, I noticed something different about you but didn't want to say anything.'

    Thank you MFP family for being the support that I need! I'm in this for the long haul! <3

    Gosh, your man's observant!! It's a shame he didn't big up the fact that you've lost a tremendous amount of weight - well done for that by the way! - but at least you're continuing on your journey x
  • mortyfit
    mortyfit Posts: 354 Member
    Since I've started MFP, I've made some big changes in the household- some that my husband wasn't very happy about. I've cut out the soda, cook a lot more often (we used to eat out 3-4 times a week and now we eat out maybe once a week) and theres a ton of healthier changes made around here. I started working out 3 days a week and take our 11 month old son for walks and keep him active as much as I can. In return, from all of my hard work, I've lost 15 lbs! With all the changes I've made, my husband has lost 18 lbs without even trying. (I do the cooking and meal planning in our household and he joined my gym membership as well but has not used it yet) Last night, we went to a Japanese steakhouse with some friends we have not seen in a while. The first thing they say is "Wow Charlie, you look awesome! How much weight have you lost? What have you been doing?" He politely thanks them and tells them hes eating healthier. NOTHING was said about my weight loss or my hard work or the fact that he wasn't even trying to lose weight- he's just eating what I cook, as usual. He doesnt even know the tacos aren't ground beef anymore, but lean ground turkey and the wraps are low cal high fiber. He hasn't even noticed that the bread is 35 cals a slice and all the meals at night and for the lunches are all portioned correctly and accompanied with a veggie. And although he knows I've lost weight, the only comment he made was after I told him I reached the 15 lb mark and that entitles me to a massage, and he said 'yea, I noticed something different about you but didn't want to say anything.'

    Thank you MFP family for being the support that I need! I'm in this for the long haul! <3
    Mention it to him that you think it would help you as a couple if he would acknowledge to his friends that your efforts are benefitting both of you. If he enjoys the benefits he is reaping from your efforts, then see what he thinks about being a more active participant and teammate in those efforts. I don't know him, so I'm giving him benefit of the doubt--he may not realize that he failed to give you credit, that he missed a perfect opportunity to show support and appreciation for his wife. If you ask him specifically to be more of a team player, maybe he won't miss those opportunities in the future.
  • rottiegirl22
    rottiegirl22 Posts: 19 Member
    Man, I wish someone would do the food planning and portion controlling for me! HAHA You're doing great! Keep up the good work :)

    As for the dinner, Just get faster at responding. And the next person that points out his weight loss and asks how he's doing it, hop in and say that YOU'RE doing it and you're doing x and x and you've lost X pounds so far, he's been lucky to receive the side effect of losing a few pounds along the way. Toot your own horn! You deserve it!
  • jcr85
    jcr85 Posts: 229
    This is so stupid. You should lose weight for your self not for other peoples compliments.
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
    Hit him! ;D Roll up a newspaper and smack 'em!

    =p ....jk

    Sounds like you are doing a damn good job taking care of your family and that is something to be proud of, even if know one notices =)<3 Keep it up, your entire family will thank you for it someday..
  • mmychal
    mmychal Posts: 69
    I think you should take credit for every pound he loses until he starts to actively participate. In that case, congratulations on that 33 pounds that YOU have been responsible for! Keep at it!!

    Being a husband myself, I'd be rather ashamed if I didn't at least acknowledge my wife's accomplishments. She's on here too and she's fought through injury and still manages to lose weight and I'm supa impressed by her hard work. I wouldn't be where I am without her support.
  • Only1Mickee
    Only1Mickee Posts: 415 Member
    Mine has always said, "I dont care how you look". When are men going to realize that's not what we want to hear.
  • joannecando
    joannecando Posts: 40
    I SO hear ya! I am in a situation where my husband, kids, and I share a home with my parents. I am struggling to cook healthier foods, provide better snack options, and prepare more food at home instead of running to a drive through. I push myself to get out and work out at least three times a week, which is very contrary to my usual nature. I am losing weight, but it is slow progress, and nobody has said a word about my loss. Meanwhile, my husband is dropping weight rapidly, and everybody keeps talking about how good he looks. It is sooooo frustrating. The truth is, though, that men do lose weight differently than women. They tend to lose from their abdomens, and that is the most noticeable location.

    Have heart. You are doing the right thing. Your whole family will reap the benefits for the rest of their lives. Know that your friends on here support you, and don't be afraid to ask your hubby for a little recognition of your efforts. What you are doing is hard, and deserves a compliment at the least - or a second massage :)
  • serentity78
    serentity78 Posts: 89 Member
    I have to lose more than 15pounds before others notice...I have lost inches so people notice that as weight loss when my weight loss is under 10 pounds. Men always lose faster with less changes.
  • codapea
    codapea Posts: 182 Member
    Yes, my husband is losing weight, too, just by what I am cooking now, lol. But as far as husbands go, I think they are afraid of saying the wrong thing and opt to say nothing at all. For him to bring up your weight loss in front of all your friends is tricky territory, and I think you should have stood up for yourself and said, "Well he has me to thank for his weight loss! My lifestyle change is rubbing off on him!" It would have given your friends the que to say, "Yes, we noticed how great you look as well." Also, honestly, for those of us who have a lot to lose, I think it really takes a lot of weight coming off before people start noticing. I've lost 10 lbs. and no one has said a thing, including my husband, but like I said, the topic of your weight is just awkward for most hubby's to bring up without prompting.
  • WickedPixie1
    WickedPixie1 Posts: 111 Member
    I actually don't think your husband is being a bad guy here. You say he doesn't appreciate all the changes you've put in, but it also sounds like you haven't actually told him. How is he supposed to notice that the bread has fewer calories or how many carbs are in a meal? If you just give him the food, he'll assume it's healthier but can't possibly recognize what exactly is different. I'm not saying you don't deserve acknowledgement, but if the guy is in the dark about what's going on, you can't really expect it either.

    It's also not necessarily true that men always lose more easily than women do. They're often bigger to start with so they see bigger numbers and differences in body fat distribution can make it look more drastic earlier on. However, I can say that my boyfriend (who is a foot and a half taller than me) has a hell of a time losing weight while it's generally pretty easy for me. In the end, you'll drive yourself crazy if you try to compete/compare with someone else. Focus on improving yourself and you'll be able to see those positive changes.

    LOL!! Agreed...how many times has your husband asked you where something is, gone into a drawer or cupboard looking for it and couldn't find it and starts whining...then when you go up to help, it's right there in plain sight?
    By all means, have a little chat and tell him about the changes you've made to the food and shopping and why you are doing it and that you'd love a little support and recognition for your efforts every once in a while and how bad it makes you feel when he's given kudos for not trying and you're blanked.

    I've been married nearly 20 years, I get the 'you need to lose weight' snipes and then when I start he goes into sabotage mode. I don't think it's entirely deliberate since it happens with everything I do...education, quit smoking...but I don't live in his head so I can't say for sure. For the most part, I think he's just oblivious
  • zmzmzm19
    zmzmzm19 Posts: 155 Member
    Well.........first off.......Congrats to you for your 15 pound loss! That's amazing!! Keep up the good work, you are not only changing your health, but your familie's as well, and that's another big step that is awesome!! Keep your chin up and continue the AWESOME job.............you rock!! :happy:
  • ZiezieO
    ZiezieO Posts: 228 Member
    You're an amazing lady first off! Taking care of both yourself AND your family. Especially showing you kiddos determination by taking them with you when you go out to work out.

    When you hear people talk about your hubbys loss, just be proud of YOU because he might not be working off his butt, but you're the person behind the scenes and that's YOUR hard work... pretty soon it will show on you too!

    However, make sure you tell him that all that weight that's magically gone from him isn't coincidence... It's a lifestyle change that he hasn't realized.
  • AbbsyBabbsy
    AbbsyBabbsy Posts: 184 Member
    How is your husband supposed to credit you with his healthier lifestyle when, by your own admission, he doesn't even know it's happening? If you want to be thanked for using lean ground turkey or light bread you have to at least tell him about it!

    I'd let this one go, but let your husband know that in the future you'd like it if he complimented your new look/lifestyle once in a while.

    And congrats on losing 15lbs!
  • AllonsYtotheTardis
    AllonsYtotheTardis Posts: 16,947 Member
    My experience with men has been that things that we gals consider obvious, are not obvious to them. Talk to him - he probably doesn't even realize how he made you feel.
  • BABetter1
    BABetter1 Posts: 618 Member
    My man felt a little threatened when I first started losing weight. But, I think he's finally realized that I'm not trying to get "thinner" so I can find another man, ha, ha. I'm just trying to get healthy for my own peace of mind. He doesn't watch what he eats at all, but he is making attempts to get involved with my exercise and encouraging me to team up with him in his exercise as well. He actually teaches a spin class 2 nights per week at the gym. He used to work out at least 6 days per week, but now just does his 2 classes. Anyway, I've been doing his classes too, and I'm currently in week 4 of C25K. He has decided starting this week to do it with me.

    Sorry, I didn't mean to make this all about me. What I'm getting at is that men do often feel threatened by their partners sudden efforts to lose weight. And, he may have been so surprised by your friends noticing his weight loss that he didn't think to explain that it was actually YOUR hard work that made HIS weight loss possible. Since he hasn't had to make any effort, he is likely not even thinking about weight loss, whereas you are totally focused on it. I'd say give him some time, and give yourself some time to put this into perspective. Then, once your calm and not so hurt by this perceived slight, have a calm discussion with him about how you felt when he didn't even mention your hard work and subsequent weight loss, and tell him what you would like from him.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
    My husband have lost 40 lbs in 1.5 years and I restarted my journey in April and have lost only 4 lbs :frown: I measure everything I eat and exercise while he eats a lot and plays video games and loses weight.

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