Need to rant!

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2

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  • dawnierenee0201
    dawnierenee0201 Posts: 7
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    Aww!!! Thanks everyone! I feel so much more appreciated and not alone in this journey!!
  • yadutwum
    yadutwum Posts: 7
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    I cried when i read your rant because i have also experience exactly what happened to you. The moral of the story is that this is a new life long journey that we are all on. We will support each other during our low and our high moments and no one is allowed to get off this forward moving train. We all have decided that enough is enough and that we deserve better. So with that said, continue to do all the healthy things for you and your family while your body continues to transform.
  • PrtteJerseyGirl71
    PrtteJerseyGirl71 Posts: 8
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    I know exactly what you are going through, hence one of the reasons why I joined MFP last night. My husband has lost about 51 pounds in the last 4-5 months. He does mostly raw foods. He looks amazing and I try to compliment him as much as I can. I on the other hand have lost 18 pounds and not one thing has been said to me. It's frustrating! I want nothing more than his support. I have been called selfish so many times when I didn't feel the need to be called that. NOW, I am being selfish and doing this for me...spending more time in the gym, and just signed up for a couple classes at the local university to finish my Bachelors...only 39 credits to go!

    I am so proud of you. You are organized, and focused! You are doing great things for you and your family. Most importantly you are teaching your son to eat healthy from an early age. Keep on pushing...YOU can and will do this!!

    I think we have a lot in common, feel free to add me if you would like!!
  • juliette28
    juliette28 Posts: 68
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    I cried when i read your rant because i have also experience exactly what happened to you. The moral of the story is that this is a new life long journey that we are all on. We will support each other during our low and our high moments and no one is allowed to get off this forward moving train. We all have decided that enough is enough and that we deserve better. So with that said, continue to do all the healthy things for you and your family while your body continues to transform.

    Love this quote!
  • juliette28
    juliette28 Posts: 68
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    Love the quote above!
  • PrtteJerseyGirl71
    PrtteJerseyGirl71 Posts: 8
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    NIce to hear a guys side! Wish my husband thought like that! Keep up the great work on your weight loss!
  • skcornett
    skcornett Posts: 169 Member
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    Good for you for making changes that impact you and will have a long-term great effect on your family! Congratulations on your success so far, and can't wait to hear how this goes.

    And, just for the record, I would have been completely irritated, too.
  • jadesign19
    jadesign19 Posts: 512 Member
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    In the past my wife has gone on Weight Watchers and I have just eaten healthier as a result of her buying healthier food. Therefore I lose weight about as quickly as she does. Then after a few months she complains that I am not supporting her by not participating and she quits. So now I am being active in our eating healthy and working out and supporting her, sometimes to my own detriment. Now I am losing weight twice as fast as she is. This has frustrated her more than my doing nothing and losing equal weight. I mention all of this to let you know you are not alone in having to deal with crazy spouses. Get healthy for yourself and forget everybody else. Though you could start mixing large amounts of real butter into your husbands meals.
    This! It took me 14 years of marriage to realize I'm responsible for my own health and happiness. If you expect compliments from someone who usually never gives them you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If a compliment comes....bonus. If not you always have the support here on MFP and the knowledge that you've accomplished something on your own. You can do this!:drinker:
  • ZugTheMegasaurus
    ZugTheMegasaurus Posts: 801 Member
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    I actually don't think your husband is being a bad guy here. You say he doesn't appreciate all the changes you've put in, but it also sounds like you haven't actually told him. How is he supposed to notice that the bread has fewer calories or how many carbs are in a meal? If you just give him the food, he'll assume it's healthier but can't possibly recognize what exactly is different. I'm not saying you don't deserve acknowledgement, but if the guy is in the dark about what's going on, you can't really expect it either.

    It's also not necessarily true that men always lose more easily than women do. They're often bigger to start with so they see bigger numbers and differences in body fat distribution can make it look more drastic earlier on. However, I can say that my boyfriend (who is a foot and a half taller than me) has a hell of a time losing weight while it's generally pretty easy for me. In the end, you'll drive yourself crazy if you try to compete/compare with someone else. Focus on improving yourself and you'll be able to see those positive changes.
  • DJgettinghealthy
    DJgettinghealthy Posts: 3
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    YOU are doing GREAT!!!!! Keep up the great work. I don't know about you but I am a behind the scene person. Let him be out there in the forefront shining like a new dime. We all know men loose wt faster because of their muscle composition however, slow and steady wins the goal every time. When you feel overwhelmed take a walk outside in the sunshine and fresh air. Talk with yourself and get you head back in a positive space. Stress and cortisol are not our friends. He may be shining like a new dime now but you will be the brand new shiny dollar piece in the end. :smile:
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    That's frustrating! I wonder if your husband felt startled or put on the spot when they complimented him. I personally hate when people talk to me about my weight and eating habits if I haven't included them into that part of my life. The "eating healthier" is a pretty standard line to throw out when you really don't want to talk about it.

    But good on you for the changes you've made--they are clearly working for your whole family.
  • LoyalAngel16
    LoyalAngel16 Posts: 186 Member
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    My husband didn't use to say much to me at first when I started to show my weight loss. Ever since I started eating right and exercising, I have been posting it on FB. My friends love it and give me tons of support. Every time I put I lost or gained, my husband would respond with his. Never great job or anything. We both got gym memberships and after a year he only went maybe 3 times. I started losing motivation. No comments from hubby and no one to workout with. One day I kind of went off on him lol (not bad, just told him how I felt). Since then he has been telling me how great I am doing. Also he states he is telling people at work all about it. He doesn't need to lose weight. He is actually very skinny. So we both have the same weight goal, but I am losing and he is trying to gain. We eat the same things, minus what he eats while at work and sometimes I fix him other stuff with his dinner. I was recently unemployed and he was pushing me to try to get another job. My gym was out of the way now that I wasn't working, so I talked him into me changing gyms and cancelled his since he isn't going. Now that he is seeing my progress and seeing how much happier I am, he has told me to continue to try to find a job, but try to focus more on me right now. It is hard when you don't have support from a loved one. It almost makes you feel like you have failed or not worth the attention. You are doing great and keep up the good work. Maybe just sit down with him one day and let him know how you feel, he may not realize what he is doing to you is actually hurting you.
  • Titania1983
    Titania1983 Posts: 3 Member
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    My dearest friend, Never forget you are loved! I have definitely noticed a difference! You look absolutely amazing! You inspire me everyday. I love you lots and lots!
  • MisChef
    MisChef Posts: 48 Member
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    My husband is not trying to lose weight, but he is a huge support of me. He gives me props and even brags to people and tells me he's so proud of me! I'm sorry your husband is being such an *kitten* :frown:

    Every time i read these ranty posts about *kitten* husbands not being supportive, i tell mine, "Thanks for not being a jerk." He's very confused.
  • daughterofthesea
    daughterofthesea Posts: 82 Member
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    Since I've started MFP, I've made some big changes in the household- some that my husband wasn't very happy about. I've cut out the soda, cook a lot more often (we used to eat out 3-4 times a week and now we eat out maybe once a week) and theres a ton of healthier changes made around here. I started working out 3 days a week and take our 11 month old son for walks and keep him active as much as I can. In return, from all of my hard work, I've lost 15 lbs! With all the changes I've made, my husband has lost 18 lbs without even trying. (I do the cooking and meal planning in our household and he joined my gym membership as well but has not used it yet) Last night, we went to a Japanese steakhouse with some friends we have not seen in a while. The first thing they say is "Wow Charlie, you look awesome! How much weight have you lost? What have you been doing?" He politely thanks them and tells them hes eating healthier. NOTHING was said about my weight loss or my hard work or the fact that he wasn't even trying to lose weight- he's just eating what I cook, as usual. He doesnt even know the tacos aren't ground beef anymore, but lean ground turkey and the wraps are low cal high fiber. He hasn't even noticed that the bread is 35 cals a slice and all the meals at night and for the lunches are all portioned correctly and accompanied with a veggie. And although he knows I've lost weight, the only comment he made was after I told him I reached the 15 lb mark and that entitles me to a massage, and he said 'yea, I noticed something different about you but didn't want to say anything.'

    Thank you MFP family for being the support that I need! I'm in this for the long haul! <3

    Gosh, your man's observant!! It's a shame he didn't big up the fact that you've lost a tremendous amount of weight - well done for that by the way! - but at least you're continuing on your journey x
  • mortyfit
    mortyfit Posts: 354 Member
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    Since I've started MFP, I've made some big changes in the household- some that my husband wasn't very happy about. I've cut out the soda, cook a lot more often (we used to eat out 3-4 times a week and now we eat out maybe once a week) and theres a ton of healthier changes made around here. I started working out 3 days a week and take our 11 month old son for walks and keep him active as much as I can. In return, from all of my hard work, I've lost 15 lbs! With all the changes I've made, my husband has lost 18 lbs without even trying. (I do the cooking and meal planning in our household and he joined my gym membership as well but has not used it yet) Last night, we went to a Japanese steakhouse with some friends we have not seen in a while. The first thing they say is "Wow Charlie, you look awesome! How much weight have you lost? What have you been doing?" He politely thanks them and tells them hes eating healthier. NOTHING was said about my weight loss or my hard work or the fact that he wasn't even trying to lose weight- he's just eating what I cook, as usual. He doesnt even know the tacos aren't ground beef anymore, but lean ground turkey and the wraps are low cal high fiber. He hasn't even noticed that the bread is 35 cals a slice and all the meals at night and for the lunches are all portioned correctly and accompanied with a veggie. And although he knows I've lost weight, the only comment he made was after I told him I reached the 15 lb mark and that entitles me to a massage, and he said 'yea, I noticed something different about you but didn't want to say anything.'

    Thank you MFP family for being the support that I need! I'm in this for the long haul! <3
    Mention it to him that you think it would help you as a couple if he would acknowledge to his friends that your efforts are benefitting both of you. If he enjoys the benefits he is reaping from your efforts, then see what he thinks about being a more active participant and teammate in those efforts. I don't know him, so I'm giving him benefit of the doubt--he may not realize that he failed to give you credit, that he missed a perfect opportunity to show support and appreciation for his wife. If you ask him specifically to be more of a team player, maybe he won't miss those opportunities in the future.
  • rottiegirl22
    rottiegirl22 Posts: 19 Member
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    Man, I wish someone would do the food planning and portion controlling for me! HAHA You're doing great! Keep up the good work :)

    As for the dinner, Just get faster at responding. And the next person that points out his weight loss and asks how he's doing it, hop in and say that YOU'RE doing it and you're doing x and x and you've lost X pounds so far, he's been lucky to receive the side effect of losing a few pounds along the way. Toot your own horn! You deserve it!
  • jcr85
    jcr85 Posts: 229
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    This is so stupid. You should lose weight for your self not for other peoples compliments.
  • emnk5308
    emnk5308 Posts: 736
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    Hit him! ;D Roll up a newspaper and smack 'em!

    =p ....jk

    Sounds like you are doing a damn good job taking care of your family and that is something to be proud of, even if know one notices =)<3 Keep it up, your entire family will thank you for it someday..
  • mmychal
    mmychal Posts: 69
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    I think you should take credit for every pound he loses until he starts to actively participate. In that case, congratulations on that 33 pounds that YOU have been responsible for! Keep at it!!

    Being a husband myself, I'd be rather ashamed if I didn't at least acknowledge my wife's accomplishments. She's on here too and she's fought through injury and still manages to lose weight and I'm supa impressed by her hard work. I wouldn't be where I am without her support.

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