The Mediocre Mom
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I think it's a large boat that you're in right now with these feelings... I know there are MANY MANY times (probably more than I will ever admit) that I am in that boat with you... *sigh*0
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To all those saying we are horrible for suggesting therapy maybe you should think about all the women who started out feeling that way and ended up on the news when they killed their children.
I don't like being a mom. It's messy and inconvenient.
That is not the same as saying she feels lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed or anything related. She didn't say it's hard to squeeze in time for workouts. This was not a typical frustrated mom issue.
Don't say we are being mean by wanting her to get help. Saying it's normal to feel that way is harmful.
And for those of you who don't have children you can't honestly understand how hard it is to raise children.0 -
OP: Being a mom has many phases, just like life. Sometimes you feel very close to your children, sometimes you do not. I can tell that you love them, and that, above all else, will get you all through it. You don't have to be 'there' for your kids 100% of the time. If we were then our children would never grow up to be independent adults, they would always 'need' someone by their side. That's not healthy.
It's okay to take time for you. It's okay not to always like your kids. I have not always liked mine - but I've always loved her. Always. I really think it's important that we as women admit that we don't always like our kids! Why is that sacrilege? It's just a fact. My daughter went through a time as a teenager when I could hardly stand to be in the same room - yet I loved her, and told her so very often - mostly when I was also saying "I can not abide how you are acting!" ;-) And we got through it. And there is love between us and always will be. And heck, she didn't like me at all during that time either.
We do not need to be SUPER MOM in order to be a good mom. Loving your children, and giving them their own time to grow is very important.
If you want to be a good Mom, become a good person, and a GREAT role model for your kids. Do not listen to anyone that is being judgmental of you, or where you are. They aren't you. And no one is perfect. :-)
The truth is that you have to love yourself, before you can love others, including your kids. I have a feeling that years in the future your children will come back to you and say, "I'm so glad we had an independent mom - you've been a great role model for us".
Bless you and your family!!!!!0 -
I'm not personally in the same boat really.... my battles with my suckiness at mom-hood are more work based than work out/exercise/food based.
I can honestly say that I've gone through phases where I see this with my husband though, and it does frustrate me. Is it a bad thing? I don't know. I struggle with telling my family "I'm going to go have some me time" because I just feel like I'm already so disengaged most of the time anyway (I'm a work at home mom most days of the week - which means that my work takes me far longer than it should because I have a two and four year old with me, and that I work all.the.time.) that for me to finish up work at 5 at night and then stand up and say "Okay, it's time for me to go bike/gym/workout" is really hard - although being done at 5 is something I haven't experienced in a while.
Meanwhile, I make small slow changes, and my husband has transformed by leaps and bounds. I don't think he'll ever slow it down, though.
I guess I just wanted to say that I understand. The times I get to go for a bike ride my kids stand at the door blocking it, saying "No bike ride mommy, no bike ride!" and it's hard - and I typically only go on the weekends lately! So despite the fact that I'm not "working that hard" at weight loss, I still feel like crap when I pedal away. Some people are strong enough to just do it - and I wish I was more like you or my husband in that way, because yes, it will be better for them in the long run.... it just sucks now. And I honestly don't think there is any way to make this transformation and not affect the rest of the family in some way negatively - you just have to weigh the positives against the negatives so you keep on keepin' on.0 -
Seriously - your clarification is repeating how you don't like your kids and you don't see that as a problem that you might need help with or how that might be damaging to your kids?! Sorry if you don't like what I'm saying but your kid's well being is more important to me than your feelings.
Whoa...judgemental much? I'd hate to see what you would say to a mom suffering from postpartum depression...
these are really issues...people FEEL this way...and that's ok...the difference is in if you FEEL this way and if you ACT this way...
which the OP has made clear it's just feelings and not how she actions her life with her kids...
kids are messy...i love my daughter...but yeah..there ARE days when I wish I was not a mom anymore...it's nothing against her...she's adorable...it's about how I KNOW i had more time, more organization, more everything to devote to my personal goals...when i wasn't a mom.
now i'm split in half...even really a 3/4 - 1/4 split...3/4 for her, 1/4 for me...it's just the way it is..and I get that..heck I even love that...except for those moments when i'm juggling and the balls just aren't staying up in the air...
lady...you're a piece of work to think you are holier than thou to make those comments.
Jus sayin.
Alex pretty much said what I was thinking ... Sometimes when we becomes mothers we abandon our personal identify and assume the sole role of mommy . We need to remember self love and care is important and we should t feel guilty a out it ! When we take care of ourselves we are teaching our kids how to do the same . I think a lot of moms have felt this way from time to time . It does not mean we don't love our children or that we are going to act on those feelings . It just means we are struggling to find balance in a society that demands us to be everything to everyone which is not reasonable or healthy. Your doing fine keep learning to love yourself ! Your feelings will pass and you'll learn balance and so will your kids . Spending every waking moment attending to your kids While ignoring your needs is not helpful for you or them !0 -
I guess I just wanted to say that I understand. The times I get to go for a bike ride my kids stand at the door blocking it, saying "No bike ride mommy, no bike ride!" and it's hard - and I typically only go on the weekends lately! So despite the fact that I'm not "working that hard" at weight loss, I still feel like crap when I pedal away.
Try thinking this: I am helping my children become independent adults. When THEY are in the same boat as I am in right now they will know that it's okay for them to go be kind to themselves. It honestly is better for them to have a strong independent Mom that will always be there for them when they NEED her. Not just when they are whining.0 -
Your post did not sound like you were ready to abandon your children and just be yourself. You give to your family physically, and you love them, but you still have a mind. and desires. Doesnt mean you are going to say to heck with it all and go be a swinger. I'm sure lots of people have been there, I havent, I only had one child and she was extremely independent even as a toddler. but dont think for one instant that I dont understand what you are talking about. I've listened to my girl down that same path with her two, but she would not go back in time for mega millions, cause those kids are her life. but she still has a mind and desires. I'm glad someone who knows you personally responded. Take care, as I'm sure you are already doing.0
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Seriously - your clarification is repeating how you don't like your kids and you don't see that as a problem that you might need help with or how that might be damaging to your kids?! Sorry if you don't like what I'm saying but your kid's well being is more important to me than your feelings.
I think it's ok to LOVE your kids, but not like how inconvenient they are at times. I can see that. But... their ages... are they in school where you are (you said 5 & 3 when you started, how old are they now?) because if they're out learning to play soccer or running around a playground with kids their own age while you go to the gym... seeing that as a potential win-win. THEY get active, make friends, become social... you get the time you want/need to work on YOU then once THAT'S out of the way, you can focus more on them.
From someone who's BEEN in therapy after her mom died, I found benefit to talking to someone. But... to the woman who made the above comment, and regarding your first comment as well... if you can't be supportive:
BACK OFF B!TCH, no one cares about your opinion.
The OP is looking for SERIOUS advice, not someone to tell her she's a horrible person. If she WAS a horrible person, she wouldn't have a conscience, & therefore wouldn't be driven to online forums to ask people for HONEST, SUPPORTIVE advice. So keep your snarly, vicious comments to yourself... She's OBVIOUSLY worried about her kids, like a good mom would be, so CLEARLY they're already in good hands.0 -
I have two beautiful daughters. Samantha (age 5) and Michaela (age 3). When I started my weight loss journey, they were two and four. Before I started my transformation, my life was making those I loved happy. In fact, I was under the delusion that the happiness of my loved ones it was brought me happiness. Now, as many other weight-loss adventurers know, the key to cutting your food addiction is discovering what it is that makes you eat. It is hard to be 33 and find out that you don't know who you are and what makes you happy because you've spent more than half your like self-medicating with pizza and Cheetos. So for the last year an a half, I have been on one mad selfish street. I'm fixing me. Learning me. Understanding me. I have learned so much about me. My husband has been extremely supportive. But along with my road to health and self discovery, my daughters are missing out. I justify this by telling myself that as I learn to me a better me, I will be a better mom. They will be healthier both physically and mentally as I pass down what I have learned and break the vicious cycle of food addiction that generations of my family have suffered. But is this truly just that? Justification? Or is it fact? Are there any other moms out there with young children who understand this? Right now, I don't like being a mom. It's inconvenient for me. It gets in the way. It's messy. And yes, I feel guilty about feeling that way too, but it's how I feel. How do you cope?
I have three kids under 4. There are definitely moments when I feel like I need nothing more than to get away for a little bit. But, that feeling passes as soon as I take a deep breath and remember what is truly important to me. My kids. I chose to bring them into this world. I knew it would be hard, especially having them so close together. I didn't know just how hard it would be, but I always knew that it would be worth it. And it is. They adore each other, and my husband and I adore them. We're even planning out how it would be possible to have another baby because we'd like to try to give our son a little brother.
Like many others, I put my own needs last. But, that doesn't mean that I don't take care of myself. My husband and I let the other sleep in when we need it. I make sure I have time to get in some exercise. I have him make dinner once or twice a week to give me a break. He helps with dishes and laundry when I can't keep up. He and I take care of each other because we're both in this together. They're his kids too, and he loves being their father just as much as I love being their mother. Yesterday was a bad day for him, so I took all three kids to get ice cream and then, even though it's a hassle, I took them all grocery shopping. It takes extra work, but we do what we can to make things easier for each other. That way, neither one of us ends up feeling too overwhelmed.0 -
I understand where your coming from if you've always put your kids 1st & let yourself go.that's what I've done for a long time. It can make u resentful. But , your kids are a blessing. Can you try to include them on hikes ? I bring my 6yr old, throw on a snack & go hike a hill & stop for a "picnic" at the top, or let them bike while u jog, or just get up earlier & do a video before they wake up. Keep exercising though, have you ever thought of an antidepressant ? It might help, good luck !
My 3yo needs to grow a bit so she can keep up. Right now, I hit the gym at 4:30am before everyone gets up so I don't miss out on time with my family.
I don't know your schedule (as others have said), but I know my husband goes to the gym early in the morning so it doesn't affect the family, too. But the reality is that it does affect the family. He falls asleep at 7:30 or 8 sometimes. There's virtually no chance of watching a movie with him after the kids go to bed because he falls asleep part way through. He's not sacrificing time with the kids, but he's sacrificing time with me now, and sometimes that's harder on the entire family than we realize, too! If you're tired, you'll find yourself frustrated more easily - I know I do. Yesterday I biked 21 miles then went to a picnic with a few families, and I was nearly in tears a few hours in because I was so tired and my kids were all over and so insane... and I just couldn't keep up. Thankfully I knew that a big part of it was exhaustion. But sometimes I don't realize until later why I felt so stressed/tired/strung out.0 -
Yep, to everything positive!
I have 5 kids, the oldest is 10, youngest is 15 months. Really the word is juggle not balance. I think we balance over our lifetime but we juggle day-to-day. I love the ideas about involving the kids in your journey. And there are times when you need to do it alone. Finding another mom with similar aged children and similar goals (not as hard as it might seem) that could swap kids with you helps a ton.
Our kids grow so quickly. Just remind yourself that it will get easier. There will come a day when the kids are in school and you will have that extra hour or two to dust off your ambitious to do list.
I promise! It gets easier!0 -
I totally understand where you are coming from. It is a hard balance being a good mom and taking care of yourself because sometimes the two seem to be mutually exclusive. I know that the minute I got pregnant, I was consumed with my baby. My baby's joy was mine and I was completely and happily devoted. As they get older, those feelings changed and it really bothered me. Why am I not enjoying this as much? Why would I rather be doing something else? I think this is the natural course of things though. If you watch animals, there is a point where the mom bats the babies away and snaps at them. She needs her space and they need to explore the world through their own eyes and not just through hers.
Make sure you don't burn yourself out. Ask for help when you need it, give yourself some breaks and make sure you do what you have to do to enjoy your kids and be an engaged mom. If you aren't feeling it, fake it till you make it. Every single day I think about the fact that you only get one shot with your kids. You're not going to be perfect, but you can always do your best.0 -
All I can say is knowing you first hand you are NOT a bad mom. You are an AMAZING mom don't let anybody stupid tell you different then that. Eddie and I have seen you with the girls first hand. Yes things get stressful and Yes things are hard. But I don't know one parent that at one point or another in there day or week or whatever period of time that hasn't gone oh my gosh because it gets stressful. But, that by no means makes you a bad mom. You have two beautiful amazing girls, they are sweet and very smart they didn't walk out of you that way, you helped mold them and make them what they are. Don't let anyone bring you down by saying that you're a bad mom because you are having an off day. Love you hun!!!!!! Keep you're head up not many people can do what you do.
So happy that someone who knows you is giving you a shout out!
I totally feel you. I have good days and bad days. I have kids that are the same age as your kids. I always want to be a good mother to them, but I definitely understand the desire to be selfish. Stay-at-home-moms rarely get a break. It isn't until kids start school that we really get our life back, and it's just a little bit of what we used to know.
Sounds like you are a good mother, who just wants some time to focus on herself and there is NOTHING wrong with that. Thanks for posting, because today has been a difficult "mom" day for me. It's good to know we are not alone
Congrats on your weight loss 0 -
To all those saying we are horrible for suggesting therapy maybe you should think about all the women who started out feeling that way and ended up on the news when they killed their children.
I don't like being a mom. It's messy and inconvenient.
That is not the same as saying she feels lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed or anything related. She didn't say it's hard to squeeze in time for workouts. This was not a typical frustrated mom issue.
Don't say we are being mean by wanting her to get help. Saying it's normal to feel that way is harmful.
This. Someone is suggesting that you seek outside PROFESSIONAL help, and the community bashes them? Yes, that's unhealthy.And for those of you who don't have children you can't honestly understand how hard it is to raise children.
To choose to have them means you also have to choose their well-being over yours if you have to. Tricky thing is, you have to have balance so that you also take care of yourself. If you don't, the kids will suffer.
And yea, I don't have kids. I don't mind NOT being part of that club.0 -
Alas, the pressure in our society to be the "perfect mom" prevails. Never mind that this pressure causes many women to feel depressed and overwhelmed. I hear in your replies here that you really love your kids. They can only benefit if you feel better about yourself and your self-esteem isn't completely dependent on making them and everyone else in your life happy. I don't think that's selfish. I am a therapist/social worker and have worked with women who do in fact emotionally neglect their children because they are deeply depressed. You are trying to prevent that from happening by making some big changes in your life.
A while back, I saw a story on the "Today" show about a woman who wrote a book admitting that she didn't always love being a mom. Man, you think this woman would have admitted to being an axe murderer by the reaction of some folks! We're all human beings. It's brave admitting that you feel conflicted about this right now. I'm glad that you have the support of your spouse, who is also one half of the parenting equation. Good luck on your efforts to make a positive change in your life!0 -
I have a 3 year old daughter as well and it's very difficult for me to separate who I am as an individual and who I am as a mom. I was always taught growing up that once you have kids you have to forget about yourself. As an adult with a child of my own now I know how wrong that was. How will I teach my daughter to love and take care of herself if I don't do it for myself? I know it's tough to try to do both. I try to include my little one by Just Dance on my Nintendo wii and I'm working out while playing with her. Best of luck to you :flowerforyou:0
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To all those saying we are horrible for suggesting therapy maybe you should think about all the women who started out feeling that way and ended up on the news when they killed their children.
I don't like being a mom. It's messy and inconvenient.
That is not the same as saying she feels lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed or anything related. She didn't say it's hard to squeeze in time for workouts. This was not a typical frustrated mom issue.
Don't say we are being mean by wanting her to get help. Saying it's normal to feel that way is harmful.
This. Someone is suggesting that you seek outside PROFESSIONAL help, and the community bashes them? Yes, that's unhealthy.
Thanks. This thread has me almost in tears. I am a mom - I love my child more than anything in this world. I admit I don't understand not wanting to be around your children, but in no way was suggesting professional help being mean. It was an honest concern for her children, and seriously why would someone not want to have someone to help them through these feelings so they could label themselves as terrific mom rather than mediocre mom? It must be terrible to feel that way, so get the help, work through the issues, and your kids will thank you for it someday!0 -
It is good to hear from a pro!! To all those suggsting therapy, I am not convinced that it is nescesary in this case. Time for herself and her kids is what this Mum needs and therapy will not provide this! It will infact detract from this!
I think you are missunderstanding the meaning! Being a parent is inconvienient! There is nothing conveinient about having to wait for someone else to get home so that you can have a bath when you are covered from top to toe in god knows what!! But hat doesn't mean that your children are inconvienient! Often they are the only bright spot in a terrible day!!0 -
Yes having small children can be messy. Yes sometimes it can feel inconvenient. Yes you often have to put your needs on the back burner.
Then one day they are grown and gone and you will wish you could have them this small just for one day again.
My kids are 23, 17, and 14. The 23 year old, my daughter, moved out when she was 20. She moved to another state entirely when she was 21. I get to see her now only 3-4 times a year. We talk and text on the phone often but it's not the same.
My 17 year old is entering his senior year in the fall. He is going away to college after that...leaving home at 18. My 14 year old, who is entering high school in the fall, is also planning to go away for college at 18.
The time goes by so fast. Before you know it! Your kids will be on their way. Stop thinking of them as inconveniences and learn to treasure the fleeting time you have with them.0 -
To all those saying we are horrible for suggesting therapy maybe you should think about all the women who started out feeling that way and ended up on the news when they killed their children.
I don't like being a mom. It's messy and inconvenient.
That is not the same as saying she feels lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed or anything related. She didn't say it's hard to squeeze in time for workouts. This was not a typical frustrated mom issue.
Don't say we are being mean by wanting her to get help. Saying it's normal to feel that way is harmful.
This. Someone is suggesting that you seek outside PROFESSIONAL help, and the community bashes them? Yes, that's unhealthy.
Thanks. This thread has me almost in tears. I am a mom - I love my child more than anything in this world. I admit I don't understand not wanting to be around your children, but in no way was suggesting professional help being mean. It was an honest concern for her children, and seriously why would someone not want to have someone to help them through these feelings so they could label themselves as terrific mom rather than mediocre mom? It must be terrible to feel that way, so get the help, work through the issues, and your kids will thank you for it someday!
Thank you.
What if she had come on here and said her husband told her he didn't like being a dad, it was messy and inconvenient? How many people would defend him and say it's normal?
Raising children doesn't get any easier as they age. At times mine drove me crazy and there were too many nights I cried myself to sleep but not once did I ever think they were in my way.
I can't even look at this thread anymore. It makes me sick for anyone to think it's okay and normal to resent your children.0 -
When it comes to your healthy and losing weight you actually do have to put yourself first in some ways. Being a parent is not always fun or a joy. Anyone who says different is full of bologna in my eyes. You won't be pushing fun time aside forever, just until you get this weight in check and that is and should be a priority, period. It's like parents who have to work, they feel guilty they are not with their kids put you have to do what you have to do. Losing weight is something you HAVE to do.
Always remember that adversity builds character.0 -
When it comes to your healthy and losing weight you actually do have to put yourself first in some ways. Being a parent is not always fun or a joy. Anyone who says different is full of bologna in my eyes. You won't be pushing fun time aside forever, just until you get this weight in check and that is and should be a priority, period. It's like parents who have to work, they feel guilty they are not with their kids put you have to do what you have to do. Losing weight is something you HAVE to do.
Always remember that adversity builds character.
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Yes! Yes! Yes!0 -
Although I hesitate to get into what seems to be a rather nasty internet flaming war, I want to respond to some of the unhappiness of the two commentators who feel that their suggestions to get therapy were attacked. Again - I'm a therapist - and I do believe that a good therapist - plus other factors, like family support - can really help people get out of a rut. That said, we in this (U.S.) society tend to have this formula: need therapy = you must be crazy. I fear that the initial intensity of the "therapy" comment really did come off in this vein. Perhaps that was not the intent of the poster, but it's not surprising by the tone that it was received that way.
Hey, we could ALL benefit from therapy at some point in our lives. I have a therapist. I'm not embarrassed about it. But I started therapy b/c I needed and wanted to, not because someone said "Dang girl, you are messed UP, get some therapy now." I don't think I would react very well to that type of statement. Just my opinion - sometimes these internet forums turn into a nightmare of judgments, hurt feelings, etc etc - so we have to be careful how we word things. Peace out 0 -
I grew up with a mom who was a chronic overeater. I love my mom and she was an incredible role model in so many ways, but her overeating led her to a life with acid reflux, diabetes II, blood pressure issues, arthritis, and a host of other problems. It was hard for me to get a realistic sense of what a normal diet is supposed to be like, so I applaud other moms on here who are trying to get healthy, for three reasons.
1. You're getting healthy.
2. You may think you are blowing off your kids, but I think modeling good health is something kids really pick up on and it stays with them forever. And just because you may not be beating them over the head with all the "lessons" you're learning, doesn't mean they don't see what you're doing.
3. You're going to be around for them a lot longer. I am 34 and I'm still very close with my mom. I have a baby now and she helps me with him twice a week. I want her to have a long and close relationship with my baby boy, but it makes me incredibly sad when I think how much less time she will have with me and with him because of some stupid ice cream. Overeating is a terminal illness. Good news is, its treatable.0 -
I have four daughters, and I love being a mom! There ae times when it is tough, when it is dirty, when it is messy and when it is filled with uncertainty... but I love my daughters and I want the best for them, and over the last 14 years I've given everything I have to them and my family. I know who I am... and I know who I'm not, but still along the way I lost sight of who I am and gave into who I am not..
I looked in the mirror over Christmas 2011 and realized that in giving myself so fully to my family and not taking time for myself I was actually setting a rather poor example for my beautiful daughters. I am on this journey to healthy and fitness for myself ... this is true, but I am on this journey to fitness and health because I know it is the one thing I neglected for my girls. They need to see a healthy mom, because one day they will be moms and I don't want them looking in the mirror one day and saying ...wow I gave so much and got lost along the way.
I can't judge you on your post, because there is so much missing in the written word, but don't forget about your girls, include them in this journey and teach them to be the best they can be in health and fitness and you may find a happier, healthier place along the way.
Good Luck to you.
Wow, this resonates with me so much. It's like you are talking about me; and I'm sure many other mum's will also feel the same way. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
Thank you 0 -
I really hope you are able to come away from this thread with some positive advice, and that you can leave all the negativity and criticism behind. If therapy is not an option for you, perhaps you could find a mother's group or start a play group. That's something that was invaluable just because it helped me to hear another adult voice sometimes.
Perhaps you are one of those women who isn't made to be a stay at home mom. It isn't for everyone. I love it, but my sister was about to go crazy when she was on maternity leave. Maybe working part time might be good for you. None of us can truly understand your position, just because we aren't in it. Ignore the ugliness if you can, and consider the suggestions of those who were truly trying to be helpful.
I hope you are able to find what makes you and your family happy.0 -
I grew up with a mom who was a chronic overeater. I love my mom and she was an incredible role model in so many ways, but her overeating led her to a life with acid reflux, diabetes II, blood pressure issues, arthritis, and a host of other problems. It was hard for me to get a realistic sense of what a normal diet is supposed to be like, so I applaud other moms on here who are trying to get healthy, for three reasons.
1. You're getting healthy.
2. You may think you are blowing off your kids, but I think modeling good health is something kids really pick up on and it stays with them forever. And just because you may not be beating them over the head with all the "lessons" you're learning, doesn't mean they don't see what you're doing.
3. You're going to be around for them a lot longer. I am 34 and I'm still very close with my mom. I have a baby now and she helps me with him twice a week. I want her to have a long and close relationship with my baby boy, but it makes me incredibly sad when I think how much less time she will have with me and with him because of some stupid ice cream. Overeating is a terminal illness. Good news is, its treatable.
This was my experiance growing up also and why my opinions are strong regarding self care.0 -
inconvenience [ˌɪnkənˈviːnjəns -ˈviːnɪəns]
n
1. the state or quality of being inconvenient
2. something inconvenient; a hindrance, trouble, or difficulty
in·con·ven·ient (nkn-vnynt)
adj.
Not convenient, especially:
a. Not accessible; hard to reach.
b. Not suited to one's comfort, purpose, or needs:
...I want you to know that in no way do I mean for anything I am about to say, to hurt your feelings. If you ever need anyone to talk too, you can message me, I would be more then happy to talk too you.
My children are 5&3 also, I am a very young mom. Being a young mom means I had to find myself a lot faster then i thought i would have too. I have too work harder and I have too make sure that they know that I am capable of giving them everything I can.
I have re-read this entire thing probably 6 times. I agree with some but not with all. I want you to know that you are not alone. I do not feel that my children are this way, I am blessed and so thankful for the kids I do have.
I however know that losing weight and learning to quit self-medicating with food can cause many changes in our thinking and in our lives. It is hard to juggle and balance everything. We are learning to become someone else, and as we learn to quit self-medicating at times things from the past can come back and cause quite a stir in our emotions, which in return can lead to some very serious issues.What you are learning, how to eat, what to eat, how exercise is important, how to cut the bad but still have good food is something that you can pass down to them. You are breaking a food addiction which it seems has been going on for years. So to be able to come so far and make progress with that you are teaching your daughters so much in this. How not to give up, how important exercise and food is. How this is not a diet it is a life style change. You are teaching them how to be strong, how to push through, how to break the boundaries. There are so many lessons here, that right now at this young age you should start incorporating into their lives. Breaking a food addiction is not easy, trust me I know. I struggle every day with mine. But every day I get a bit better and even on the days that aren't so good I still know I am doing better, i am teaching my children, I am guiding them.
But being a mom should never feel like it is an inconvenience and if you do feel this way, you need to find someone to talk too. You need to reach out., There is no shame in that. As we break these addictions, we undergo so much that actually having someone too talk too about all this professional, food addiction groups, etc is a great idea. One it will help you not feel so alone or frustrated as you go through all this. 2 you can meet others like you. 3. you can find out why you feel this way, is their an underlining reason for this? Is there a deeper meaning why you feel this way? Does it reflect back towards how your parents felt or how you thought your parents felt about you? I mean there are so many benefits of finding someone to talk too. I know reaching out is hard, trust I have been there. But it could help in the long run.
Also besides getting up to the gym, are you taking time out for you? Even if its just a grocery trip alone, an extra 30minutes at night alone to read a book, watch tv, surf online. Going to get your nails done, working outside. Twice a week after my kids fall asleep I light my candles I run my bath I grab some music and some bubbles and I soak, I sing my songs and I remember what its like to be me. I take a little extra time on the weekends as I can usually grab a bit (My husband works over 80hours so it is hard at times) to sneak out and even if it is just to window shop or try on clothes I do it. I love being a mom, but I need some me time. I need some time for myself. Even my kids as I am leaving they will kiss me good bye and say have some great me time mommy. They understand and they even have me time themselves.
as for the messy, are we discussing how children are messy? Cause if so, girl you need to nip that in the bud. My children get allowance, yes they are only 5&3 but they do get allowance. My kids never leave clothes out, always make their beds and even try to make my bed, every toy is always up before bed, books aren't ever organized but oh well. Shoes go straight in the closet after being worn, dishes in the sink and they even help set the table and put the groceries up. I would really recommend having them help. Find a system that works for you. they are old enough to help. Tell them, mommy would appreciate it if you helped more.
Also try some one on one time, If your youngest naps, try a bit more one on one time with the oldest then switch off. Just having some special one on one time (though I now it is hard to get) can really happy how your feeling. You can connect.
Include them in exercise, have you guys ever heard of Zoobie? Its a kid exercise dvd about 15minutes long, tons of dancing they might love it and you get to dance with them, you get to pass down healthy traits. We dance, we go on nature walks in the backyard, we even do yoga its so funny to watch them do that at times I forget its exercise. Its all about finding a balance that works for you and your family. Finding people you can talk too openly without judgement. Being a mom is hard no one ever said it was easy, every moment we have with them is dedicated to taking care of them and sometimes as moms, we forget that we need to be taken care of too. You said you have a very supportive husband, have you voiced this too him?0 -
inconvenience [ˌɪnkənˈviːnjəns -ˈviːnɪəns]
n
1. the state or quality of being inconvenient
2. something inconvenient; a hindrance, trouble, or difficulty
in·con·ven·ient (nkn-vnynt)
adj.
Not convenient, especially:
a. Not accessible; hard to reach.
b. Not suited to one's comfort, purpose, or needs:
...I want you to know that in no way do I mean for anything I am about to say, to hurt your feelings. If you ever need anyone to talk too, you can message me, I would be more then happy to talk too you.
My children are 5&3 also, I am a very young mom. Being a young mom means I had to find myself a lot faster then i thought i would have too. I have too work harder and I have too make sure that they know that I am capable of giving them everything I can.
I have re-read this entire thing probably 6 times. I agree with some but not with all. I want you to know that you are not alone. I do not feel that my children are this way, I am blessed and so thankful for the kids I do have.
I however know that losing weight and learning to quit self-medicating with food can cause many changes in our thinking and in our lives. It is hard to juggle and balance everything. We are learning to become someone else, and as we learn to quit self-medicating at times things from the past can come back and cause quite a stir in our emotions, which in return can lead to some very serious issues.What you are learning, how to eat, what to eat, how exercise is important, how to cut the bad but still have good food is something that you can pass down to them. You are breaking a food addiction which it seems has been going on for years. So to be able to come so far and make progress with that you are teaching your daughters so much in this. How not to give up, how important exercise and food is. How this is not a diet it is a life style change. You are teaching them how to be strong, how to push through, how to break the boundaries. There are so many lessons here, that right now at this young age you should start incorporating into their lives. Breaking a food addiction is not easy, trust me I know. I struggle every day with mine. But every day I get a bit better and even on the days that aren't so good I still know I am doing better, i am teaching my children, I am guiding them.
But being a mom should never feel like it is an inconvenience and if you do feel this way, you need to find someone to talk too. You need to reach out., There is no shame in that. As we break these addictions, we undergo so much that actually having someone too talk too about all this professional, food addiction groups, etc is a great idea. One it will help you not feel so alone or frustrated as you go through all this. 2 you can meet others like you. 3. you can find out why you feel this way, is their an underlining reason for this? Is there a deeper meaning why you feel this way? Does it reflect back towards how your parents felt or how you thought your parents felt about you? I mean there are so many benefits of finding someone to talk too. I know reaching out is hard, trust I have been there. But it could help in the long run.
Also besides getting up to the gym, are you taking time out for you? Even if its just a grocery trip alone, an extra 30minutes at night alone to read a book, watch tv, surf online. Going to get your nails done, working outside. Twice a week after my kids fall asleep I light my candles I run my bath I grab some music and some bubbles and I soak, I sing my songs and I remember what its like to be me. I take a little extra time on the weekends as I can usually grab a bit (My husband works over 80hours so it is hard at times) to sneak out and even if it is just to window shop or try on clothes I do it. I love being a mom, but I need some me time. I need some time for myself. Even my kids as I am leaving they will kiss me good bye and say have some great me time mommy. They understand and they even have me time themselves.
as for the messy, are we discussing how children are messy? Cause if so, girl you need to nip that in the bud. My children get allowance, yes they are only 5&3 but they do get allowance. My kids never leave clothes out, always make their beds and even try to make my bed, every toy is always up before bed, books aren't ever organized but oh well. Shoes go straight in the closet after being worn, dishes in the sink and they even help set the table and put the groceries up. I would really recommend having them help. Find a system that works for you. they are old enough to help. Tell them, mommy would appreciate it if you helped more.
Also try some one on one time, If your youngest naps, try a bit more one on one time with the oldest then switch off. Just having some special one on one time (though I now it is hard to get) can really happy how your feeling. You can connect.
Include them in exercise, have you guys ever heard of Zoobie? Its a kid exercise dvd about 15minutes long, tons of dancing they might love it and you get to dance with them, you get to pass down healthy traits. We dance, we go on nature walks in the backyard, we even do yoga its so funny to watch them do that at times I forget its exercise. Its all about finding a balance that works for you and your family. Finding people you can talk too openly without judgement. Being a mom is hard no one ever said it was easy, every moment we have with them is dedicated to taking care of them and sometimes as moms, we forget that we need to be taken care of too. You said you have a very supportive husband, have you voiced this too him?
Bella - this was a very respectful ,well thought out post that offered reasonable attainable suggestions and solutions ! It was a pleasure to read ...0 -
I've also struggled with this one. I have six children, aged 9 months through 13 years. I work full-time night shifts, so I do a lot of day time sleeping, and I'm in graduate school. When I'm feeling guilty, I ask myself, "Are my kids happy and healthy?". If the answer is yes, then I give myself a pass. The answer is always yes.
Kids need our love and support, true; but they are also very resilient. You are being a positive role model by taking care of your health, and that is possibly the greatest thing you can do for your children. My 9 year old daughter is training with me to do a 5 K. Maybe you can also find ways to incorporate your kids into your new healthy lifestyle. This will allow you to spend more time together - this will be healthy for everyone's bodies and minds.0
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