The Mediocre Mom

I need to add something that I neglected to put in there. I LOVE my daughters. They are first and foremost in my life. I would give my life for both of them without hesitation. What I meant to say and did not say well at all was, as a woman who works pretty much full time, how do you get past the moments when being a mom is messy and inconvenient and in the way? How do you find that balance?

inconvenience [ˌɪnkənˈviːnjəns -ˈviːnɪəns]
n
1. the state or quality of being inconvenient
2. something inconvenient; a hindrance, trouble, or difficulty

in·con·ven·ient (nkn-vnynt)
adj.
Not convenient, especially:
a. Not accessible; hard to reach.
b. Not suited to one's comfort, purpose, or needs:

...I want you to know that in no way do I mean for anything I am about to say, to hurt your feelings. If you ever need anyone to talk too, you can message me, I would be more then happy to talk too you.

My children are 5&3 also, I am a very young mom. Being a young mom means I had to find myself a lot faster then i thought i would have too. I have too work harder and I have too make sure that they know that I am capable of giving them everything I can.

I have re-read this entire thing probably 6 times. I agree with some but not with all. I want you to know that you are not alone. I do not feel that my children are this way, I am blessed and so thankful for the kids I do have.

I however know that losing weight and learning to quit self-medicating with food can cause many changes in our thinking and in our lives. It is hard to juggle and balance everything. We are learning to become someone else, and as we learn to quit self-medicating at times things from the past can come back and cause quite a stir in our emotions, which in return can lead to some very serious issues.What you are learning, how to eat, what to eat, how exercise is important, how to cut the bad but still have good food is something that you can pass down to them. You are breaking a food addiction which it seems has been going on for years. So to be able to come so far and make progress with that you are teaching your daughters so much in this. How not to give up, how important exercise and food is. How this is not a diet it is a life style change. You are teaching them how to be strong, how to push through, how to break the boundaries. There are so many lessons here, that right now at this young age you should start incorporating into their lives. Breaking a food addiction is not easy, trust me I know. I struggle every day with mine. But every day I get a bit better and even on the days that aren't so good I still know I am doing better, i am teaching my children, I am guiding them.

But being a mom should never feel like it is an inconvenience and if you do feel this way, you need to find someone to talk too. You need to reach out., There is no shame in that. As we break these addictions, we undergo so much that actually having someone too talk too about all this professional, food addiction groups, etc is a great idea. One it will help you not feel so alone or frustrated as you go through all this. 2 you can meet others like you. 3. you can find out why you feel this way, is their an underlining reason for this? Is there a deeper meaning why you feel this way? Does it reflect back towards how your parents felt or how you thought your parents felt about you? I mean there are so many benefits of finding someone to talk too. I know reaching out is hard, trust I have been there. But it could help in the long run.

Also besides getting up to the gym, are you taking time out for you? Even if its just a grocery trip alone, an extra 30minutes at night alone to read a book, watch tv, surf online. Going to get your nails done, working outside. Twice a week after my kids fall asleep I light my candles I run my bath I grab some music and some bubbles and I soak, I sing my songs and I remember what its like to be me. I take a little extra time on the weekends as I can usually grab a bit (My husband works over 80hours so it is hard at times) to sneak out and even if it is just to window shop or try on clothes I do it. I love being a mom, but I need some me time. I need some time for myself. Even my kids as I am leaving they will kiss me good bye and say have some great me time mommy. They understand and they even have me time themselves.

as for the messy, are we discussing how children are messy? Cause if so, girl you need to nip that in the bud. My children get allowance, yes they are only 5&3 but they do get allowance. My kids never leave clothes out, always make their beds and even try to make my bed, every toy is always up before bed, books aren't ever organized but oh well. Shoes go straight in the closet after being worn, dishes in the sink and they even help set the table and put the groceries up. I would really recommend having them help. Find a system that works for you. they are old enough to help. Tell them, mommy would appreciate it if you helped more.

Also try some one on one time, If your youngest naps, try a bit more one on one time with the oldest then switch off. Just having some special one on one time (though I now it is hard to get) can really happy how your feeling. You can connect.

Include them in exercise, have you guys ever heard of Zoobie? Its a kid exercise dvd about 15minutes long, tons of dancing they might love it and you get to dance with them, you get to pass down healthy traits. We dance, we go on nature walks in the backyard, we even do yoga its so funny to watch them do that at times I forget its exercise. Its all about finding a balance that works for you and your family. Finding people you can talk too openly without judgement. Being a mom is hard no one ever said it was easy, every moment we have with them is dedicated to taking care of them and sometimes as moms, we forget that we need to be taken care of too. You said you have a very supportive husband, have you voiced this too him?

Bella - this was a very respectful ,well thought out post that offered reasonable attainable suggestions and solutions ! It was a pleasure to read ...

Being a mom is indeed messy and inconvenient. Anyone who feels that this is not a part of parenting should be nominated for sainthood. Alot of the problem stems from too much expectation placed on mothers and not enough on fathers and extended family members. "It takes a village to raise a child".

Also, mothers are made to believe that if they place themselves, their well-being, and their happiness at the level of their children and spouses, then they are being selfish. This, of course, is not the case. An empty vessel has nothing to give.

You are every bit as important as your husband and children if not more so, since you are no doubt the glue that holds the family together. It is not only important, but indeed imperitive that you take VERY good care of yourself so that you can bring your absolute best self to the task of motherhood.

To all those saying we are horrible for suggesting therapy maybe you should think about all the women who started out feeling that way and ended up on the news when they killed their children.

I don't like being a mom. It's messy and inconvenient.

That is not the same as saying she feels lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed or anything related. She didn't say it's hard to squeeze in time for workouts. This was not a typical frustrated mom issue.

Don't say we are being mean by wanting her to get help. Saying it's normal to feel that way is harmful.

This. Someone is suggesting that you seek outside PROFESSIONAL help, and the community bashes them? Yes, that's unhealthy.

Thanks. This thread has me almost in tears. I am a mom - I love my child more than anything in this world. I admit I don't understand not wanting to be around your children, but in no way was suggesting professional help being mean. It was an honest concern for her children, and seriously why would someone not want to have someone to help them through these feelings so they could label themselves as terrific mom rather than mediocre mom? It must be terrible to feel that way, so get the help, work through the issues, and your kids will thank you for it someday!

Thank you.

What if she had come on here and said her husband told her he didn't like being a dad, it was messy and inconvenient? How many people would defend him and say it's normal?

Raising children doesn't get any easier as they age. At times mine drove me crazy and there were too many nights I cried myself to sleep but not once did I ever think they were in my way.

I can't even look at this thread anymore. It makes me sick for anyone to think it's okay and normal to resent your children.

If that was the case, then the thread would be bashing him. How he is a bad dad, a deadbeat.. We get off this image as Mothers & Fathers... Mothers are meant to handle the world and Fathers most of them are labeled as deadbeats even the good ones.

My husband has been extremely supportive. But along with my road to health and self discovery, my daughters are missing out. I justify this by telling myself that as I learn to me a better me, I will be a better mom. They will be healthier both physically and mentally as I pass down what I have learned and break the vicious cycle of food addiction that generations of my family have suffered. But is this truly just that? Justification? Or is it fact? Are there any other moms out there with young children who understand this? Right now, I don't like being a mom. It's inconvenient for me. It gets in the way. It's messy. And yes, I feel guilty about feeling that way too, but it's how I feel. How do you cope?

You have a very black and white approach to things. You seem to believe that you alone 'know' what is best for everyone else and you appear to have little compassion or understanding.

Which of us requires help?