I am done

Options
2»

Replies

  • glittermouse
    glittermouse Posts: 590 Member
    Options
    Hey, James:
    Just wanted to say that you are not alone in your feelings. I had a rough patch: for about 25 years. At times I felt like I was ready to burst. As others are suggesting, please seek a support system (via hotline, student center, doctor, etc) to help you through this--because you WILL get through this, I promise.

    In addition to the other suggestions above, one thing I'd consider is if you want to take some time off of school while you get some things figured out. Don't think about "letting some one down." Or "it'll be too hard to go back." Or "What will people think if . . ." You come first in this situation.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Options
    GET HELP NOW! I mean medical assistance ASAP. It doesn't have to be this way. When you come out of it, and you WILL with help, it's like a night and day difference. Life IS good after the funk clears. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!!! :heart:
  • Alohathin
    Alohathin Posts: 360 Member
    Options
    I wasted 12 years of my life on depression. The worst part is that they were the years that were supposed to be some of the happiest. From 24 to 36. I don't remember much about those years; if normal memories are like looking through a light cloud, my memories are like looking through dense smog.

    I used to be cheerful, talkative and attentive. Now my inter-personal skills have atrophied. When I try to tell a story to someone in person, I have to keep it short, because I get self-conscious about people listening to me.

    Please don't let this happen to you. It's a miserable life. Fight it. Do whatever you can to persist through it and beat it. For me, that meant making a bold change. I quit my job, moved to Hawaii from the Pacific Northwest with my brother, and started to eat healthy and exercise. It's been 6 weeks, and I can feel my soul repairing itself. The darkness gets lighter each and every day. I have renewed zeal for learning the science that used to intrigue me so much when I was younger. I have more energy than I have had in years. I make eye contact and say hello to everyone I pass on the street (in Hawaii, that's a lot of people).

    Find that fire that will dissipate your darkness, whatever it may be.

    Start by saying hello to everyone you walk past on the street. You'll be surprised how much little things like that will help.

    Cheers,

    blue
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
    Options
    I wasted 12 years of my life on depression. The worst part is that they were the years that were supposed to be some of the happiest. From 24 to 36. I don't remember much about those years; if normal memories are like looking through a light cloud, my memories are like looking through dense smog.

    I used to be cheerful, talkative and attentive. Now my inter-personal skills have atrophied. When I try to tell a story to someone in person, I have to keep it short, because I get self-conscious about people listening to me.

    Please don't let this happen to you. It's a miserable life. Fight it. Do whatever you can to persist through it and beat it. For me, that meant making a bold change. I quit my job, moved to Hawaii from the Pacific Northwest with my brother, and started to eat healthy and exercise. It's been 6 weeks, and I can feel my soul repairing itself. The darkness gets lighter each and every day. I have renewed zeal for learning the science that used to intrigue me so much when I was younger. I have more energy than I have had in years. I make eye contact and say hello to everyone I pass on the street (in Hawaii, that's a lot of people).

    Find that fire that will dissipate your darkness, whatever it may be.

    Start by saying hello to everyone you walk past on the street. You'll be surprised how much little things like that will help.

    Cheers,

    blue

    Sounds like we've lived similar lives. Though I"m still stuck in the pacific northwest. I hope to be able to move to Florida in 2 years, it calls to me. The sun, the warmth, the water. all things I need desperately.
  • Alohathin
    Alohathin Posts: 360 Member
    Options
    I wasted 12 years of my life on depression. The worst part is that they were the years that were supposed to be some of the happiest. From 24 to 36. I don't remember much about those years; if normal memories are like looking through a light cloud, my memories are like looking through dense smog.

    I used to be cheerful, talkative and attentive. Now my inter-personal skills have atrophied. When I try to tell a story to someone in person, I have to keep it short, because I get self-conscious about people listening to me.

    Please don't let this happen to you. It's a miserable life. Fight it. Do whatever you can to persist through it and beat it. For me, that meant making a bold change. I quit my job, moved to Hawaii from the Pacific Northwest with my brother, and started to eat healthy and exercise. It's been 6 weeks, and I can feel my soul repairing itself. The darkness gets lighter each and every day. I have renewed zeal for learning the science that used to intrigue me so much when I was younger. I have more energy than I have had in years. I make eye contact and say hello to everyone I pass on the street (in Hawaii, that's a lot of people).

    Find that fire that will dissipate your darkness, whatever it may be.

    Start by saying hello to everyone you walk past on the street. You'll be surprised how much little things like that will help.

    Cheers,

    blue

    Sounds like we've lived similar lives. Though I"m still stuck in the pacific northwest. I hope to be able to move to Florida in 2 years, it calls to me. The sun, the warmth, the water. all things I need desperately.

    Best decision I ever made. The sun is amazing. You don't fully realize how dreary the PacNW is until you leave.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Options
    I wasted 12 years of my life on depression. The worst part is that they were the years that were supposed to be some of the happiest. From 24 to 36. I don't remember much about those years; if normal memories are like looking through a light cloud, my memories are like looking through dense smog.

    I used to be cheerful, talkative and attentive. Now my inter-personal skills have atrophied. When I try to tell a story to someone in person, I have to keep it short, because I get self-conscious about people listening to me.

    Please don't let this happen to you. It's a miserable life. Fight it. Do whatever you can to persist through it and beat it. For me, that meant making a bold change. I quit my job, moved to Hawaii from the Pacific Northwest with my brother, and started to eat healthy and exercise. It's been 6 weeks, and I can feel my soul repairing itself. The darkness gets lighter each and every day. I have renewed zeal for learning the science that used to intrigue me so much when I was younger. I have more energy than I have had in years. I make eye contact and say hello to everyone I pass on the street (in Hawaii, that's a lot of people).

    Find that fire that will dissipate your darkness, whatever it may be.

    Start by saying hello to everyone you walk past on the street. You'll be surprised how much little things like that will help.

    Cheers,

    blue

    Sounds like we've lived similar lives. Though I"m still stuck in the pacific northwest. I hope to be able to move to Florida in 2 years, it calls to me. The sun, the warmth, the water. all things I need desperately.

    I grew up in Washington State. It's beautiful as hell up there, but also so dreary and my growing up years were soul-crushing. I can't live outside of sunny climates now or I get really down really fast. I'm in Southern California and it's so nice to see the sun shine every day. It can still get a little rough in the fall with the changing light levels, but I manage. I highly recommend a change of climate for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder. :flowerforyou:
  • Alohathin
    Alohathin Posts: 360 Member
    Options
    I wasted 12 years of my life on depression. The worst part is that they were the years that were supposed to be some of the happiest. From 24 to 36. I don't remember much about those years; if normal memories are like looking through a light cloud, my memories are like looking through dense smog.

    I used to be cheerful, talkative and attentive. Now my inter-personal skills have atrophied. When I try to tell a story to someone in person, I have to keep it short, because I get self-conscious about people listening to me.

    Please don't let this happen to you. It's a miserable life. Fight it. Do whatever you can to persist through it and beat it. For me, that meant making a bold change. I quit my job, moved to Hawaii from the Pacific Northwest with my brother, and started to eat healthy and exercise. It's been 6 weeks, and I can feel my soul repairing itself. The darkness gets lighter each and every day. I have renewed zeal for learning the science that used to intrigue me so much when I was younger. I have more energy than I have had in years. I make eye contact and say hello to everyone I pass on the street (in Hawaii, that's a lot of people).

    Find that fire that will dissipate your darkness, whatever it may be.

    Start by saying hello to everyone you walk past on the street. You'll be surprised how much little things like that will help.

    Cheers,

    blue

    Sounds like we've lived similar lives. Though I"m still stuck in the pacific northwest. I hope to be able to move to Florida in 2 years, it calls to me. The sun, the warmth, the water. all things I need desperately.

    I grew up in Washington State. It's beautiful as hell up there, but also so dreary and my growing up years were soul-crushing. I can't live outside of sunny climates now or I get really down really fast. I'm in Southern California and it's so nice to see the sun shine every day. It can still get a little rough in the fall with the changing light levels, but I manage. I highly recommend a change of climate for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder. :flowerforyou:

    I'm likely going to San Diego when I leave here. Either that, or Australia. I agree about the sun...and Washington. There are a lot of redeeming features for that state, but sunshine ain't one of them.
  • NursRatchett
    NursRatchett Posts: 39 Member
    Options
    Keep in mind what makes YOU happy. Be true to yourself first.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    Options
    I wasted 12 years of my life on depression. The worst part is that they were the years that were supposed to be some of the happiest. From 24 to 36. I don't remember much about those years; if normal memories are like looking through a light cloud, my memories are like looking through dense smog.

    I used to be cheerful, talkative and attentive. Now my inter-personal skills have atrophied. When I try to tell a story to someone in person, I have to keep it short, because I get self-conscious about people listening to me.

    Please don't let this happen to you. It's a miserable life. Fight it. Do whatever you can to persist through it and beat it. For me, that meant making a bold change. I quit my job, moved to Hawaii from the Pacific Northwest with my brother, and started to eat healthy and exercise. It's been 6 weeks, and I can feel my soul repairing itself. The darkness gets lighter each and every day. I have renewed zeal for learning the science that used to intrigue me so much when I was younger. I have more energy than I have had in years. I make eye contact and say hello to everyone I pass on the street (in Hawaii, that's a lot of people).

    Find that fire that will dissipate your darkness, whatever it may be.

    Start by saying hello to everyone you walk past on the street. You'll be surprised how much little things like that will help.

    Cheers,

    blue

    Sounds like we've lived similar lives. Though I"m still stuck in the pacific northwest. I hope to be able to move to Florida in 2 years, it calls to me. The sun, the warmth, the water. all things I need desperately.

    I grew up in Washington State. It's beautiful as hell up there, but also so dreary and my growing up years were soul-crushing. I can't live outside of sunny climates now or I get really down really fast. I'm in Southern California and it's so nice to see the sun shine every day. It can still get a little rough in the fall with the changing light levels, but I manage. I highly recommend a change of climate for those with Seasonal Affective Disorder. :flowerforyou:

    I'm likely going to San Diego when I leave here. Either that, or Australia. I agree about the sun...and Washington. There are a lot of redeeming features for that state, but sunshine ain't one of them.

    Well, if you come to San Diego, I'll be sure to say hi when I pass you on the street! I live a little further north and inland where it's hotter and sunnier, but I go there all the time. It can get overcast being right there on the ocean, but it's a beautiful choice. :wink:
  • LinaBo
    LinaBo Posts: 342 Member
    Options
    This is exactly how I was feeling through my teens, and my early twenties. I have dealt with severe anxiety and depression, as well as suicidal thoughts, for years. It only truly stabilized in the latter half of my twenties, when I established myself with a decent income and no longer had to live hand to mouth. It's difficult to transition from being a kid to having bills to pay and adult responsibilities, and our society's sheltering of kids from these responsibilities and suddenly turning them out, instead of easing them into it, doesn't help. I agree with others who say that it sounds like you are suffering from clinical depression, and having been there, I have a few suggestions:

    -If you are feeling immediately suicidal, get yourself to an ER if you have no one else to turn to. It is a safe place, and if you tell them that you are suicidal and need someone to talk to and a safe place until you come down from those immediate urges, they will help you. If it's the middle of the night, and you have no transportation to get to an ER, there are phone resources such as nursing hotlines, suicide hotlines, and 911. Your school will likely have these numbers available, if you can't find them online yourself. DO TREAT IT LIKE AN EMERGENCY.

    -Please, please, PLEASE see a counsellor. Regularly. Your school surely has counselling resources, and can refer you if you are low income.

    -Do not be afraid or ashamed to take medication for depression. A substantial part of the population has been affected by it. Many of the greatest minds in history have suffered from depression. I am currently on medication, and have been on medication for many years. I have a chemical imbalance. This illness runs in my mother's side of the family. Taking medication and being alive is better than not taking it, and being dead.

    -Please also discuss with a doctor the possibility of a vitamin B deficiency. Due to many post-secondary students being on a "ramen diet", it is entirely possible that you are deficient. Having insufficient vitamin and mineral intake, especially B vitamins, can sap you of your energy and worsen depression. Taking a B-50 complex has really helped me, in addition to the medication.

    -Please consider that this desire to stop living is not "you", but a chemical imbalance in your body. It is separate from who you really are, and you should NOT let it have control over you, especially over whether you live or die. In desperate times, I would remind myself that what I was feeling was an illness; If I treated it more like something that wasn't a part of my natural state, that needed medical attention much like a broken leg, it helped me get through it alive.

    -Finally, and I know it's hard to accept, but I hope you will take it to heart when I say that ALL of these problems that you listed are temporary. I do not mean to belittle them; they are real problems. As hard as they are to get through, though, with persistence you can overcome every one of them by focusing on your future; take care of your health, work hard on your studies, start new and build existing positive relationships and end toxic ones (even if you have to get away from toxic family relationships, because they DO happen), and it WILL pay off; you will come out of it a happier, more successful, more fulfilled person, I assure you.
  • DayumStraightIAmEllie
    DayumStraightIAmEllie Posts: 160 Member
    Options
    I am going threw the same exact thing. I'm 19 years old and a sophomore. But it doesn't even feel like i know myself anymore. I dont even like myself to be honest. There are so many things wrong with me now i dont even know where to begin to fix it. Course im too shy and lack the insurance needed to do something like you all are suggesting. So i pretend nothing is wrong, hoping my mind will forget too.
  • GutterballT
    GutterballT Posts: 6
    Options
    Huh, I must be weird, but that's actually why my hubby and I want to move to Oregon when we get out of school. Then again, I've spent 20 yrs here in KS and I love the rain lol. Being British also helps. I am crazy comfortable in rain lol. That and you can actually be healthy in the Pacific Northwest, as opposed to here where all the fruits and veggies are really expensive (for most college students), and come two ways: Not ripe at all or on the edge of rot lol.
  • Aleluya17
    Aleluya17 Posts: 205 Member
    Options
    Child, child, have patience and belief, for life is many days, and each present hour will pass away. Son, son, you have been mad and drunken, furious and wild, filled with hatred and despair, and all the dark confusions of the soul -- but so have we. You found the earth too great for your one life, you found your brain and sinew smaller than the hunger and desire that fed on them -- but it has been this way with all men. You have stumbled on in darkness, you have been pulled in opposite directions, you have faltered, you have missed the way -- but, child, this is the chronicle of the earth. And now, because you have known madness and despair, and because you will grow desperate again before you come to evening, we who have stormed the ramparts of the furious earth and been hurled back, we who have been maddened by the unknowable and bitter mystery of love, we who have hungered after fame and savored all of life, the tumult, pain, and frenzy, and now sit quietly by our windows watching all that henceforth never more shall touch us -- we call upon you to take heart, for we can swear to you that these things pass.
    -Thomas Wolfe "Look Homeward, Angel

    My goodness you sound like a younger version of me. I PROMISE you that it does get bet. It WILL get better.
  • blueandigo
    blueandigo Posts: 296
    Options
    Can someone link me to the best HRM on Amazon.
  • ljaroch
    ljaroch Posts: 64
    Options
    Can someone link me to the best HRM on Amazon.

    Well it sounds like you aren't done after all, and that's great! Please take the advice and support that everyone here has offered you. Sometimes life is just hard and you will naturally get through it, and sometimes you have depression which probably won't go away on it's own. Are their friends/family members you can talk to? Try seeing a doctor, just once, to see if they have anything valuable to offer you. You can do this life thing!
  • dmh0204
    dmh0204 Posts: 81
    Options
    I went through this is March and April. I couldn't make myself do anything. It sounds like I don't need to describe what I went through, because you know exactly how it feels. I went to a psychiatrist, and he prescribed Wellbutrin. Two weeks later, I felt better. Six weeks later, I felt like I was back to my usual self.

    It sounds like you are depressed. I found medication and a little self-pampering to work miracles. Hang in there. Friend me if you want.
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    Options
    This sounds like situational depression, something that most people go through at least once in their life. I don't know how long this has been going on. If it's only been a few days, or a couple of weeks, start trying to force yourself to see the positives in life. If we're talking months... talk to a doctor, immediately. No not let it continue. This does not necessarily mean that you need medication, some professional guidance may be all it takes.

Categories