Haters/sabotage

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24

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  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 240 Member
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    I think we have all heard comments that we interpret as negative. I simply don't listen to them or take the intention behind the comment as a positive. The one that bothered me the most was a good friend not saying anything positive or negative for about 4 months (she was just waiting to see if I was going to do it)... to me that was negative. But I say screw that too because this is MY journey.
  • escloflowneCHANGED
    escloflowneCHANGED Posts: 3,038 Member
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    I get the "You should stop now, you will look sick"
  • phoenix_59
    phoenix_59 Posts: 1,123
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    the bottom line is that you are the only one who controls what you do, who you listen to, who you want to be around etc....you control this, so take charge and the issue goes away...easy! 8)
  • mfkn_Titanium
    mfkn_Titanium Posts: 131
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    Yes. Haterz gone hate. I just store it away in my memory box for when they choose to go on a diet...then I start baking yummies and dropping it off at their houses....and cakes for birthdays...and taking them out for dinner. Heh. Gosh, wish someone would do this for me. My friends suck.
  • pittskaa
    pittskaa Posts: 319 Member
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    boyfriend, well ex as of a few days ago, would buy all of my favorite junk food. chocolate, salt and vinegar chips, vanilla coke. because he knew i would give in easily and he didn't want me to lose weight. he liked my big butt. lol
  • Z_I_L_L_A
    Z_I_L_L_A Posts: 2,399 Member
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    Do you have people who always say negative stuff? Like you are gonna fall of the bandwagon. Also they try to sabotage my diet by giving me chocolate. I give it back! I refuse to be fat forever!

    Jealous people are the saboteurs, they don't want you to succeed because it makes them look bad. I just smile and be nice, and go about my business until its time to not be nice.
  • aegisprncs
    aegisprncs Posts: 240 Member
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    the bottom line is that you are the only one who controls what you do, who you listen to, who you want to be around etc....you control this, so take charge and the issue goes away...easy! 8)

    This!!!
  • finchase
    finchase Posts: 174
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    I have had some of the naysays... screw 'em, I say.

    What I have found to be more sabotage-y is when I hear comments like "omg, you are too skinny" or "you are wasting away". Those comments, even though they are meant as compliments, feel negative and don't help push me along. Its hard work making this transformation.

    I typically respond with "uhh.. I'm finally not in the obese category and have another 30 lbs until I'm at a healthy weight". That shuts them up :)

    That's been my worse problem: The people who try to tell me that I'm too skinny. Just the other day my sister (who needs to lose 20-30 lbs herself) suggested I should be happy going into maintenance where I am right now. I'm still 5-7 lbs away from FINALLY (probably for the first time in my life) reaching a healthy BMI) and at least 15 lbs from what my doctor, personal trainer and I have decided should be an ideal weight for me. Why the hell would I want to stop and go into maintenance now???
  • lts42uk
    lts42uk Posts: 162 Member
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    Yes. Haterz gone hate. I just store it away in my memory box for when they choose to go on a diet...then I start baking yummies and dropping it off at their houses....and cakes for birthdays...and taking them out for dinner. Heh. Gosh, wish someone would do this for me. My friends suck.

    :laugh:
  • Drussander
    Drussander Posts: 266 Member
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    Maybe they are not saboteurs intentionally? That might be the better way to look at it. They may be jealous of your determination to better yourself, but more likely, they might just want to share with you?

    I get offered junk all the time, and I never take it and then give it back! I don't take it in the first place. I tell them "thanks, that's really kind of you, but I am trying to lose some weight" or I'll say, "thanks, but I don't tolerate the sugary stuff well!"

    The bottom line is you will have to endure temptation throughout your journey to health, so get used to it and be disciplined and just say "no thank you".

    As for the negative comments like "fall off the wagon", that's not tenable and you should tell them you don't appreciate the lack of support, even if they are joking. Try to be graceful, but let them know you don't want to be discouraged.
  • nayers86
    nayers86 Posts: 60
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    Sadly, this has happened to me and I firmly believe that this will and has happened to anyone who is putting in a strong effort to improve themselves. My mother was the worst offender. She would always tell me I couldn't stick to it, she would make my favorite comfort foods, and generally, whether she realized she was doing it or not---sabatoge and kick me when I was down. I have also come across people who say you're too skinny, you're more beautiful with curves, don't let the number define you, etc. The best thing to remind yourself of regularly is that you're not doing this for anyone elses satisfaction or approval. THIS IS FOR YOU. People that love you and want you to be happy will support you. A lot of people often reflect their own insecurity on you, it's not quite a jealousy thing but it is. They wish they had the will power, the drive, motivation and commitment you have to succeed. Stay strong and don't falter, you're going to blow them away!
  • jordanreddick
    jordanreddick Posts: 197 Member
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    I think the worst ones are the one's closest to you. My mother has watched every step of my weight loss journey for the past 13 months and at first when I would tell her how much i had lost her immediate response was "You still have a long way to go" mind you this is coming from an overweight person herself, then when I got closer and closer to my goal and finally AT my goal, she refused to even acknowledge that I had even said anything at all, nevermind bothering to say congratulations or anything to that matter. She wants me to fail because she feels bad about herself. I WILL succeed with or without her approval or support and not even bother saying anything to her about it anymore and lead by example. That is all you can do with so many Negative Nancy's and Debbie Downer's in the world.
  • Pedal_Pusher
    Pedal_Pusher Posts: 1,166 Member
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    I like your username, you should add me.
  • lts42uk
    lts42uk Posts: 162 Member
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    I have had some of the naysays... screw 'em, I say.

    What I have found to be more sabotage-y is when I hear comments like "omg, you are too skinny" or "you are wasting away". Those comments, even though they are meant as compliments, feel negative and don't help push me along. Its hard work making this transformation.

    I typically respond with "uhh.. I'm finally not in the obese category and have another 30 lbs until I'm at a healthy weight". That shuts them up :)

    That's been my worse problem: The people who try to tell me that I'm too skinny. Just the other day my sister (who needs to lose 20-30 lbs herself) suggested I should be happy going into maintenance where I am right now. I'm still 5-7 lbs away from FINALLY (probably for the first time in my life) reaching a healthy BMI) and at least 15 lbs from what my doctor, personal trainer and I have decided should be an ideal weight for me. Why the hell would I want to stop and go into maintenance now???

    I've heard this one too - I liken it to walking to work and stopping at the corner as you think you've walked far enough! But you're not there yet!!
  • juli_jones
    juli_jones Posts: 101 Member
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    In the beginning my husband (who is over weight) would make negative comments, mostly due to his insecurities about me loosing weight and "finding someone else." After a while he became more supportive. Recently, however, he is gone the opposite direction makeing comment like "do you have the calories for that" - I'm doing this for me and I wish he would just keep his comments to himself - a simple "you look nice, honey" would be great once in a while!!!

    One the other hand - I love the comments from people/ friends who see me and say "You look Great"
  • newmooon56
    newmooon56 Posts: 347 Member
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    some of us have some MAJOR jerks in our lives- I know not all mean to be...
    But the ppl that are large and then act like you did something wrong by getting healthy need to look within themselves a bit more.

    Had someone ask me yesterday why I am doing this. They wondered if someone had made a crack about my weight, or had some other negative factor spur this on.. I started at 152 am now 144- I am 5 foot 2 and very small boned. Ideal weight is low 100s... Yet I look "fine" to ppl and shouldnt diet?? Sure, compared to some I look GREAT- but for ME Im far from my ideal weight and at 152 was a biscuit away from being OBESE -but I shouldnt diet??

    I truly believe what ppl are most curious/jealous/wonder about is - not how great we start to look- I truly wonder if they are in awe of our DISCIPLINE. This take major strength in many ways to do what we did. Change our eating, read a ton to learn about nutrients, exercise no matter what. Stick to it in situations where its hard to- and avoid triggers, all just for starters. We all jumped major hurdles just to get our minds ready for the work and then we WORK hard. When ppl ask "how" and you say diet and exercise- ever notice how they tune out, many of them? They want to hear 'magic pill' or some other cheat. I even think some ppl think Im lying- starving behind the scenes then claiming to eat nuts, eggs, quinoa- like Im some fake on TV.

    Keep it up beautiful people- YOU ALL inspire me every day. I come to the forums to find you all doing your best and it makes me want to continue on. I want to be part of THIS community - the community that cares about health, nutrition and well being in a balanced, sensible - and I'll say it- FUN way.

    Peace out-
  • Freyja2023
    Freyja2023 Posts: 158 Member
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    my mom was the worst for me. She would insist on working out with me then show up an hour late sit at my table for 2 drinking coffee and when I finally got her downstairs to my equipment jump on my bike in her jeans and pedal at a snails pace and try and give me a rough time for how I hit the elliptical. I finally quit waiting for her to show up and did my workout before she got to my house, then when she found out she was disappointed with me because I didn't wait for her. I finally told her that I couldn't work off her weight as well as my own, it just wasn't possible so I had to focus on my goals. She finally stopped trying and she no longer wants to workout with me. Instead now she will tell me that I have my grandmothers large rear and it will never shrink, or that my shoulders look like a football players. I just tell myself on a regular basis that I have slopped shoulders for a reason, so that all her crap can just roll off me. I also now come up with little sayings that drive her crazy like when she is whining about her weight I say well I learnt the hard way that b*tching about my weight didn't burn enough calories to lose so I just got off my rear and did something about it. :)
  • kathyszoo
    kathyszoo Posts: 311 Member
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    some of us have some MAJOR jerks in our lives- I know not all mean to be...
    But the ppl that are large and then act like you did something wrong by getting healthy need to look within themselves a bit more.

    Had someone ask me yesterday why I am doing this. They wondered if someone had made a crack about my weight, or had some other negative factor spur this on.. I started at 152 am now 144- I am 5 foot 2 and very small boned. Ideal weight is low 100s... Yet I look "fine" to ppl and shouldnt diet?? Sure, compared to some I look GREAT- but for ME Im far from my ideal weight and at 152 was a biscuit away from being OBESE -but I shouldnt diet??

    I truly believe what ppl are most curious/jealous/wonder about is - not how great we start to look- I truly wonder if they are in awe of our DISCIPLINE. This take major strength in many ways to do what we did. Change our eating, read a ton to learn about nutrients, exercise no matter what. Stick to it in situations where its hard to- and avoid triggers, all just for starters. We all jumped major hurdles just to get our minds ready for the work and then we WORK hard. When ppl ask "how" and you say diet and exercise- ever notice how they tune out, many of them? They want to hear 'magic pill' or some other cheat. I even think some ppl think Im lying- starving behind the scenes then claiming to eat nuts, eggs, quinoa- like Im some fake on TV.

    Keep it up beautiful people- YOU ALL inspire me every day. I come to the forums to find you all doing your best and it makes me want to continue on. I want to be part of THIS community - the community that cares about health, nutrition and well being in a balanced, sensible - and I'll say it- FUN way.

    Peace out-

    I agree with this, the people that are the most unsupportive are the ones that could use to eat better and get healthy also! This is why I come here-for the support, encouragement, motivation and advice from people on the same journey!
  • mulcahya
    mulcahya Posts: 82 Member
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    Ah my mum is not good with this!

    I live at home still (I'm 21) and when I'm asking how she cooked dinner she will say she didn't use oil even when she did, or tell me she used less of certain things. When I am logging and trying to estimate how much things weigh she will suggest measurements that are probably half of what is accurate! And when I had lost about 2kg and was feeling happy about it, she told me that it was about time I was losing weight because she was getting really concerned (I wasn't exactly overweight to begin with, just a little bit let go, and I have 3 obese siblings who she will never say a word about!!!).

    Not exactly supportive.

    And then on the other hand my boyfriend is incredibly supportive and helpful and listens to me talk about it all the time and patiently allows me to try out new things and spend our money on expensive health foods.

    Very different ends of the spectrum!
  • peuglow
    peuglow Posts: 684 Member
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    you know what they say, haters gonna hate

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