What is the fire that keeps you going?

a saying my college golf coach told me......no matter what you doing there's always somebody working harder than you to be better.

I was (and AM) tired of telling myself I "can't" do things. Ya' know what. . .I CAN run a half marathon now at a respectable pace. I CAN lift some hefty weights. . . I CAN fit into a nice single digit size jeans (vanity sizing or not. . .still single digit). . . I CAN!!! That is what motivates me. For the first time in my life, I really think I CAN do things I set my mind to!!

For me after every thing, weight loss, weight gain, more weight gain, break ups with my first love of 2.5 years, being cheated on, non-emotional family, low self esteem, self abuse problems, partying and depression; it was the drive to know that something and someone better was for me out there one day. Maybe not yesterday or today or tomorrow, but one day, and that one day I don't want to miss because I know in my heart it'll be worth all the pain and tears and ups and downs. And I know some one will love me for who I am and I'll love myself too and that I'll be in a place I love and surrounded by amazing people. And I couldn't give up on knowing that, so I keep on keepin' on.

I knew I could get to my goal weight. I knew that 157 wasn't impossible with a little work. And what I got rewarded with for my hard work was getting 10 pounds below that, wearing a size 4/6 pant and really liking my body. I learned to have a healthier approach to life and food along the way. I'm finally comfortable in a bikini and most importantly naked. I've never been smaller and in better shape in my whole adult life. That's what kept me going, knowing that I could do it.

What keeps me going?

I lost my dad a year ago due to Parkinson's that, often times, leads to dementia. It was a very hard, long rode to see my dad forget, forget and then forget some more. When he asked my mom where she lived, where she was from, after 55 years of marriage and having known her his whole life, I knew I needed to take better care of myself for MY three kids.

I have 3 teens and my husband and I are 50. We still have 3 parents left-my mom and his parents. We know we are having nice times now and realize that having 3 grandparents is nice.

So, long story short, I want to be a grandparent when my kids are old enough and enjoy retirement and all the things that are meant to be.

To exercise, good for my waist, my heart and my brain. To eat better, good for all again. To eat less, less fat, less chances of cancer and better for my waist, heart and brain!!!!

Oh my goodness...so many things. In the last 9 months, I have had some starts and stops. In the past, I would just give up and move on back into my unhealthy lifestyle. What I've learned and continue to remind myself is that I can make better choices AT ANY TIME. I do not have to wait for some special date, or to "start on Monday." It can start the minute after I make a choice I'm not happy with.

I also remind myself of how far I've come and look at older photos. I try on clothes that I'm now in, or almost in that would not have been a possibility almost 45 lbs ago.

Finally, when I'm truly being introspective, I think about my health. I am considering having another child. I have had two very premature births (one of my children passed away) and I was heavy during both of those pregnancies. Because I am not sure if my weight caused or contributed to the early labors, I want to weigh much lighter, should I choose to have a child. It's that thought that helps me get back on track when I'm having difficulties.

What keeps me going is that there are a bunch of people counting on me to fail, well, i will show them mofo's!!

I'm making positive changes not only to my body, but to my mind as well and I know if I give up, I'll fall down and I'll probably not get up for a while.

Boys, boys, boys

I feel like the biggest fuel of all has been my ever-expanding well of sheer will power. It started with wanting to do something about GERD. I have had GERD since at least age 15 and it was getting worse and worse, to the point where I was taking antacids every night a few months ago. On 17 July I had my last cigarette after accepting that yes, I was going to gain weight if I quit smoking. And gain I did! I put on seven pounds in the next two weeks. On 26 July, three days after telling a doctor that I was willing to lose 35 pounds in order to take an endoscopy test, I started using MFP.

With will power, MFP is a no-brainer. Even on days I don't count everything, I am keeping score. As a result, a month after quitting smoking I am 40 pounds lighter and under 190 pounds for the first time since 2004. I decided that even though I am now in healthy BMI range and my GERD is almost completely gone, I want to drop from a size 36 pant to a size 32, which will mean my beloved belly will go away for good. I am really looking forward not looking at that protrusion any more.

I think 1.5 pounds to lose every week is not tough. I add things every week. Two weeks ago I had my first tomato in a year, it was so wonderful I felt myself tearing up. I had to tell people. My taste has returned and the GERD has not. Does life get better? it does!

Diabetes. I had type II. I found out in Dec. 2009. That is what motivated me to change. I was taking all kinds of meds and a injection to control it. My weight, even though I was nearly 500 lbs, was never a issue for me. I didn't care. It wasn't until I found I had diabetes that I also learned about other health related issues I had. High blood pressure, cholesterol, etc etc.

Jan 2011 I lost 100 lbs and reversed the diabetes. I no longer have it. I am completely off all meds. blood pressure is good, cholesterol is great. I can easily become diabetic if I slack off so that is what keeps me going. The weight loss, getting fitter, all that stuff is just the icing (sugar free of course ) on the cake.

This may sound silly and shallow but, my fire comes from seeing actresses wearing dresses that I would look so stupid in right now. e.g. When I watch Glee, I always look at the dresses that Rachel Berry wears and feel so depressed that I'm simply too big to wear something like that. The first thing I'm going to buy when I get thin is a bright red baby-doll dress with a WAIST BELT ! Oh, heaven,..

Me!!!
I MUST do this so that I can prove to myself and to everyone else (especially those who doubt my success) That I did it!!!
Also, to get the freedom of no longer having to worry about weight restrictions or properly fitting in a seat at amusement parks, etc.
Not to mention the ease of being able to walk into stores at the mall and pick up clothes that are not only my size, but are cheap as well... Because when I go to buy a shirt from Lane Bryant-- whew! Hello, $39.99

Two things, I think. The fact that since I changed my diet, I feel SO much better. And the fact that I am 41 years old, and I know if I did not make changes, my health would have probably started to fall apart before too long. I am still young enough to want to enjoy life, and I was killing myself slowly with my fork. No more.

BUMP.. beautifully said!! and congrats on your wt loss!!

I like feeling like me again.