Dating/relationships conflict of interest.....

I think you would be wrong. As long as she isn't sabotaging you and your goals, why does it matter?

I doubt it's possible to be in a relationship with someone who lives an opposite lifestyle from yours and have it NOT have an impact on your lifestyle, especially one that takes so much time and energy to maintain. And it's not the sort of thing you can compromise on - giving her what she wants and eating unhealthy foods/going out to eat a few times a week is enough to destroy fitness progress even if you eat clean the rest of the week. Even if you manage to make it work or she rolls her eyes and goes along with your healthy stuff for a while, it will likely cause problems down the road unless one of you changes. Sounds like it wasn't a good match and you did the right thing by not pursuing it.

Honestly - so many of us were right where she is now - unmotivated and not caring. This isn't to say she will always be like this. Everyone changes. Maybe your healthy lifestyle will start to rub off on her. Maybe something will snap and she'll decide "it's time!". Maybe she'll get a report from her doc that she has high cholesterol and needs to start watching her intake. It usually takes *something* to cause us to start paying attention to how we are treating our bodies...maybe she hasn't found her something yet.

But that doesn't make her any less of a person. I was just as awesome at 220 lbs as I am at 153 lbs. However...I lacked confidence and had a low self-worth then. So I could foresee a problem if she starts to feel inferior or insecure in your presence/relationship. That will create more problems than you care to deal with (and I'm not saying that all of this goes away once someone gets healthy).

I guess you have to ask yourself - if she's worth it? Her personality might be so kick *kitten* that you don't care if she wants to eat McDonalds when you'd rather eat a nice steak and veggie meal. You have to make sure she understands her place too - if you have a committed schedule to workout out - don't let her interfere with that and be sure she knows this is your thing and to respect it (rather than get whiney that you don't spend enough time with her, or whatever). You gotta keep making time for yourself...because in a relationship, it's so easy to just slowly let that slip away if the other person isn't on board.

It doesn't have to be a dealbreaker, but for me it didn't work at all....

I was kind of in the same situation - my ex ate nothing but junk, never exercised, but was naturally thin and didn't put on any weight. All he wanted to do was watch movies, play video games (with junk food of course) or go out to eat. He didn't want to do anything active or outdoorsy that I wanted to do - I didn't expect or want him to come to the gym with me or anything, but he wouldn't want to go hiking, swimming or even walking around town/the park for 20 minutes. I was still in the midst of the "new relationship glow" and only saw him a couple days a week so I didn't mind it too much (though it did bother me),

Thankfully this relationship was terminated quickly when he started saying how he wished I would lose weight faster, I should eat less and healthier, and run more, which coming from any person would be enough to make me angry but coming from him, who spent his days sitting on the couch eating chips... yeah, I couldn't do it. :flowerforyou:

That's be a deal breaker for me. This is my lifestyle now... Active and busy. It takes hours of my day, everyday. Id want someone who would get up and go for a run or hike with me. Go golf or do that ever active thing I wanted to that day. And that's not even touching the food aspect. It's really hard to stay on plan when you're with someone who's eating whatever they want.

I get we all got different starting points......but what happens if that person never starts...I can't be mad 5years down the road when she says I told you this when we met....

This is absolutely true. You have to take her as the person she is now and not expect her to change. Hoping or expecting someone to change in a relationship from who they are when you meet them to what is ideal for you isn't going to work. Ever.

I don't see how this could work out as a couple just visualizing dinners. I recently dated someone who eats out and never cooks. I could see us managing as a couple if I was the one to cook every meal - and he could either eat what I make or fend for himself. It's not the ideal of what I have in mind for a relationship in which a couple sits down and eats together every night like people used to. I would find it even more difficult if he was a snacker, constantly chomping on potato chips or other high calorie foods in front of the TV. I don't want to get sucked into that kind of mindless grazing. Living alone, I make sure that junk doesn't come home with me from the grocery store.

Lazy would also be a deal-breaker for me. I had a couple years of "lazy" while my thyroid was low and went undiagnosed. I won't go back to that again and I want a partner who has a similar energy and activity level to mine now.

There are some things where being opposites can be a plus in a relationship, but to me this isn't one of them. I can see that it's something you could deal with for the right person, if everything else was such a good match, but it would be difficult, and again, you would have to accept her as she is now - lazy and not interested in a healthy lifestyle.

I think she would rub off on you eventually. You'll want to go to the gym and she'll probably complain that you are there all the time. Or maybe when she makes greasy food for you that you will not want to eat it because it's so unhealthy and she could get offended. Maybe she'll have insecurities because she doesn't work out and will wonder if you will be bothered by that.

Honestly I'd avoid at all costs. But that's just going into a relationship you must accept how a person is otherwise you are a total hypocrite when you try to change them. I would have a discussion about it and see her responses. Whatever happens from that will bring out the red flags.

I think MANY couples don't agree on exercise and food.

Is she obese? Unhealthy? Or just not an exerciser?

If you like her, explore things. Easy peasy.

My suggestion would be to go read all the posts people put on here about their spouse being unsupported and how it makes them feel.

I was 32 before I got married and I dated many many different types of people. I am in a fantastic relationship now because we have similar lifestyle interests. Our vacations consist of going places we can do things like bike down a volcano in Hawaii, climb a mountain in Montana or kayaking or paddle boating in Jamaica. These are the things that keep us fit and together.

We take between a 2 and 5 mile walk together every day as well. This is time for just us, no computer, no cel phone and no tv. This is our time so there is no excuse for us to drift apart.

I know for a fact that a short term fix of being lonely is not near as good as long term love and appreciation. What happens if by chance you had kids? What would you forsee as a family life? Playing in the yard or on the xbox cause mommy is too lazy to get out and play.

I also think it is very important that we go into a relationship accepting the person for who and what they are, we can not think that we can change them, that is just plain wrong.

To each his own but I promise you that you will never regret being in a relationship with some who actually cares and you can do things with outside the bedroom

It depends on how important it is to you. My husband is pretty skinny and doesn't really care about intense exercise but he likes to keep active. When we started dating, I weighed double what he weighed but I have always had an interest in eating better and being active. We would hike together and later we started kayaking, biking, taking karate classes together, etc. He doesn't care about ever joining a gym or lifting heavy weights, that is fine with me.

I think though if I had married someone who didn't want to do outdoor activities, I would be a bit frustrated/sad. Same as if I married someone who didn't like to travel.