Dating/relationships conflict of interest.....

I haven't read all the other comments, so sorry if this is repeat.. but... if it bothers you now, it will always bother you, and maybe someday to the point of seeing it as the flaw that you can't live with, and leave her over it. Do her a favor and end it now (if it bothers you, that is) because it will hurt waaaaay more if you do it later and you've both invested time into the relationship.

I'm going through something similar, right now. My SO and I (of 10 years) are both fat. I've lost 50+ lbs, and am on track to being thin and fit. He's not. At all. I've tried motivating him to get healthier, but nothing has worked- he'll (hopefully) do it when he's ready for it, i'm sure, but in the meantime, it really bothers me that he's okay with being sedentary and obese. I want to live life, and MOVE (I want to try rock climbing, wind surfing, etc ). Hell, I signed us up for Warrior Dash in February (he said he wanted to), and have trained my *kitten* off for months so that I can be fit for it, and he hasn't. I'm stuck between standing by his side waiting for him to catch up, or leaving him in the dust while I push myself to the limit to see what I can accomplish. It's really complicated, and sucks.

Since fitness and being healthy appear to be somewhat of a passion for you, I do believe that being polar opposites in that department would create a giant wedge between the two of you sooner or later. We live in a world where we all try to be the alpha dog so you'd either be trying to get her to cook lean, go for a walk, or better yet...go to the gym. She'd be trying to get you to "live a little" and eat a handful of Doritos or take her out for Chinese Food. You'd be on your best behavior in the beginning but then old habits will creep up and you'll be in conflict.

One question you might ask yourself is..."is she the person you want teaching your future children about how to live a healthy lifestyle?" I am all for finding a happy-medium but FOOD is something you HAVE to deal with every single day

I would not look at this in the terms of a drug addict. But I agree with someone else that posted; if she doesn't do anything to ruin your diet or try to change you from being a gym rat.. then give it a chance.

My husband doens't work out as much as i do, but he also supports me when I do and even though he doesn't watch what he eats he makes sure that i'm sticking to my goals.

I would not be interested in dating (and if I'm actually dating someone that is because I care about the person and see myself being with him) a man who didn't enjoy the same activities as me and didn't eat carefully like I do.

Easy as that. I enjoy biking, running, hiking, swimming, etc. If he doesn't, well...we won't be doing much together. And that won't be a lasting relationship.

My SO works completely different schedule than me so when he works until 7 or 9, I have plenty of time for my gym time. Since he works late, I usually do the cooking. He doesn't go out of his way to eat healthy but if we buy good foods, he eats them. He pretty much consumes anything put in front of him. We go shopping together and I make sure I get all my healthy choices and ignore his unhealthy foods (like the ice cream he buys but that is easy since I am not a big fan of ice cream).

There are times where he gives me a look or says something and I just look at him and say, "You aren't being very supportive" and he stops. He really is trying to support me. He knows how much this means to me. And if I get down on myself (like when something doesn't fit) he always tells me that I am working on it and I will get there. And when it's not 115 degrees out every day, I can get him to go on a walk with the dogs. Do I wish he'd take better care of himself? Yes, but I also know I can't force it.

Its ok for couples to have different interests and goals but if they aren't supportive or upfront with each other, it won't work out. It can be difficult if lifestyles are too different but you have to weigh the pros and cons. I am too much in love with my SO to end it over the fact that he doesn't want to work out. Does it suck when we go out to eat and I have to be careful about what I eat? Yes, but I get to spend time with my man so I suck it up and make it work. I'd rather spend time with him then sit at home and eat a salad alone.

I think MANY couples don't agree on exercise and food.

Is she obese? Unhealthy? Or just not an exerciser?

Overweight yes....not obese....told me she take pills to control her weight or to lose. Not an excersiser says she hates the thought of it!!!

Ahh the pills as weight loss would be a tough one for me. I could easily live with someone who was of healthy weight but didn't like to exercise, however, as long as they didn't object to me doing it.

Now you have to ask yourself-does she treat you right? If she does then she maybe a keeper. A good woman is hard to find (and a good man) nowadays. You may not have the same interests but opposites do attract. ask her to go to the gym with you 1 time and see what she says. Maybe if she sees how motivated you are it will rub off on her. Dont walk away just for that alone she may come around...

my husband has never been overweight (has mostly been underweight) has had a terrible diet (though improving) and doesn't see the point of working out.

We've been together 12 years and happy with it. However he is very supportive. Also although he has his 'breakfast of champions' as he has labelled it (cola and on a good day a pain au chocolat as well and believe me that's progress) his lunches are getting better, and he eats whatever I cook in the evening, and I cook healthy most the time.

He may not exercise but he does walk everywhere (we don't have a car) and he does work in the garden including chopping stuff down and other heavy stuff. But he won't do exercise for the sake of doing exercise IYSWIM.

Its the supportiveness (if that's even a word) that makes the difference, and although he can be quite lazy he does do what needs to be done. I have to admit though if he didn't walk and didn't eat meals with me and the kids I would probably find it more irritating/harder.

From now on, this is my life. Maintaining a level of fitness, mindful of everything I eat, taking care of myself in all ways is what I want to do for the rest of my life, and I would not even consider adding a life partner that couldn't or wouldn't support that with their own actions.

I've been married 17 years and I am on this site for me and doing this for me. My husband in no way is on the same path, but he will eat healthy if I am cooking. He is very supportive to say the least. This is about you and not her. Period. Why hold someone else to your standards? Let go of the control and let her live as she wishes. I am in no way trying to be mean, everyone just has their own path. Find someone you connect with on an emotional level and who is supportive and work at that. Who knows, maybe one day you find someone who is all about fitness and you fall off the wagon and then what? Do you want that person to just drop you or and not support you? If you really like this woman, talk to her and give her a chance to support you. If you don't like her much then the writing is on the wall.

No, I wouldn't since I'm in the gym almost everyday and fitness/health is a very important part of my life. I want to be with somebody who is going to take care of themselves as well.

Well, if fitness and healthy living are things that you define yourself by, then perhaps getting together with someone who is not at all interested in those things might pose a problem. But I really think it depends, mostly on what else you have in common and what you like about each other.

My partner and I are polar opposites when it comes to food, nutrition, health, and fitness. He has zero interest in any of those things (including food - he only really eats because he has to, and mostly things out of a packet), whereas they are very important to me. But he is a kind person and will humour me to an extent and listen to me talk about a new type of workout, or come with me to the whole foods market, just like I will discuss the ins and outs of the English football premier league with him (luckily I really like watching football as i used to play myself,but have absolutely no interest in talking about it!).

At the end of the day, we have a lot of things in common, especially the things that really matter to both of us, such as basic values and political views, and we are in the same line of work. I can't lie though, I do wish he had a bit of an interest in health and fitness as it's a big part of my life, but the fact that we differ so much in this regard is certainly no impediment to our happiness - because we are compatible on lots of other ways. So I guess that's what it comes down to really. Do you have other things in common with this person? And, most importantly, can you respect her choice to live her life as she wants to and would you be prepared to accept her exactly how she is without trying to change her? If the answer to these questions are no, then I'd say move on.

Another thing to think about is that all of us age if we are lucky. And with that comes all type of health issues, etc. There may be a day when you can't be active. Do you want someone who is caught up in only that or do you want a supportive other half no matter what life brings?

But being active today gives you a chance at a better tomorrow.....being inactive now promises you what? That's the deal when you couldn't care less about taking care of your body and health. Who wants to be a caretaker for a loved one at 50or so? Because they refused to make different choices at 25-30?

DUUUUDDDEE, you know what you gotta do, just do it . The longer you wait the harder and messier it will be. And be up front and honest about why you are moving on. None of this, its not you its me crap. We do not learn from our past relationships to grow unless we understand the lesson of that relationship.

I also wanted to add, I am a recovering alcoholic, coming up on 5 years into the program and of the dozens of people that I see get into a relationship with a heavy drinker, thinking they would get them in AA, 99% of them that stayed in the relationship ended up drinking................just sayin.................

You can do better. I know I am glad I did not settle for anything less than exactly what is perfect for me. Health and fitness is one of the most important things in the world. To all these people trying to shame you, shame on them. The only thing that this relationship is going to lead to is a big, fat, resentment.