Parents and Birthday Parties... WTF

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Replies

  • saxmaniac
    saxmaniac Posts: 1,133 Member
    I can't conclusively say one way or the other what I'd have done. But really... I guess I'm not as terrified of bad things happening. I don't want to raise my kids to be paranoid or afraid of strangers, or suspicious that everyone could be a potentially terrible person. I'm not saying your kids will be that way, but I fear my own would turn out that way if I was as worried as some of the people I know.

    I'd likely have stopped, talked with you for a few minutes to make sure you didn't give me any creepo vibes, and made sure it was alright with you before I left and what time you'd like me back.

    Finally, a smart parent, not entirely gripped by paranoia of things that are statistically very rare to happen.

    It was kind of rude for him to walk away without saying anything, and assume you're going to babysit - but that's about it.
  • marie_cressman
    marie_cressman Posts: 980 Member
    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
  • LilGiselle21
    LilGiselle21 Posts: 110 Member
    My son is 6 and last school year was invited to many many parties if I couldn't stay he couldn't go. I would always let them know I will most likely have my 2younger girls with me if that's ok as SO isn't always home to watch them while I take just my son. Since we just moved to a house this will be the first year I will be hosting 3 kids bday parties all 2 weeks apart. I will be very very specific when doing the invitations as i know many will be dropped off therefore I will plan ahead to have my best friend and sister help with the little ones.I have a best friend who has 3 sisters who always help out and my kids have stay there alone for parties but I know her whole family and my kids love them besides that no way. I either barely know the other places they go for parties and no one ever plans for people dropping off kids so I feel unsafe leaving my kids there.
  • elleloch
    elleloch Posts: 739 Member
    Yeah... my parents were never at any of the birthday parties I attended as a kid. In fact if they did stay, or if the parents of one of my friends stayed at my party, it was incredibly lame.

    Then again, I grew up in Small Town, USA and the busiest place we had our birthday parties was the bowling alley.

    But for real? I went to pool parties where the only adults were the one kid's parents. Or even parties at the lake.
  • Shelbert79
    Shelbert79 Posts: 510 Member
    I guess it also depends on the venue of the party. I had my daughters party (they were turning 5 and 3) at a Bounce House place, the only party happening in the room (at any given party time) was mine. It wouldn't have been a big deal for people to bring their kids and leave them because they couldn't go anywhere else and mingle with anyone NOT in our group. At places like Chuckie Cheese and Magic Mountain, there are tons of parties going on and tons of other people there. I get worried when my kids are in the play house area and I can't see them. My girls are ages 10, 6, 4 and almost 2. I know I'm paranoid and I'm fine with that. When we go out to dinner, I make sure we're seated in the area of the restaurant where I can see the restrooms. So if my girls have to go, I can keep an eye on them. My oldest has more leeway but I'm still a worrywort, can't help it!
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
    That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?
  • NZhellkat
    NZhellkat Posts: 355 Member
    I never left my children at a party that was in a public place. I would ask the hosting parent if they wanted some extra help and if the answer was no then I would hang out elsewhere in the restaurant (usually McD). I would also ask my child if they wanted me to stay. An entirely different story if the party was at the child's house. But again I would offer before leaving.

    By the time my kids were teenagers they were cooking their birthday dinner for their friends and watching movies at home. On my son's 15th birthday we had arranged to take a group of his friends to a R-rated movie that I also took my younger daughter to. Those that required parental consent had hand written notes. We had fun.

    Our children are precious and should be protected and shown that they are valued.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    I can't conclusively say one way or the other what I'd have done. But really... I guess I'm not as terrified of bad things happening. I don't want to raise my kids to be paranoid or afraid of strangers, or suspicious that everyone could be a potentially terrible person. I'm not saying your kids will be that way, but I fear my own would turn out that way if I was as worried as some of the people I know.

    I'd likely have stopped, talked with you for a few minutes to make sure you didn't give me any creepo vibes, and made sure it was alright with you before I left and what time you'd like me back.

    Finally, a smart parent, not entirely gripped by paranoia of things that are statistically very rare to happen.

    It was kind of rude for him to walk away without saying anything, and assume you're going to babysit - but that's about it.
    So the rest of the parents here are stupid and paranoid?
    Ok well how about you raise your kids the way you want to and let me raise mine. It is my job to protect my child. You can raise a functional independant adult and still be protective. These are 9 years olds. Not 13 or 14 year olds.

    To the OP - if something has happened to one of those kids the parent would have blamed you.
  • BondBomb
    BondBomb Posts: 1,781 Member
    Double post
  • NoAdditives
    NoAdditives Posts: 4,251 Member
    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
    That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?

    Aren't there two parents to help deal with situations like these? Or extended family members? Or parents of other kids in the same lessons/games/whatever? Is leaving a young kid at a party really the only option?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    What the hell is wrong with the other two? Is this a normal thing these days?

    I'm 35 and my daughter is almost 18 and it was normal when I was a kid and normal when she was, too. Parents who were not personal friends of the birthday children's parents did not stay for birthday parties. Ever.
  • reyopo
    reyopo Posts: 210 Member
    I've been on both ends of this...so it really varies depending on the situation. I really hate parties at those huge "Fun center" type places, but yes, they are inevitable. I will always stay when the party is at a crazy place filled with noise and strangers. Though, I think there is a certain age when you know your kid(s) will at least stay with the group and not get themselves lost. Mine's 7 and she's not there yet, once at a bowling alley party we came out of the restroom TOGETHER and she took a wrong turn, I thought she was behind me and I ended up finding her a few panicky minutes later crying hysterically at the opposite end of the place.

    I agree with being very specific in your invitation about whether it is OK to drop kids off. In a home party situation it depends. My daughter recently went to one where only girls were invited, it was a "spa" theme and they did face masks and got pedicures. It was at the parent's apartment. I had not met the Mom before, but had seen her a few times at school and she seemed very nice. Their place was too small to comfortably have that many kids AND their parents, and it was understood that we were not expected to stay. I felt totally fine about it. They weren't going anywhere, everything was very organized, I knew all the kids there, and the adults in attendance were the birthday girl's mother and grandmother, who both introduced themselves and explained what they would be doing/eating etc.

    The last party I hosted for my daughter was at a karaoke place in a private room. Less than half of the parents stayed and that was fine with me because I had indicated that it was optional on the invite. The kids were busy the whole time and never left the room. I had the help of the 4 or 5 parents who stayed, and it worked out perfectly.

    For me it's totally situational, but I would be shocked as well to have people dump and run on me at Chuck E Freakin' Cheese. Not cool.
  • ChgingMe
    ChgingMe Posts: 539 Member
    I'm surprised your 9 year old still wanted to do Chuckie Cheeses..
  • erickirb
    erickirb Posts: 12,294 Member
    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
    That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?

    Aren't there two parents to help deal with situations like these? Or extended family members? Or parents of other kids in the same lessons/games/whatever? Is leaving a young kid at a party really the only option?

    Not all families have 2 parents, and not all families have multiple cars that it may take to do it all.
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
    That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?

    Aren't there two parents to help deal with situations like these? Or extended family members? Or parents of other kids in the same lessons/games/whatever? Is leaving a young kid at a party really the only option?
    How many people should it take to have one child attend a birthday party? Sheesh.

    Usually these parties occur on a weekend. People have other things to do. Doesn't make them selfish.
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    What the hell is wrong with the other two? Is this a normal thing these days?

    I'm 35 and my daughter is almost 18 and it was normal when I was a kid and normal when she was, too. Parents who were not personal friends of the birthday children's parents did not stay for birthday parties. Ever.

    ^^This. I will usually ask if they want any help, but at some point, the kids need to be able to practice manners and all those good things you are teaching them. The kids were 9, not 3. Parties here at Chuck E. Cheese I stay, but only because it is a 30 minute drive. I'll take my other child and get him something to eat and play games with him.
  • jones137
    jones137 Posts: 89 Member
    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
    That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?

    Aren't there two parents to help deal with situations like these? Or extended family members? Or parents of other kids in the same lessons/games/whatever? Is leaving a young kid at a party really the only option?

    Not all families have 2 parents, and not all families have multiple cars that it may take to do it all.

    And how and why is that my problem?
  • jones137
    jones137 Posts: 89 Member
    Hell no. I was shocked I have an 11 year old boy and would never just leave my kid with someone I don't know. :noway:

    at 11 I was catching the bus across the city by myself to go to football practice.

    Unfortunately... things aren't as they used to be:(( It's very sad. I grew up in a time where we were locked out of our house in the summer until my Mom came home for lunch and then home for the evening. We made our own fun and we were our own babysitters.

    You just can't do that kind of stuff anymore.

    Why not?

    The rate of kidnappings and other crap is down dramatically over the past 10-20 years. Check the stats out with your local police, most likely things are actually more safe now then ever.

    The media just posts more stuff about this, but it is actually happening less frequently. Check out the book "free range children" great read.


    That's the book about the parent who let's their 9 year old ride the subway in NYC by themselves?

    I was going to read it but I figured anybody that would let their 9 year old ride a subway in NYC by themselves had to be a f''''' idiot.

    Free range is for cows.......because who cares what happens to cows (although I really love my steak). I consider my children a little more precious of a commodity. After all, their safety is my responsibility. I don't think a 5-12 year old should have to provide for their own safety as a method of learning. My goal is to have them be ready for life by 18......not by 9.
  • lucythinmint
    lucythinmint Posts: 239
    I would have stayed and kept an eye on my kid, not for any other reason than it's my kid. My responsibility.


    But I live a L.A. and I have to be worried, but if I don't teach my kids to handle the city it will swallow them alive. We are learning the route to school because the boys want to ride their scooters. I live in a nice area, most of the kids in the neighborhood do walk to school. My middle boys are 8 & 10.

    I want them to be safe but I also don't want them hiding inside all the time because they are afraid they will be kidnapped when ever they step foot out the front door.

    Balance :drinker:
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    My kid is my responsibility. You having a party does not relieve me of that responsibility. I couldn't live with myself is something happened to my daughter and my only justification was "Well that guy who had a kid in her class that I didn't know at all was supposed to be watching her!" Doesn't work that way.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,173 Member
    I can't conclusively say one way or the other what I'd have done. But really... I guess I'm not as terrified of bad things happening. I don't want to raise my kids to be paranoid or afraid of strangers, or suspicious that everyone could be a potentially terrible person. I'm not saying your kids will be that way, but I fear my own would turn out that way if I was as worried as some of the people I know.

    I'd likely have stopped, talked with you for a few minutes to make sure you didn't give me any creepo vibes, and made sure it was alright with you before I left and what time you'd like me back.

    Finally, a smart parent, not entirely gripped by paranoia of things that are statistically very rare to happen.

    It was kind of rude for him to walk away without saying anything, and assume you're going to babysit - but that's about it.

    We have a place here in Reno that is super popular for kids’ parties. It’s called Fun Quest & it’s sort of like Chuck E. Cheese. There are video games galore, a laser tag arena and a huge play area for toddlers & smaller kids. This place is located in the Grand Sierra Resort…one of the casinos off the main drag. In fact, the place opens up into the ground floor of the casino where there are shops & a movie theater. The kids can wander up to the casino if they were so inclined. There is no monitor of any kind, save the parents. No one can be everywhere at once; so I stay. I would never be comfortable leaving my kids with someone else in a place like that or a Chuck E. Cheese or even the local park. I don’t hover over my kids; but I do sweep the area periodically to make sure they’re ok. Let’s face it there are people out there who prey upon children…it’s not harmful to make kids aware that not everyone is friendly…it’s not going to turn them into a paranoid shut-in. And frankly, if someone does make the egregious mistake of messing with my kids I want to be there to unleash the mama bear.
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
    That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?

    Aren't there two parents to help deal with situations like these? Or extended family members? Or parents of other kids in the same lessons/games/whatever? Is leaving a young kid at a party really the only option?

    Not all families have 2 parents, and not all families have multiple cars that it may take to do it all.

    And how and why is that my problem?

    Cuz you want me to to attend your kid's birthday party?
  • bakay138
    bakay138 Posts: 47 Member
    Truthfully, I am actually kind of shocked by how many people wouldn't drop off. Where I live, it is pretty customary to drop off. I had my son's 9 yo bday party at a venue similiar to Chuck E Cheese last Friday and only one parent stayed. I haven't stayed at a bday party for the last two years.

    I think it all depends. In an enclosed venue like a pottery studio or Chuck E Cheese, I have no problem dropping off. I wouldn't drop off at a pool party though.

    The parent who did stay brought two siblings with her and insisted on paying for them and only accepted pizza for them after much urging and everyone else was fed.

    To each their own on this, I suppose but I don't think it makes one a better parent either way. It is just your comfort level on the issue.

    The one parent who stayed freely admits she is a bit overprotective. (she doesn't allow her children in any one else's car although the oldest is ten, not even her own mothers!) Another child was dropped off by his nanny. The other parents who left enjoyed a nice glass of wine at the wine bar down the street. Again, all depends on one's comfort level.

    No matter what each chose, all parents and children enjoyed the day.

    (disclaimer to this post-I knew all parents and they are in my cell phone. I could reach them immediately if there was a problem.)

    As for one-on-one play dates, I encouraged drop off by age five. I really had no desire to make chit chat over coffee for two hours with a Mom I didn't know just because her child was having a playdate at my house.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    What?! I have never heard of a kid's birthday party where the parents stay.. Maybe a toddler at the oldest..

    Are you going to pack a sleeping bag and pj's when you kid starts getting invited to slumber parties? It's a birthday party in a venue designed specifically for that. Besides, it''s Chuck E Cheese, home of the parent/kid coordinated stamps. You can't even walk in or out of that place with a kid unless the staff checks you!!
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    What?! I have never heard of a kid's birthday party where the parents stay.. Maybe a toddler at the oldest..

    Are you going to pack a sleeping bag and pj's when you kid starts getting invited to slumber parties? It's a birthday party in a venue designed specifically for that. Besides, it''s Chuck E Cheese, home of the parent/kid coordinated stamps. You can't even walk in or out of that place with a kid unless the staff checks you!!

    Except that you totally can.

    The minimum wage earning staff at Chuck 'E Cheese aren't the crack team of child protectors people like to think they are. I know I've gotten in and out of there with my daughter and on my own without being checked.

    Again, I don't want to be the guy with a missing child going, "But that dad I don't know and those teenage pizza shack employees were supposed to watch my kid!"
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    One of my daughters was invited to a birthday party at a movie theater. I brought her there, introduced myself to the parents, and dropped her off. I stayed in the theater with my other 2 daughters and saw the same movie separate the party. The parents invited us to join the party after for cake which was nice but was not expected. It all worked out. I was never worried about my daughter even though I had never really met the parents.
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
    You are not over reacting. That's crazy that they just left their children with you and you don't know them. My daughter just had her 6th birthday party and a couple of the parents dropped their kids off but I know them well and it was a private party. We had the whole place to ourselves. It wasn't like Chuck E Cheese where you have any yahoo off the street roaming around the place.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I will add that I would never have dropped my daughter off at a party where I didn't know the parents and not introduced myself and chatted a bit before leaving.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
    When I was a kid, kids were always dropped off and parents left.

    I've only been to two with my kids. I stayed both times but she's only 5.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Hell no. I was shocked I have an 11 year old boy and would never just leave my kid with someone I don't know. :noway:

    at 11 I was catching the bus across the city by myself to go to football practice.

    Unfortunately... things aren't as they used to be:(( It's very sad. I grew up in a time where we were locked out of our house in the summer until my Mom came home for lunch and then home for the evening. We made our own fun and we were our own babysitters.

    You just can't do that kind of stuff anymore.

    The only thing stopping you from doing that kind of thing now is paranoia. Not an increased risk.

    There hasn't been an increase in sex offenders, if anything there are more in jail now and less on the streets than ever. The only difference is that it's all over the news and tv and movies now and people are much more aware and afraid of something happening.

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