Parents and Birthday Parties... WTF

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  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    I can't conclusively say one way or the other what I'd have done. But really... I guess I'm not as terrified of bad things happening. I don't want to raise my kids to be paranoid or afraid of strangers, or suspicious that everyone could be a potentially terrible person. I'm not saying your kids will be that way, but I fear my own would turn out that way if I was as worried as some of the people I know.

    I'd likely have stopped, talked with you for a few minutes to make sure you didn't give me any creepo vibes, and made sure it was alright with you before I left and what time you'd like me back.

    Finally, a smart parent, not entirely gripped by paranoia of things that are statistically very rare to happen.

    It was kind of rude for him to walk away without saying anything, and assume you're going to babysit - but that's about it.

    We have a place here in Reno that is super popular for kids’ parties. It’s called Fun Quest & it’s sort of like Chuck E. Cheese. There are video games galore, a laser tag arena and a huge play area for toddlers & smaller kids. This place is located in the Grand Sierra Resort…one of the casinos off the main drag. In fact, the place opens up into the ground floor of the casino where there are shops & a movie theater. The kids can wander up to the casino if they were so inclined. There is no monitor of any kind, save the parents. No one can be everywhere at once; so I stay. I would never be comfortable leaving my kids with someone else in a place like that or a Chuck E. Cheese or even the local park. I don’t hover over my kids; but I do sweep the area periodically to make sure they’re ok. Let’s face it there are people out there who prey upon children…it’s not harmful to make kids aware that not everyone is friendly…it’s not going to turn them into a paranoid shut-in. And frankly, if someone does make the egregious mistake of messing with my kids I want to be there to unleash the mama bear.
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
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    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    What would you suggest if a parent of more that one child should do if only one of the kids is invited to a party?
    If they drop off the kid at the party and take the others to swimming or the park or whatver is that being selfish?

    I typically invite the entire family... all the kids are welcome and i plan for that many children. i think in the OPs situation, they invited children from the class so of course they won't know they have however many siblings. The last party my son was invited to, I didn't know the parents. I brought my daughter along with us to the bowling alley and we got a lane next to them and played in the arcade while my son enjoyed the party, but I stayed close by just in case he needed something. ;)
    That works if the 12 year old want to go to a 6 year old's party. What if the others don't want to go. Or if they have lessons or a game or something that they need to show up for?

    Aren't there two parents to help deal with situations like these? Or extended family members? Or parents of other kids in the same lessons/games/whatever? Is leaving a young kid at a party really the only option?

    Not all families have 2 parents, and not all families have multiple cars that it may take to do it all.

    And how and why is that my problem?

    Cuz you want me to to attend your kid's birthday party?
  • bakay138
    bakay138 Posts: 47 Member
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    Truthfully, I am actually kind of shocked by how many people wouldn't drop off. Where I live, it is pretty customary to drop off. I had my son's 9 yo bday party at a venue similiar to Chuck E Cheese last Friday and only one parent stayed. I haven't stayed at a bday party for the last two years.

    I think it all depends. In an enclosed venue like a pottery studio or Chuck E Cheese, I have no problem dropping off. I wouldn't drop off at a pool party though.

    The parent who did stay brought two siblings with her and insisted on paying for them and only accepted pizza for them after much urging and everyone else was fed.

    To each their own on this, I suppose but I don't think it makes one a better parent either way. It is just your comfort level on the issue.

    The one parent who stayed freely admits she is a bit overprotective. (she doesn't allow her children in any one else's car although the oldest is ten, not even her own mothers!) Another child was dropped off by his nanny. The other parents who left enjoyed a nice glass of wine at the wine bar down the street. Again, all depends on one's comfort level.

    No matter what each chose, all parents and children enjoyed the day.

    (disclaimer to this post-I knew all parents and they are in my cell phone. I could reach them immediately if there was a problem.)

    As for one-on-one play dates, I encouraged drop off by age five. I really had no desire to make chit chat over coffee for two hours with a Mom I didn't know just because her child was having a playdate at my house.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    What?! I have never heard of a kid's birthday party where the parents stay.. Maybe a toddler at the oldest..

    Are you going to pack a sleeping bag and pj's when you kid starts getting invited to slumber parties? It's a birthday party in a venue designed specifically for that. Besides, it''s Chuck E Cheese, home of the parent/kid coordinated stamps. You can't even walk in or out of that place with a kid unless the staff checks you!!
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    What?! I have never heard of a kid's birthday party where the parents stay.. Maybe a toddler at the oldest..

    Are you going to pack a sleeping bag and pj's when you kid starts getting invited to slumber parties? It's a birthday party in a venue designed specifically for that. Besides, it''s Chuck E Cheese, home of the parent/kid coordinated stamps. You can't even walk in or out of that place with a kid unless the staff checks you!!

    Except that you totally can.

    The minimum wage earning staff at Chuck 'E Cheese aren't the crack team of child protectors people like to think they are. I know I've gotten in and out of there with my daughter and on my own without being checked.

    Again, I don't want to be the guy with a missing child going, "But that dad I don't know and those teenage pizza shack employees were supposed to watch my kid!"
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
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    One of my daughters was invited to a birthday party at a movie theater. I brought her there, introduced myself to the parents, and dropped her off. I stayed in the theater with my other 2 daughters and saw the same movie separate the party. The parents invited us to join the party after for cake which was nice but was not expected. It all worked out. I was never worried about my daughter even though I had never really met the parents.
  • smtillman2
    smtillman2 Posts: 756 Member
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    You are not over reacting. That's crazy that they just left their children with you and you don't know them. My daughter just had her 6th birthday party and a couple of the parents dropped their kids off but I know them well and it was a private party. We had the whole place to ourselves. It wasn't like Chuck E Cheese where you have any yahoo off the street roaming around the place.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I will add that I would never have dropped my daughter off at a party where I didn't know the parents and not introduced myself and chatted a bit before leaving.
  • Rae6503
    Rae6503 Posts: 6,294 Member
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    When I was a kid, kids were always dropped off and parents left.

    I've only been to two with my kids. I stayed both times but she's only 5.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
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    Hell no. I was shocked I have an 11 year old boy and would never just leave my kid with someone I don't know. :noway:

    at 11 I was catching the bus across the city by myself to go to football practice.

    Unfortunately... things aren't as they used to be:(( It's very sad. I grew up in a time where we were locked out of our house in the summer until my Mom came home for lunch and then home for the evening. We made our own fun and we were our own babysitters.

    You just can't do that kind of stuff anymore.

    The only thing stopping you from doing that kind of thing now is paranoia. Not an increased risk.

    There hasn't been an increase in sex offenders, if anything there are more in jail now and less on the streets than ever. The only difference is that it's all over the news and tv and movies now and people are much more aware and afraid of something happening.
  • bakay138
    bakay138 Posts: 47 Member
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    delete
  • lg3703
    lg3703 Posts: 190
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    Yes... unfortunately child molesters and psychos don't really advertise their agenda. Of course they may SEEM NICE so you feel all cuddly leaving your child! I mean do you really expect them to TELL you? I'm sorry people, it DOES happen and if you're not too worried ... well ill guarantee it won't be MY babies.
  • misticache
    misticache Posts: 364 Member
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    Haha that is NORMAL! The kids know each other and the parents dropping off assume it's okay and safe. I have had several parties for my kids and nephew and it's rare to have an adult stay! I do hate when the parents drop them off at the door and don't even introduce themselves.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    What?! I have never heard of a kid's birthday party where the parents stay.. Maybe a toddler at the oldest..

    Are you going to pack a sleeping bag and pj's when you kid starts getting invited to slumber parties? It's a birthday party in a venue designed specifically for that. Besides, it''s Chuck E Cheese, home of the parent/kid coordinated stamps. You can't even walk in or out of that place with a kid unless the staff checks you!!

    Except that you totally can.

    The minimum wage earning staff at Chuck 'E Cheese aren't the crack team of child protectors people like to think they are. I know I've gotten in and out of there with my daughter and on my own without being checked.

    Again, I don't want to be the guy with a missing child going, "But that dad I don't know and those teenage pizza shack employees were supposed to watch my kid!"

    THIS! And I really don't see how this makes anyone a paranoid parent...to me, it's just making sure my children are safe. Case in point...We were at my kids' cousin's party recently & some of the younger boys (age 10) were bullied and threatened (physically grabbed) by bigger, older kids in the laser tag arena. Had this happened at a friend's party where we (myself & their aunts & uncles) weren't there, I highly doubt the kids would've felt completely ok about staying. Stuff happens...parents need to be there for their kids!
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    I hate the idea of dropping off the kids and running. I HATE IT. It freaks me out to no end. But my kids are 6 and 3, so still too young to be left alone at a party.

    However, there is a group of girls that my 6 year old has grown up with (playdates starting at 3 months old). We, as a group of moms, take turns being the mom to stay, while other moms can drop and run. There are about 6 kids in this "group." We all know each other's children really well, who is allergic to what, who freaks out at what,appropriate discipline, extended family, etc. We call the mom hosting, find out who elsefrom the group is invited, figure out which mom will stay, and let the hosting mom know which kids we are "responsible" for. This has worked out well, I have to stay at a party about once a month at a place like CEC's. It helps knowing that I don't always have to stay, but there is a trusted adult at the party if I don't know the host.

    I also have no problem RSVPing that if my 6 year old attends the party, my 3 year old will be there, too. And vice-versa. I also make it clear that there is no responsibility for feeding the non-invited child, but that they will be there. MOST parents are happy to give the other kidlet cake and treats.

    And for the record, we've hosted pool parties where the invite clearly states that we don't have a lifeguard on duty, and the parents are responsible for their child's safety. We've a few parents pull the drop and run with kids who can't swim. That always dumbfounds me.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    I have never been to a birthday party for kids where the parents actually attended. The party is for the kids, not the parents, and they know their kid is with other kids and being supervised, no need for them to be there at all.

    Way too many helicopter parents now a days.

    Pretty much this. My son is 3 and so I have a responsibilty to help and see these parties as a way to meet the other parents right now . . . but . . . there definitely comes a time where you go in, introduce yourself, and then excuse yourself because you don't expect the other parents to entertain you and pay for you and the kids are old enough to be relatively responsible members of society. Besides, I know Chuck-e-cheese and there's no kid leaving there without the proper stamp matching the proper adult . . . and I have yet to see a space in one where a crazy adult can sneak off with a 9 year old unnoticed. Everyone hates chuck-e-cheese, but as long as the crazy people bring guns to kids birthday parties keep their drama of it all out of the way it's a really safe place to have a party. By the time I was 9 we definitely didn't have our parents attend the parties with us. If you didn't behave, you weren't invited back.

    I would never pull up to the curb and shove my kid out while still driving, and i wouldn't pick them up without notifying someone that I was there. At 9 I would expect that you go in, introduce yourself, spend 5 minutes chatting up the other parents, and then make sure you're back on time to pick them up at the end of the party.
  • wildcata77
    wildcata77 Posts: 660
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    The rate of kidnappings and other crap is down dramatically over the past 10-20 years. Check the stats out with your local police, most likely things are actually more safe now then ever.

    The media just posts more stuff about this, but it is actually happening less frequently. Check out the book "free range children" great read.

    Very true.

    I was just wondering to my husband this weekend what the age is where it becomes appropriate for parents to drop kids off. The first parties I remember this happening were around the age of 8.

    So I guess I don't see it as that inappropriate, although I don't know if I will be ready to leave my son somewhere at that age. Plus, I like to play, so I love Chuck E. Cheese parties.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    I have never been to a birthday party for kids where the parents actually attended. The party is for the kids, not the parents, and they know their kid is with other kids and being supervised, no need for them to be there at all.

    Way too many helicopter parents now a days.

    Besides, I know Chuck-e-cheese and there's no kid leaving there without the proper stamp matching the proper adult . . . and I have yet to see a space in one where a crazy adult can sneak off with a 9 year old unnoticed.


    I'd like to visit this Chuck E Cheese. My nephew had his bday party there last October. Nobody had stamps on their hands.
  • jenniet04
    jenniet04 Posts: 1,054 Member
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    It's all part of the ME NOW society that we live in now. Heaven forbid that parents sacrifice their own time to do something for their children. My husband and I have been involved in youth sports for many years and parent involvement is getting less and less. Parents will not sacrifice college football Saturday to spend a few hours watching their child. It makes me very sad. They are only children for a short time. Enjoy them and cherish every moment. BE A PARENT!!

    I think it is the opposite now. In the 60s-80s, parents didn't watch their kids every movement and now you get parents arguing with teachers over bad marks, instead of getting upset with the kid.

    This is not even the same as staying with them at a birthday party. I just spent my entire weekend at the soccer field, I also spend my entire weekends in the gym for wrestling, on the mountain for skiing, weeknights for 6 weeks at baseball games and whatever else my kids are doing. But I'm not going to hang out at my 9 yo soccer practice, wrestling practice or birthday parties that are meant for him and not me.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I see no problem with parents staying if they choose to. That's your business and I won't knock it. But I do take issue that others are bad parents for NOT staying.

    As for it being some kind of invitation for molestation, most molestations happen within families and are perpetrated by family members, not strangers. Certainly it can happen with a stranger, but it's far less likely. And 9 is not that young to attend an adult-supervised birthday party without parents.

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