I don't care what you think, this is my life!

Options
HollyAus
HollyAus Posts: 251 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
ok I have this problem. A very close friend who I see all the time is giving me a hard time about losing weight.
I was an all-state athlete in high school. 5'10'' 140-150 depending on which sport I was playing. Since then I have had three kids, the oldest will be 5 in a few weeks and I am almost 24. My goal is 155 and I'm at 160-ish (I've kinda stalled, but doing a lot more strength training)
Well She keeps saying "you know your body is different right?" or "You know you might not ever be that size again right" and for some reason this is the worst "maybe your just not supposed to be that size anymore"
She is overweight and always has been. She tries a "diet" for maybe a month doesn't lose very much so she stops, and she never exercises.
I'm getting close to my goal so I've slowed in my weight loss, but I don't want to stop! I want to get there!
So My question is what can I say to her that let's her know that I am not finished and I WILL get to my goal and that it's ok to want to be thin and healthy, but to also do it in a nice way instead of "I don't care what you think, this is my life!" I don't want to be rude to her, but why would I take weight lose advice from someone who has never committed to loseing weight?
I also think that she thinks I am just wanting to be pretty and skinny, but that's just me
«1

Replies

  • Jynus
    Jynus Posts: 519 Member
    Options
    1 )She's jealous
    2) Be prepared to lose a friend over this. I've seen it more than a few times. People are sooo insecure with themselves, they are unable to deal with others around them improving, and lash out.
    3) you don't talk to her about health and fitness, and in return, she doesn't get to talk to you about it. Make this point clear.
  • geekyjock76
    geekyjock76 Posts: 2,720 Member
    Options
    I have several clients who complain that female friends tend to be quite negative about their progress. She simply may be jealous and/or does not know anyone personally who has regained their figure after having kids. If you see a bunch of out of shape, overweight people around you, that's what you expect the "norm" to be.
  • HeavyLiftGirl
    HeavyLiftGirl Posts: 1,267 Member
    Options
    I agree that she is jealous.

    My sister is the same way. She is very overweight, and constantly has something smart to say. I just let it go because I know she just wishes she had my body. Sounds arrogant, but it isn't. It's the truth. She had had one child, and I have had two and look better than her because I have worked my butt off to get where I am today.

    And for the record-- I have lost all my baby weight and have great progress pics in my profile to prove it if you want to show her that it CAN be done.

    Keep going, mama! You are doing an amazing job, and should be very proud of yourself!
  • flobeedoodle
    flobeedoodle Posts: 176 Member
    Options
    If she has always been overweight, she has probably fought very hard for some sense of self-worth in the face of a society that values women almost exclusively on how well they meet beauty ideals. Perhaps the fact that you suspect that she think you're doing this to be pretty and skinny suggests that she is afraid that you are valuing yourself on your appearance, as is the societal norm, and she finds it either threatening, suggesting that you, like the rest of society, see her only as a fat chick, not a s a real, complete, and worthy person, or worse, she worries that you feel that way about yourself and are losing weight as an expression of internalized self-loathing. I have found it very hard to come to a place where I can want to lose weight and be healthy without it seeming like a betrayal of all the years I spent fighting to be seen as a real and complete person, despite my weight, and as a woman who had value independent of my level of physical attractiveness.

    If you care to try to save your friendship, when she says "maybe your just not supposed to be that size anymore" respond with "Well, maybe not, but there's no harm in trying to be as fit and healthy as possible. If I end up that size, it's great, and if not, well, maybe I'll spare myself some health problems."
  • skonly
    skonly Posts: 371
    Options
    You don't need jealous friends. And after 3 kids there will be things about your body that have changed. It is just part of life. Doesn't mean you can't still be in shape and look good. You are still young, get healthy and stay healthy now.

    I barely even talk about needing to lose weight with most of my friends, they always say I don't need to and I look fine. I don't look bad but I need to lose what I gained. I told one friend of mine to shut up about it. I actually told her just because she weighs 100 lbs more than I do doesn't mean I don't need to lose.

    There is not a thing wrong with you wanting to lose a little bit. People always get jealous when someone tries to improve their life whether it's weight related or something else.
  • 55sc
    55sc Posts: 46 Member
    Options
    Acknowledge what she is saying because she is right. Your body has changed and matured because of age and having had babies.
    I would tell her that you know that, and have set your goal weight accordingly. You aren’t trying to get back to your athlete body, you are trying to get fitter. The specific numbers are not her business.
    You are also right, you can be thinner and fit, no matter what has changed in your life or how your body has matured.
    If this fails, I would avoid talking to her about your fitness goals, or diet. If she asks, tell her you are making healthy choices because it is better for you.
    If all else fails, you might have to limit contact with her or come right out and tell her you make your health decisions and unless she wants you to talk about her choices, she should back off.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Options
    Don't say anything. Quit talking to her about it.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    Options
    I would simply say, "You could be right, but it's doing me good rather than harm to strive for that goal, so I see no reason not to continue."
  • aimeeinohio
    aimeeinohio Posts: 301 Member
    Options
    I always say "I know my body has changed, and things won't end up looking the same, but I figure if I can shrink it, it's easier to move stuff where I want it to be!"

    Dude, women can be HARSH....and having kids DOES move your stuff around, but that's OK, that's life....I KNOW that at a size 7 at age 38 I wont look like my size 7 at age 18 did, and that's OK. But that doesn't mean I need to be fat. LOL
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    Options
    Reach your goal anyway and then ....HYAAA!

    Q7s79.gif

    Haters

    They got a job to do. So go do yours, too. :heart:
  • Joyjmb
    Joyjmb Posts: 221 Member
    Options
    Some people also just engage in word vomit.
    They don't realize they are sabotaging you, or they miss you as their 'pizza friend.'
    Straight out ask her the next time she says it - she might even think she's doing you
    a favor by giving you an 'out.'
    Most people look shocked at being called out - she might get the message and you can
    perhaps salvage the friendship.
  • HollyAus
    HollyAus Posts: 251 Member
    Options
    Thanks everyone!! I think the post about the social "norm" is probablly accurate. How she has always tried to be seen for who she really is and not her weight.
    I have a horrible family medical history, either heart disease or diabetes, and that is why I want to get it under control NOW.
    And yes My hips will always be a little wider and I'll probablly always have a little extra tummy. I know that. And I don't have 5 hours a day to work out like I used to so that athlete body will most likely never be attainable lol. I'm not stupid..
    Thanks for the advice. It has really been bothering me lately and this has helped.

    I love MFP! :)
  • HollyAus
    HollyAus Posts: 251 Member
    Options
    Reach your goal anyway and then ....HYAAA!

    Q7s79.gif

    Haters

    They got a job to do. So go do yours, too. :heart:

    That is awesome!!!
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    Options
    1 )She's jealous
    2) Be prepared to lose a friend over this. I've seen it more than a few times. People are sooo insecure with themselves, they are unable to deal with others around them improving, and lash out.
    3) you don't talk to her about health and fitness, and in return, she doesn't get to talk to you about it. Make this point clear.

    She may certainly be trying to justify her own behavior by saying that it is just impossible to be thin at a certain age. YOU ARE SO YOUNG! Of course you can lose that weight!

    Advice: Why talk to a friend at work about your diet at all? Change the subject. Eat small helping of whatever you chose to. Gossip about the obnoxious person in the next cubicle or sports or your adorable kids. But don't talk about weight loss. It obviously isn't helping your relationship and will get more and more touchy when you hit your goal and she doesn't.
  • ktyper
    ktyper Posts: 14
    Options
    you should try to get her to join fitness pal!!! maybe after she sees some progress she can work with you instead of against you!!
    Good luck!!
  • sleonardbranson
    sleonardbranson Posts: 161
    Options
    Jealous!!!!!
  • lovinmyselfagain
    lovinmyselfagain Posts: 307 Member
    Options
    Your success and commitment at weight loss and being healthy is probably making her feel bad about her weight issues. If she's a close friend then explain to her nicely your reasons for wanting to be healthy. You could also offer to help her "if" she's interested in getting healthy, as well. And if, after extending an olive branch to her, she continues to be negative towards your healthy lifestyle, then you may want to tell her how you feel about her negativity and distance yourself from her if she doesn't understand where you're coming from.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Options
    Ask her why cant she just wish you good luck- why does she have to always respond with - "you know you probably cant because..." and she should stop putting her own hangups on you.

    I know youre looking for a nicer way of saying this, but these people bother me so much with their faux-concern.
  • DebHutton55
    DebHutton55 Posts: 48 Member
    Options
    I have had friends/sisters that have been the same as your friend. Some have come on board the health train and some haven't. I don't lose them over it. I also don't get upset when they say those things. I tell them I just want to be at a healthy weight. I want to watch my granddaughters grow up. I want to compete in 5Ks and mud runs. I want to enjoy life, and "for me", that's losing the weight. Don't stress over it, just live your life.
  • kehuizenga
    kehuizenga Posts: 151
    Options
    I don't have experience with this when it comes to weight loss, but I do have a friend who often gives me unsolicited relationship advice (even though she herself has never been on more than 2 dates with the same person and has no idea what she is talking about--she thinks she is hot sh**, but most men find her annoying and immature...but I digress). Anyway, whenever she does this to me I just ignore her suggestions or "insights" and say "well, we'll see" or "well I'll just have to see what happens." I think this could work in your situation too.

Categories