going to get fired tomorrow

so i am pretty sure my job is going to fire me tomorrow.

if you plan on being mean, gtfo, i really need support and don't have any friends that would nearly be close to supportive or understanding because of how hard i really feel i have worked.

it is my relief job. i work on call ****ty hours for these people, have stayed there for doubles when people call in sick. i have been in a fire at this building without any fire training at all, and no debriefing on the situation which DEFINITELY gave me some ptsd because for over a year i have been so pretentious and scared of fire. when my buildings test goes off my heartrate spikes to a billion. i have also been the staff on shift to deal with bomb threats!

i never get called when they have team meetings, i'm relief so i don't see them posted. so i have to track down minutes, dilligently, and try to update myself. they recently even had an online training seminar. i know this because all the staff had an envelope sitting at the front desk with their online login...except for me. i then thought, it must be because i have been in post secondary for 6 years and don't need to know this basic bull****.

i never breach confidentiality, when i always see staff doing it. i never bully others, when i see staff doing it. i never SLEEP on shift, when i actually know staff do it. it is the simplest job and i am way overqualified and tomorrow they want to have a meeting with me and the union steward but won't tell me what it is regarding. i asked "if i am being terminated, i want to know over the phone" and he said "we can't discuss it". i jump to this because they seem to reprimand the good staff.

i recently applied to an internal position, was the only internal applicant (against 3 externals), didn't get it. and when i asked for feedback he said it was because of my absenteeism. i informed him that it is a relief job so i have schedule conflicts at times, and he told me that i need to keep my commitments. fine, fair, i get it. however, not only was i the only applicant that they can check for attendance, but i now feel that this is being used against me. this all happened like, two weeks ago. and right after i had that discussion with hr i sent my manager an email informing her of what happened and how i was getting my **** together and would not miss another shift.

i cried for an hour. waiting until the union steward gets into work, and then am probably going to quit. i don't have the heart in me anymore to fight for this. i have met some of the most incompetent people working in this field and it has all been going downhill for me. i feel like such a useless washup. i put everything into my career.

guess it is true what they say, never put all your eggs in one basket.