going to get fired tomorrow

i am just so upset.

even when a coworker got sick a few weeks ago, who went out to buy a get well soon card and send it around the office? me. not hr. me

i have advised them of excellent training programs when they talk about going with ****ty ones.

they even hired a new relief staff that started today....i thought it was for extra help. but now that i get the call, it makes sense.

not once have i ever had a feedback meeting, not once!!!!!! and i love them. i am such a dilligent staff member that wants to do well. i even asked them for a reference letter a month ago and they told me they can't give reference letters, and apparently they even told another staff member that they won't even give a verbal reference.

i wanted to build up my career. and the past year i have worked for places that have just been tearing it down. i am so heartbroken.

foxyforce - have you discussed this with your HR business partner? Your work conditions sound stressful and maybe they can do something to help you or provide Employee Assistance program benefits.

no, this is the first contact i have had with him other than getting that internal interview a couple weeks back. and that was the first time i heard ANYTHING about my absenteeism. this is what relief work is like though! they are reluctant to add people to their call list because they're incompetent. shelters have 10+ relief staff. this place has 3 (that take shifts!). and it is stressful....but i don't even think i qualify for ei because it is such a casual job. i just hope i am not unemployable or something. i can just see myself ending up homeless and claiming to everyone who tries to help me how great my skills are, and all of them smiling and nodding.

my main goal was to get far enough in this field, to hold enough ground, so i can walk into any of these shelters and if i see staff treat a homeless person badly to correct the situation. these people have nothing and they are constantly mistreated. the homeless sector is THE WORST.

even after the fire incident i sent my own individual long incident report explaining the situation directly from my perspective, even about how the executive director had to come in, because it iwas a fire, and i told him i haven't had fire training and he said "don't tell them that", referencing the fire department. i just don't even know what to do with thi sinformation. and this is a big non-profit, i don't think i can sue or win. i don't want to slander, but biggest non-profit out there, kind of culty.

maybe this is why they want to meet with you and not terminate you.

no, that happened over a year ago

i wanted to share my incident report about the fire, if anyone has any advice regarding how it can help me, let me know:

Dear ___________,

I am aware that you are currently on vacation so please feel free to forward this to anyone that may be able to give me information or feedback. Otherwise feel free to respond when you are back from your vacation.

I wanted to give you my report on my personal experience with the fire incident in room 412. I feel that I was not equipped to deal with what I was being asked to do and I really need fire procedure training. Earlier in the shift, before the fire, ___ had stated to me that we "really need to get you and ______ in for fire procedure training". So, the fire was more than ironic! I have read through the manual previously, but I did not receive any other training as of yet.
This is my experience: At approximately 6pm, just after, a resident from the fourth floor came to the front desk letting us know that there is an alarm going off from someones room, but he is not sure which one. I looked at the computer monitor to see if anything was active, the little alarm alerts that come up from time to time, but nothing was. I grabbed my radio to go upstairs and check. I heard the alarm from the elevator. I went down the hall putting my ear to each door, my auditory senses are not as good as I thought they were! I was stuck between room 412 and 413. There was no smoke at this time. I was knocking on both doors and then let ___ know that I was going to open 413. I fumbled with the key trying to open it with no luck. I turned around to try 412 and saw smoke. I radioed ___ immediately and told her there was smoke coming from 412 and she stated she was calling the fire dept. I unlocked 412 and pushed it open and the fire pushed the door back, I saw it and felt it (this seems like a mistake now since I did it with my bare hands, aren't handles supposed to get hot?), ___ notified me that no one was in 412 and I yelled down the hallway, "Fire, please exit through the stairway", I knocked on each door on that floor. I went down the stairs and to the front desk and asked her if our residents with mobility issues were in the building. ___ told me that 516 was upstairs and to go check on him. I went. I would only have been comfortable doing this once. His room was directly above the room with the fire. Which I thought was a large fire despite what the fire dept later had said, cause I don't see fires everyday. The hallway of the 5th floor was smokey. I opened his room, 516, and it was even worse! I asked him if he was ok and told him that there was in fact a fire in the building. I asked him if he could get downstairs and he said yes jokingly. I ask because I was informed that our other resident with mobility issues is able to get down the stairs. He told me he could not. I asked him if I could open the window, and he said "No, it will just make the smoke worse". This is also something I did not know. So, we left the window closed. I radioed all of these details to ___. The fire crew is now in the building. I went down to the front desk and was asked to perform rounds. I was just following orders so I went to the stairwell, already shaken up since I knew that 516 was upstairs, and that the fire dept was already in the building (all 8 trucks), and that I was being asked to go to a hire floor and knock on doors to get people out when the alarm is all over the building. (Another one of my questions is this normal protocol? Is it ok for a fire alarm to be going off on a floor and not the whole building?) I radioed front desk and said "can you give me instruction on exactly what it is that I am doing and are you sure this is safe?" and I was again told to do rounds. I knew, and saw, the fire blazing on the 4th floor and was asked to go towards and above it. Is this what we do? Well, I did it. Not because I wanted to be a hero, because what use am I to anyone when there is a fire in the building and the alarm and the fire dept are both active. I was asked again to check on 516 via my radio. Why I did this twice, I have no idea. I was in a panic and just wanted to do my job properly so that everyone was safe. I went to check on him, and there was an excessive amount of smoke. I radioed to front desk and was asked to wait with him. This again did not feel right to me. I had communications with ___ and she told me I could come back to the front desk if I needed to. The fire was right below me, I was inhaling smoke, yes I wanted to come back to the front desk, if I could have carried 516 I most definitely would have! I told 516 to call the front desk since we were still in the building, if he needed anything at all or just needed to stay on the line with us.
I went outside with residents, where Peter was taking attendance.
A normal round, if done really really quickly can take 15 minutes. Isn't this far too long to be in a building, on floors higher than a fire? I am not trying to condescend anyone. I was in a panic and I am still coming down off the adrenaline.
What I have thought was normal procedure: pull the alarm (I don't know anything about the panel, I need to be trained on it with ________), exit the building, take attendance. I am comfortable with getting everyone out on the floor I am on with the exception of if there is a fire on this floor (which I still did on the 4th initially).
_____came in and I was expressing to him how I did not know procedure and he told me not to tell "them that" and I think he was referencing the fire dept and police. I did not feel safe, I got some debriefing with ___ and ___ (who was coming in at 7, but got in the building when the residents came back in). But it was really sparse because I had been running around in a building with fire in it trying to evacuate people. Fire is unpredictable and I do not know nearly enough about it to be in a room, or floors directly above it.

Please understand that I was very much concerned with everyone's safety. I had tried to explain how upset I was to _______and ______ when we briefed _______for his 12am to 8am shift and ______ was saying it is our job to make sure everyone is safe and secure. But I don't understand how I can do that in a building that is on fire other than to follow proper procedure, and I don't necessarily know if I believe that proper procedure is to knock on every door in a 7 floor building to make sure everyone is out when I am quite aware that the fire is burning in 412. What if something had exploded? or sparks had made it up to the 5h floor, or lower? But I am positive and trust that you know in this. I had just never experienced it before. _______ also came in 10 minutes early and the briefing was brief. _______ told me to go and then _________ told me to never leave early. This is not a habit for me. And I did end up staying until 12am. However, I feel it would have been warranted for me to even leave after the fire as I am still a little on edge and it is now the 9th.

i am sending my resignation letter right now. you can't sue the sa. and i can't claim ei.

and i don't want to grieve, cause i don't want to go into work everyday hating my employer.