A guy told me he's in love with me, I don't feel the same.

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peachyxoxoxo
peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
in Chit-Chat
We've had a fwb relationship for the last year that has slowly come to involve more emotions. But I always felt like I was the one who was pushing for more of a real relationship, and got the impression that he was still more interested in sex than anything. So I finally forced myself to be real and honest with myself, decided to get over him and move on, and mentally, I'm there. Tonight I told him this and he responded by telling me he's in love with me and finally realized he really wants to be with me. I'm the first girl he's ever felt this way about. I have no doubt he's being sincere, but wow, terrible timing. And I can't help but wonder if he's only using the word "love" in an act of desperation. We've gone on a few dates and such but never actually called ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend. It was in a weird limbo stage and I knew that couldn't last forever. And thinking about it rationally, I don't see it going anywhere long-term :/

We are gonna both take some time to think and be sure of our feelings. But what do you guys think? So many times in the last year he's given me reasons why he's not ready to be in a relationship. Maybe now he's realized he DOES want that after all... but for me, it's too late.
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Replies

  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.
  • melbatoast917
    melbatoast917 Posts: 370 Member
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    Been there, done that. If you aren't feeling it after this long, you probably won't ever. You did the right thing by calling it off. Good luck to you!
  • pastryari
    pastryari Posts: 8,646 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.
  • Chapter3point6
    Chapter3point6 Posts: 1,233
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    Been there, done that. If you aren't feeling it after this long, you probably won't ever. You did the right thing by calling it off. Good luck to you!

    She WAS feeling it for awhile and finally got to the point where she was ready to move on. He just wants the booty
  • heroyalslimness
    heroyalslimness Posts: 591 Member
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    The answer is in your profile--this is what you said....
    "I've treated my body like crap for way too long. Time to be nicer for a change."

    Think of a "relationship" like that as sexual junk food--- you're a lovely girl---time to date nice guys who will take you out--to casual outings and fancy places---who want to get to know you---and care about you---

    in other words--treat you like the goddess that you are---
  • wedge421
    wedge421 Posts: 224 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    I agree with this
  • InvidiaXII
    InvidiaXII Posts: 315 Member
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    I would move on, girl! He had his chance. Even if he is being genuine, if you don't feel the same way, there's no reason to stick around.
  • atxdee
    atxdee Posts: 613 Member
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    aww how sweet
  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    ^
  • Laura_Suzie
    Laura_Suzie Posts: 1,288 Member
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    Sounds like a loser. You can do better! Next!
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    From my perspective, he enjoys the convenience of the fwb. Guys like sex. That will never change. Guys will take every opportunity to have sex, dependant on the relationship. If he is with someone, he will seek it from that someone. If he doesn't get it from that someone, he searches for another someone. It also works for females the same way. If more people realized that, the divorce rate would be somewhere around 20%.

    If you want my opinion, you guys have a very little chance to make it. odds are heavily against you. If you dont feel the same way, you need to be clear cut, and direct. Guys dont read between the lines too well when it concerns women. Guys 101. Get him a beer, sit down, and tell him how it is. Even though it may not seem like it, that is the easiest way to let him down easy. And stop having sex with him. That will only add to the infatuation.
    Good luck

    Resources: Ive been the guy that was not let off "easy." Twice.
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    Agreed
    You stated that for you it's too late. That's really all that matters. Be true to yourself and go with your gut instinct. Love doesn't magically grow. You guys would know if it's there or not. If you have to question it, it's not there. Best of luck to you.
  • katiefly86
    katiefly86 Posts: 74
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    The answer is in your profile--this is what you said....
    "I've treated my body like crap for way too long. Time to be nicer for a change."

    Think of a "relationship" like that as sexual junk food--- you're a lovely girl---time to date nice guys who will take you out--to casual outings and fancy places---who want to get to know you---and care about you---

    in other words--treat you like the goddess that you are---

    DITTO on this!! Well said.
  • SurfinBird1981
    SurfinBird1981 Posts: 517 Member
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    I think he realized he was about to lose the benefits, and figured "I love you" would keep them going for awhile longer.

    Yep.
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    From my perspective, he enjoys the convenience of the fwb. Guys like sex. That will never change. Guys will take every opportunity to have sex, dependant on the relationship. If he is with someone, he will seek it from that someone. If he doesn't get it from that someone, he searches for another someone. It also works for females the same way. If more people realized that, the divorce rate would be somewhere around 20%.

    If you want my opinion, you guys have a very little chance to make it. odds are heavily against you. If you dont feel the same way, you need to be clear cut, and direct. Guys dont read between the lines too well when it concerns women. Guys 101. Get him a beer, sit down, and tell him how it is. Even though it may not seem like it, that is the easiest way to let him down easy. And stop having sex with him. That will only add to the infatuation.
    Good luck

    Resources: Ive been the guy that was not let off "easy." Twice.


    Oh, hmm...guess I should have read all of it. Title is a bit misleading. yeah, I have been there, TOO. It is a copout. He just wants some tallywhacker whacking. you have low self esteem and so does he, if he has to prey on nice girls like you. But guys are simple. Whichever girl can get it up usually wins out.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    He did have his chance for a year to tell you how he feels and he didn't. It is good that you do move on and find someone you want to be with that won't put his feelings aside til it's too late.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
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    I've always thought FWB was a crappy idea. Someone always ends up getting used and/or hurt. Be very direct and clear when you end it and don't drag it out - just cut him off and move on.
  • peachyxoxoxo
    peachyxoxoxo Posts: 1,178 Member
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    This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.
  • j_wilson2012
    j_wilson2012 Posts: 293
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    This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.

    Yeah, its gonna suck. I've been there. Don't make the mistake of just going out with random guys though. Some girls fall into that maelstrom and stay in it for a while, detaching from any feelings they may have for someone else. It works the other way. Stick to yourself, have chick friends over, and whatnot. Improve yourself. For chicks, the FWB thing is a demoralizer. In the end, it makes you feel like crap, because you figure out you have just been used. It is sad, really. I bet you he doesn't feel used.

    You have a lot of potential, and you are a great catch for a great guy. Just not right now. Get your life together, and you will come out fine! GET YOUR SELF ESTEEM UP, girl!
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
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    This blows. And I keep second guessing myself. Like, maybe I only talked myself into thinking I'm over him. Idk.

    I stand by what I said earlier. If you're in love, you WILL know it. And if it's not 100% mutual, it's pretty painful. Don't waste time second guessing either of your feelings. Move on and allow yourself to be available to find what you're really looking for and what you deserve.

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