Females...are you the MAN in your relationship?

Oh, honey.... this is a case where "if I knew then what I know now"..... hopefully you will listen to the advice and follow your instincts and not have to learn stuff the hard way like some of us did.

Your gut is saying something isn't right here, and it is absolutely correct. And here is the bottom line: you cannot change him. So no matter what kind of games he plays or guilt trips he tries to lay on you, stand your ground. Don't cave when you are lonely. You are much better off alone than with someone like that. Fill up your time and your life with your friends and your family, don't let him waste another minute of your time. And I don't say that in a mean or vindictive way, it is just that it is not going to work, and to continue to give him any more is just going to drag you down further and isn't going to help lift him up any no matter what he believes or says.

Im not sure if thats a genuine picture of you in your profile. But if it is? Im sure you will have no problem finding someone else. If its not you in the picture, you sound very down to earth and seem very kind (your also irish) so I dont see future love interests being a problem

Tell him to do one and leave you alone.

Seriously dump him.

Think about it. In all likelihood, someday you'll probably want to get married, buy a house and have kids. You need your kids' dad to be dependable, capable, emotionally steadfast and strong.

You can't have him being all namby-pamby and falling apart while you're trying to instill good values into your children.

You deserve someone stronger and more capable - and there are a GAJILLION dudes out there who are gonna be all over you once you say "HEY WORLD, I'M SINGLE."

Trust me. Just dump him. It's not worth it.

Every man wants to know how their partner feels about them (love letter example), however the flowers thing sounds ridiculous.

I hope that these are exaggerations, if not then he doesn't sound like he's right for you.

Sounds like depression/anxiety. My hubs struggles with depression though he's doing well after therapy and medication.

I kind of cringe at your post which effectively buys into the meme that struggling with depression/anxiety is somehow "unmanly". It's a hidden epidemic in men because so many people believe that.

I also note that it sounds like a lot of insecurity there. Again, not a gender related trait.

As a man, I commend you for this post, thank you! :flowerforyou:

Sounds like depression/anxiety. My hubs struggles with depression though he's doing well after therapy and medication.

I kind of cringe at your post which effectively buys into the meme that struggling with depression/anxiety is somehow "unmanly". It's a hidden epidemic in men because so many people believe that.

I also note that it sounds like a lot of insecurity there. Again, not a gender related trait.

Did your husband snap at you, get mad if you didn't do what he wanted to do and nag you about it for weeks on end? Did he pick random fights with you?

I'm not being snarky it's just that she stated that he picks arguments and gets mad when she doesn't do what he wants to do. IMO he sounds manipulative, not depressed.

Nope. That was me when I was struggling with depression/anxiety. Hubs got really, really quite. The insecurity is probably playing into it, but yeah moodiness is often a symptom of depression. Not that she should put up with it - if he won't work on it, she should take care of herself.

My issue isn't that she should say "ooh poor baby" and tolerate his stuff. My issue is that making this about manliness plays right into a meme that causes men to not deal with issues: "I can't need help, real men don't have depression/anxiety/insecurity".

I often wonder when men stopped being men and started being so frickin' needy!!! Were we just duped into thinking all men were like Clint Eastwood/Columbo/MacGiver/Lone Ranger etc? My guy is a bit too emotional and needy too and it's a relatively new thing. We've been together for 10 years and he wasn't like this before. I think maybe the roles have reversed because I just want to sit on the couch and watch hockey at night and he wants to play sappy girl music and dance. He's all lovey dovey and I just want to go for a bike ride. Hmmm...WTH??

Don't think of yourself as a cold hearted biotch, just be you and if he can't handle it then come on over and we'll go for a bike ride!!! LOL!

Just be yourself.

wow this is the first i have heard of a man behaving like this...I would say he should go in for some counseling...sounds like he might have some emotional issues ...abandonment or something...check out his parents if they were like this he prolly thinks this is normal....he's pushing you away with the fights because he "knows" your going to leave him then its your fault and he's the martyr ....wants you to give flowers (which wow) because again its " poor me I am the injured one and your the bad person"....
I dont think I would call yourself the "man" of the relationship lol but he does sound like he needs some help dealing with past hurts to get over the hump.....couples counseling???
this is just my opinion though,,,I am certainly not certified psych doc :laugh:

His dad died.....but still really weird reaction to want flowers and essays of how I love him etc etc

Oh yeah like he's poor me poor me...honestly it's a pity party every day....

Like i've been in one long term rship before ....for 2 years....I know I was only a teenager but still I remember that he never did any of that...

I have tried to get him grief counselling but apparently he doesn't need it...I've went to his mom and his brother about it too and I've begged him to get it and he won't...apparently I'm the problem...yet he keeps coming back for more.....

couples counselling at 20.......are you for reeeeal ha

couples counselling at 20.......are you for reeeeal ha
lmbo....doesnt matter your age sweetie if you are seriously IN LOVE with him but I am thinking you really arent....not sure why you keep going back...thats for you to figure out....I guess maybe you can both go separately then...him for his insecurities and neediness and you for enabling it and seeming to need that reassurance yourself that he needs you either way good luck:)

Sounds like depression/anxiety. My hubs struggles with depression though he's doing well after therapy and medication.

I kind of cringe at your post which effectively buys into the meme that struggling with depression/anxiety is somehow "unmanly". It's a hidden epidemic in men because so many people believe that.

I also note that it sounds like a lot of insecurity there. Again, not a gender related trait.

Thank-you for posting this. Everybody's like "He's a p*ssy, blah blah blah...." No, he has major emotional problems. Even men can have major emotional problems, believe it or not.

However, that doesn't mean the OP has to stick around and deal with it, and it doesn't mean that she is obligated to fix this guy. If he doesn't want to get help, there's probably not much anyone can do until he decides he wants out of the black hole.

I agree. If this is making you miserable now, can you imagine doing it for the next 20 yrs.. Your young don't torture yourself you will be waisting your youth away..