Need help convincing wife to join in weight loss/fitness

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jfontanna
jfontanna Posts: 24 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Hi all,
Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

I started mine in May 2012, and I was hoping to lead by example and that she would join in once she started seeing my results. Unluckily, my loss and fitness lifestyle change has added animosity (hostility) towards me for doing something about my weight. She gets annoyed when I'm logging my food intake and my exercising. She rolls her eyes anytime I bring up how much I've lost ("Lost 2 pounds this week...", etc) She says that she wants to do something, but that's about as far as it goes.

Any suggestions?
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Replies

  • AlphamaleBAMF
    AlphamaleBAMF Posts: 373
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    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    Don't.

    It's like trying to get smokers to quit. If they want to, they'll do it. It's a personal journey people have to decide to take on their own. Like they say."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

    Making someone lose weight or do something they really don't want to do is ill advised and just about impossible. Forget it, concentrate on yourself. If she decides she wants to do something, like really wants to do something. Then let her find her own way and take her own weight loss journey.
  • doggiesnot
    doggiesnot Posts: 334 Member
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    Maybe you can tell her that you want to be healthy, and you want her to be healthy, too! Also, you should probably mention that you could use her encouragement and support.
  • Sidesteal
    Sidesteal Posts: 5,510 Member
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    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    Don't.


    ^ That.
  • ahmommy
    ahmommy Posts: 316 Member
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    You can't make her do it, she will when she decides it's worth the effort. She sees what you're doing and either it will click or it won't.

    I would, however, have a heart to heart about the hostility you feel from her. You deserve her support whether she wants to join you in your effort or not.
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,179 Member
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    If you do test out how comfy the couch is first.
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    just dont keep telling her what your doing! its like throwing it in her face that shes not ready to commit to a healthy lifestyle. I figured that out when I joined and hub said he was ready. he wasnt. let her do it in her own time. just keep doing what your doing. dont worry about her. if she is tired of what shes doing she will eventually do it. after six months on here and seeing all the attention I was getting, he finally got on and lost a bunch! more than me!
  • natachan
    natachan Posts: 149
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    Don't.

    Really, making that decision is incredibly personal and only she can make that choice for herself. If she doesn't really want to then any action of yours won't be to her benefit. If she is happy about her food choices and her weight, then that's her choice. I have to respect people who know that bad eating habits will lead to weight gain but choose to eat what makes them happy and not care what others think.

    There's also unintended consequences. If you pressure her to lose weight she might think you don't find her attractive. She might feel like you are pressuring her into something that she isn't comfortable with and resent you for it. You have her best interests in mind, but that's not how SHE will see it.
  • Lina4Lina
    Lina4Lina Posts: 712 Member
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    Don't.

    Model healthy behaviors and even offer to cook some meals, focusing on healthier options. But weight loss is really a personal choice. I'd also avoid telling her how many pounds you have lost, it'll be obvious as you lose weight. Men lose weight faster than women so even if she does start, her expectations may be unrealistic based on your weight loss.
  • rileysowner
    rileysowner Posts: 8,115 Member
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    If you do test out how comfy the couch is first.

    Or the dog house if you have one.
  • NikkiSmo
    NikkiSmo Posts: 180 Member
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    Sorry to say your not going to have any luck getting her to join until she makes that decision. My huband had tried for years - honestly 10+ to get me to work out with him and eat better and I would try for a while and then quit. Which caused a lot of tension in our marriage becasue I also would get agnry towards him when he would say anything about it. Just one day truly out of the blue something inside of me clicked and here I am 40lbs lighter running 12-16 miles a week. My husband still askes me what made me do it and I can't pin point it it just clicked. He is by my side every step and I'm so thankful he never gave up on me. Just continue to lead by example and maybe one day she will follow but like others have said you can't make or convience her to do it she has to decide on her own. Good luck with your journey! Stay strong.
  • alanrosez
    alanrosez Posts: 53
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    I have the same problem with my bf. I cook healthy, he eats fast food. I exercise, he watches t.v. He thinks I am out of control and it causes tension. I am going to continue to do what I am doing and hope he jumps on board.
  • STEELMAN47
    STEELMAN47 Posts: 28
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    Don't.

    It's like trying to get smokers to quit. If they want to, they'll do it. It's a personal journey people have to decide to take on their own. Like they say."You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink."

    Making someone lose weight or do something they really don't want to do is ill advised and just about impossible. Forget it, concentrate on yourself. If she decides she wants to do something, like really wants to do something. Then let her find her own way and take her own weight loss journey.

    this
  • ReclaimingSarah
    ReclaimingSarah Posts: 250 Member
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    Don't do it, man. This is something you can't make anyone do. They have to decide it for themselves. It took my husband 9 months to come to the conclusion that he wanted to join me. Now, he's in MUCH better shape than I am!
  • DoomCakes
    DoomCakes Posts: 806 Member
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    Lead by example. Show her how easy it is, how fun it is, show her the motivating people and community. After that, just keep doing it yourself, and leave the ball in her court. After you lose weight and feel better, maybe she will be curious to try it. But you can't make her do it.
  • umer76
    umer76 Posts: 1,272 Member
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    Hi all,
    Just wondering if anyone has any suggestions on how I can get my wife to join me on my weight loss and fitness lifestyle adjustment.

    I started mine in May 2012, and I was hoping to lead by example and that she would join in once she started seeing my results. Unluckily, my loss and fitness lifestyle change has added animosity (hostility) towards me for doing something about my weight. She gets annoyed when I'm logging my food intake and my exercising. She rolls her eyes anytime I bring up how much I've lost ("Lost 2 pounds this week...", etc) She says that she wants to do something, but that's about as far as it goes.

    Any suggestions?

    I am facing the same issue. I have been on diet since April 2012 and joined MFP in May. We joined together but then my wife lost interest. She talks about weight loss and she is happy that I am losing weight but she dont want to use MFP herself. I am really surprised. My colleagues from the office and my sister has started already considering my 30 lbs weight loss as an example. But she is not consistent in doing that. Her last log in was may be more than a month ago.
  • MinMin97
    MinMin97 Posts: 2,676 Member
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    If you do test out how comfy the couch is first.
    lol!
    Um, this.
    I would work on just loving and adoring her.
  • Lift_hard_eat_big
    Lift_hard_eat_big Posts: 2,278 Member
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    You're pissing in the wind
  • MissNations
    MissNations Posts: 513 Member
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    Sorry to say your not going to have any luck getting her to join until she makes that decision. My huband had tried for years - honestly 10+ to get me to work out with him and eat better and I would try for a while and then quit. Which caused a lot of tension in our marriage becasue I also would get agnry towards him when he would say anything about it. Just one day truly out of the blue something inside of me clicked and here I am 40lbs lighter running 12-16 miles a week. My husband still askes me what made me do it and I can't pin point it it just clicked. He is by my side every step and I'm so thankful he never gave up on me. Just continue to lead by example and maybe one day she will follow but like others have said you can't make or convience her to do it she has to decide on her own. Good luck with your journey! Stay strong.

    Cheers to you! :flowerforyou:
  • TravisBurns
    TravisBurns Posts: 354 Member
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    I tried that once in my last relationship. Thought i'd better had a chance having the wall tag along for a run
  • jenichenny
    jenichenny Posts: 73 Member
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    Have you tried telling her how you feel? Tell you wish she would be more supportive. If she doesn't join in at least not belittle you for your success. Maybe she doesn't realize it bothers you .

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